unbearable living situation, when will it end?

Suze

Active member
Hello

Sorry if uploaded chart incorrectly, can't find instructions. Previous thread, can't find it to work out how to resurrect.Thankyou to all who replied.

Both parents unexpectedly passed. Living btw room in sister's (8 Mar 69) house & our parents' house. Will take about a yr to go through contents of family home (there 40yrs, mother long term chronic illness. If you don't understand why it'd take so long, you, like everyone not in the shoes of people like us, don't understand what it's like having long term chronically ill person in family. You're so lucky). Take our time when emotionally ready.

Sister dominating, bullying, abusive. No privacy. Unpleasant living her house, stay in parent's sometimes. She just turns up whenever she likes with her lazy boyfriend who looks through everything as if he owns it. Told her not to, tried to set boundaries, no difference.

Her job just ended, things worse. Now she'll be breathing down my neck even more than before. Hope a similar company offers her job & she accepts.

If sell family home, then try to find place to live. Imagine take yr or more to find suitable. Realise siblings are karmic lessons. After move out of her home, want to go my own way. Will not give her my phone number/address. When is this likely to happen? Things have not go better since both parents passed, actually got worse due to sister's behaviour. Unbearable.

Thankyou so much.
 

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waybread

Well-known member
Right now you're caught in the squeeze of transiting Pluto in Capricorn (your rising sign) squaring disruptive Uranus in your 4th house of "home". Apart from your immediate practical concerns, you are likely to feel this kind of internal pressure for several years, unless you can start to take more responsibility for your own feelings about your sister. By no means am I saying you're objectively wrong in your feelings about her. Just that it takes two to start an argument, and you've both got enough to deal with in handling your parents' estate without mucking it up emotionally.

Is there some reason why you can't live in your parents' house rather than at your sister's? Does the house need to be sold at some point? It's costing money to keep it.

You might think if there's a way to short-cut your process of going through your parents' belongings. Are any of them valuable, sentimentally or monetarily? Or is it more a question of taking things to the thrift store, if not the rubbish bin.

See if you can find someone with no emotional attachment to your parents' house and belongings to help you. If you'd like to sell most of the items and they have sufficient monetary value, there are professionals who specialize in estate sales who can help you. They take a percentage of the proceeds, but they also take a lot of the work out of your hands.

Possibly someone who runs a second-hand store would be willing to come out and make you an offer on some or all of the home's contents that have resale value.

Then it shouldn't take quite so long to collect the keepsakes, old photos, and items that you'd really like to have.
 

muchacho

Well-known member
Hello

Sorry if uploaded chart incorrectly, can't find instructions. Previous thread, can't find it to work out how to resurrect.Thankyou to all who replied.

Both parents unexpectedly passed. Living btw room in sister's (8 Mar 69) house & our parents' house. Will take about a yr to go through contents of family home (there 40yrs, mother long term chronic illness. If you don't understand why it'd take so long, you, like everyone not in the shoes of people like us, don't understand what it's like having long term chronically ill person in family. You're so lucky). Take our time when emotionally ready.

Sister dominating, bullying, abusive. No privacy. Unpleasant living her house, stay in parent's sometimes. She just turns up whenever she likes with her lazy boyfriend who looks through everything as if he owns it. Told her not to, tried to set boundaries, no difference.

Her job just ended, things worse. Now she'll be breathing down my neck even more than before. Hope a similar company offers her job & she accepts.

If sell family home, then try to find place to live. Imagine take yr or more to find suitable. Realise siblings are karmic lessons. After move out of her home, want to go my own way. Will not give her my phone number/address. When is this likely to happen? Things have not go better since both parents passed, actually got worse due to sister's behaviour. Unbearable.

Thankyou so much.
Looking at the vedic chart, you are currently running your Saturn-Ketu Dashsa which is a very unfortunate combination. Additionally, Ketu is located in the 6th house in the natal chart and in the 12th house from Saturn in your natal chart. So it's not surprising that this is a very dark period of your life where all kinds of things and relationships are dissolving and your efforts seem ill-fated and life is an endless struggle and you feel or are under attack on all fronts.

