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  #1  
Unread 08-26-2019, 05:07 AM
ZoraEos ZoraEos is offline
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Was he an abuser?

I have attached my ex's chart (Taurus Sun). I want to know if there are any signs of an abusive personality in his chart, and if there is any explanation of why he is like that. I also attached mine (Scorpio Sun) in case I am the problem. I have attached our composite too. Please tell me what you see. Thank you
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  #2  
Unread 08-26-2019, 07:48 AM
AbbyG AbbyG is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

I'm relatively new to astrology but I have a few thoughts

- sun/moon aspects are always a bit problematic. His chart has the conjunct and yours the opposite. I would say that the opposition is harder to handle here - could manifest that as a kind of intense fluctuation of moods
- Scorpio planets are always something questionable - the interest in taboo subjects, etc are indicated. But your chart only seems to have the one planet so it isn't that bad
- The Neptune conjunct Uranus in ascendant could make you sensitive, which narcissists usually are attracted to
- 12th house planets or aspects are also indicative - he has his north node there as well as Uranus and Neptune
- A heavy 8th house or relationship planets in the 8th is also indicative of anger/relationship problems. Having your Venus here and the north node here could tell you that abuse is something that will take you to your life's purpose
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  #3  
Unread 08-26-2019, 08:57 AM
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PurpleReign PurpleReign is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoraEos View Post
I have attached my ex's chart (Taurus Sun). I want to know if there are any signs of an abusive personality in his chart, and if there is any explanation of why he is like that. I also attached mine (Scorpio Sun) in case I am the problem. I have attached our composite too. Please tell me what you see. Thank you
In the real world, 95% of the time it takes two to tango. He has Aquarius rising and Saturn in the first, this can make him seem cold, distant, and aloof. Mercury in Aries in the third can make him a bit hot-headed or make him have a sharp tongue. Angry and direct speech when mad. It squares Saturn in the first which when mixed together can make him seem like he is uninterested and harsh.

However, he has sun and moon in Taurus in the fourth. So even if it doesnít show on the surface, he is emotionally attached to the home and family (or if he isnít close to his own family, he likes the idea of home and security) and likes the finer things in life. Venus in cancer likely emphasizes those traits as cancer rules the fourth house, so I think he can be nurturing and sensitive in love, but his Venus oppose Uranus, so his relationships can have an unusual nature or have an on and off pattern (or he has many short term relationships or simply attracts quirky types). Jupiter in the 7th tends to mean he either has many relationships (or has thatís option) or he has luck in love - maybe both. Itís in Leo, so he likely attracts Leonian types.

Not much in his chart screams abuser, but Mercury in Aries in the third and Aqua rising and Saturn in the first can likely make him seem cold and mean.

You have a Capricorn rising and Uranus in the first, so similar to him, you too might come off as a bit distant and aloof. However, yours balances out with Neptune in the first that might make you come off as more moody and sensitive. Mars in the 7th could perhaps indicate youíre a bit impatient, hot-headed, or quick-tempered in relationships. Mars in 7th mixed with Neptune in the first and sensitive, power-seeking Scorpio sun may make you seem erratic and turbulent. Your Venus is in fall in Virgo and itís in the 8th house, which can bring intense feelings into relationships. However, you have moon in Taurus like he does ó which Taurus can be a bit hard-headed/stubborn, so maybe you both were a bit stubborn and hot-headed and came off as distant sometimes. You have Cancer on the descendant and he has cancer/4th house influence. So you have some positive and negative similarities.

My guess is that neither of you are necessarily bad people, itís just that you both have placements that can make you difficult to be with in relationships. And that will continue to be the case until youíve worked on your negatives and tried to turn them into positives. He could probably stand to work on coming off as too aloof and could tame Merc in Aries. You could probably work on the Mars in 7th and any negative Neptunian traits that may come out at times.

Of course, Iím just generalizing based off a natal chart. I have no clue what happened between the two of you and donít know either of you personally. Sometimes two people arenít bad, theyíre just bad for each other. That may or may not be the case with you and your ex. Maybe he was a jerk. But typically it takes two to tango and often both sides have things to work on. As for the composite, Iíve heard synastry charts are better for interpreting the answers youíre looking for.
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Unread 08-26-2019, 02:28 PM
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Meluzina Meluzina is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

