I am love cursed, 100% sure

santama

Well-known member
Hey guys,

you are the best at helping people, that is why I turn to you about my probably biggest problem. As the title says, I guess I must be cursed in love. There is no other explanation. Even my mother says that and thinks about getting me a witch or something like that to break that curse lol.
No, seriously. I don't get what is wrong with me. I am very much a person in love, since I can remember. I already had crushes in the kindergarten. Since then, I fell in love with many boys, but none of them ever turned into my boyfriend or something similar. It was all platonic and most often one-sided or we just didn't find together due to shyness etc.
I had ONE boyfriend, but I wasn't really in love with him. He was in love with me and finally convinced me kind of to be with him. He was cute but never aroused deep feelings in me. In the end, unfortunately I hurt him of course. But it was just my desperate try to have some love.
I cannot put on a finger on why is that so. It is as something is sabotaging it every time I try. Yes, I get often insecure and shy when I am in love. My brain goes gaga. But isn't that true for everyone? Or at least for many people?
I don't even search for some super serious relationship. Some kind of affair or whatever would do it too right now. But it just doesn't seem to work. Guys find me beautiful, they tell me and show me. Friends love me for who I am. So I can't be that horrible. I'd say I'm a loving person, love is the most important thing in my life. I love to laugh, to have fun, to learn, I am active, I have a more or less clear vision for my career,... I am open towards new contacts, sometimes maybe a bit shy or insecure as I said. But all in all, I don't think I am thaaaat strange. But somehow it feels as if I am not "relationship material" (what stupid term xD), or even as if I am an :alien:
Why oh why is that so?
Any help would be great!
thx<3
 

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I can help i have some insight that might help .

Firstly,

I don't think you are cursed lol

You just have venus taurus , which is what my love interest has and she is SOO SHY! Like i say i want to kiss her and she says she doesn't know me well enough but god we have known each other for 3 years XD

but she also said she loved me (Eventually sigh took her soo long) literally i thought of leaving so many times cause "she doesn't care about me!" and then she kept stopping me and always won me back (i was so in love but i sort of didn't let her see it so much) Now we are more stable.

I guess the main thing going on is just that you are shy and relationships need a bit of risk taking to get started , you know SHOW WHAT YOU WANT , otherwise most guys will just leave cause you don't show enough interest in them , we need some pushing you know or you can wait 3 years to eventually open up to the ridicilouslly stupid but very loyal friend that keeps calling you beautiful (maybe he means it more than just looks ask him why he calls you that?)

Also my gf has this thing of not forcing but most guys do want a bit of a force , you have to be a tornado that can capture a guy. Start with simple hearts and also speak likeee thissss , yeessss sounds better than just yes. And take it slow as well u don't want to burn all the love keep some for next year and the year after that otherwise its going to get boring fast and yes do have days where you don't talk with your crush make them miss you.

Of course you can also just wait and see what comes along maybe a guy will crash his plane see you and sweep you off your feet you never know.
 

santama

Well-known member
I can help i have some insight that might help .

Firstly,

I don't think you are cursed lol

You just have venus taurus , which is what my love interest has and she is SOO SHY! Like i say i want to kiss her and she says she doesn't know me well enough but god we have known each other for 3 years XD

but she also said she loved me (Eventually sigh took her soo long) literally i thought of leaving so many times cause "she doesn't care about me!" and then she kept stopping me and always won me back (i was so in love but i sort of didn't let her see it so much) Now we are more stable.

I guess the main thing going on is just that you are shy and relationships need a bit of risk taking to get started , you know SHOW WHAT YOU WANT , otherwise most guys will just leave cause you don't show enough interest in them , we need some pushing you know or you can wait 3 years to eventually open up to the ridicilouslly stupid but very loyal friend that keeps calling you beautiful (maybe he means it more than just looks ask him why he calls you that?)

Also my gf has this thing of not forcing but most guys do want a bit of a force , you have to be a tornado that can capture a guy. Start with simple hearts and also speak likeee thissss , yeessss sounds better than just yes. And take it slow as well u don't want to burn all the love keep some for next year and the year after that otherwise its going to get boring fast and yes do have days where you don't talk with your crush make them miss you.

