Probably my most honest post yet. I just want to say that this forum does me a lot of good and I hope you are all doing well wherever you are in the world. One love to all.
~~I’ve been having this experience where I keep seeing myself in people... (my whole life) my characteristics, and I switch between loving and hating them. It’s a projection. they will do something that aggravates me and I verbalise it. It annoys me how much, in close relationships, some of these people can get under my skin. Very 8th house mercury-mars type characters that they turn out to be ... but please do not be mistaken, I DO NOT actively seek this. I suppose eventually they show me my Pluto. it’s truly getting to me. Hurting me a lot.
I'm starting to believe that these people are just showing me the hate I have for myself... but why do I keep going back to them? reinforcing this pain? I can hold so much hate for many ppl I’ve had particularly intimate relationship with, I tell myself to let it go, it will crop up when they show me something else and then I’ll think to myself, I can see myself in them, they’re not that bad, just got issues. Then I hate them again. But I don’t want them to leave my life.
In my intimate relationships, it truly does get to me. I feel so undervalued and disposable. They try and compete with me (and me with them as an effort to maintain my identity) and keep an upper hand, when all I want, deep down, is peace.
Another thing I notice is i can relate to people due to the way I was raised eg. acceptance of certain things like thievery but I do not trust these people and don’t let them in emotionally. But it’s what I know and feel comfortable around the mindset, I suppose.
The boundaries blur (codependent) and being around people I see family members, my parents and 'myself' in as I keep saying. though I have vision and drive that these people focus into the 8th house matters or anywhere, for that matter. Opportunistic. It’s not who I am, but it’s what I know best. so do I really see myself? I think I see my darker side, the side they will act out without any qualms. I can be bitter to an extent. A suppose a part of me want to be as reckless as that, not care as much about my focuses and take what I can.
In my conscious thoughts, I’m angry, upset and hurt that I do this to myself. With my Pluto in the 3rd I can verbalise my thoughts (when I'm switching between love and hate) and it doesn't do me any justice...
~~I’ve been having this experience where I keep seeing myself in people... (my whole life) my characteristics, and I switch between loving and hating them. It’s a projection. they will do something that aggravates me and I verbalise it. It annoys me how much, in close relationships, some of these people can get under my skin. Very 8th house mercury-mars type characters that they turn out to be ... but please do not be mistaken, I DO NOT actively seek this. I suppose eventually they show me my Pluto. it’s truly getting to me. Hurting me a lot.
I'm starting to believe that these people are just showing me the hate I have for myself... but why do I keep going back to them? reinforcing this pain? I can hold so much hate for many ppl I’ve had particularly intimate relationship with, I tell myself to let it go, it will crop up when they show me something else and then I’ll think to myself, I can see myself in them, they’re not that bad, just got issues. Then I hate them again. But I don’t want them to leave my life.
In my intimate relationships, it truly does get to me. I feel so undervalued and disposable. They try and compete with me (and me with them as an effort to maintain my identity) and keep an upper hand, when all I want, deep down, is peace.
Another thing I notice is i can relate to people due to the way I was raised eg. acceptance of certain things like thievery but I do not trust these people and don’t let them in emotionally. But it’s what I know and feel comfortable around the mindset, I suppose.
The boundaries blur (codependent) and being around people I see family members, my parents and 'myself' in as I keep saying. though I have vision and drive that these people focus into the 8th house matters or anywhere, for that matter. Opportunistic. It’s not who I am, but it’s what I know best. so do I really see myself? I think I see my darker side, the side they will act out without any qualms. I can be bitter to an extent. A suppose a part of me want to be as reckless as that, not care as much about my focuses and take what I can.
In my conscious thoughts, I’m angry, upset and hurt that I do this to myself. With my Pluto in the 3rd I can verbalise my thoughts (when I'm switching between love and hate) and it doesn't do me any justice...
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