BaoSanniang
Well-known member
Cancer is known as a very homely, loyal, and devoted sign. You can't control when you're born, and in some years the stars really like to do everything they can to ***** you over. If astronomy is man's attempt to reach the universe, sometimes astrology feels like the universe's way of reaching you AND doing everything it can to mess you up. One such year where the stars wreaked havoc during the summer months was 1996, the year of my birth. Due to my premature birth (and it was an emergency that nearly killed my mom, she was rushed to the hospital), I was born as a Cancer sun on July 3 BUT with the dreaded Venus and Mars in Gemini placements. Had I been born on the scheduled / approximate date of birth, I would likely have ended up as a Virgo with Venus in Cancer. Mars sign, I'm not sure where Mars was at in early September of 1996.
I really, really wish I had Venus in Taurus, Cancer, or Virgo, or Leo. I really wish I had Mars in Leo or a feminine sign. My Venus and Mars are conjunct each other as well. From a lot of what I've read Venus and Mars in Gemini are ill-reputed placements known to produce players and cheaters. I'm only 22 now, but today I was thinking about my disloyal behavior towards my two exes when I was 18-20, and I couldn't help but think about my Venus and Mars in Gemini.
I did indeed go through that unsettled phase of my life, and thinking back there were many reasons why I was so restless:
1. Maybe I was just too young and didn't know what I really wanted in a woman, so I talked to many girls (usually over the internet).
2. I'm an introvert at heart and I had a late exposure to relationships, so I really wanted to play the field during my late teenage years.
3. I could not commit to either of my exes because I had too many anxieties and insecurities in my own mind, I was facing troubled times going to college alone in a foreign country, and the demons of my difficult past were still haunting me.
4. I didn't appreciate my exes for the strong women they were, because as an unsure and troubled young man I had subscribed to the Red Pill school of thought. In my mind, I had the paranoia that both of my exes, who were somewhat ambitious (but loving and devoted) women, would one day look down on me and leave me. Now I know a lot better and how wrong I was.
5. None of the women I talked to online I got sexual with in communication, it was mostly in the mind. I looked for stimulation, an escape from the mundane and anxious life I had. Some of those women were from foreign countries that I idealized without knowing much about the culture or what I really wanted deep down, so I wasted a lot of time that could have been spent being 100% devoted to my exes.
6. Perhaps what I was really looking for was just a sheer novelty factor without any realistic plan or soul-searching into myself. I was looking for something to escape the unhappy and troubled life I was having.
7. Both of my relationships were long distance for a large portion of the time I was with those women. Distance without a very strong foundation to begin with is a total killer. I will NEVER want another long-distance relationship.
Even today I still haven't completely gotten over those two women. The sense of guilt remains, and whether they've moved on or not I feel that I am almost entirely to blame. I'd like to believe it was a combination of my age, my mental state of the time, and the life I was living that led to an inability to commit. Even 3 years later I still view it as a blemish in my life, though I think for many people who went through a similar stage it's no big deal to them, but it is a big deal for me.
What I really want more than anything else is love, loyalty, stability, to look after and to be looked after and protected. As I grow older the desire only gets stronger. However, I'm afraid that my Venus and Mars in Gemini will return to wreak havoc in my life. If there are any reassuring factors in my chart, or any offsetting factors specifically related to my Venus / Mars in Gemini and my Gemini descendant, please let me know what your thoughts are.
I was also told by a fellow member that transiting Neptune was squaring my Venus 2-3 years ago, and looking back I was indeed chasing girls who were living far away that I had no realistic chance of meeting while neglecting the women in my life who were close to me and loved me. I loved them back, of course, and was devoted and caring to them, but I was also too troubled. Reflecting on my life so far, sometimes I DO have the unfortunate tendency to like (but not love, because love is much deeper and takes much more time to develop) girls who are "inaccessible" in some way, such as having a boyfriend. I realize I'm not the kind of person who'd actually break up another relationship, it's just those one-sided feelings in me. That's also not what I want. I'm trying to harness the power of Saturn to keep me grounded.
Even though I am loyal and want to be loyal at heart, it still pains me to have had this phase in my youth because I keep imagining that things could have been better.
I really, really wish I had Venus in Taurus, Cancer, or Virgo, or Leo. I really wish I had Mars in Leo or a feminine sign. My Venus and Mars are conjunct each other as well. From a lot of what I've read Venus and Mars in Gemini are ill-reputed placements known to produce players and cheaters. I'm only 22 now, but today I was thinking about my disloyal behavior towards my two exes when I was 18-20, and I couldn't help but think about my Venus and Mars in Gemini.
I did indeed go through that unsettled phase of my life, and thinking back there were many reasons why I was so restless:
1. Maybe I was just too young and didn't know what I really wanted in a woman, so I talked to many girls (usually over the internet).
2. I'm an introvert at heart and I had a late exposure to relationships, so I really wanted to play the field during my late teenage years.
3. I could not commit to either of my exes because I had too many anxieties and insecurities in my own mind, I was facing troubled times going to college alone in a foreign country, and the demons of my difficult past were still haunting me.
4. I didn't appreciate my exes for the strong women they were, because as an unsure and troubled young man I had subscribed to the Red Pill school of thought. In my mind, I had the paranoia that both of my exes, who were somewhat ambitious (but loving and devoted) women, would one day look down on me and leave me. Now I know a lot better and how wrong I was.
5. None of the women I talked to online I got sexual with in communication, it was mostly in the mind. I looked for stimulation, an escape from the mundane and anxious life I had. Some of those women were from foreign countries that I idealized without knowing much about the culture or what I really wanted deep down, so I wasted a lot of time that could have been spent being 100% devoted to my exes.
6. Perhaps what I was really looking for was just a sheer novelty factor without any realistic plan or soul-searching into myself. I was looking for something to escape the unhappy and troubled life I was having.
7. Both of my relationships were long distance for a large portion of the time I was with those women. Distance without a very strong foundation to begin with is a total killer. I will NEVER want another long-distance relationship.
Even today I still haven't completely gotten over those two women. The sense of guilt remains, and whether they've moved on or not I feel that I am almost entirely to blame. I'd like to believe it was a combination of my age, my mental state of the time, and the life I was living that led to an inability to commit. Even 3 years later I still view it as a blemish in my life, though I think for many people who went through a similar stage it's no big deal to them, but it is a big deal for me.
What I really want more than anything else is love, loyalty, stability, to look after and to be looked after and protected. As I grow older the desire only gets stronger. However, I'm afraid that my Venus and Mars in Gemini will return to wreak havoc in my life. If there are any reassuring factors in my chart, or any offsetting factors specifically related to my Venus / Mars in Gemini and my Gemini descendant, please let me know what your thoughts are.
I was also told by a fellow member that transiting Neptune was squaring my Venus 2-3 years ago, and looking back I was indeed chasing girls who were living far away that I had no realistic chance of meeting while neglecting the women in my life who were close to me and loved me. I loved them back, of course, and was devoted and caring to them, but I was also too troubled. Reflecting on my life so far, sometimes I DO have the unfortunate tendency to like (but not love, because love is much deeper and takes much more time to develop) girls who are "inaccessible" in some way, such as having a boyfriend. I realize I'm not the kind of person who'd actually break up another relationship, it's just those one-sided feelings in me. That's also not what I want. I'm trying to harness the power of Saturn to keep me grounded.
Even though I am loyal and want to be loyal at heart, it still pains me to have had this phase in my youth because I keep imagining that things could have been better.
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