Emerging from a dark night of the soul and I could really use some advice

Short Report - Forecast August 2017 to January 2018
for Amy (female)
born on 30 March 1980 local time: 5:15 pm
in North Bay, ON (CAN) U.T.: 22:15
79w28, 46n19 sid. time: 05:30:55

Planetary positions
planet sign degree motion
Sun Aries 10°21'34 in house 7 direct
Moon Libra 2°40'43 in house 1 direct
Mercury Pisces 12°45'19 in house 6 direct
Venus Taurus 26°04'37 in house 9 direct
Mars Leo 26°07'41 in house 11 retrograde
Jupiter Virgo 1°18'33 in house 12 retrograde
Saturn Virgo 22°21'00 in house 12 retrograde
Uranus Scorpio 25°09'55 in house 3 retrograde
Neptune Sagittarius 22°39'55 in house 3 retrograde
Pluto Libra 20°40'59 in house 2 retrograde
True Node Leo 28°45'15 in house 11 retrograde

House positions (Placidus)
Ascendant Virgo 24°33'06
2nd House Libra 18°57'58
3rd House Scorpio 18°47'48
Imum Coeli Sagittarius 23°19'31
5th House Capricorn 28°18'21
6th House Aquarius 29°01'52
Descendant Pisces 24°33'06
8th House Aries 18°57'58
9th House Taurus 18°47'48
Medium Coeli Gemini 23°19'31
11th House Cancer 28°18'21
12th House Leo 29°01'52

Hi thank you for taking the time to read my post. Any advice right now would be really helpful. My life has fallen to pieces over the last two years, and though I feel like I am pulling out of it, I still feel really lost.

Two years ago I got really sick, I have not been able to keep a job because of it. It seems like the harder I push, the harder things get. I am a survivor, I am strong, and have always tried so hard to be positive. It is getting harder and harder to do.

I have started getting better over the past couple months, and I am getting stronger both physically and emotionally. I would really love some advice on where I'm am supposed to go in my life. How do I take the next step to getting a somewhat normal life back. I know I can get there I just need a little guidance.

You may likely get more responses if you create your chart at astro.com and upload here.

https://ibb.co/d1guMa
https://ibb.co/fow5SF

Hi Amy,

I have uploaded the resulting charts for your birth time to a site in case other posters want to open the links and look at them.

Yep, you are going through some rough stuff. Your progressed Sun crossed progressed Chiron 2 years ago and that transit might well have correlated with an illness - at the same time the progressed Ascendant went over progressed Pluto which is another very powerful transit.

To start with these two, Sun-Chiron is a kind of reworking of one's conscious identity, and falling in your 7th house I am guessed this was triggered through a relationship of some sort. Whatever happened it involved painful experiences from the past that were thrust into your life and had to be relived. At the same time Pluto crossing the Ascendant correlates with a complete reworking of one's personality as it is expressed to others so you probably feel there is a completely new you now as far as how you deal with people. This happened to coincide with transit Pluto squaring both progressed Pluto and the progressed Ascendant so you probably felt like fate was intruding into your life and forcing you to make some really big changes.

Saturn is currently causing problems for you as well as it is stationed square your natal Saturn and Ascendant, so things probably look especially hard and bleak at this time. The good news is that Saturn at least will remove itself from 21 Sag by two months from now so that influence will go away and you have a few months to recover before Pluto comes back to 19 Capricorn next spring.

The combination of Saturn and Pluto is a hard one because while the first one wants to nail things down the second wants to tear them to pieces - so you are equally driven to do both and it's probably taking all of your energy to try to keep this up. I don't know if I'm answering your question in a useful way but the best thing to do with this happening concurrently would be to try to let go of Saturn (if you are not pressured to work at the moment, postpone until later) and let Pluto do its thing as it's the one that will ultimately win out. I think you start seeing the more positive face of Pluto once Saturn moves out of orb in October.

Hi, Sansa.

I pulled up your chart. There's a lot going on there, but since you mentioned an illness and work I focused on your 6th house.

What I attempt to do is to identify the energies that triggered your illness and then be able to find a resolution.

Mercury at 12 Pisces 45 is the only 6th House planet. Aquarius is on the 6th House cusp ruled by Uranus. Uranus transited natal Mercury in 2006 (direct-retrograde-direct). Transiting Uranus opposed natal Saturn in 2009. Both transits may have opened a portal. It later conjuncted your Sun, coincidentally the ruler of your 12th, in February 2014. Check your calendar to see what was going on then. Inner planets may have triggered your illness the following year as they aspected 12 Pisces 45 in transit which Mercury did in March 2015.