However, better times ahead around spring 2017 when your Venus sub-period starts. Venus is ruler of your 11th house and located in your 4th in the natal chart and in the 10th from Saturn. So you can expect major improvements at home and in terms of career and finances around that time.
 
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Suze

Active member
Thankyou for taking the time to look at my chart and working on your responses.

Waybread: Cost of keeping house so minimal, not worth mentioning/thinking about. Huge myth in society “thou shalt not have a house just sitting there. Must rent it out/get a boarder. Get rid of contents asap.” We’re not doing any of that, completely inappropriate given the circumstances.

If you take sister out of it, that it will take at least a year to go through the house is a very, very good thing. Physically, mentally very healthy for us. Will be done thoughtfully, carefully. No rush at all. Totally inappropriate and unnecessary to get outsiders in to help. Value of contents minimal and irrelevant.

Anyone who does not understand this is not in our situation. One of parents friends, they’re in about as close as you could get to our situation, took them about 2 years, not even finished. Spoke to one of them re the first two sentences of this paragraph, they couldn’t agree more. Please don’t concern yourself at all with this timeframe, only mentioned it for the purposes of explaining possible timeframes in getting away from sister – that’s the only reason why it’s relevant.

Living btw both places as the family house is home, not ready to let it go yet. In regional area. Sister’s house outskirts of large city, where my life & medical treatment is. Takes longer to sell houses in regional area, would be on market for 12, 18mths or more. Again absolutely no rush. Don’t need any advice on this.

As I said, living in parent’s house to avoid sister does not work. As we’re co-owners, she considers it her right to invite whomever she likes, whenever she likes, even if I’m living there. Expect this would not change even if I owned the house in full myself.

Someone told me need to wait until 2018 for best timeframe for housing matters. Fits in with the likely timeframe taking into account circumstances. Any time standing out for you with regards to me having own place, separating from sister?

Muchacho: Your summary of the situation is right on! Couldn’t agree more. No matter what I do, no matter how much positivity, gratitude, do unto others etc nothing works. I’ve done nothing wrong yet former friends dumped me. Try to be positive, eg. Endings happen to make way for new beginnings. Feel like the universe is throwing everything it can at me to push me under.

I’ve medical treatment that’ll likely continue for about 5 years I’d say. Before career, would need to find own place – where sister lives is too far out. Could take years, as would need to be suitable for rest of life. Not to mention don’t know how I’d combine that & medical. When you say Spring 2017, I’m in Australia, so is that time different for me? Any time standing out for you with regards to me having own place, separating from sister?

Realistically is this going to be the end of very dark periods in my life? Pretty much one after the other whole life. Like don’t know what other bad stuff can possibly happen to me, seems like I’ve already experienced it all.

Thankyou very much
 

muchacho

Well-known member
Your Venus sub-period starts around March 2017, then you'll feel a shift in direction and motivation to different topics, more to the topics that are ruled by Venus. You'll still be under the influence of Saturn though, but with Venus as sub-period this will be a much lighter and friendlier combination.

You are currently running a Saturn-Ketu-Rahu Dasha until September 2016. So this current period indeed is the lowest possible low. Things should ease up in September when that Rahu sub-sub period is over and you'll see you spirits significantly lifted in March next year when this Ketu sub-period is finally over too. So basically, according to astrology, the worst will be over in a month.
 

theV

Well-known member
Hello Suze, it has been a long time since you posted here. Last time you posted your mother passed away and now your father. I am sorry to hear that he died and you are going through thess difficult times. I pray you find a relieve especially you went thought so much taking care of your mother.

Jupiter will go to libra and possibly in the 10th house squaring first house and seventh house and opposite fourth house. I hope Jupiter will bring some luck and opportunity to you when it enters Libra in oct or sept.
 
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Suze

Active member
Thankyou. Do you see a time in the next few years when I'll be able to achieve my lifelong dream of having my own home and separating, going my own way from sister?
 

Suze

Active member
Hello theV nice to see you. Thankyou for your kind words, prayer and looking at my chart. Things getting better and the freedom mentioned around the time of mother's passing has not eventuated.
 

ashriia

Well-known member
Do you see a time in the next few years when I'll be able to achieve my lifelong dream of having my own home and separating, going my own way from sister?

