Matilde, Mrs. Invisible
I read the blog entry you posted. I was quite impressed with the beauty of your art and words. And I’m looking at your chart – just sitting here looking. They match!
To put your question in perspective, I think we need to look at the natal chart first, and then look at what’s happening in the transits and progressions over the last three years that might make this period especially troublesome. It’s all based upon the natal chart though and how current transits affect it.
First, I want to say that in an existential sense, most people don’t feel truly “seen” or “heard”. Sure, we have a social self – a mask that we wear in the world – but then we go home into our inner sanctuary where we know ourselves in a deeper sense. Many people don’t even share this deeper self in marriages or families. Artistic types as yourself, have a need to be seen more deeply, and it drives us to do artistic things that can express our deeper selves. One might say, the soul wants to be seen and for some people, it’s an urgent directive.
You have a good deal of very significant Libra in your chart. Libra Sun and Rising and then Libra South Node in the first house. Libra is the artist. The ruler of your entire chart is Venus, which is conjunct Jupiter in the 11th house – most important. The 11th house is the House of Community and the artist’s audience. You have an audience, whether you know it yet or not. J
You do have a little conflict with Venus in Virgo conjunct Jupiter in Leo, as these can be difficult to blend. But it isn’t impossible – especially if you can allow yourself to analyze and be constructively critical of your work without being too critical or self-doubting (Virgo). Jupiter in Leo will enhance creativity if you aren’t thinking too big or unrealistically. For a writer and artist, the blend can be excellent – to have some goal of perfection while being VERY (Jupiter) CREATIVE (Leo) – always pushing toward excellence in your creative projects. Your detailed art looks like a Virgo-Leo blend. But you need to know when to quit being analytical or critical and just let it rip. At some point, your intuition needs to be your guide in this Virgo-Leo blend – and it looks like you may already be good at this.
The Sun conjunct your ASC makes you REALLY want to be seen – to have that applause – to be known. It most likely also makes you physically active and quite social. Of course you want to do artistic things! And you do!
But then there’s the “wound” represented by the South Node in Libra, 1st house. The wound can be seen as a past life or an emotional pattern inherited through your ancestry. It works either way. We all have a wound. For you, it is connected with your sense of autonomy or independence and your need for relationship, or a wound to a relationship that has caused you difficulties. Again, Venus rules your South Node along with your Rising Sign and Sun. Again, Venus in Virgo conjunct Jupiter in Leo, poses a challenge. I’m guessing Venus may be more the culprit than Jupiter, because Venus doesn’t function well in Virgo. Venus is magnetic. It attracts. It consolidates. It pulls toward itself. But Virgo is all about details, details, details – it can get lost in looking at too many of them – it has a scattering effect. Jupiter in Leo may be a perfect balance. If it isn’t working as a balance for you, then this is where you could do some good conscious reflection. How can you make these two work well together? How can you make them work FOR YOU?
Another South Node question I’ll put to you is, does wanting others to see you stop you from being you? I mean, if you weren’t thinking about not being seen, what would you create right now? If you took the need to be seen out of the equation, what would you write about? Could you possibly simply draw upon some inner source and put it out there? The South Node challenge as I see it, is about learning to be yourself without the need for feedback – to recognize yourself from some inner place. Perhaps your art can be drawn from some place deep inside of you. What is it in you who wants to be seen? What wants to be seen?
Mercury in Scorpio in the 2nd house makes me wonder about how you see yourself. Mercury tends toward details too. It rules Virgo in fact. The second house is the house of money, but also the house of self-concept and self-worth. Mercury in the 2nd house could indicate making one’s living writing or doing art – sharing your perceptions. Scorpio is an investigator, a natural psychologist and unafraid of dark emotions. Yet, it is probably the most fearful sign in the zodiac. It is cautious in the social world. It doesn’t trust easily. It wants to stay hidden and tends toward a defensive posture. If you recognize that your mind can be fearful and less social than other parts of yourself, you may want to work toward positive Scorpio.
Mars in Sag in the 3rd house – another great indicator of you being a writer/artist. Sagittarius sees the big picture and the 3rd house – Gemini’s natural house – likes the details. They both like writing and publishing. Mars also rules your Aries North Node, which indicates the remedy for the South Node wound. Honor your individuality and independence (Aries) in relationship (7th house) – and do it by expressing yourself – communicating your natural passion – (Mars, 3rd house).
Capricorn Moon is dry and unemotional. The fourth house is the Moon’s natural house, where we are supposed to be attuned to emotions. This Capricorn moon doesn’t mean you don’t have emotions. It means that you tend to sweep them under the rug and keep a stiff upper lip. Yet, one’s emotions drive creativity and intuitive understanding. You have your Sun in such a prominent, strong position that I imagine you feel most aware of its driving force. But this Capricorn Moon can also contribute to that Mercury Scorpio feeling. Capricorn can be given to depression, to working hard at mundane things, to feeling extra-responsible for other people, for feeling like expressing oneself is selfish when you could be doing something more helpful for others. Yet, it can also help you dig deep within yourself to find your integrity and authenticity.
As someone else was saying on the forum – I believe Tim – that TR Pluto and Saturn are in Capricorn in a strong position conjunct your IC over these last three years. The Saturn-Pluto conjunction is coming up this January 2020. The IC is your deepest, most private self – and Pluto is asking you to evolve it. Since you natal Moon isn’t far from the TR Saturn – TR Pluto conjunction – it will be conjunct both TR Pluto and Saturn soon after. So you are asked to perhaps, pay attention to your emotional self (Moon in 4th) but also to learn to be less needing of feedback from others – to reach into your own authentic self and express from there. We all need feedback. We are social beings. But, for you, there is a need to work on your independence upon social feedback as it is the key to actually getting KNOWN and SEEN. It’s an odd situation. In order to get what you want – to be seen – you have to not want it.
But the good news is – looking at your chart – you can be assured of getting known and seen. Just stop wanting it. I know. Easier said than done. But this is good news. If you stop fighting what Pluto and Saturn are trying to tell you, it will stop feeling horrendous. Go within. Create what you feel. Stop being so focused on the details. Let it rip.