ariesisthebest
Well-known member
So, I'll get straight to the point. My family, my roots, have always held a prominent position in my psyche, but not always for the good. I have posted about this before, but I just need to know WHY. I just turned 19, and I'm at home from college visiting my family, and I noticed that just coming into contact with them, being in the same car, fills me with contempt. I have this tendancy to be very... mean to them. Like withholding affection, the occasional lash out, or just not talking to them. This only happens in their presence however. They themselves are far from innocent however, as they didn't exactly treat me the way a "normal" parent would treat their child, and I feel like i have this deep resentment for them that I just can't put my finger on, and it's on this particular trip that I decided to analyze my own behaviours towards them, and this is what I have seen. My relationship to my mother is... complex to say the least. I love her deeply, but at the same time, I have this deep feeling of contempt towards her that makes me sad to even admit. Even today, I was behaving... with contempt towards her even though she had tried her best to make my birthday as special as she could, she also admitted to me that the way that I treated her had cut into her deeply. And i also feel horrid for this. As for my father, we hardly talk, and... I honestly don't like him either because he is so... arrogant. He is extremely intelligent, but I always felt as if there was some sort of intellectual battle between us with my mother getting caught in the crossfire. My little brother is plauged by many issues to say the least, and you will be able to tell that he is indeed a troubed soul just from his chart. Geneology, psychology and music fascinate me. I am a firm believer in pan generation trauma, and I have dedicated much time scouring my family history, learning about the lives of my grand, great grand and great great grandparents in order to... find the origin of this poison. Oh, I was also the scapegoat of my house. I still continue to be. ONe time upon my arrival home, the shower nob completely stopped working, and everyone thought it was my fault until the repairman came and said that it was a buildup of calcium on the knob itself. Can someone please help me? This is unrealted, but do you think that I have the chart of a psychiatrist,philosopher or musician? I'm trying to find myself in college and opinions would be greatly appreciated. It feels weird... but I do feel like i could be a healer. I have been widely requested to do readings from friends, as well as family. (Astrology) I guess i just feel muddled and... confused. My chart is the first, and my brothers is the second.