Let’s see if I remember what I wrote in its entirety, I’m writing them in word docs from now on, sigh…
I started with sharing a story of my life, the drifting, changing. This is the relativity of subjectivity of consciousness… it was the reality I know, I don’t know what other people’s realities were like, my reality was normal to me, I didn’t feel there was anything wrong with it. I remember one time I saw a movie, there was a scene stuck in my mind, it was the rumbles of some European city during world war II, the street was littered with debris and war, there was these young kids, during the few hours they were allowed to play outside, they were chasing each other around in draggy clothes and having fun. It’s like the movie “life is beautiful”, relativity of the subjective consciousness.
I accept fate as the Cosmo dealt us since we are the creation and not the creator, but I will be damned if I accept the fate of falling into the ignorance of man. Higher truth to me is the essence of light, and the bare honesty of darkness. As the “subject” of changes beyond our own control, people like us, when we grow up, there would be long period of reflection of the life we have lived. To me the ultimate motivation is self-love, it all started there, the beginning of the journey: self-love. I surrender myself to the higher truth and never the truth of man. It is the only way. That self-love is like a tank, once it’s filled it spills over to people close to us, people around us, humanity. It is also where I learned how to love, what love is. But the core is constant: an unwavering, permanent self-love, it will not steer us wrong. I told myself: if I cannot rid of the world bullies feeding on gentleness and kindness, I can stop being a bully to myself. It works, it is the ultimate first step. The healers of the five seas, including the ones here on this forum come to agreement with this wisdom: “pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice”.
This awakening It is a painful process, hard earned and long, first we have to get rid the lifelong habit of accepting the wrongs of man, and separate the lessons of the Cosmo, break the world as we know it, be vulnerable and be lost for a long long time, all the while learning who we truly are, and learn to listen to that voice within, and slowly, with many many allowance, baby steps, slowly that voice would get stronger, and louder, surer as it get closer to the Cosmic truth, the gift of love. It’s a hard earned process… no one is born with it.
As a double drifter ( being a Libra, being the agent of a chart full of wonderers), we are very well adapted to anything life can throw at us, at the fundamental level very little shakes us beyond moments, we are extremely adoptive to change. The other side of drifting is the tendency to be lost very easily, we fall into moments of the chaotic energy within, to me I found keep looking up while maintain a grounded grip of self-consciousness works to anchor me through these storms, the Cosmic law do not change. Another things is since we are so very sensitive to currents, I found the energy from people around us active us as well, close your eyes and feel what people around you bring out in you, sometimes they bring us doubt, some of them suck away our energy and joy, some of them make us bubble with imagination, some of them fill us with love, some make us feel safe to release our vulnerabilities… Nature has the same effect… they activate us. I found tapping into this gift of people and surrounding helps to channel our energies, sometimes when I find myself in anger, I would watch a comedian, let go everything on my heart and mind, open that big antenna within us and let that energy in, I would laugh and the anger is gone that instant. So long we don’t go look for it again, that moment has passed. That’s why I have a problem with people who won’t let go of moments, they don’t give us that space to adjust, then we would find ourselves trapped in a corner with unnecessary escalations. In these cases I learned to abandon and shut down if communication would not work. Self-love.
You are right on target about feeling the “positive” when flow with the energy, and feeling “depletion” when falling out of the river. We are Libras, Libra is the heart of Karma, so it makes karmic sense to me how the map would work in ones life. As free agent we make choices, but these choices when out sync with our own energy, it would show up as “problems” within our life choices, so the true path would be “solution” based, meaning once we get back on track, it would solve our life’s “problems”, as the creative astrologers put it here on the forum “it would repeat a theme”. If I were to give the example of a girl who would make the choice to express “love” within her energy, if she would be expressing it at the wrong corners, she would then simply be stripped of her energy and resources to express it any longer, where if that “wrong” corner would be the “right” corner for her, she would thrive, rather than whither there. She would “fit” that life because the rest of her energy would support her expression of love. Am I making sense? So looking at the truth path of life is also looking at solution to life as whole.
While I was walking with my seven yr old son in Death Valley out west during the winter, we run into a group of coyotes, they were hungry from winter deprivation, they looked at us with that deadly stare and stalked us slowly, although I know society as a place breeds insanity of all sorts, I know I need it, I was extremely grateful to society while we hoped in the car and drove away. I don’t look to destroy something with nothing better to replace it. So the path to me, is finding creative and imaginative ways to relate soulfully to society and man’s creation at large. I gather Charles Chapin probably felt the same when he took his battle to the Nazi’s to the big screen and laughters.