First of all, I would like to thank everybody who takes time to read this long post and help me with some advice.
PART 1 - MY LOVE LIFE
I'm going through an emotionally difficult period.
I'm 31, with a Master degree and a job. I've seen more foreign counties than most of my peers, BUT I am not happy because I haven't settled down and I am not in a happy and satisfying relationship.
My boyfriend (if I can call him that cause we've had another huge fight) is like Peter Pan, with no plan in life. He's been mean to me. He doesn't have a job, he's graduated secondary school, he has no money and depends upon a small amount of money his mother gives him when she feels like it.
In the beginning of our relationship, two years ago, he wasn't working, but had some money left from his previous salaries, so he could take me out sometimes. He has worked 1/3 of our relationship. When we got together I didn't tell my parents about it because I knew what they would think. At first, I wasn't even sure how serious that relationship would be. Before I met him, I had been lonely and single for a little over two years. I live with my parents, and he with his, like most of people in my country (before they get married). When I told my mother about him, she freaked out, she couldn't believe I got involved with someone who isn't my match, who is not either as intelligent or educated as I am. He got a job and worked for two months. Then he wasn't working for 6 months, then he worked for another 6 months, and now he's been unemployed for a year. In the period when he was working for 6 months I didn't introduce him with my parents because I wanted to be sure his job would be more stable and that his contract would be much prolonged. Is my boyfriend going to find a job any time soon, or there's no chance as long as Saturn is in his 6th house, even when it switches to Saggitarius?
It bothers me we never went anywhere together where we could sleep over. I haven't spend a single night at his place. I didn't want to disturb my parents. I wanted him to sort himself out and then him and I could both plan on our future, with our own funds, without burdening our parents. As you can see, in synastry, my sun falls into his 12th house, so I don't know if we'll ever get to the phase where I don't hide him to some extent from my family.
His parents raised him so that he has his own space in a separated house (not in the entire house) so that he can bring guests there. That house has a potential to be a house in which he could start his own family, once he gets financial income and renovates the part of the house he doesn't use (his father is in there). He's been in that space for 10 years, and it served him as a good space to have his freedom, bring his friends over, have parties.
He's very outgoing. I'm outgoing too, but I can't just approach people without a reason. He can go out and find a new mate in 2 hours. I think this is an issue of gender here, too. Most guys here follow soccer games and go to play soccer or basketball together, so they easily expand their circle of friends. They can see someone with a T-shirt of their favourite team and bang!, there comes a new drinking mate in their lives.
I wish my boyfriend were more romantic and that he put more effort in our relationship. He says it's hard for him to do so when he has no money. I know that there are things one can make for his girlfriend that don't cost - small romantic pleasant surprises, sweet compliments... I don't know if he can be focus to any girl now that he's not doing anything to improve his life and solve his own problems and whether it's realistic at all of me to expect his change of behaviour.
Now, I know I can't blame him for everything bad in the relationship. Tango is for two, right? I really don't understand myself. Very often when we fight, I tell him how he mistreats me and I break up with him, then I call him the next day and we're together again. It's like I'm chasing my own tail. I get lonely, bored, I start chasing him, when I catch him there at no new "hairs" to play with, I probably even ruin the existing ones, when he pisses me off I "scratch" him only to hurt myself! And the game goes on and on.
I love him a lot, but the future doesn't look bright to either or us. He often hurts me a lot, but when I leave him, I feel worse. In the words of Bono - "I can't live with or without you".
He's preying for party occasions, where he can go and drink with his friends, and leave me out. In the beginning of our relationship, he used to bring me along too, but now he wants his nights out with his buddies, he wants to have his freedom in the relationship. There's no point in stopping him because he's very self-centered, so I told him to at least announce to me when he's doing that, so that I can make plans with my friends. Last year there were many times when we would agree to go out together, and then a friend of his would call him, and he would go see them instead. It hurt a lot.
We broke up this summer and weren't together for 6-7 weeks. We got back together thanks to my effort, of course. When that happened, some bad things happened to him - his grandfather died, his dad got his ribs broken from falling, his car was taken by that spider-like machine cause he improperly parked it, his bicycle was stolen while we were out for a walk together, last night he got a ticket for drinking drunk. And he blames it all on me!
PART 2 - MY JOB/CAREER
If you have read about my love problems, I have to say here that they affect my mood and my job performance. As a teacher, it's hard for my to tell the students to study and be hard-working and persistent when my own boyfriend doesn't. It feels like I have double standards, and I hate that.
It is hard for my to act serious and authoritative when I don't have my own family. If the people I love most can't respect me and treat me right, how can I expect that from my students?
I was waiting for a long time to obtain my licence. The ministry invited my to do the test after 5 years of waiting. That's a long time. Of course, one shouldn't wait for more than a year, but, as everything else in this country, this too doesn't function as it should. I wonder which aspect brought the invitation. I always thought it would be Saturn transiting my 10th house, but the 1st part of the exam happened last June, and the final this November, when Saturn was in my 11th house.
Since I'll be having more time on my hands, I wonder how to use it best. Should I try to earn extra money and how? Should I get a hobby and which one? Should I try to find a new friend and where? Should I stay at home and perfect my working skills or write a novel?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What am I to expect in the following period and how to deal with it?
I am attaching a chart with my transits, my bf's chart with his transits, our composite and synastry.
