Thank you everyone for your kind responses and for taking the time to look at my chart. I have been working with a therapist for over a year now and the focus has been the years of emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my father from middle school on and the simultaneous neglect from my mother. However, I have always felt that something sexually inappropriate happened in childhood that I can't remember, but I haven't thought to discuss it with my therapist until now. I have always had this feeling; my therapist hasn't planted false memories or made any particular suggestions as to what may have happened. However, I am certain something happened, and maybe these Pluto transits have been forcing these old emotions and memories to emerge so that I am forced to confront them. What I am trying to determine is where the natal potential for sexual abuse is in my chart, since I didn't see any classic signatures. Thank you for everyone's feedback.
I was married before and have been divorced over a year, and it was an abusive relationship in all ways. However, since childhood, I have had these beliefs about men and never trusted them. I have always been afraid of them, especially sexually. I also became compulsively sexual at about age 9, and I know that before that, something happened that I can't remember. I don't want to remember but I feel that something is being forced to the surface and I have to remember.
My current boyfriend is a really great man, although we have had our rough patches. I have had difficulty trusting him from the beginning and sometimes lump him in the "all men" category, so I am often hypervigilant and watching my back in case he does something to hurt me. However, he has never given me any indication that he would hurt me and we have had many long conversations about everything. He is so supportive and really wants to help me get through this and trust him. He is a little hurt that I have had so much trouble trusting and believing in him. He always wants to talk with me and work on things and has even suggested going to therapy with me so that he can better understand what I'm going through. I suppose, as someone said, I have been attracted to men who hurt me in the past (Sagittarius DC). My current boyfriend is in the unfortunate position of being someone I actually can trust, who has been my friend for many years, who has always helped me, but now he is not receiving the trust from me that he deserves. I want to trust him but I am so uneasy and there's so much anger and hatred from my past.
He is an odd match for me; a Virgo Sun, Pisces AC, Gemini Moon, Virgo Mercury, Cancer Venus, Scorpio Mars. Our ACs are exactly square , his Gemini Moon is exactly on my AC and completes a grand trine with my Venus and Mars. Also, his Scorpio Mars conjuncts my vertex, Moon, and Jupiter. His Mars is square my Venus in Aquarius, and I suppose despite it being a "bad" aspect it does provide some serious chemistry.
My NN is conjunct his Venus. We have some difficult synastry; a lot of tricky Saturn aspects and some difficult Pluto contacts. Despite our Sun signs being square by sign, they are trine by aspect. In our composite, we have a grand kite (Venus on the AC opposite Sun in the 7th). Venus, Moon and Neptune form a grand trine. However, I am concerned about Uranus being in the 7th house (right on the cusp of the 8th in Placidus; in the 8th in equal house) and Venus being opposite Pluto; Mars conjunct Pluto (!). Also, we have a lot of planets in the 6th house. Anyway, I suppose I read too much into composite placements and synastry and I should probably just let my relationship be and see how it progresses. However, we are really serious about each other and want to be together forever, so I get concerned.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone so far for your thoughtful posts.