Mercury loosely opposes or is challenged by retrograde Saturn in 12th. (Your 12th House ruler is Leo, and Sun is in 7th in Aires.)

Your dominant elements are Mutable Fire (Sagittarius) and Mutable Earth (Virgo). Your Ascendant is coincidentally also Virgo. Ruler of Virgo is Mercury. Natal Mercury is alone in your 6th. It's only aspect is an opposition to Natal retrograde Saturn in 12th with a wide orb of 9 degrees 35.

Back to Sagittarius. The Ruler of Sagittarius is Jupiter which is also retrograde in your 12th House. Jupiter rules your 4th house of Sagittarius. Natal Neptune conjuncts your 4th House cusp. Fourth House Neptune could signify an absent father (maybe always at work or maybe he left the nest or maybe he's strung out on drink or drugs). Could abandonment issues be subconsciously what caused your illness? Note that Saturn represents the father figure. The 12th house represents your shadow, the part of you that you suppressed for survival. You may have some deep seeded issues that you need to work through and heal to be physically healed. Retrograde Saturn in 12th is forcing you to deal with matters in order to heal them. You may be dealing with residue from past life conflicts with your father. Your illness may well be on the cellular level as past life residue is carried in cell memory. This may signify you have an autoimmune disease. It's important to note that the 12th house is the natural house of Pisces. Pisces has healing qualities. Note also that natal Mercury is in Pisces. You are meant to heal whatever this is from your past life. The ruler of Pisces is Neptune which conjuncts your 4th House cusp. There's a pattern here.

If any of this rings true, you might want to Google "Brian Weiss Past Life" for information on past life regression. If you have an autoimmune disease it's possible you were exposed to deadly chemicals in a war in a past life and your father in this life was your enemy in that life. If so you would probably benefit from past life regression therapy.

I hope this helps.

hi sansa

your Saturn is conjunct to Lilith on the ascendant and square to Neptune. this could show mysterious or misdiagnosed maladies. but it also shows this "weakness" is coming from your subconscious.

but what catches mu eye is you Jupiter at 1mirgo9, node at 28leo45,mars at 26leo8,venus at 26tau5 , Uranus at 25scopr10 and eros at 23tau58.

this pattern has been transited by the natal nodal axis beginning in april 26 and continuing thru sept 20. but period of june 12th to july 4 usually correlates with a extremely intense emotional/sexual relationship that suddenly appeared and then suddenly ends.

april 26th to may20 usually shows a new relationship that seemed to be headed for a marriage. but the following months turned into a breakup

burt you did not mention anything about a heart break ,which I see, in your post.

these symbols could also apply to the lost of employment the north node with Jupiter and natal north node can also be associated with other dimensional or other worldly feelings or experiences.

so it is hard to give advice when it is difficult understand what happened to you in particulars

rahu

Thank you so much, all of you. What you are saying makes so much sense. The event that I have always thought triggered my illness was an adult in my family bullying my daughter, it was at a family dinner, and though people spoke to me about it later saying they thought it was aweful, no one stood up for her, and I was attacked for saying it was wrong. I got sick very soon after that. I was raised in a very abusive family and it reminded me so much of my childhood.
I was diagnosed about six months ago with PTSD, and what most people don't know is when you have had it for a really long time you stop being able to produce cortisol properly. Cortisol is what keeps histamine in check, so it starts acting like an autoimmune disease.
Thankfully it is not all bad in my life. I have found chaga tea is able to keep my inflammation in check, and I am learning to control my stress levels with the help of a therapy horse Odin. I'm not all that well but I am getting better. All of this has definitely made the spiritual side of my life much more prominent. I am learning about my shamanic ancestry and I feel my self being pulled more and more in that direction.
The part about my dad being my enemy in a past life makes a whole lot of sense. I don't ever remember a time where he acted as though he liked me, let alone loved me. In a lot of ways I was the scape goat of my family growing up. I was the one people took their frustrations out on, especially my dad. He didn't hurt my brothers any where near as much as he hurt me. A big part of my emotional healing came when I was able to forgive him.
You all have given me a lot to think about. Thank you so very much.