Taking the next relationship step

Hi everyone!

So there's a man that I'm interested in. We first began talking in April. Took things slow, then began hanging out more in August. We became intimate around that time and overall I really enjoy his company. We have great conversations, he's generally reliable and dependable. I'm also really physically attracted to him. We've had a couple misunderstandings and both times he was great at communicating and resolving things. However we are just fwb/dating (we haven't had a real relationship talk).

I find myself feeling very vulnerable around him but I'm more naturally inclined to play things cool. I tend to rationalize my feelings and I'm very shy about stating what my deeper needs are (past trauma makes me feel no one cares to truly love me the way I want). But I really do want companionship and a relationship that gives me a safe sace to soften up a bit.

I'm on vacation and during this time I've done some soul searching. I do intend to have a conversation with him about some of emotional needs/desires. However I've been really nervous about it. I'd love any insight on what our compatibility looks like and any communication tips that can help.

*BLUE is me RED is him

You have quite a few very significant aspects between you.
As a woman, the sun symbolises the type of male figure you are drawn to, and you have a sun/uranus square. This is even more weighty in your natal chart because these two planets rule your ascendent and descendent, along with Saturn as co-ruler of Aquarius.
Sun is also conjunct mercury, giving another clue as to the type of male figure you will attract.
So, how does he fulfil these requirements?
His sun is opposing his Uranus, so this type of energy fits in with your concept of a male.
This opposition makes him spontaneous, freedom loving, hard to pin down, unreliable, but unique and original. And this draws you to his energy, it reflects what you have in your chart.
He as a male has moon to represent the female energy he is drawn to. And your ascendent in Leo fits this requirement. He sees you as female "Leo". His moon is not on your ascendent, though, so the emotional bond that this contact makes is carried out subconsciously, you are able to "feel" each other's emotional needs on a subconscious level. On the other hand, it also means he will not be easily expressing his emotions openly to you.
Your ascendents and descendents link together as well. His sun trines your Saturn, and your Venus is exactly on his descendent, ruled by Venus.
These are also very strong ties.
Your north node, a karmic point, is conjunct both his Venus and Saturn. These planets also tie you two, and each gives us clue as to how the relationship works out. Venus is love, and Saturn is responsibility. So again we have a binding link.
Moon trine Saturn is a very positive link, as well as sun trine Saturn. They are two stabilising aspects, and they involve the two most personal planets, sun and moon, the individual ego and the emotions.
Counterbalancing all this, we see moon conjunct Uranus. This is not the best type of exchange of energy in a relationship, one doesn't feel they can count on the other, and when Uranus wants its breathing space moon is soppy and sentimental. Not an easy mix, even though it is an aspect that attracts. Moon is mesmerised by the Uranus energy. This aspect links up with his sun, his sun/uranus opposition, which your emotions get caught up in, and his ego. Tricky to handle.
Venus is how we express our affection, it is what we like, how we like to spend our free time relaxing, how we feel comfortable. And your Venus opposes his Venus, so you two have very different tastes, but also his restraining Saturn is there with his Venus, so he has difficulty expressing his affection. And when you do, you come up against a cold wall presented by Saturn. It is difficult for you to have satisfaction here. And you will have difficulty agreeing on what you like, your hobbies and free time, etc. This can be overcome by ultimately each one going their own way... you go to an art gallery while he goes to a football game, for example. But you'll find over time that, while you are quite committed and loyal, you have an empty space inside your heart. And it isn't the fault of either.
Then there is Neptune square sun. So while there is a strong element of fascination and idol worship here, it can wear off and turn into delusion and disappointment, when the soft dreamy fog lifts and we see the reality it may not be what we hoped.
Mars is your energy and how you express it. Your mars doesn't really link up with his chart. On the other hand, his mars squares your sun/mercury conjunction, which can be quite irritating and make tempers flare, and his mars is on your Uranus, which provokes battles galore.
Your relationship is very mixed, and interesting because of the various levels it acts out on, but it isn't an easy mix.
You as virgo tend to analyse things rationally and seek order in things. He as Aries is much more impulsive and with the Jupiter/uranus conjunction opposing his sun he will blow hot and cold and honestly, he can drive you up the wall sometimes! You will need to give him a lot of slack.
"he's generally reliable and dependable." You'll find that this will not be the case in the future. Not in the way you would like it to be.
"have a conversation with him about some of my emotional needs/desires." You are already feeling this lack, it isn't his fault, it's the character and expectations of each of you that are not lined up. You either accept it or not, but analysing it virgo-like won't solve anything.
Can you do a composite chart? This would give more insight into how all this combines to form the relationship itself.

ElenaJ said:

You have quite a few very significant aspects between you...

Can you do a composite chart? This would give more insight into how all this combines to form the relationship itself.

Click to expand...

Yes I have a composite below. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Definitely helps my Virgo brain.

Everything you wrote is exactly what I've sensed. He is definitely not "the one" and I don't see him as a compatible life partner. We also have a significant 17 yr age gap. But I enjoy his company and for now I'm not really interested in entertaining others because I need to direct my energy to my art and business (my progressed moon is in Capricorn/5H). If I need something he is there, sex is good (although I'm more adventurous so in the long run I'd need someone similar in that regard), we love to spend time talking and working together.