I think trying to plan out an outcome like this right now is not going to work in your favor. Which is going to be hard for a taurus sun - who has a need for security and routines without unexpected surprises.

But as you said, you will need years to attend to your parents home. I think you may need to also apply that to your sister as well. There is something in the process to learn, like learning to assert yourself and your individual nature with her.

You have pluto transiting your 1st still conjunct the ascendant - major change into the way in which you are.

And then you have a major mid life transit of uranus opposite uranus which is exact right now. Uranus is transiting the 4th, and also rules your moon. This is why I don't think planning right now is going to work, as things will likely change from one day to the next. Better to go with the flow, learn how to work with your sister regardless of finding her disagreeable. You are taurus/pisces siblings - you should be able to find some common ground if you are willing to work with each other. Just take some control in this situation, don't let her bully you around, and don't pay attention to what she says - she is a pisces she is just going to be venting during this difficult time to process her own emotions. Don't be a victim to it. Just do what you need to do one day at a time. Uranus in the 4th does bring domestic changes so moving is a part of that - but a more permanent change will likely come at the end of the transit through the 4th.
 

theV

Well-known member
Hello theV nice to see you. Thankyou for your kind words, prayer and looking at my chart. Things getting better and the freedom mentioned around the time of mother's passing has not eventuated.

Feud with siblings is seen with Saturn conjunct the ruler of the third house(equal/whole signs system)-siblings- I'm afraid it might get heated around sept when Saturn/Mars conjunct the ruler of the third house Neptune. So sept might be significant in term of your relationship with your siblings and family.

Long life time Siblings problem is seen with the ruler of the third house in the 12th house. The 12th house is the house of private issues, self undoing, private enemies. It is where we feel trapped, jailed left to face our issues or insecurity. 3rd house ruler neptune in the 12 house might mean problems with siblings, neighbors, early childhood schooling.

The 4th house is ruled by Mars and Mars currently opposite Pluto, so it Pluto opposite the 4th house death in family, crisis at home, transformation and change in family affair, power struggles. So last years been rough as you said.

Jupiter in 10 Libra during the end of year might bring a lot of good things.
 
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Suze

Active member
Thankyou for your replies.

theV: sister's job ending, like tornado, wants to catch up on backlog of her own stuff. Once makes progress, likely tornado turns to big ongoing job going through parent's stuff. That could be Sept problems beginning. No problems neighbours. Early childhood schooling difficult due to emotional abuse & neglect from parents.

ashriia: Thankyou for your advice. Done 20yrs personal dvlpmt incl assertiveness training. Sister is abusive, dominating, controlling, overbearing & overpowering. Parents complained of this also."She just takes over" they said. How to take control? Be assertive? Don't let her boss you around? How to not be a victim of her? Tried everything, doesn't work. She's constantly discussing our personal business with friends, even when mother told her not to. Extremely difficult just turns up whenever she likes,lazy boyfriend in tow, hasn't done a thing to help looking through belongings. Politely told him not to, she could see how upset I was about it, he refused, threatened to knock me out. She stood by smirking saying how wrong I was.

Feel the 'changes' are parents passing on, having to deal with what they physically left behind. The situation does change day to day (what have to do etc). I'm the same person. Hasn't changed me or my big life dream - own home.

When will the end of the transit through the 4th be? (I know, but I'm a Taurus Sun, Cap rising, need to know). Using every ounce of inner strength to hang on until own home. Difficult to describe in words how very badly I want and need this.
 

ashriia

Well-known member
ashriia: Thankyou for your advice. Done 20yrs personal dvlpmt incl assertiveness training. Sister is abusive, dominating, controlling, overbearing & overpowering. Parents complained of this also."She just takes over" they said. How to take control? Be assertive? Don't let her boss you around? How to not be a victim of her? Tried everything, doesn't work. She's constantly discussing our personal business with friends, even when mother told her not to. Extremely difficult just turns up whenever she likes,lazy boyfriend in tow, hasn't done a thing to help looking through belongings. Politely told him not to, she could see how upset I was about it, he refused, threatened to knock me out. She stood by smirking saying how wrong I was.

Feel the 'changes' are parents passing on, having to deal with what they physically left behind. The situation does change day to day (what have to do etc). I'm the same person. Hasn't changed me or my big life dream - own home.