Of course you can also just wait and see what comes along maybe a guy will crash his plane see you and sweep you off your feet you never know.


hey frank(ly in love :D),
thank you for this sweet insight. I guess your girlfriend and I are indeed birds of a feather. Venus in Taurus could be to blame, yes yesss! (I already try to incorporate your advices, you see? ;D) Especially with me because my venus is dominant in my chart, too. So I guess I've got that lazy, laid back, let it all come to me attitude. However, it is or was not always like this. There is a reason why I became so effortless in love pursuits: Years ago I was very much the opposite. I wrote love letters, I told guys when I liked them,... ( I guess mars in Leo and Venus in 5th house energy?) I was very open with my love. However, I was always hurt or disappointed after all this so that I slowly learned to keep myself restrained when in love, because obviously guys don't like that "in ya face" style. That's what magazines, friends, the internet and my experience told me. Girls want to be chased. And it kind of resonates with my personality however, too.

But yeah, after a lot of disappointments when showing my affection, I have really troubles with "forcing" guys. Also, I really became more lazy in that point. I don't have this passion anymore when I like a guy. Or maybe I just became more fearful. I think, if he likes me, he will prove it to me. I guess that is the point with Taurus venus (and with Cancer energy). We need security first so we could show our affection. Also I would alwys feel as if he is only with me because I did the work. If I wouldn't have, he wouldn't even care about me. And so I would never have that "love proof" from him. And lastly, security.
I am not the best flirt, too. I find obvious flirts ridiculous, maybe that is my problem.

But thanks for the advice. I will try to make my feelings more obviously again. And see where it goes. :happy:
 
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santama

Well-known member
am I self sabotaging my love life aka is it my fault that it isn't working? Maybe my chart could reveal something?


I love love but love hates me
 

Helene

New member
Hey guys,

you are the best at helping people, that is why I turn to you about my probably biggest problem. As the title says, I guess I must be cursed in love. There is no other explanation. Even my mother says that and thinks about getting me a witch or something like that to break that curse lol.
No, seriously. I don't get what is wrong with me. I am very much a person in love, since I can remember. I already had crushes in the kindergarten. Since then, I fell in love with many boys, but none of them ever turned into my boyfriend or something similar. It was all platonic and most often one-sided or we just didn't find together due to shyness etc.
I had ONE boyfriend, but I wasn't really in love with him. He was in love with me and finally convinced me kind of to be with him. He was cute but never aroused deep feelings in me. In the end, unfortunately I hurt him of course. But it was just my desperate try to have some love.
I cannot put on a finger on why is that so. It is as something is sabotaging it every time I try. Yes, I get often insecure and shy when I am in love. My brain goes gaga. But isn't that true for everyone? Or at least for many people?
I don't even search for some super serious relationship. Some kind of affair or whatever would do it too right now. But it just doesn't seem to work. Guys find me beautiful, they tell me and show me. Friends love me for who I am. So I can't be that horrible. I'd say I'm a loving person, love is the most important thing in my life. I love to laugh, to have fun, to learn, I am active, I have a more or less clear vision for my career,... I am open towards new contacts, sometimes maybe a bit shy or insecure as I said. But all in all, I don't think I am thaaaat strange. But somehow it feels as if I am not "relationship material" (what stupid term xD), or even as if I am an :alien:
Why oh why is that so?
Any help would be great!
thx<3


I relate so hard to this because i have Venus in Taurus, and I have the same "problem". Venus in Taurus here can be kinda slow you know, no rush, let things unfold naturally. It's like, i have to know that person well to even think about getting into something. At least, thats what i'm dealing with :)
 

waybread

Well-known member
No, of course you're not "cursed." By who or by what?

You do have some placements in your chart that make it difficult but not impossible for you to sustain a relationship.

You've got this big caring moon in Cancer in the 7th house of committed relationships. So a relationship is actually more important to you than it is to most people. Possibly you want one too badly. But then Neptune and Uranus opposite your moon can mean that a potential relationship begins and ends suddenly, or turns out to be not what you thought it was.

