Struggling in every possible area.

ardentika

Well-known member
Cause I'm hopeless and I see wall and mountains around me.

Well then prepare for a long and shitty life. No one can change your perspective but you. No amount of healing or astrology will help your stubborness. You just want to be miserable. Thats fine, thats a way of life too.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
Fine,nothing else,all said and done then.

That's the harsh reality. We chose our own perspective and no one can help us with that. Just because you chose to have a grim perspective doesn't mean you won't have happy moments. It means you might not appreciate them or enjoy them as much . There is no magical cure to remove your unhealthy look of life. You need to find your own philisophy and find your own happiness within. Astrology can help with that if you were the least bit willing to help yourself but you are so stubborn and this will be your downfall . It always is with people who have south node in 2nd.
Life is short. You can spend the rest of it being depressed and ungrateful ,or learn to be great full for the small things in life. Because life will find ways to crush your ego. Pain is inevitable ,suffering is a choice.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
I choose nothing from the above,i don't know many people who have an issue and not willing to help their self.Suffering isn't a choice,whoever says that is out of real world,nobody choose to feel pain and suffer for a reason.

I know but suffering is still a choice. I hope you feel better soon.
 

three M symbols

Well-known member
Maybe suffering is not a choice. But build some hope is one.

If it's the only exit door, you have to do it. Just start with your imagination. Imagine that it's possible, and you are able to change. The more you will think about it everyday and feed this idea, the more it will appears clears until it really exists
 

ardentika

Well-known member
Maybe suffering is not a choice. But build some hope is one.

If it's the only exit door, you have to do it. Just start with your imagination. Imagine that it's possible, and you are able to change. The more you will think about it everyday and feed this idea, the more it will appears clears until it really exists

I couldn't have said it better thank you. This is so true . All great change always happens with a little belief and imagination. And something you don't need to believe yourself. You need to believe someone who believes in you.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
Not much people believe in me,I don't receive trust I need.That's a reason I am alone and not socialize.
Well sometimes we gotta believe in yourself when no one else does. A lot of people don't socialize much for many different reasons. We all wear our crosses .
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
Depression *****. I try to build a life for myself once circumstances allow, even if it’s only a temporary relief from a life characterised by depression. There’s a whole meaning behind the universe that gives me some fuel, as in, there’s a lesson of soul growth behind the suffering, and if there is no such lesson, at least it will be over and I will be a spirit once again. But really, while I’m here, I want to prove my enemies wrong, those people who made me depressed in the first place. I want to forgive them and love myself and find peace. If not, then at least I tried. The good thing about depression is it humbles you, especially when it takes away your ability to be involved in a happy life, so even being happy for a few weeks or months at a time or returning to a previous state of health, is success enough. Plus, if you stand up and keep reaching for that goal post, then others may be effected by your story and get strength from it, even it’s just to say ‘well if that broken machine can still run then so can I.’ Maybe that becomes our purpose, and we win, by keeping going. Thing is, it’s so easy to half *** it and keep going but not put the full effort in and so not really try it live at all. That’s not trying though, I’m aiming for peace which depression has given me great determination to aim for, and the icing on the cake would be to actually have fun once in a while. Fuk everything else, there’s no room for ego when you’re constantly on your last legs.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I also wanted to say that energy is everything so people at your work are gonna be repulsed by your negative energy. It’s harsh but true, people are scared of depression cause it’s negative energy,it reminds them of something they’d rather not see in themselves. But cos it’s energy you can’t really take it personally when you feel negative energy back from people at work. That’s why it’s wortthwile putting in the effort and doing some inner healing because you really will see changes in how people respond to you cos you respond to yourself better. People can pick up on resentment and all sorts.

But yeah, I hope you pick up your guitar. Plus, I’ve thought this before, it you could actually be a comedian because your incessant depressed talk has its humour, which I’m sure is not lost on you either. It’s very dry, British humour. Just saying.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
I also wanted to say that energy is everything so people at your work are gonna be repulsed by your negative energy. It’s harsh but true, people are scared of depression cause it’s negative energy,it reminds them of something they’d rather not see in themselves. But cos it’s energy you can’t really take it personally when you feel negative energy back from people at work. That’s why it’s wortthwile putting in the effort and doing some inner healing because you really will see changes in how people respond to you cos you respond to yourself better. People can pick up on resentment and all sorts.

