The moon and the cross and the lead weight of Saturn

I've always resonated with Pluto as he and the eight house molds my plastic moon. However there is one chart ruler that is equal too him...Saturn, the ruler of my sun. I've seen him as an abusive father of my chart, not as a ruler. I can be wise and an old soul at times, and i've been through some tough times. However the responsibility, coldness, and emotional emptiness he is associated with do not show in my personality. I can be cruel at times, but mostly that's just tough love. I'm very unorganized and highly creative as a person. This comes somewhat from the Scorpionic energy and possibly from Aquarius undertones of my chart. I'm not materlistic and I always put people before work. How can I learn resonate with the planet Saturn, other than just from the harm he's caused me.

Pluto is opposite my Mars so not a good aspect for me. Saturn is a bit of a double edged sword for me. It is trine my Sun which gives me some rapport with the authorities - cops don't really mess with me and have even given me a pass in the past. But it is in my 4th house so my home life growing up wasn't always great - very restrictive sometimes. Like you I have Moon in 8th house.