Trying to understand my mother...

First and foremost, my mother knows that I have been studying astrology and has given my permission to post her chart online pertaining that I don't use her full name.

My mother has always struggled with substance abuse, mainly alcohol, and from a psychological standpoint, would be highly considered a narcissist. When I found out her birth time, her chart really seemed interesting to me. I was hoping for some other opinions on it. She's always said us girls (4 sisters, including myself as the oldest), inherited some sort of empathetic qualities from her. I don't know if that's the booze talking, or what, but sometimes I think she may be right. Who knows... maybe I'm crazy.

Maybe she drinks to dull out everything around her because she truly does feel the pain of the world around her? I have no idea.

Anyway, here's her chart:

Your mom's whole chart is ruled by Mars, that is in Aquarius (considered a Karmic sign with heavy burden because it's ancient ruler is Saturn) with Rahu in the 3rdhouse. This video will explain a bit more about the conjunction: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dz0UtNL4v2Q

When you ask about escaping reality through the use of substance such as alcohol. The first should think of 12th house.

12th house the self undoing, imprisonment of any form.

First very obvious sign is her 12th house's ruler Venus being severely combusted by Sun. Then the final dispositor, Sun and Venus are both in Virgo ruled by Mercury in Virgo her exaltation in Rx also combusted by Sun. Mercury rules communication, you can reflect on if your mother suffering a great deal of frustration of unable to express herself verbally while Mercury is being burnt by the Sunbeam. Scorpio is a sign of rebirth as well as obsession, Pluto is in Virgo so see above condition of Mercury Rx again can tell you the physical issues your mother suffering from is related to the mind.

All these 3 planets are in 10th house her public self (ruler of 12th placed in 10th her imprisonment is known by public as her main image known by others). In angular house and the highly charged 10th is powerful in both negative and positive manifestation.

Mercury is the only planet in his own sign in full rulership so he has the finally say of the entire chart...

Mercury rules Sun, Venus, Pluto and Saturn therefore everything else these planets ruled.

Sun rules Leo so the MC/10th. Venus rules Libra & Taurus, Moon in Libra & 12th, Uranus in Libra>4th>Mars in Aquarius>co ruler of Ascendant/Jupiter & 6th house health and illness as well as NN.

Pluto in Virgo, rules Scorpio ascendant and Jupiter in Scorpio>Neptune in Sagittarius.

7th house Saturn in Gemini also ruled by Mercury.

The true issue is indicated by the Combusted Mercury Rx. Venus is afflicted from the combusted Mercury as well as the close combustion by Sun.

You should ask your mother the relationship she had with her own father, any man in her life. Along with these Moon conjuncts Uranus emotional outburst and instability.

Another interesting feature, Lilith conjuncts Uranus, Moon and Chiron. Then also her Chiron opposes Moon and Uranus. Then when come to aspect, you can see multiple T-squares again pointing to the key planets I wrote above. Neptune rules alcohol square to the lord of the 12th house Venus while sextile Pluto her ascendant ruler.

With both traditional and modern rulership you can find the same features suggesting the same thing.

So interesting that you've referred to sunbeams etc. because up to this point I was only familiar with that term for horary astrology.

What stands out for me is that neptune is in the 1st house and is a part of a tsquare with saturn opposite And the 12th house ruler venus at the apex.

Can I ask you about your mother's parents? Probably your mother's father was an eccentric and a person who doesn't show many emotions.
Probably your mother has a difficult family karma. Her Sun, which is her individuality, is in the 10th house and it rules the house. That means that she must detach herself from her own mother and this might be an issue for her. Her mother (your grandmother) might be a person who likes to command other people.

The Sun is in aspect with Neptune. Somewhere in her family there might be cases of people who were in jail, drunkards, religious people who decide to go in a monatery or anything else that Neptune rules. This might be connected even with her grandparents or great-grandparents. I would like to know if this is true.

Wonderful feedback from everyone, thank you so much.

My grandmother, whom I used to love as a child, I now only think of as my mother's mother. She hasn't given me any sort of nurturing in years. In fact, several Christmases ago, she handed gifts and cards to my three younger sisters and then skipped me, saying that I was "too old". She's a cold woman. Loves drama, and absolutely adores gossiping about the family as quickly as she possibly can. I know that the relationship between her and my mother is strained. My grandmother had two girls, one of which was my mother, who had her first child (me) at 18, and the other, Maria, was (sorry, Mom....) prettier, more successful, and married a nice man after completely nursing school. Maria was always favored over her, and I think it really hurt her in a way she's only barely expressed to me.

On the fact of her father, I'm actually shocked that I don't have much information on the matter. I can't even think of a single instance where she mentioned him. I have a vague memory that he passed when she was very young, but I can't be too sure. Since my mother and I aren't currently speaking, I can't ask her, but I did reach out to my sister closest to me in age and am still waiting for a reply.