Well, that Mars conj. chiron in cancer, opposite uranus as his chart ruler. Chiron in cancer + chiron opposite uranus in capricorn - feeling not enough nurtured or maybe the opposite, smothered, so his original unique personality was not valued which might make one rebelious to the point of being purely (self)destructive and craving vastly to be successful as that unique individual, to be acknowledged as such by everyone. Chiron+ Mars - very touchy about the wound, you get close to that weak spot and it ignites, an urge to vent that, to get that out, extreme heroic healing journey or maybe just extremely bumpy process. Again, Mars as the one and only 'I', no, he wouldn't like to be pushed around. Mars and Uranus opposition - eruptive force, able to go from 0 to 100 in seconds. Prone to get irritated badly. This thing happening in sixth house + eight house in Virgo, the sign of critique - the nurturing person might have been to critical, or he might have been loaded with heavy weight too soon, doing some task that required high discipline, so he turned to be disciplining, critical, analytical and really prone to really mind stuff himself and require discipline from people around, great mind as his curse and power. His third house in Aries makes him feel endangered, he might interpret lots of surrounding stimuli as agrresion, so that makes one defensive. But turning back to the Mars, there is frustration with Mars in cancer, Mars there is in conflict, not really able to be assertive in healthy ways, problems with chanelling impulses, so feeling powerless - which makes you irritable because he holds his anger inside, choking on it, than explodes. Again, stemming from problems with mother, there is probably anger towards her, eventually evolved into misogyny - and girl, you know who replaces the mother in the adulthood of a man.. So, you are a scorpio (powerful), with Capricorn asc (cold and succesful) and Venus in Virgo (discipline), Mars in leo (proud) so my guess is that you were making him feel little, like a little boy which made him really really angry.
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  #5  
Unread 09-14-2019, 08:43 PM
ZoraEos ZoraEos is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

Thank you all for your responses! This is a lot to think about <3 I'll be responding to each of you soon.

Anyone else too? I also wonder if there would be other insights if I uploaded it in Whole Signs or Equal House?
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  #6  
Unread 09-14-2019, 09:13 PM
ZoraEos ZoraEos is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbyG View Post
I'm relatively new to astrology but I have a few thoughts

- sun/moon aspects are always a bit problematic. His chart has the conjunct and yours the opposite. I would say that the opposition is harder to handle here - could manifest that as a kind of intense fluctuation of moods
- Scorpio planets are always something questionable - the interest in taboo subjects, etc are indicated. But your chart only seems to have the one planet so it isn't that bad
- The Neptune conjunct Uranus in ascendant could make you sensitive, which narcissists usually are attracted to
- 12th house planets or aspects are also indicative - he has his north node there as well as Uranus and Neptune
- A heavy 8th house or relationship planets in the 8th is also indicative of anger/relationship problems. Having your Venus here and the north node here could tell you that abuse is something that will take you to your life's purpose
Thank you so much for your response! I think you're spot on about a lot of things. With the sun-moon opposition, I do have fluctuations of mood and can be 'moody' (but he also gets moody too ). With Scorpio, yes, I do have interest in taboo subjects (namely astrology, tarot, psychology, criminal violence, armed conflicts and war, etc.). Yes, I would say him and I are both sensitive, and I do tend to attract narcs (but he also does too, I think. For example, he was cheated on by someone in a previous relationship before me). I think you're completely spot on about the 8th house! I do see abuse as something that takes me to my life purpose, as part of my studies is interviewing people who have suffered abuses and violations, and I am very passionate about helping their voice be heard and being part of the justice process for them. I think my experiences of being abused helps me understand what abused people are going through and how to best help them. This breakup has also led me to think much more about my purpose and to focus on that more!

Last edited by ZoraEos; 09-14-2019 at 09:48 PM.
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  #7  
Unread 09-14-2019, 09:22 PM
ZoraEos ZoraEos is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleReign View Post
In the real world, 95% of the time it takes two to tango. He has Aquarius rising and Saturn in the first, this can make him seem cold, distant, and aloof. Mercury in Aries in the third can make him a bit hot-headed or make him have a sharp tongue. Angry and direct speech when mad. It squares Saturn in the first which when mixed together can make him seem like he is uninterested and harsh.

However, he has sun and moon in Taurus in the fourth. So even if it doesnít show on the surface, he is emotionally attached to the home and family (or if he isnít close to his own family, he likes the idea of home and security) and likes the finer things in life. Venus in cancer likely emphasizes those traits as cancer rules the fourth house, so I think he can be nurturing and sensitive in love, but his Venus oppose Uranus, so his relationships can have an unusual nature or have an on and off pattern (or he has many short term relationships or simply attracts quirky types). Jupiter in the 7th tends to mean he either has many relationships (or has thatís option) or he has luck in love - maybe both. Itís in Leo, so he likely attracts Leonian types.

Not much in his chart screams abuser, but Mercury in Aries in the third and Aqua rising and Saturn in the first can likely make him seem cold and mean.

You have a Capricorn rising and Uranus in the first, so similar to him, you too might come off as a bit distant and aloof. However, yours balances out with Neptune in the first that might make you come off as more moody and sensitive. Mars in the 7th could perhaps indicate youíre a bit impatient, hot-headed, or quick-tempered in relationships. Mars in 7th mixed with Neptune in the first and sensitive, power-seeking Scorpio sun may make you seem erratic and turbulent. Your Venus is in fall in Virgo and itís in the 8th house, which can bring intense feelings into relationships. However, you have moon in Taurus like he does ó which Taurus can be a bit hard-headed/stubborn, so maybe you both were a bit stubborn and hot-headed and came off as distant sometimes. You have Cancer on the descendant and he has cancer/4th house influence. So you have some positive and negative similarities.