But yeah, I hope you pick up your guitar. Plus, I’ve thought this before, it you could actually be a comedian because your incessant depressed talk has its humour, which I’m sure is not lost on you either. It’s very dry, British humour. Just saying.
Your post was very inspirational thank you.

However, I don't fully agree that people are repulsed because they don't want to see it in themselves. It's not that . I've found the best people when j was depressed , who helped me a lot. But I has to be vulnerable and open and they accepted me. The only time you would get rejected is when you become dependant on someone else for your state and happiness . That will never go well. No person can handle someone constantly crying on their shoulder and demanding their attention and help. We have to be self sufficient if we want to truly enjoy connections. No one likes the Debby downer. I speak from experience because I've been in both places.

I think it was exactly that way of thinking that used to depress me even more. That everyone else is happy and I'm not. That I'm the only one who deals with those stuff. I was separating myself from humanity . Vulnerability taught me this is not true. I realized 90% of the people I know are going through the same things.depressiom , anxiety, lack of self worth. But everyone is dealing with it in their own way. And that helped me see I wasn't "special " not broken, but just a normal person.

I think it's the lack of vulnerability that causes us to feel denied and rejected because we ourselves reject the world.

It took me a few years of self work to accept who I am and be able to joke about it. Being vulnerable with people is what helped me deal with it. And I think that's a major theme with NN in Scorpio or in 8th house.

Now I've just developed coping mechanisms that are healthy for me, and specifically watch carefully my taught process when something bad happens . Life isn't always great and often times is hard, and everyone goes through it. It's silly to think some have it harder than other since ita all a perspective .

You can see a person who is actually struggling with 2 jobs trying to survive but for them it might not be a struggle. They might be happy and grateful .
You can see a rich kid who has it all and is insanely miserable.

Life is that colorful and we all need to stay in our Lane and look at ourselves to find our own happiness and not compare ourselves to other people because things are never as they seem.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
It’s not the only time you get rejected (when you become dependent on someone else) although that is true as well, and I do believe you have to take responsibility for yourself. But based on my experience, life and people can be a lot darker than that.

Without going on about my background, my depression started when I was a child because I was scapegoated by all my older family members because they couldn’t cope with losing their daughter/ wife (my mum). They abandoned and abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.

At work places, I’ve found women especially to be vultures. If they spot weakness, you become the scapegoat.

I’ve also found people willing to help me and sometimes they could help me but most of the time they couldn’t. I had to work it out for myself, this is what you were saying. But it’s also true what I said, that people will find you an easy scapegoat if you are already in a state of weakness.

Your perception of life seems to be that everyone is lovely. Well, because of the abuse my dad gave me, it left me open to finding other men who wanted to abuse me. That’s the nature of abuse, it becomes embedded in your psyche for years.

Most people can’t be bothered dealing with it because they have their own lives to get on with, so it was up to me to change it, but only once I was wise enough to understand the pattern of what was happening.

It doesn’t even need to be as extreme as abuse, if someone has a manipulative and cruel personality, and I am programmed to blame myself because of my upbringing, then I still find little games being played by people to harm me subtly and the person can literally hide what they’re doing.

There’s a lot of darkness in this world.

Have you never met people who have an outwardly social personality but are cruel underneath? Or not even as extreme as cruel, most people are idiots and only care about themselves and will make life hard for you because you’re perceived as a threat or because they try to make you the weak one so they can be the strong one. It’s kinda sick when you look beneath the surface.
 
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ardentika

Well-known member
It’s not the only time you get rejected (when you become dependent on someone else) although that is true as well, and I do believe you have to take responsibility for yourself. But based on my experience, life and people can be a lot darker than that.

Without going on about my background, my depression started when I was a child because I was scapegoated by all my older family members because they couldn’t cope with losing their daughter/ wife (my mum). They abandoned and abused me emotionally and sometimes physically.

