End of the line? Or huge change?

Hi, everybody - I just did a solar return chart for 2014 and.. it's got an interesting yod.. on top of saturn return and a grand square that might eat me for lunch. I will post the chart and I welcome anyone's interpretation of what for the love of God I am in for. I feel, right now, as though my life has all but ended. It's just screeched to a halt. I imagine that's the Saturn return, which has made me tired to my cells, so lots of upheaval would overwhelm at this point.. unless it's something tasty. But it's all squares and monster planets, except for Jupiter conjunct my Sun in the 11th which looks like candy compared to the rest of the liver in this chart. Thanks for any takes on what you might see that I, in my admitted novice stage, cannot. And I hope the chart attaches properly. We'll see.. thank you.

Well, hardly the end of the line!

But why didn't you focus on the nice sextiles and trines, instead of the harder transits?

Each planet merely asks us to learn its positive lessons, and then to deliberately put them to constructive purposes in our lives.

As the tip of a kite formation and corner of a grand square, Pluto is asking you to kill off anything metaphorically dead or dying in your life so that new growth has room to take its place. Why not see its 5th house location as where you can expand your creativity?

Saturn asks us for serious ground-truthing and reality-checking on our lives. As you enter middle age, this is a good exercise to undertake. How do you want to experience middle age? Are you where you should to be financially, or are there important new steps to implement now? In the 3rd house and with the moon involved, are you on the best of terms with any siblings and with Mom? If so, you can build on the good relationships. If not, what changes should you implement.

And so on, around the horoscope.

Well, hardly the end of the line!

*** I saw that Uranus in 8th, square Pluto in 4th and had to ask... As I said, I'm not a long-time astrologer..

But why didn't you focus on the nice sextiles and trines, instead of the harder transits?

*** I think hard aspects between outer planets seem to be more powerful than sextiles, no? Then again, I have had what looked like very significant transits many times, and nothing happens. This one is the most formidable I think I have ever seen coming, though.

Each planet merely asks us to learn its positive lessons, and then to deliberately put them to constructive purposes in our lives.

As the tip of a kite formation and corner of a grand square, Pluto is asking you to kill off anything metaphorically dead or dying in your life so that new growth has room to take its place. Why not see its 5th house location as where you can expand your creativity?

**** Well, there's the rub, haha. I already feel as though just about everything in my life is dead, so I had to wonder what more Pluto has to ask. I am spent emotionally, so if this implies more upheaval and things that require energy I just don't have, then I think maybe I'm cooked. What I really feel I need now is respite and peace. This chart does not look peaceful to me. Perhaps you see peace where I cannot?

Saturn asks us for serious ground-truthing and reality-checking on our lives. As you enter middle age, this is a good exercise to undertake. How do you want to experience middle age? Are you where you should to be financially, or are there important new steps to implement now? In the 3rd house and with the moon involved, are you on the best of terms with any siblings and with Mom? If so, you can build on the good relationships. If not, what changes should you implement.

**** Serious reality-checking is all I am doing and seeing right now. And I am beyond middle age. I am definitely not where I should be financially. I am not where I "should" be in any part of my life. I don't expect to speak to my mother again. She is 89 and I expect she will die soon, which will not be a sad thing for me. She was abusive. Not close to my siblings, no. There is nothing I want to change about that whole situation. I moved 3000 miles away from them for a reason.

The main concern is that while what I feel I need is peace, respite and relief from the battering of the last few decades, what I see in this chart is turmoil and forced change, so I wanted to see what anyone might interpret that as looking like. I see the nice trines, yes, and the Jupiter. What seems to be the general consensus, through much reading, is that Pluto and Uranus pack more of a punch than Jupiter, and I have had Saturn on my back since 2003, so I guess it's hard for me to see lightness in all this. I can see that because of the houses effected by the square, it *might* be something good, but the Uranus in the 8th is why I posted this. I guess I'll find out. I know in a very inner way that this year will be decisive for me.

Thanks very much for responding and taking a look, WayBread, I will look more at the trines and sextiles as you suggest.