Then you've got a T-square formation involving Pluto, Saturn and Mars, and Pluto opposite Venus. This can give you a kind of cross, domineering, even cruel streak. (If it doesn't, you're apt to attract people like this.)

Sometimes single women just try too hard to have a relationship. When they project a lot of need, this becomes a big deterrent to a relationship. A lot of men would head for the hills if they encounter a woman who projects a lot of insecurities, and expects a man to solve them.

I'm not saying you are like this, just that this is a common problem.

I think the best cure is to be the best and happiest single you know how to be. Do you know the saying, "What you resist persists"? Once you feel good in your own skin, just as you are, you can create some space for something new to happen.

Question: if you're the girl who is "in love with love," you may be settling for inconsequential relationships just to avoid being single, vs. focusing on someone who might be more serious relationship material for you.
 
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santama

Well-known member
No, of course you're not "cursed." By who or by what?

You do have some placements in your chart that make it difficult but not impossible for you to sustain a relationship.

You've got this big caring moon in Cancer in the 7th house of committed relationships. So a relationship is actually more important to you than it is to most people. Possibly you want one too badly. But then Neptune and Uranus opposite your moon can mean that a potential relationship begins and ends suddenly, or turns out to be not what you thought it was.

Then you've got a T-square formation involving Pluto, Saturn and Mars, and Pluto opposite Venus. This can give you a kind of cross, domineering, even cruel streak. (If it doesn't, you're apt to attract people like this.)

Sometimes single women just try too hard to have a relationship. When they project a lot of need, this becomes a big deterrent to a relationship. A lot of men would head for the hills if they encounter a woman who projects a lot of insecurities, and expects a man to solve them.

I'm not saying you are like this, just that this is a common problem.

I think the best cure is to be the best and happiest single you know how to be. Do you know the saying, "What you resist persists"? Once you feel good in your own skin, just as you are, you can create some space for something new to happen.


Hi waybread, thank you for your effort!



Well, you could be right, but considering that I really would like a relationship (badly), I still have a bad record. ONE relationship that was not even true love ,being 25 years old...don't know...
And considering that guys DO fall in love with me but we just do not manage to get together...
My love mood swings extremely from "I don't care, who wants me has to find me" to "I need love right now". But I wouldn't say I am completely desperate. I would describe myself as very patient. I also live a lot in my daydreams and music where I find happiness and through which I can compensate the missing love (which is also not ideal, I know)

Yes, I can have some cruel traits. When I get betrayed or I don't get the respect I claim or get ridiculed I can become mean. I can be pretty ruthless and vindictive in a passive way, cutting that person out of my life as if he/she was never born. Sometimes I am maybe too proud but it comes from a lot of ridicule I experienced and I think I don't deserve that.


Question: if you're the girl who is "in love with love," you may be settling for inconsequential relationships just to avoid being single, vs. focusing on someone who might be more serious relationship material for you.


Well, I don't settle for ANY relationships, that's the problem lol.


It is very hard for me I guess to find the balance between too little and too much. Either guys become insecure because I don't give them enough clues I like them or I scare them away with my feelings (which was more so in the past than now).


(Sometime somewhere I read that people with venus opposite pluto will either be with someone that they don't really love or they will only have affairs with the one's they deeply love. I hope this is not true! What a horrible life must that be...)
 

waybread

Well-known member
santama, thanks for the feedback.

This may seem like a really dumb question, but do you actually see men as real people-- just as you are a real person?

Or do they primarily show up in your universe in terms of how well or poorly they seem likely to meet your needs? (moon in the 7th)

The behaviour you describe sounds a lot like moon opposite Neptune-Uranus; perhaps with Mars square Pluto wanting to exercise the occasional touch of cruelty, cutting off someone cold.

Another question, is how would you rate your need for control in a relationship?

I see many female posters who seem too willing to turn themselves into doormats for troubled men, so your sense of self-assurance is refreshing. But a real relationship is more than 50-50. It's more like 95-95. It's also about what you can do for the man. Is this something you believe?
 

santama

Well-known member
The question is not dumb but difficult to answer. I would say I do see men as real people :lol: But I see what you mean... It is maybe true that I idealise them, especially when it is some man I like romantically. I put a lot of weight on his opinion about me and if this is not as I expect, I am very disappointed almost to a level where I lose my sense of self. (Had this once very intensely, I fell into a depression). The Pluto/Mars/Saturn energy just holds me from ridiculing myself actively in front of that man, instead, I suffer privately and hold my feelings for myself. I hope this makes sense...