On another topic, she and my father never married and stopped seeing each other after two years. After splitting, she married an alcoholic abusive man that beat the living **** out of her and I hate to say that every relationship she's been in since they divorced almost 10 years ago hasn't been much better. She is a pretty woman and charismatic, but settles for these deadbeats that just weigh her down and she thinks it's okay... I wish she'd realize she's worth so much more.

Ah, my sister just replied. Her response:
"All I know is he died when she was like 12 or so and the money he left for HER, Gramma spent it all on Maria. i don't know her relationship with him. She never speaks of him."

My Moon is in Aries in the 12th.

I'm not sure if this information is in any way useful, but my sisters charts are listed below as well. I'm the oldest, then following Kellie, Jaelynn, and Taylor.

melissamarie, your mother has an aspect that appears in a lot of charts of substance abusers, and it is exact: sun square Neptune. In fact, Neptune squaring any personal planet, so in your mother's case, we throw in Venus and Mercury, as well.

You might want to read Liz Greene's book on Neptune.

Not every alcoholic/drug user has these Neptune aspects, and some people with them do not over-indulge, but it is as though the planets are crying out, "Be a visionary or be an escapist."

Sun-Neptune suggests a kind of self-annihilation, a longing to lose the self. Or, depending upon what else is going on in the chart, a stout resistence to this tendency. The sun is one's sense of identity, and the old sea god dissolves what it touches. Astrological Neptune rules beautiful illusions as well as bitter disillusionment, somehow misisng out on a stable, grounded reality in between.

Your mother has a perfect storm in her chart, with a T-square involving Neptune-Jupiter, sun-Venus-Mercury, and Saturn. Saturn square sun can mean major issues with low self-esteem. Then her moon is involved with a Thor's Hammer, with Chiron as the tip of a Thor's Hammer. With her sun in Virgo and so much going on her chart, nobody is harder on your mother or more critical of her than she is of herself.

She's hurting. Neptune and Chiron are not going away, but hopefully she can gain a healthy spirituality and some wisdom from her situation. Meditation would be helpful; or prayer if she is conventionally religious. Given her NN conjunct Mars, some high-impact exercise would be beneficial. If she's not up to it now, she can work up to it gradually over the year.

Hi. Its not easy for someone with such a strong Uranus and Neptune to accept and get to grips with the 'real world'. The squares from Neptune to the Virgo planets suggest a potential ability to heal herself and others by inspired acts of practical service and craftsmanship. But perhaps somewhere along the way she decided that the gap between fantasy and reality was too much to cope with, and retreated into fantasy using drugs. Libra is also very idealistic. Virgo of courses prone to self-scrutiny.

With the 10th house planets and the Moon Uranus conjunction, there is perhaps a part of her that was reluctant to be confined by being a mother. Mars in Aquarius May also be relevant here, and also the squares to Jupiter.

However, she probably had high ideals of the kind of mother she would like to be - again, the separation between fantasy and reality may have been difficult for her to accept. The Moon Chiron Uranus configuration suggests that she herself had a difficult time with an unemotional mother, and perhaps she swings between compulsive mothering and detachment as a result.

It does seem like the chart of someone who is perhaps her own worst enemy - turning her negative emotions mainly back on herself rather than being a vindictive type of person, but at times her difficulties may get the better of her in the way she responds to others. If she can learn to see beauty in the world and in herself then perhaps she can feel more whole again and also more at home on planet Earth.

With Mars and north node in the 3rd house, and with Saturn in Gemini, and with the general emphasis on Uranus and the air signs and Virgo, she may benefit from some course of study. With transiting Neptune opposite her natal Mercury at the moment, she may not be up to anything too analytical, but perhaps she might feel inspired to study something spiritual or do some creative writing. Perhaps dance - improv would suit the Moon Uranus conjunction. Or training to use her experiences to help others maybe.

I totally agree with the fact that she focus on something, whether it be creative, etc. The only problem is, any time something is suggested to her, whether it be by me or anyone else, she gets extremely defensive and takes it as some sort of attack. Like, what she's currently doing is wrong and is offended by any suggestion that she do anything other than her usual day to day routine.

I've definitely been aware of the significance of my 12th house Moon for a good amount of time now and have tried to look at every situation with my mother as if the Moon was influencing my behavior.

I've actually found myself to be the caretaker, the healer. I have a strong desire to nurture others and lessen their pains, whether they be physical or emotional. Even sometimes (well, most of the time) neglecting my own personal needs.