On the other hand I don't completely trust him. I definitely feel the wall. I know he is not the most up front or transparent unless I try to pry some things out. Plus I'm non-monogamous/polyamorous and he isn't. So I don't have an issue with him having other women, but with him being monogamous if we aren't in a deep relationship eventually he may decide to pour his energy into one relationship which could end things abruptly.I can definitely see what you mean about him not proving reliable in the long run. There's a reason he is 51 and supposedly has never married or had children. There's other flags I've seen too.

I'm just exhausted dating and want to have some emotional needs fulfilled (which he may not be able too it seems). I want companionship while i focus on building other parts of my life. My progressed Mercury and Venus are in Scorpio so I'm definitely in a state of transformation in thoughts, creativity, and how I relate. I used to hold back my needs a lot so I didn't drive men away. Now I'm more compelled to be more honest and vulnerable about the depth of connection I want.

I'm not counting on things being exactly what I want but I figured the conversation would at least be a good opportunity for self advocacy.

Anywho, below is the composite. I also added our progressed synastry (in that chart is reversed, I'm orange on the outside and he is black inside circle)

I forgot to mention that Uranus and Saturn also represent an older person!

The composite shows the sun/mercury on ascendent which is the basis for a lovely friendship (or other relationship).As well as Jupiter on the descendent.
But Neptune clouds mercury and mars agitates sun.
Notice Venus of affection not having any aspect, any connection to the relationship.
And moon is not well integrated except for a sextile to exciting Uranus, and the square to deceptive Neptune.
South node here is important, with the pluto conjunction. This indicates a karmic contact. Not all karmic relationships are love relationships. This one talks about authority, transformation and compulsion. The contact falls on the cusp of the 5th of creativity, and children (careful!).
The south node energy is what we should leave behind us, it is what we have brought forward from the past.
We should move towards the north node, which is uncharted and where we need to develop ourselves. In this chart it is in the sign of the individual ego, Aries, near the cusp of the 11th of friendship.

The progressed synastry chart is not very legible, and there is no aspect table, but we can notice the ascendent is about to change.
Moon there plus the Venus/sun contact brought you together.
The mars/mercury opposition is stimulating. Lots of ideas are born from this.
Once the positive aspects have moved on, and the ascendent changes, the relationship may just fade away.
Cull the positive from it.

ElenaJ said:

I forgot to mention that Uranus and Saturn also represent an older person!

The composite shows the sun/mercury on ascendent which is the basis for a lovely friendship (or other relationship).As well as Jupiter on the descendent.
But Neptune clouds mercury and mars agitates sun.
Notice Venus of affection not having any aspect, any connection to the relationship.
And moon is not well integrated except for a sextile to exciting Uranus, and the square to deceptive Neptune.
South node here is important, with the pluto conjunction. This indicates a karmic contact. Not all karmic relationships are love relationships. This one talks about authority, transformation and compulsion. The contact falls on the cusp of the 5th of creativity, and children (careful!).
The south node energy is what we should leave behind us, it is what we have brought forward from the past.
We should move towards the north node, which is uncharted and where we need to develop ourselves. In this chart it is in the sign of the individual ego, Aries, near the cusp of the 11th of friendship.

The progressed synastry chart is not very legible, and there is no aspect table, but we can notice the ascendent is about to change.
Moon there plus the Venus/sun contact brought you together.
The mars/mercury opposition is stimulating. Lots of ideas are born from this.
Once the positive aspects have moved on, and the ascendent changes, the relationship may just fade away.
Cull the positive from it.

Click to expand...

So what would be best in terms of sharing my emotional stuff? From what's been shared there may always be a bit of a wall preventing the deep emotional intimacy my natal Venus+Pluto craves. I do see the potential for
a friendship that transforms us for the better. I guess I'm just wondering if this talk i want to have is futile...

The talk is never futile. You may not get the results you hope for.
Keep in mind very rarely can one person fulfil all the needs we might have in relationships. So love the good parts and have patience with the rest. That's what I would suggest.

As Elena enumerated there are some very nice aspects in the synastry with some nice placements on each others nodes. Big negatives include his Moon falls in your H12 and your Moon fall sin his H6 - its never good to have luminaries in the others 6th or 12th house.



But there are two big features in the composite that do not bode for long term happiness. First the the Composite Sun/Merc conjunction has that large opposition to three planets. Second, the nodes do not fall in one of the critical places for very long term.



He is a triple fire sign with Sun, Moon and Ascendant in fire. Fires signs are the first to bolt when relationships get difficult or restrictive. Perhaps that may explain his history?


Barb at thelivingsky.wordpress.com

UPDATE:

I shared my feelings and that they were a bit more than platonic. He said he's has those thoughts but overall he was vague. Definitely made clear he wasn't trying to get into commitment right now. I clarified that I wasn't either but at least wanted to see where his feelings were (we both have stuff to deal with before commitment but I at least needed to know if he had some love for me at all). So we will see how this changes us. Its definitely gave me enough clarity to withdraw a bit for now...