PART 1 - MY LOVE LIFE
I'm going through an emotionally difficult period.
I'm 31, with a Master degree and a job. I've seen more foreign counties than most of my peers, BUT I am not happy because I haven't settled down and I am not in a happy and satisfying relationship.
My boyfriend (if I can call him that cause we've had another huge fight) is like Peter Pan, with no plan in life. He's been mean to me. He doesn't have a job, he's graduated secondary school, he has no money and depends upon a small amount of money his mother gives him when she feels like it.
In the beginning of our relationship, two years ago, he wasn't working, but had some money left from his previous salaries, so he could take me out sometimes. He has worked 1/3 of our relationship. When we got together I didn't tell my parents about it because I knew what they would think. At first, I wasn't even sure how serious that relationship would be. Before I met him, I had been lonely and single for a little over two years. I live with my parents, and he with his, like most of people in my country (before they get married). When I told my mother about him, she freaked out, she couldn't believe I got involved with someone who isn't my match, who is not either as intelligent or educated as I am. He got a job and worked for two months. Then he wasn't working for 6 months, then he worked for another 6 months, and now he's been unemployed for a year. In the period when he was working for 6 months I didn't introduce him with my parents because I wanted to be sure his job would be more stable and that his contract would be much prolonged. Is my boyfriend going to find a job any time soon, or there's no chance as long as Saturn is in his 6th house, even when it switches to Saggitarius?
It bothers me we never went anywhere together where we could sleep over. I haven't spend a single night at his place. I didn't want to disturb my parents. I wanted him to sort himself out and then him and I could both plan on our future, with our own funds, without burdening our parents. As you can see, in synastry, my sun falls into his 12th house, so I don't know if we'll ever get to the phase where I don't hide him to some extent from my family.
His parents raised him so that he has his own space in a separated house (not in the entire house) so that he can bring guests there. That house has a potential to be a house in which he could start his own family, once he gets financial income and renovates the part of the house he doesn't use (his father is in there). He's been in that space for 10 years, and it served him as a good space to have his freedom, bring his friends over, have parties.
He's very outgoing. I'm outgoing too, but I can't just approach people without a reason. He can go out and find a new mate in 2 hours. I think this is an issue of gender here, too. Most guys here follow soccer games and go to play soccer or basketball together, so they easily expand their circle of friends. They can see someone with a T-shirt of their favourite team and bang!, there comes a new drinking mate in their lives.
I wish my boyfriend were more romantic and that he put more effort in our relationship. He says it's hard for him to do so when he has no money. I know that there are things one can make for his girlfriend that don't cost - small romantic pleasant surprises, sweet compliments... I don't know if he can be focus to any girl now that he's not doing anything to improve his life and solve his own problems and whether it's realistic at all of me to expect his change of behaviour.
Now, I know I can't blame him for everything bad in the relationship. Tango is for two, right? I really don't understand myself. Very often when we fight, I tell him how he mistreats me and I break up with him, then I call him the next day and we're together again. It's like I'm chasing my own tail. I get lonely, bored, I start chasing him, when I catch him there at no new "hairs" to play with, I probably even ruin the existing ones, when he pisses me off I "scratch" him only to hurt myself! And the game goes on and on.
I love him a lot, but the future doesn't look bright to either or us. He often hurts me a lot, but when I leave him, I feel worse. In the words of Bono - "I can't live with or without you".
He's preying for party occasions, where he can go and drink with his friends, and leave me out. In the beginning of our relationship, he used to bring me along too, but now he wants his nights out with his buddies, he wants to have his freedom in the relationship. There's no point in stopping him because he's very self-centered, so I told him to at least announce to me when he's doing that, so that I can make plans with my friends. Last year there were many times when we would agree to go out together, and then a friend of his would call him, and he would go see them instead. It hurt a lot.
We broke up this summer and weren't together for 6-7 weeks. We got back together thanks to my effort, of course. When that happened, some bad things happened to him - his grandfather died, his dad got his ribs broken from falling, his car was taken by that spider-like machine cause he improperly parked it, his bicycle was stolen while we were out for a walk together, last night he got a ticket for drinking drunk. And he blames it all on me!
PART 2 - MY JOB/CAREER
If you have read about my love problems, I have to say here that they affect my mood and my job performance. As a teacher, it's hard for my to tell the students to study and be hard-working and persistent when my own boyfriend doesn't. It feels like I have double standards, and I hate that.
It is hard for my to act serious and authoritative when I don't have my own family. If the people I love most can't respect me and treat me right, how can I expect that from my students?
I was waiting for a long time to obtain my licence. The ministry invited my to do the test after 5 years of waiting. That's a long time. Of course, one shouldn't wait for more than a year, but, as everything else in this country, this too doesn't function as it should. I wonder which aspect brought the invitation. I always thought it would be Saturn transiting my 10th house, but the 1st part of the exam happened last June, and the final this November, when Saturn was in my 11th house.
Since I'll be having more time on my hands, I wonder how to use it best. Should I try to earn extra money and how? Should I get a hobby and which one? Should I try to find a new friend and where? Should I stay at home and perfect my working skills or write a novel?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What am I to expect in the following period and how to deal with it?
I am attaching a chart with my transits, my bf's chart with his transits, our composite and synastry.