When will the end of the transit through the 4th be? (I know, but I'm a Taurus Sun, Cap rising, need to know). Using every ounce of inner strength to hang on until own home. Difficult to describe in words how very badly I want and need this.

Hi again,

I know it's not easy having such a toxic relationship with a family member. But as with all abusive relationships of any kind. You have absolute power in how you react to the situation. That is yours. How she makes you feel, that is yours. You are not going to be able to change her, she is not going to be the way you would prefer her to be. So where the change need to takes place is in you, and your reactions.

So if it's in her nature to talk to much about personal/family business. Only tell her what she needs to know, and anything you would be uncomfortable with her sharing, don't tell her.

If she is not helping going through your parents belongings, so she doesn't help and you work on it alone as best you can. Don't expect anything of her, and you will not feel let down.

As for her boyfriend, he is in a house that belongs to you and your sister, going through your parent belongings, and threatens to knock you out. Oh-hell-No. You tell him to get out of your house, or you are going to call the police to throw him out. He is on your property, going through private property. You have every right to get the police involved, if you choose.

I am sure he will get the message then, as will your sister.

Best of luck to you.
 

Suze

Active member
Hello, When will the end of the transit through the 4th be Ashriia?

It is now 29/11/16; situation is no better. More and more problems to deal with each month. Absolutely no transformation within self at all. If anything, feel weaker and weaker as the unbearable weight of the problems becomes bigger and bigger.

At 42, I have not had even one good year yet in my life.
 

Sweet Pea

Well-known member
Hallo again

You do have 2 conflicting priorities going on here -

1. Top priority (it seems) GET AWAY FROM SISTER
2. Clear parents house and property slowly.

I do understand that you have medical problems and emotional issues around a "quick clearance" but it seems the solution to the most pressing and painful problem is to sort the house out quickly, thus releasing the cash to supply yourself with your own home.

Using the chart you've given which is the placidus house system, the ruler of your 3rd house of siblings is Uranus. Uranus is natally opposite Chiron in the 4th house (pain in family). Mars is also on your Descendant in Cancer (family), squaring Venus in 4th house. So the signs are in your chart that aggro with family will be part of your life. I wonder if any of your medical problems are inflammation-related, as that is Mars energy, and removing this source of stress could benefit you more than simply getting your own place to live.

In the middle of April, transiting Uranus (which has been hovering over your Chiron - the wound) in 4th house, will be opposing its natal self and I see that as a potentially fruitful time to release yourself from the sister and her boyfriend.

However, you may have to actively work with the energies, or else you will still be involved with your sister and sorting out the house. You may need to go full speed ahead with the house clearance in order to free yourself, otherwise how will the sister disappear from your life? Realistically, how can she?

The 4th house is ruled by Neptune and with it on the cusp of the 12th house it could well be your "undoing", the place where you feel helpless and you're sort of waiting for "fate" or the "movement of the planets into a better position" to be merciful, and rescue you from misery.

If the house is not cleared and sorted by then, then the opposition from transiting Uranus to natal Uranus could just make you feel even more upset and longing for freedom but unable to attain it. To avoid Uranus sending you some kind of curveball that extricates you from the situation (unknowable event), please take your own steps towards the freedom you so badly desire.

At exactly the same time (mid April), Neptune (ruler of 4th house - the home) will be transiting on your Jupiter. That could involve lawyers for a house sale. Jupiter is joy, good things, happiness. Jupiter can bring unexpected help with all things. But only if you've set the ball rolling. Otherwise, the combination of Neptune and Jupiter could just make you feel more helpless, more listless.

What you want is to 'invite' the universe to bring you the best of these 2 planets' transits, to make the changes that you want. If you don't, then the universe could make up its own mind how to present them to you.

You can also try to change your expectations as the universe brings us what we expect, how we typically visualise things happening. If you think it will take years to clear the house, sell the house, find a house for yourself, then years it may end up taking. Make a new visualisation. Cut photos out of magazines of houses you like the look of even if unaffordable. Make a compilation to show the universe what you're aiming for. Picture yourself moving in. Thank the universe for helping you out, as if the house was already there and was yours.

