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eternalautumn
I've fallen and I can't get up!
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eternalautumn said:Well. Let's see here. My Sun is in Aries in the 5th House, so I think it's exalted. I'm not sure. But that means strong self-expression and creativity. I think. My Moon is in Leo, which is another fire sign, which I guess makes me sort of a drama queen, even though I don't really talk about or show my feelings to anyone but my best friend. So, I don't know what's going on there. But that fire influence gives me my passion and energy that people I'm close with know so very much of. Haha. But then comes Scorpio as my ascendant, and Pluto exalted in that sign (?). With Pluto conjunct Ascendant, it pretty much gives me a doubleshot of Plutonian/Scorpionic energy through which every other aspect of my personality is filtered. This makes sense as I am usually quiet and serious when I'm around people I dont know or trust. Also, as much as I'd like to deny it, my intentions aren't always the best, especially with people I think of as "filler" in my life. I'm also pretty sexual, but I'm also very sexually frustrated. I guess the Aries helps in that regard, because I do come on pretty strong at times and sometimes I have to check myself to keep from going overboard or letting "fantasy world" cloud my vision. My thing is I'm resisting so hard the urge to have sex with someone just because they're there. I want a relationship, someone to be there when I need them, and not just a f*** buddy. I'm pretty positive that the Scorpio part of me is at odds with some other placement in my chart, I'm just not sure what. I was intitiated into sex at a very young age and so when I got to the age where sex was appropriate, it was kind of boring to me. Plus I developed a lot of self-image issues, got into a bad depression, started using drugs and alcohol, and self-harming. All that basically consumed what little time I had left in my life. Now for the most part I'm better. I've got things under control. I think. But I still want to know what all of my chart means and what I can learn about myself that I may or may not know. I want to see if their is any indication of my major clinical depression from age (roughly) 9 to 16, including my self-mutilation. I would like to see also if their is something pointing towards drugs and alcohol, problems with parents all through childhood, problems with authority, problems with self-image, sexuality (not homo or hetero; I've already taken a look at THAT post and I'm not even going there. I am gay though, if anyones interested.), potential blocks to my creativity (because at heart I'm a very creative person, but it seems like all my life I've only been able to squeeze out a small amount, and I have a hard time expressing myself, more so like in writing or art, and when talking about my personality, than actually being myself around whoever. I mean, I do have a couple alter personalities I put on for special occasions like work, though.). ALSO, I want to know what love looks like for me based on my chart, and careers, as these are two main parts of my life that I cannot seem to get a handle on. I know I'm young and I have time, but I always feel like I am in a rush, yet at the same time I have this detached let-things-happen attitude. Wow, that whole thing is weird and I don't know how to explain it. ANYWHO. I really put a lot into one post, and I apologize for my rambling. I will wait and see what wisdom y'all have to impart on me. Thanks for your time.
PS: I'm sorry, but I cant figure out how to put a picture directly in the post. Stupid computers. See attachment. Please and thanks.
eternalautumn said:Oh my goodness. The whole time I was reading that I was laughing out loud. Partly because you're funny, but also because you are on the on the dot with a lot. Hehe.
I dont even feel like wasting the time going over everything because you are basically so right its not even funny. It was definitely worth the wait for your input. Thaaank youuu. =]
There's just one thing. You're comment about my ego. Give me your definition of the word, because mine is automatically negative, and I'm not positive thats what you were saying (probably though =P). I dont consider myself to have a big ego. I do think about myself a lot but its mostly the negative things (see my post in psychology). I'll wait for your reply to say more.
Ok so here's my thing on ego. I see ego as a big puffy balloon inside of us. Now you can fill that balloon with warm fuzzies about yourself or you can fill it with daggers and acid (ie negative thoughts) about yourself but either way if you over stuff that balloon with any kind of thoughts about yourself to the point where there is no room for others then you have an over inflated ego a.k.a being full of yourself . Alot of people see ego as like being in love with yourself but thats not accurate. Depression is self centredness, your thoughts may be negative but its all about you when you are depressed. Now dont get me wrong because i am an Aries and i have struggled with depression so ive been there and i know that all i thought about was me. Im so miserable, I cant do anything right, my life *****, nobody loves me, i could have been/done better...see the common thread its all I/me and that is ego
And about the acting... =] I know. I really know. I am so good at it sometimes, especially my sense of humor and amusing my friends. But that's where it stops. Its stricty a personal thing. Once I leave the comfort of my friends or close family, I cant even think of being the center of attention, let alone acting. I get nervous, I worry about how I look and what people think about me, all that jazz. And really bad stage fright.
Which leads me to something else. You mentioned worrying about how I look, what I eat, etc. I am "obsessed" with how other people see me. I'm barely comfortable with myself, most of what I have is just fake so people dont worry about me and think Im totally nuts. I hate the way I look, my body, everything. I think I am ugly. I really do. I know I am. It's not fun. Haha. I also am very self-conscious of my body language, and just how I look doing everything from talking, standing, sitting, everything imaginable. I think I'm fat, I think I'm ugly, I think I'm overly obessed about how I look. And that just makes me mad and feel selfish that I even worry about that stuff when there's more important things to be thinking about. But I cant get over it. I dont know... I really dont know.
eternalautumn said:LOL. Whatever you say. I just wish it was easy as you make it seem. I know it's not, because I've tried so many times in the past.
But I definitely dont want ego guts everywhere. That's not cute.
eternalautumn said:Well, my little brothers (twins) were born when I was 5, and my grandpa died when I was 7. Nothing that I can remember happened at 6 though.
THAT'S EXACTLY CORRECT WHICH SUGGEST YOUR TIME OF BIRTH MAY BE SLIGHTLY OUT
I dont know what "TS" means, but I am a boy. My name is Jeremy. =]
Ugh. I really dont know at this point. I love astrology, but I'm having a lot of trouble wrapping my head around all this information. I've tried learning ways to interpret natal charts off websites and out of a book, but still when it's all right there it seems way huge and I feel like there's no way I can understand all this separately and as a whole at the same time. My mind is being overloaded. And it frustrates me because I want to be able to understand everything easily, like everyone else seems to do.
Aal;sdfiuawiodrna;wlernaw;ei.
=/
eternalautumn said:Well, it may very well be wrong, but my birth certificate definitely says 10:12 pm. I don't know...
Thank you all so much for your help so far. Now, earlier tonight I had another question to raise, and I totally forgot it. So, I'm going to go and try to remember, and then I will post it here. I think it was important. I'm not sure.
Shoot.
=]
Edit: I remembered! What does the absence of any planets in my 10-12 Houses mean? I know those are the houses of later life/maturity, etc, yada yada, something along those lines. Does that mean I'm going to have a short life? A tragic death? Or am I'm just going to be stuck and never mature through those houses? Help?!? =]
eternalautumn said:when it's all right there it seems way huge and I feel like there's no way I can understand all this [astrology] separately and as a whole at the same time. My mind is being overloaded. And it frustrates me because I want to be able to understand everything easily, like everyone else seems to do.
eternalautumn said:Also, I have a history of depression, anxiety, and self-mutilation, and I was wondering if any of that could be found in my chart? Thank you so much.