Your chart is shown in a previous thread.
I believe a large part of an answer to your question is whether you want to learn astrology as an entire craft form that can be used to guide life, OR just learn about yourself through using astrological symbolism.
Like you I have a Chiron-Lilith conjunction; on the same degree in the 12th house and closely conjunct Virgo Ascendant. With a mutable sign there are proverbially more ways than one to kill a cat, and more than one road that leads to Rome
). It's the most heavily aspected position in my chart, including a close square with natal Uranus conjunct M.C.
(Also share a 5th Moon in Capricorn).
I had been studying astrology for almost 8 years, thought to have a grasp on astro. symbolism, EXCEPT for one thing. I could find no answer to 'where does the inner pain come from?' That which isn't physical of nature, yet cuts like a knife within to what could almost be described as the very heart and/or soul of a person. I learnt of Chiron through the med. astro. school I attended and believed to have got my answer. Chiron represetns the pain we create within ourselves and live with, as a result of our attitude towards other people's actions towards/against us.
It took another 10 years before I understood I only had part of the answer and not all of it. It coincided with the year that I learnt of the astrological non-physical point MEAN Black Moon Lilith. One might say it answered the question, 'What is
the point of everything?' A light went on (Uranus?) and I came to the realisation that my self image was that which other people had placed upon me. I wasn't what they considered to be normal … read 'socially acceptable to them' ... and that hurt!!! I had to stop blaming myself and admit that my faulty reasoning had allowed it to happen.
In your post, you tend to place blame upon a paternal relationship, yet an astrologer would probably say from chart aspects with Sun (hero) or Saturn (authorative disciplinarian) that the relationship … if it physically existed … wasn't problematic as such. Okay, 'affection and attention seeking' (Sun semi-square Venus) may not have been what a Leo ego influence would desire, and a stress aspect with natal Moon in Cap. may may feel that he was not there for you. Yet with a trine to Uranus in 4th house, the paternal genes are strongly evident. You may be more like your father in more ways than you have ever cared to admit (MEAN BML) to yourself ( = self denial.).
Once BML surfaces from within it desires total honesty about one's self in order to work as it could, would, and should.
I would argue that BML in a chart is not always negative of nature.
Observation has shown it to also represent an inner natural talent waiting to express itself, whether that's an economic wonder, sportsman, or hairdresser. Chiron is strongly associated with shamanism; also with the healing capacity within one's self. The first step is to understand and heal one's self of the pain endured. Only then can one understand the pain of others.
Chiron-MEAN BML in Gemini opp. Uranus can become the voice that can see future situations from alternate perspectives than what may be socially accepted. It is part of a configuration with Jupiter in Pisces comprising of two sesquiquadrates (135*) joined at each end of the natal square. Natal Pluto in its own sign is at the apex of the configuration.
A second similar configuration puts Jupiter in 7th at apex of Mercuru-Pluto square.
That's 2 mighty powerful aspects to have when allowed to work at their most positive.
In my case my Chiron-MEAN BML-Uranus alternate perspective is the holistic approach within astrological symbolism that, unless inherent at birth, physical dis-orders are too often psychsomatic of nature. Deal with the issue and prevent the complaint turning physical. It's still very much 'music of the future', yet who knows what another 30-50 years of thought will see occuring.