One good thing is that transiting Pluto (now at 15 Cap) is moving away from opposing your Mars in Cancer. Pluto does bring really difficult situations often involving power struggles and showing us a need to soften down or harden up, depending on our habitual use of our energies. If during the past year or so Pluto was also transiting to a difficult part of your sister's chart, then the movement of Pluto may just bring about a softening of her personality. Post her chart if you wish. Or she might have been having a progression involving Pluto. If you can, find the chart called "natal and progressed" and post it.
 
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Chillaxer

Well-known member
Ascednant ruler Venus in Fourth- home life affects the sense of self.

Mars in Cancer conjunct Descendant-

Conflict involving open enemies where make your home.

Saturn in Cancer in 6th- trials and delays in making a home effect well being.

This Saturn rules the 3rd house, so the above will serve your relationships with siblings.

Chiron in Aries 4th house- Conflicts and wounds/learning process in the home.

Your fourth house ruler is Neptune on the 11th/cusp of the 12th.
So your homelife may be the self undoing, or it may effect your dreams and getting where you want. As it's Pisces and Neptune there is vulnerability.

Your moon is Aqua in 2 so clearly you may need a lot of financial freedom and want to live free of people.

Nice trine with Uranus in 10th here suggesting career could help this(bit speculative that one)

As to when it ends.

Uranus has been going through your fourth house since, what 2009?
Totally consistent with all this home upheaval.

Chiron is going through your third and approaching the fourth.
Neptune is going through the third.

Chiron will potentially heal the sibling relationship and thenthe home situation, that said Neptune could mean you are working through your illusions and misperceptions/gullibility, regarding siblings(3rd house) followed
by family and home(4th)

You may want to look to when these planets enter Taurus online, to see when they are clear of these zones, but certainly Uranus should be clear in a few years.

I am going through similar transits with a Pisces fourth house and the upheaval has been large.
 

Suze

Active member
Thanks for your replies Sweat Pea & Chillaxer - it's helpful when others are going through similar transits.

One of the many difficulties in my situation, or as it's called in astrology, the 'learnings', is dealing with myths. 1950s attitudes about death still exist, amazing. One of them is "Parents died? You must get rid of their belongings ASAP!" You don't. Need to do it when suits you and you're ready. Both sister & I are busy, other things on besides this. We deserve our own lives (we'll have more of this when it's over); got to be when we're both available. Added to the complexity is few people have immediate family member with long term chronic illness - way more to do. Eg someone known to us, as close as you can get to our situation. 2 yrs on, only just begun. As mum said unless you're in someone's shoes, you just don't understand.

Doing it earlier than ready creates psychological damage. Also my health problems. Fully aware "if nothing changes, nothing changes." After 20 yrs of personal development there's no adages/suggestions I'm not aware of. Can't describe in words how beneficial slowly within reason is. Through the roof. It's also going to be physically and mentally draining. Also want to revel in it. Thrive in it. I will - can only be if slowly. Because - once the stuff is gone, heading towards end of era - like everything, good and bad times. In my case, more bad than good. No matter, fast or slow, we still have to go through everything together - whether it's fast forwarded 18 hr days or slower. In that way, no difference, just avoiding burnout.

On top of that, once the stuff it's gone, there's whether or not house will be sold. Another myth - I'm not financially better off by selling/getting parents' money. Wouldn't be using parent's funds to move away from sister, not enough. Would be using for day to day living expenses; I live off my savings. Won't be going on holiday. Don't really want to go into anymore detail re this; situation is what it is. Dealing with myths is difficult. Again, there's positives & negatives with everything. Poor, you appreciate things a lot more and are less wasteful.

Anyhow, I'm fully aware of all pro's & con's in fast/slow "going-though-the-stuff" don't think anymore discussion on that is necessary. Like I know everyone's trying to help, I've carefully considered it from all angles. Not possible for fast, don't want, end of story. Got to do what's best for me. Last couple of yrs has been even more hell than usual. Got to be kind to myself.

No need for lawyers, again positives with everything including being poor. I've already done the work to discover I can do it all myself. If we sell, time of huge emotion, great sadness, not joy - also bit different when the funds from the sale make no difference to either of our situations.