At work places, I’ve found women especially to be vultures. If they spot weakness, you become the scapegoat.

I’ve also found people willing to help me and sometimes they could help me but most of the time they couldn’t. I had to work it out for myself, this is what you were saying. But it’s also true what I said, that people will find you an easy scapegoat if you are already in a state of weakness.

Your perception of life seems to be that everyone is lovely. Well, because of the abuse my dad gave me, it left me open to finding other men who wanted to abuse me. That’s the nature of abuse, it becomes embedded in your psyche for years.

Most people can’t be bothered dealing with it because they have their own lives to get on with, so it was up to me to change it, but only once I was wise enough to understand the pattern of what was happening.

It doesn’t even need to be as extreme as abuse, if someone has a manipulative and cruel personality, and I am programmed to blame myself because of my upbringing, then I still find little games being played by people to harm me subtly and the person can literally hide what they’re doing.

There’s a lot of darkness in this world.

Have you never met people who have an outwardly social personality but are cruel underneath? Or not even as extreme as cruel, most people are idiots and only care about themselves and will make life hard for you because you’re perceived as a threat or because they try to make you the weak one so they can be the strong one. It’s kinda sick when you look beneath the surface.

I stopped perceiving people long ago as cruel or manipulative because I realized perceiving someone that way instantly gives away my power. I always assume good intentions , if that doesn't live up to my standard I just put boundaries and move on with my life.

I don't feel manipulated nor abused because I take responsibility for my choices that put me in this situation .

Yes, I've encountered a lot of not so pleasant people, I used to be easily manipulated and abused. Now I just give people a chance to prove me they are as good as I see them . In the end we are all human. If someone fails I perceive them as hurt ,someone who carries their own pain and projects it on people and as I said I just wish them well and move on with my life. It's easier said than done, but once you work enough on yourself to be in full power it becomes.quite easy.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I stopped perceiving people long ago as cruel or manipulative because I realized perceiving someone that way instantly gives away my power. I always assume good intentions , if that doesn't live up to my standard I just put boundaries and move on with my life.

I don't feel manipulated nor abused because I take responsibility for my choices that put me in this situation .

Yes, I've encountered a lot of not so pleasant people, I used to be easily manipulated and abused. Now I just give people a chance to prove me they are as good as I see them . In the end we are all human. If someone fails I perceive them as hurt ,someone who carries their own pain and projects it on people and as I said I just wish them well and move on with my life. It's easier said than done, but once you work enough on yourself to be in full power it becomes.quite easy.

Why did you stop perceiving people that way though? I think that’s dangerous in itself but a lot of people do it, it’s like as soon as they’ve entered a more positive phase they want to forget about the dark and then what happens is they blame people in darkness as if it’s a choice.

Btw, I want to clarify something - I have such a soft heart that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so it’s actually necessary for me to take a step back and look at the underlying motives behind somebody. So I always will still believe in humanity but I have developed a healthy distrust. The shadow side definitely continues to exist, it doesn’t mean you need to forget about it in order to be happy.

So I would actually see me having depression or experiencing abuse as a type of soul growth lesson, to go from a naive, dependent soul and moving towards seeing the undercurrent of humanity. It’s a bit of a harsh way to teach a soul but I guess Saturn or Pluto isn’t all about fluffy teddy bear lessons.
 
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ardentika

Well-known member
Why did you stop perceiving people that way though? I think that’s dangerous in itself but a lot of people do it, it’s like as soon as they’ve entered a more positive phase they want to forget about the dark and then what happens is they blame people in darkness as if it’s a choice.

Btw, I want to clarify something - I have such a soft heart that I always give people the benefit of the doubt, so it’s actually necessary for me to take a step back and look at the underlying motives behind somebody. So I always will still believe in humanity but I have developed a healthy distrust. The shadow side definitely continues to exist, it doesn’t mean you need to forget about it in order to be happy.

So I would actually see me having depression or experiencing abuse as a type of soul growth lesson, to go from a naive, dependent soul and moving towards seeing the undercurrent of humanity. It’s a bit of a harsh way to teach a soul but I guess Saturn or Pluto isn’t all about fluffy teddy bear lessons.