And so on, around the horoscope.

Ahh, my old friend! Thank you for this. What you are saying is hitting home. I know that I am at a place so stripped at this point that the change is only going to come spiritually. "The past" looks like Goliath compared to David's wimpy little neighbor Timmy of my strength and faith to overcome it.
I have reached this place all on my own, of having no where to return to. My life as I have known it, is over. I am just struggling to find the strength to do ANYthing. I guess it's highly symbolic that the only thought that has actually gotten me excited and given me an iota of physical energy is the thought of making a trip to the dump with a big load of junk to get rid of. How Plutonian is that? I want to shave down my possessions to a very light load. Almost Zen without being cold. (Cancer sun, moon and merc... I need SOME sentimental clutter..) No amount of rumination over this chart will really change what I need to change, I know that - something is coming. I can only prepare, downsize, and get my heart stronger if possible. That's the puzzle. So much hurt. So I need to stop thinking about that and focus on getting rid of stuff. Thank you, Kimbermoon.Yes, Saturn's a *****, ey? I really have had enough. I'm going with Uranus. I'm sorry you are going through the same return... I think we can only have faith that somewhere, there is a gorgeous reward for going through all the trials this life entails. I won't give up. Thank you and I wish the best for you.

ETC, it sounds like you are hanging onto an awful lot, but perhaps I am reading your posts incorrectly. Any resentments against your mother or other family members? I don't suppose there are children (5th house) or sibling (3rd house) issues? The 3rd house also rules communications, so possibly there are some waiting to be made?

If you have the sun, moon, and Mercury in Cancer natally, you need to have some emotional closeness-- a sense of bonding with someone or a small group of close-knit friends or family members. Your typical hyper-Aquarian or ultra-Capricorn can get by nicely with a handful of acquaintances, but not you. If people are not in sight, possibly volunteer at an animal shelter, nursing home, or with children (5th house again) because they will repay you handsomely in emotional dollars.

Heart-hardening is something we all must do as adults, but perhaps the new growth will come from giving and receiving more love.

BTW, taking a load of stuff to the dump (or recycling it at your local thrift store) is very Plutonian.

WayBread - It is my past and all the pain that has gone on in it that I am working very hard to overcome. When you open your heart and feel hope and it continually gets crushed, it is VERY difficult to overcome a pattern like that and have "faith" that somehow, magically, if you just change your focus, all will be different. It also brings up a great deal of anger. Yes, there is resentment toward my mother. She was cruel and I will be happy when she passes. Not that it will end anything, the damage is done. I know it's up to me to try to "forgive" her. She is mentally ill and that is not her fault.

RE: 5th house, I have no children of my own, I never wanted them. I have a tentative relationship with one brother - in hard times, he becomes very self-righteous and high and mighty and selfish, and I have a hard time with him. I feel I have to protect myself from him at times. He can be very in my face and bombastic about "family" issues when he cannot at all see his own selfishness with regard to involvement with the "family." He is the most absent of all of us and yet he gets on his high horse and tries to control it all when something happens. I love my oldest brother very much and my heart breaks for him. He is depressed and lives a very limited life. He's a sweet person, a Pisces who has had great tragedy in his life.

I have natal Jupiter in my 11th and I am blessed with legions of wonderful friends. They are my oxygen.

Yes, an animal shelter is in my future. In fact, a dream career would be to run a farm animal and dog rescue center in the country. I love animals more than anything in this world.

Yes, the DUMP! Never have I been more excited by a major trip to the dump! (And yes, much will go to local consignment stores or Goodwill...)

Thank you for your thoughts.

You bet.

Actually, I wasn't thinking so much of some type of physical reconciliation, but of letting go of whatever residual anger and resentment you still feel about these family members.

I can understand that as a tender Crab you have had to build up a tough shell around yourself to shield your emotional vulnerability. But Cancer suns and especially Cancer moons do need the fulfillment of emotional bonding.

And dogs are great at this. Your dog is always happy to see you, always happy with your attention.