Another problem, by living parent's house, when she isn't there, I'm getting away from sister. If house sold, I'd be back renting room in sister's house until if/when (would take time) managed to leave. The stress of leaving, would be considerable too. Benefit of time btw the 2 huge things. Would do so by working on getting other income - can't work regular job due to health. Yes, health problems are inflammation related. Not responding to all kinds of medical treatment.

Also, if house sold, expect this will move things along i.e. contribute to sister dumping boyfriend, if so. Less reason to come to town (he lives there), less places for them to go/things to do - his bad points may become more noticeable to her.

I've been visualizing for decades, well before it became more known about, including cutting out pictures. That's why I've turned to astrology. Some things are meant to be and some are not going to happen no matter how long you visualize, and of course a great deal is up to you. Again, this is where 20 yrs of personal development comes in. You name it, I've tried it. Hence, interest in astrology.

I've noticed, the bigger the stuff going on, the harsher sister is. Another problem is, her job of 30yrs ended earlier on this yr. For her to get another job, big problem (no qualifications, skills etc). Will be very difficult for her, don't know how it'll work. Hope she doesn't take the difficulty out on me.

Thanks a lot for thinking of and working on my situation.
 

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Sweet Pea

Well-known member
Thank you for your feedback Suze, and I do see how this plan is working better for you, in an overall sense and especially the bit about using your parents' house to get away from your sister.

Your sister's chart is being afflicted currently by the transits of Jupiter and Saturn, quite opposite archetypes. Saturn is squaring her Sun, while Jupiter is inconjuncting it. Saturn can make people harsh and dictatorial.

In spite of no accurate birth time (I presume, as this is a noon chart), she's likely to have Moon in Scorpio and if you read up on that, many of her character traits will make sense - "Sister is abusive, dominating, controlling, overbearing & overpowering". Sun and Moon in water make for quite a lot of emotional issues. Moon is inconjunct Chiron in Aries (wounding to self-esteem, most likely, which makes her overcompensate) and Chiron is also opposite Jupiter/Uranus in Libra. Quite frictional, that!

On top of that, Mercury in Aquarius inconjunct Pluto, sextile Saturn, just has to be 'right' on every issue.

Looking at her progressions, progressed Sun is square (or approximating a square) to her Scorpio Moon which adds this Scorpio flavour to her basic approach to life for the duration of the progression. Sun progresses 1 degree per year. And on top of that, progressed Moon is square natal Moon, or thereabouts. Moon progresses 1 degree per month. Because we don't have her time of birth, her natal Moon placement can be a few degrees out, either way so these progressions are approximate. However, in view of the fact that you're coming out of a Pluto activation, the timings may be spot on to "reflect" Plutonic issues in your life, via your family. As you probably know, Pluto rules Scorpio.

Another issue is that progressed Mars is square natal Sun (approaching, but slowly). Mars can give great energy to accomplish a task, but obviously when 'let out' badly, it's conflict and self-assertion to the detriment of others.

Progressed Sun and Moon are both in aspect to progressed Chiron (green column), adding wounding issues to her life at this time.

Well, as I said higher up on this page, with Pluto moving away from activating your Mars in Cancer, I hope that things will calm down a little and you'll be able to get on with your tasks to a timeframe that suits you. Best of luck.
 

Suze

Active member
Hello
Since last posting, my sister's birth time may have been found (12.38pm, 8 March 1969, Echuca Victoria Australia). Her pretend boyfriend was living in his deceased' parents house. That has now been sold, last day 20 Dec 2019. He will then move in with us at my sister's house. Severely upsetting. I may lose storage space and carpark. He's born Jan or Feb, a yr younger than her. He's extremely lazy, hasn't worked in yrs. Hope this will be the beginning of the end for them as a 'couple.'?

We are going through our deceased parent's house. I'm thinking of selling; if I stay I'd have no life there due to limited opportunities. There is no funds from house sale/estate, it's a straight reimbursement of own money so far put into the situation due to the circumstances. I am not eligible for a loan of any kind nor can I afford to buy my own home in any area except for far out regional where there are no jobs/activities/etc. I'm not eligible for public housing, can't afford to rent, or live in a share house.

Thankyou, S
 
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