can you help me in understanding my true self?

1. is it because saturn pre-dominates me, that i often feel troubled? especially when it is in pisces?

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2. my north node is in libra 10th house; what kind of personality i should have? i'm short-tempered (fortunately i control my temper better nowadays), individualistic, and competitive, much like arien (south node). i read some articles that i need to be social, charming, mediating, and artistic like a libran. when it comes to 10th house, should it be applied only in the professional life? or should i be both libran and capricornian?

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via2myrene said:

hello!
can you help me in reading my natal chart?
i have questions about my true self.

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1. is it because saturn pre-dominates me, that i often feel troubled? especially when it is in pisces?

actually, i'm traumatized with what happened in my past; i was bullied (discriminated) badly in school (it happened for two years; one year in junior high school and one year in senior high school) because of misunderstandings (scorp sun) and felt extremely sad when no one congratulate me after i won big competitions (leo moon). my heart was broken when someone (who subtly was cornering me) congratulated my seatmate when he didn't do so to me. i often get that kind of treatment (treated much differently from my seatmate who is my best-friend) by my classmates for a whole year. i wasn't a patient person but some people said i was very strong for bearing the pain.

my close friends once said they were too afraid to approach me first because i was too quiet, very serious, and seemed comfortable with myself (cap rising). the truth is; i felt lonely. i wanted companies but i didn't know how to make them come to me. i was too afraid to approach them because i didn't want to be rejected. after months/years of observing, i found the ones who are nice to me. they can be counted by fingers; but i'm glad and thankful for having them.

when i was discriminated, i ended up isolating myself from my schoolmates and is still too afraid to open up. i did small mistakes, yet people got me wrong, i apologized for what i did and for who i am, but i still don't stop blaming myself for everything. i don't want to be like this anymore. it's killing me. in the contrary, i got hurt (what my friends did to me was much worse, trust me. they brought allies when i was alone), and i forgave them although they didn't apologize to me. it's okay; i receive nothing from being vengeful (i leave this scorpio streak). but still, i'm still in fear when it comes to things that remind me of my painful experiences.

i want to overcome this fear. can you help me?

2. my north node is in libra 10th house; what kind of personality i should have? i'm short-tempered (fortunately i control my temper better nowadays), individualistic, and competitive, much like arien (south node). i read some articles that i need to be social, charming, mediating, and artistic like a libran. when it comes to 10th house, should it be applied only in the professional life? or should i be both libran and capricornian?

i'll be very thankful for your helps/contributions.
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ashriia said:

you are asking for way too much from a free astrology forum. look into saturn in the 3rd house for the problems you had/have in school. school is often riddled with problems in early years cause of saturn. also means you had older people around you in childhood. maybe grandparents or just old people in general.

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meg96 said:

Hello!

Like ashriia said, Saturn alone in third is a good indicator of school-related stress. I don't think the influence of Saturn in your chart is so totally negative, though. Yes, while you have difficult Saturn-Mars and Saturn-Venus aspects, Saturn trines your Sun and Mercury, making you a great worker and you are very practical and can get the job done. You probably have few problems with focus. (Unlike me, who keeps zipping through 5 different tabs before meandering my way back to this one to keep writing. )

Saturn is very concerned with achievement, too, and this is probably enhanced by your praise-thirsty Leo moon. If you look, you have Venus in twelfth squaring your Saturn in third. Venus naturally rules your talents and self-worth, and you might feel like your talents are "hidden", a twelfth house quality, to your classmates, a third house property. Don't sacrifice your talents because of the restrictions of your classmates!!

Not only that, but your Venus is in conjunct to Mars, which means you are very competitive in your friendships, and may think you should gain popularity from your Mars related endeavors (sports, etc). Mars is also squaring your Saturn in third, meaning you might have troubles with your classmates due to your competitive nature. People probably sense that you are too dominating not from your Scorpio sun, but from the fact that you should probably have the quote "I didn't come here to make friends, I came here to be America's Next Top Model" tattooed on your forehead. Try not to look at your friends like people to compete with! No doubt you are very warm and generous and awesome to be around, but you won't be happy with yourself until you keep your ego in check, and that's the most important thing of all. Since all of this takes place in the twelfth house, maybe you should use spirituality to help keep you grounded, rather than let this be a source of self-undoing. Buddhism talks a lot about the dissolution of the ego, maybe you could check some of that out!

Despite the hardship this brings you, there is some transcendental potential here!! You can use this energy to draw people in. People will probably see you as very warm and loving to the friends you do have, and you probably have a passion for friendship and warmth. You are probably confused when people don't pick this up right away, but remember, the 12th house keeps things hidden. If you focus on this rather than your perceived shortcomings, which are really just a Saturnian fault of you being too hard on yourself, you will find people will pick up on this and people will probably flock to you for your kindness and your ability to be a good, stable friend.

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North Node doesn't necessarily indicate personality, but instead the direction in which your soul is headed. You do have a fiery and competitive soul just like Aries, but just by living in your life path you will probably find you will naturally blossom into the less competition-driven Libra. You are already very aware that you want to become this way, and just by that virtue alone, you will.

North Node in 10th means this will occur most of all in your career. Maybe you will have a social career which will force you to become a people person, or you might be drawn to law where you'll learn to balance everyone's views and not just your own (Aries). You will probably grow to be more family oriented as you grow older. Given Chiron is conjunct your midheaven, you will probably be seen as inspiring and your presence alone healing in your career. Your career might be a source of healing for you, yourself.

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via2myrene said:

thank you for ashriia and jupiterasc as well! yup, i will watch the video soon and seek for "letting go of fear" articles.
and i'm really sorry for asking far too much. i promise i won't ask too much questions again next time.

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Hi via2myrene - let's clear up any misunderstandings by clarifying that there's no limit to the number of questions that anyone may ask

However, it is useful to remember that this is a learning forum where many members 'practice' their skills

So responses to questions could just as easily be received from a person who has studied the subject for fifty years and/or decades

OR just as easily from a person who began checking out astrology as recently as today, yesterday, last week or last month.

When consulting a working, perhaps well known professional astrologer who presents recommendations from previous and current clients as reference, then obviously that is a service that requires payment whereas this site is a free discussion forum where anyone – whether learner or professional - may freely state their personal opinion. And that of course is interesting. But rather different from an in-depth chart reading

The fact is that one does not require any form of qualification to practice as an astrologer - so whether one is a 'professional astrologer' or not seems to be based on whether one charges money for services or provides them free. There's been much previous discussion on this issue of what qualifies one to be a 'professional' astrologer – for example at