My guess is that neither of you are necessarily bad people, itís just that you both have placements that can make you difficult to be with in relationships. And that will continue to be the case until youíve worked on your negatives and tried to turn them into positives. He could probably stand to work on coming off as too aloof and could tame Merc in Aries. You could probably work on the Mars in 7th and any negative Neptunian traits that may come out at times.

Of course, Iím just generalizing based off a natal chart. I have no clue what happened between the two of you and donít know either of you personally. Sometimes two people arenít bad, theyíre just bad for each other. That may or may not be the case with you and your ex. Maybe he was a jerk. But typically it takes two to tango and often both sides have things to work on. As for the composite, Iíve heard synastry charts are better for interpreting the answers youíre looking for.
Wow!! Thank you so much! This was a very detailed and accurate response. Yes, I definitely think it takes two to tango. I certainly was not perfect in this relationship either. Like you said, we both can be distant/aloof, stubborn, and have hot tempers; so, when that's combined together, it just led to so many explosive arguments. I broke up with him when he started saying personal insults to me during arguments and acting fake in some situations - he was very passive-aggressive. I just could not handle any of that, went off the handle and cussed him out, broke up with him and blocked him on all my social media. But that's not a very healthy reaction either, and my temper certainly escalated arguments a lot of times too, so I need to improve on that.
I think we also had way different communication styles: He's Merc in Aries, while I'm Merc in Libra, so we were complete opposites in our communication and thinking styles. There would be so many times where he would rush through things, rush through important discussions or act impulsively, and I'm like - slow down! Let's take our time and figure this out and understand each other's perspectives! It was honestly like talking to a wall sometimes.
Glad to be out of that anyway!
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  #8  
Unread 09-14-2019, 09:37 PM
ZoraEos ZoraEos is offline
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Re: Was he an abuser?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Meluzina View Post
Well, that Mars conj. chiron in cancer, opposite uranus as his chart ruler. Chiron in cancer + chiron opposite uranus in capricorn - feeling not enough nurtured or maybe the opposite, smothered, so his original unique personality was not valued which might make one rebelious to the point of being purely (self)destructive and craving vastly to be successful as that unique individual, to be acknowledged as such by everyone. Chiron+ Mars - very touchy about the wound, you get close to that weak spot and it ignites, an urge to vent that, to get that out, extreme heroic healing journey or maybe just extremely bumpy process. Again, Mars as the one and only 'I', no, he wouldn't like to be pushed around. Mars and Uranus opposition - eruptive force, able to go from 0 to 100 in seconds. Prone to get irritated badly. This thing happening in sixth house + eight house in Virgo, the sign of critique - the nurturing person might have been to critical, or he might have been loaded with heavy weight too soon, doing some task that required high discipline, so he turned to be disciplining, critical, analytical and really prone to really mind stuff himself and require discipline from people around, great mind as his curse and power. His third house in Aries makes him feel endangered, he might interpret lots of surrounding stimuli as agrresion, so that makes one defensive. But turning back to the Mars, there is frustration with Mars in cancer, Mars there is in conflict, not really able to be assertive in healthy ways, problems with chanelling impulses, so feeling powerless - which makes you irritable because he holds his anger inside, choking on it, than explodes. Again, stemming from problems with mother, there is probably anger towards her, eventually evolved into misogyny - and girl, you know who replaces the mother in the adulthood of a man.. So, you are a scorpio (powerful), with Capricorn asc (cold and succesful) and Venus in Virgo (discipline), Mars in leo (proud) so my guess is that you were making him feel little, like a little boy which made him really really angry.
Wow, what a thoughtful and brilliant analysis! I think you are absolutely right! He told me about his childhood - His mother was a very strict and critical disciplinarian. He hated her, and he has even committed physical violence against her two times in his teenage-hood. As a teenager, he was incredibly rebellious to a self-destructive degree; committing vandalism, stealing, and doing drugs. He had calmed down a bit by the time I met him, in his mid-20's, but still had self-destructive tendencies, and was certainly irritable and passive-aggressive during his relationship towards me. And yes, very defensive! He never hit me, but there would be these covert insults he would say to me - then when I would ask him about it, he would say that "it was just a joke" or "I said that because you were frustrating me". But once a pattern of that emerged and he became increasingly irritable and overtly insulting, especially during our arguments, that is when I broke up with him.

That is a very interesting insight - that because of my success and the way I am (very ambitious and disciplined), maybe that threatened him and made him feel like "a little boy" like you said. Because that was a major divide in the relationship - I kept excelling and growing more and more, while he was struggling with employment (sometimes unemployed for many months) and worked low-wage jobs. Sometimes it seemed to me that he came across as intimidated or envious of that. He even said on a few occasions that he felt he didn't deserve me because of that, but I would always assure him that that was not the case - I didn't care about his money or status, I loved him for who he is.

Last edited by ZoraEos; 09-14-2019 at 09:40 PM.
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