I will admit to a degree of stubbornness, most definitely. I value the opinions of others very much so, but can get defensive if someone questions the validity of something I am passionate about. But I could say most humans would have that response as well, naturally.

melissamarie said:

I totally agree with the fact that she focus on something, whether it be creative, etc. The only problem is, any time something is suggested to her, whether it be by me or anyone else, she gets extremely defensive and takes it as some sort of attack. Like, what she's currently doing is wrong and is offended by any suggestion that she do anything other than her usual day to day routine.

Click to expand...

Hi. Its good that she has a routine with all the Virgo energy. Virgo and Pisces are both concerned with synthesis with the rest of life. Virgo on a practical level and Pisces on a feeling level. With the Sun and two more personal planets in Virgo squaring Neptune (and Jupiter - Pisces' other ruler) she needs this sense of synthesis in order to feel like a real person. Her routine brings a sense of synthesis on a practical level, and her escapism through drugs bring a sense of synthesis on a feeling level.

The problem is that because these energies are so sensitive to a lack of synthesis that they may cling to a superficial or stagnant sense of synthesis rather than risk chaos (in the case of Virgo) or isolation (in the case of Pisces) - in other words rather than risk losing what synthesis they have. This is unfortunate because Virgo is capable of continually improving the way one is synthesised with life on a practical level, by developing skills and cleansing the personality of impurities which impede efficiency on whichever level of life. Pisces is capable of continually improving synthesis on a feeling level, by observing the flow of consciousness in such a way that the 'ghosts of the past' are laid to rest, and a fuller and more immediate communion with life is made possible.

But I guess she can only do what she feels ready for. She might feel like she has to cling to her routine while transiting Neptune is trying to loosen everything up. Also Scorpio rising suggests that any experience of re-defining the self is accompanied by intense feelings, which might feel overwhelming. Scorpio rising people often don't like being told who or how to be, and Mars in Aquarius and Moon conjunct Uranus bring rebelliousness too.

There's a sense in the chart, especially in the light of what you've said, that she is living in a reality which seems to her to take all her energy just to hold things together, and that any new thing is just too much.

See that your mother Venus being severely combusted is the ruler of both 7th and 12th. Either way the rulership with man both father and lover in her life so important yet as you said she failed miserably. Demi Moore she also has combusted Venus with Sun in 8th house, she also used substance abuse to numb the pain of her recently failed marriage. There are lot of data of the critical time of her start and relationship breakup including the hospitalisation in astrodienst's data base. Personally combustion of planet can still have partial positive effect in life such as your mum being beautiful and charming while Demi Moore being rich and beautiful but yet the damages of combustion remaining. It is extremely unlucky cause if the conjunction was within 15 minutes it would be cazimi the entire fate any planet linking to Venus will be greatly lifted and blessed.

Sun combusted his own dispositor therefore the 10th and all male in her life. The Mercury in exaltation Rx her mind still to me as the root of her problem.

Sometimes I feel like she's one person and then another in a matter of minutes. She can be caring and nurturing and then immediately turn volatile. When she drinks, she relaxes a bit and becomes more open and allows a bit more of her personal self to be revealed. She's very caring, I just feel like she doesn't know how to show that to us children. Via social networking, Facebook, etc, she's an amazing mother, boasting about our achievements but I don't (and my sisters as well) never actually HEAR it vocally, whether in person or by phone.

As poyi knows, I don't feel that combustion really affects a nativity-- rather, in modern astrology, it seems to show what the person identifies with. With that moon opposite a 5th house Chiron and Jupiter/Neptune ruling her 5th house of children, Mom's hard aspects are directly tied into her experience of mothering. I suspect she feels that she's been a bad mother. About the best you can do here is tell her she's been a good mother, or the good-enough mother, even though she probably won't believe you.

Moon conjunct Uranus is a signature for highly volatile emotions.

Then you've got a T-square, as well, involving your big, caring Cancer moon in the 4th house of your early childhood upbringing-- as well as your sun-Neptune. So it may be hard for you to get a grasp of who you and your mother really are for yourselves, as well as for each other.

In the few "deep" conversations I've had with my mother, it was always focused on her. Even when I admitted to extreme depression and a brief period of suicidal thoughts, the initial reaction was crying and "I've failed as a mother".

melissamarie said:

Sometimes I feel like she's one person and then another in a matter of minutes. She can be caring and nurturing and then immediately turn volatile. When she drinks, she relaxes a bit and becomes more open and allows a bit more of her personal self to be revealed. She's very caring, I just feel like she doesn't know how to show that to us children. Via social networking, Facebook, etc, she's an amazing mother, boasting about our achievements but I don't (and my sisters as well) never actually HEAR it vocally, whether in person or by phone.

Click to expand...

Well as I said all along is the mercury exalted but Rx and combusted which you just described as 11th related. She doesn't know how to express. Just love her for who she is after all these astrological explanations.