This could be a topic of developmental psychology, too because I grew up without my father since I am 12 years old, so I didn't have a male figure in my most important years when I developed love interests, bluh bluh Freudian stuff, you know what I mean ^^

Another question, is how would you rate your need for control in a relationship?
High. I need to have control over my feelings. And over not giving too much or more than getting back, not being ridiculed, not being used, ... love for me is/ was always associated with endeavour because of trying to keep everything in control.


It's also about what you can do for the man. Is this something you believe?
Interesting. It may be that I indeed expect more from a man than I give in the initial phase. As I said, it comes from insecurity. I need to know, if this man is really, honestly interested in me as a person, not just sexually or something else. So I don't want to give too much, actually, I just can't.
But all in all, in a relationship, I like to give happiness to the partner and I know that I can, too.

Thanks for your try to understand everything!
 

waybread

Well-known member
Oh, no problem. Thanks for your replies.

Another question would be, to what extent are you interested in men simply as friends, with no committed romantic expectations?
 

santama

Well-known member
Oh, no problem. Thanks for your replies.

Another question would be, to what extent are you interested in men simply as friends, with no committed romantic expectations?

For me gender in friendship doesn't count, I have an almost equal amount of male and female friends.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
Hi Santama,
You received some great replies and looks like you know yourself well.
I think the issue of being very vulnerable and self protective is putting a huge invisible shield between you and love. Believe me I know how hard it an be! (Another Taurus Venus, scorpio Moon, Pluto hard aspects here).
I think that real self-respect and self-esteem allows us to become open with others..We are not hanging on their respect or behavour to feel we are ok.
You ask about being cursed...Well, that big energetic shield I mentioned works like a charm at repelling any connection and intimacy, in my opinion. :pinched:
I think the trick is learning skills that allow you to feel protected and in control while still being open. Skills like knowing how to say no to a person once they cross a line...But not in a way that shuts it all down. Love is a painful thing....If we make it so. Real love is based on mutual respect. I do think choosing a partner wisely is part of it. Often, the right person is not the person we are attracted to...But the person who makes us feel we are our own best and most beautiful. A person who will allow you to change and grow together with them.

I think your Moon conj. Mercury in trine to Pluto in the 11th allows you to choose a person for who they are and see them clearly. The hard opposition to Neptune&Uranus in your house of self can make it seem as if your partner is challenging your self esteem, respect and sense of importance and ability to be right (Capricorn). You may fall in love but the threat to your sense of Self is very real! I see it is the fear of merging with a person so you become someone else...And you keep the shields high because it is in your nature to merge.
(Btw I have this same axis on my IC-MC).
The issue is intensified if we consider your Sun in 0 degrees....The sense of self is something very precious, fragile and new.
 

santama

Well-known member
hello plutorisinglee,

sorry for the late answer. There was much going on in the last weeks...
I want to thank you for your helpful answer. You are absolutely right. And I just wanted to tell, that one day after your reply I was seeing a psychiatrist because of the depressive episodes I have since years and she was basically telling me the same as you. She told me that I have wounds from my childhood and that I expect very much from men because my father left me when I was a kid and that I would search for that safety and unconditional love in other men but that men cannot fulfil these needs and may feel unconsciously overwhelmed with that.
I think this couldn't be more exact and I was very surprised she understood everything just by asking a few questions. Just like you.
I have a protective shield because I hold very much on the opinion of some man I like and if he cannot give me the exact amount love I give to him, I am very much hurt. A world breaks down for me.
I know that I search for a kind of love that I probably will not find on earth. I think no one can bare this amount of love I long for. The question is how my life can be fulfilling anyway. I want to start a psychotherapy but I cannot really understand how that could change anything. Because the fact that my father is absent doesn't change and the fact I never got this kind of love neither. So I have no other option than search for it in other men I guess...? Maybe I need to find someone who has mother issues...? lol
 
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