ardentika
Well-known member
Encouraging post though..
Nothing seems to encourage you ,mate. Whatever I say or someone else, it's never enough or encouraging to you.
Encouraging post though..
Cause I'm hopeless and I see wall and mountains around me.
Fine,nothing else,all said and done then.
I choose nothing from the above,i don't know many people who have an issue and not willing to help their self.Suffering isn't a choice,whoever says that is out of real world,nobody choose to feel pain and suffer for a reason.
Maybe suffering is not a choice. But build some hope is one.
If it's the only exit door, you have to do it. Just start with your imagination. Imagine that it's possible, and you are able to change. The more you will think about it everyday and feed this idea, the more it will appears clears until it really exists
Well sometimes we gotta believe in yourself when no one else does. A lot of people don't socialize much for many different reasons. We all wear our crosses .Not much people believe in me,I don't receive trust I need.That's a reason I am alone and not socialize.
Your post was very inspirational thank you.I also wanted to say that energy is everything so people at your work are gonna be repulsed by your negative energy. It’s harsh but true, people are scared of depression cause it’s negative energy,it reminds them of something they’d rather not see in themselves. But cos it’s energy you can’t really take it personally when you feel negative energy back from people at work. That’s why it’s wortthwile putting in the effort and doing some inner healing because you really will see changes in how people respond to you cos you respond to yourself better. People can pick up on resentment and all sorts.
But yeah, I hope you pick up your guitar. Plus, I’ve thought this before, it you could actually be a comedian because your incessant depressed talk has its humour, which I’m sure is not lost on you either. It’s very dry, British humour. Just saying.
It’s not the only time you get rejected (when you become dependent on someone else) although that is true as well, and I do believe you have to take responsibility for yourself. But based on my experience, life and people can be a lot darker than that.
Without going on about my background, my depression started when I was a child because I was scapegoated by all my older family members because they couldn’t cope with losing their daughter/ wife (my mum). They abandoned and abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.
At work places, I’ve found women especially to be vultures. If they spot weakness, you become the scapegoat.
I’ve also found people willing to help me and sometimes they could help me but most of the time they couldn’t. I had to work it out for myself, this is what you were saying. But it’s also true what I said, that people will find you an easy scapegoat if you are already in a state of weakness.
Your perception of life seems to be that everyone is lovely. Well, because of the abuse my dad gave me, it left me open to finding other men who wanted to abuse me. That’s the nature of abuse, it becomes embedded in your psyche for years.
Most people can’t be bothered dealing with it because they have their own lives to get on with, so it was up to me to change it, but only once I was wise enough to understand the pattern of what was happening.
It doesn’t even need to be as extreme as abuse, if someone has a manipulative and cruel personality, and I am programmed to blame myself because of my upbringing, then I still find little games being played by people to harm me subtly and the person can literally hide what they’re doing.
There’s a lot of darkness in this world.
Have you never met people who have an outwardly social personality but are cruel underneath? Or not even as extreme as cruel, most people are idiots and only care about themselves and will make life hard for you because you’re perceived as a threat or because they try to make you the weak one so they can be the strong one. It’s kinda sick when you look beneath the surface.
I stopped perceiving people long ago as cruel or manipulative because I realized perceiving someone that way instantly gives away my power. I always assume good intentions , if that doesn't live up to my standard I just put boundaries and move on with my life.
I don't feel manipulated nor abused because I take responsibility for my choices that put me in this situation .
Yes, I've encountered a lot of not so pleasant people, I used to be easily manipulated and abused. Now I just give people a chance to prove me they are as good as I see them . In the end we are all human. If someone fails I perceive them as hurt ,someone who carries their own pain and projects it on people and as I said I just wish them well and move on with my life. It's easier said than done, but once you work enough on yourself to be in full power it becomes.quite easy.
Why did you stop perceiving people that way though? I think that’s dangerous in itself but a lot of people do it, it’s like as soon as they’ve entered a more positive phase they want to forget about the dark and then what happens is they blame people in darkness as if it’s a choice.
Btw, I want to clarify something - I have such a soft heart that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so it’s actually necessary for me to take a step back and look at the underlying motives behind somebody. So I always will still believe in humanity but I have developed a healthy distrust. The shadow side definitely continues to exist, it doesn’t mean you need to forget about it in order to be happy.
So I would actually see me having depression or experiencing abuse as a type of soul growth lesson, to go from a naive, dependent soul and moving towards seeing the undercurrent of humanity. It’s a bit of a harsh way to teach a soul but I guess Saturn or Pluto isn’t all about fluffy teddy bear lessons.
I stopped perceiving them that way because I believe what we see in others is what we carry ourselves. I'm not manipulative nor have Ill intentions hence why I don't see people like that. I haven't had bad experience ever since j made that choice so I wouldn't call it dangerous . Nothing can hurt.me as long as I allow it to.
I have Pluto conjunct Jupiter squaring Saturn and Mars. So yeah, not an easy lesson.
Thing is, just because you aren’t manipulative, doesn’t mean other people aren’t. If your view of the world really worked then there would be no victims. Just because you don’t have bad intentions doesn’t mean no one else does...anyway, whatever.
I know, all I'm saying is I don't meet these people anymore. Call it law of attraction or whatever but it works. You can call me naive or stupid ,but I believe our perception is exactly that powerful.
So what will you do when evil knock on your door? Don’t get me wrong, using the power of positivity is a very useful tool but I think you should also seek to balance it. Look how easily you assumed I was still in a negative frame of mind just because I was talking about seeing the darkness still. However, this conversation has made me realise how much I’ve improved on both the darkness and the light inside me. So I’ll happy to be balanced and not just an angel of light all the time. The darkness isn’t for everyone, it reminds of oh in Harry Potter how people were scared to mention Voldemort and called him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named instead.
You don't need to tell me about Saturn squares alright.As you see I'm not alone with similar issues,but it's super hard to deal with chronic loneliness and chronic insecurities,you try to recover,you dissapoint,then you feel lost,damnation.
And when you have to deal with Saturn,squares etc,even worst.