I stopped perceiving them that way because I believe what we see in others is what we carry ourselves. I'm not manipulative nor have Ill intentions hence why I don't see people like that. I haven't had bad experience ever since j made that choice so I wouldn't call it dangerous . Nothing can hurt.me as long as I allow it to.

I have Pluto conjunct Jupiter squaring Saturn and Mars. So yeah, not an easy lesson.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I stopped perceiving them that way because I believe what we see in others is what we carry ourselves. I'm not manipulative nor have Ill intentions hence why I don't see people like that. I haven't had bad experience ever since j made that choice so I wouldn't call it dangerous . Nothing can hurt.me as long as I allow it to.

I have Pluto conjunct Jupiter squaring Saturn and Mars. So yeah, not an easy lesson.

Thing is, just because you aren’t manipulative, doesn’t mean other people aren’t. If your view of the world really worked then there would be no victims. Just because you don’t have bad intentions doesn’t mean no one else does...anyway, whatever.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
Thing is, just because you aren’t manipulative, doesn’t mean other people aren’t. If your view of the world really worked then there would be no victims. Just because you don’t have bad intentions doesn’t mean no one else does...anyway, whatever.

I know, all I'm saying is I don't meet these people anymore. Call it law of attraction or whatever but it works. You can call me naive or stupid ,but I believe our perception is exactly that powerful.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I know, all I'm saying is I don't meet these people anymore. Call it law of attraction or whatever but it works. You can call me naive or stupid ,but I believe our perception is exactly that powerful.

So what will you do when evil knock on your door? Don’t get me wrong, using the power of positivity is a very useful tool but I think you should also seek to balance it. Look how easily you assumed I was still in a negative frame of mind just because I was talking about seeing the darkness still. However, this conversation has made me realise how much I’ve improved on both the darkness and the light inside me. So I’ll happy to be balanced and not just an angel of light all the time. The darkness isn’t for everyone, it reminds of oh in Harry Potter how people were scared to mention Voldemort and called him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named instead.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
So what will you do when evil knock on your door? Don’t get me wrong, using the power of positivity is a very useful tool but I think you should also seek to balance it. Look how easily you assumed I was still in a negative frame of mind just because I was talking about seeing the darkness still. However, this conversation has made me realise how much I’ve improved on both the darkness and the light inside me. So I’ll happy to be balanced and not just an angel of light all the time. The darkness isn’t for everyone, it reminds of oh in Harry Potter how people were scared to mention Voldemort and called him He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named instead.

I don't think the world is as black and white as you present it. Also I don't think "evil" will knock on my door. I don't know what you perceive as evil tbh.

When you are in a certain state there isn't only light and darkness. They both exist simultaneously which gives you the understanding that sometimes "evil" is necessary and you just don't take it personally but take it as a lesson and a challenge. I did not assume anything about your state, everyone has a different perspective on life that produces different results .

Just because I'm so positive doesn't mean I don't encouter challenging people or situations or that j don't get "played". We can never fully protect ourselves from negative influences , all that matters is how we perceive them.

Yin and Yang represent light and darkness, however combined together they are a symbol of balance where none is good or bad,just is.
 

ardentika

Well-known member
As you see I'm not alone with similar issues,but it's super hard to deal with chronic loneliness and chronic insecurities,you try to recover,you dissapoint,then you feel lost,damnation.

And when you have to deal with Saturn,squares etc,even worst.
You don't need to tell me about Saturn squares alright. :D

I have a t square from all malefics plus Jupiter. If I can deal with it, so can you. Whatever it takes. Even if it means to numb yourself and care less.
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
Ardentika I think it is you seeing things in black and white, however your last reply to me seems to be more on the same page as what I’ve been tying to tell you, so perhaps our communication wires have been crossed.

Nightfall, I didn’t mean to highjack your thread with my own personal story, but once you get into the swing of turning your life around, it can be a lot of fun. I don’t think the loneliness every leaves us tho.
 
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