feel like I'm going to be alone forever
- Thread starter Mirage
- Start date
craft94
Well-known member
I'm younger than you (21) but I can relate. I don't really know what to say other than we have similar placements: Mercury and Venus both in retrograde, stellium in the 6th house. These aren't exactly the best placements for socializing. Venus in retrograde can bring about a lack of social graces and a different way of doing romance, maybe some self esteem issues regarding the topic, and Mercury in retrograde can bring cause communication problems. And yet, our Suns are both in air signs so socializing is important to us! What are we going to do?
I can't predict your future if I can't even predict my own. Maybe someone else can, but I can predict what you might be looking for in a partner or friend and I can also get a sense of what issues you may have that are getting in the way of this.
I can't predict your future if I can't even predict my own. Maybe someone else can, but I can predict what you might be looking for in a partner or friend and I can also get a sense of what issues you may have that are getting in the way of this.
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thank you craft94, yes i have communication problems, first because i'm a transgender and second because i see the world differently from other people here where i live, i'm introvert anyway and i really enjoy to be alone,it's okey to have no friend but without love i can't be happy, inside me i'm vey sad and empty, i really want to meet my soulmate and I'm really afraid that this not gonna happen..
you said that you can predict what i might be looking for in a partner, so "yes please" ! tell me
you said that you can predict what i might be looking for in a partner, so "yes please" ! tell me
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waybread
Well-known member
Mirage, I don't see any reason why you can't have a loving relationship and have friends-- provided you can let go of some self-defeating behaviours.
Mercury and Venus retrograde do give a kind of turning inward, but then there are a lot of people out there who prefer someone with a quiet, non-abrasive personality.
With so much Gemini in your chart, you might-- deep down-- be afraid of being tied down. Part of you might long for a commitment, yet part of you might fear feeling suffocated. Then with Saturn opposite your sun-Venus-Mercury, you take to heart any negativity from others that you receive-- or think you receive. Chiron in the mix adds a lot of feeling not-right with the world.
So you must first of all learn to love yourself. If that seems to be too strong, let go of the self-blame and self-doubt. Have the OK life, the good-enough life.
It's hard to attract someone if you project a lot of need. It's easier when you project feeling good in your skin because you like who you are.
If you believe that being transgender is a problem where you live now, can you move to a more liberal city where your identity will be better accepted?
A 6th-12th house axis has been defined as a "serve or suffer" lifetime. The 12th deals with people who are misfortunate in some way; and the 6th, with ill health. The 6th house also rules small animals. If you can volunteer or work in a hospital, animal shelter, or in social services, with your focus on people who are also lonely and hurting, I think you can turn your life around.
Start giving out love in a quiet, non demonstrative way to everyone who comes your way-- a smile, a kind word, an acknowledgement.
Mercury and Venus retrograde do give a kind of turning inward, but then there are a lot of people out there who prefer someone with a quiet, non-abrasive personality.
With so much Gemini in your chart, you might-- deep down-- be afraid of being tied down. Part of you might long for a commitment, yet part of you might fear feeling suffocated. Then with Saturn opposite your sun-Venus-Mercury, you take to heart any negativity from others that you receive-- or think you receive. Chiron in the mix adds a lot of feeling not-right with the world.
So you must first of all learn to love yourself. If that seems to be too strong, let go of the self-blame and self-doubt. Have the OK life, the good-enough life.
It's hard to attract someone if you project a lot of need. It's easier when you project feeling good in your skin because you like who you are.
If you believe that being transgender is a problem where you live now, can you move to a more liberal city where your identity will be better accepted?
A 6th-12th house axis has been defined as a "serve or suffer" lifetime. The 12th deals with people who are misfortunate in some way; and the 6th, with ill health. The 6th house also rules small animals. If you can volunteer or work in a hospital, animal shelter, or in social services, with your focus on people who are also lonely and hurting, I think you can turn your life around.
Start giving out love in a quiet, non demonstrative way to everyone who comes your way-- a smile, a kind word, an acknowledgement.
craft94
Well-known member
With the Descendant in Cancer, you're probably looking for someone who you feel safe with, someone who you feel at home with. You want a partner who feels like "family" to you. You probably want someone more introverted rather than a big partier. Maybe someone with Cancerian qualities - nurturing, sensitive, protective, etc. - but not necessarily a Cancer Sun. All that Gemini might counteract certain aspects.
The Gemini, especially the Gemini moon and I guess Venus too, makes me think that you feel most comfortable, most "at home" around people who you can talk to about anything and everything. Someone with a mind, rather than just a hot body or whatever. You probably need a great deal of freedom but people don't seem to understand: you can still have that within the context of a committed relationship. If you're with the right person, they'll accept you for who you are and give you their space when need be.
Chiron conjunct the Descendant (though I'm a different sign) makes me think relationships (or the lack of) cause a great deal of pain for you, but I also feel like this is a good aspect to find in a therapist..
Maybe you're attracted to people with wounds or understand your wounds or maybe you're looking for a partner whose able to "heal" you. Like Waybread said, it's best to work on yourself first. People are generally attracted to those who are confident and run away from people who they perceive as "needy". Problem is its easier said than done, because it turns into a neverending cycle. If nobody loves you, or people are constantly criticizing you, it's hard not to internalize that, but at the same time too much of that internalization can turn people away even further. It's difficult.
The Gemini, especially the Gemini moon and I guess Venus too, makes me think that you feel most comfortable, most "at home" around people who you can talk to about anything and everything. Someone with a mind, rather than just a hot body or whatever. You probably need a great deal of freedom but people don't seem to understand: you can still have that within the context of a committed relationship. If you're with the right person, they'll accept you for who you are and give you their space when need be.
Chiron conjunct the Descendant (though I'm a different sign) makes me think relationships (or the lack of) cause a great deal of pain for you, but I also feel like this is a good aspect to find in a therapist..
Maybe you're attracted to people with wounds or understand your wounds or maybe you're looking for a partner whose able to "heal" you. Like Waybread said, it's best to work on yourself first. People are generally attracted to those who are confident and run away from people who they perceive as "needy". Problem is its easier said than done, because it turns into a neverending cycle. If nobody loves you, or people are constantly criticizing you, it's hard not to internalize that, but at the same time too much of that internalization can turn people away even further. It's difficult.
Waybread, I can not thank you enough for this, you are completely right, i like animals, i was a nurse and i hate myself and my body, and i'm very sensitive any negative act or word go straight into my heard, no wonder i have severe social anxiety, no one understand me here, i can't even tell my parents about who i'm, this make me feel depressed, lonely and desperately wanted to be feel accepted and loved, so i let others used me and dumped me, i really feel guilty over all of my past relationships and friendships, i hurt no one but myself and now i try to protect myself to never get hurt again.
6 years and i'm still single, i can't find the "right guy" who i meant to be with, he seems not exist or at least he is not from here, please tell me what i have to do ? i mean is there anything about travel or meeting a foreign partner for exemple, sorry if i'm stupid, i'm really confuse and Thank you once again for your time
6 years and i'm still single, i can't find the "right guy" who i meant to be with, he seems not exist or at least he is not from here, please tell me what i have to do ? i mean is there anything about travel or meeting a foreign partner for exemple, sorry if i'm stupid, i'm really confuse and Thank you once again for your time
Charon
Member
I'm going to echo what Waybread said and my advice to you would be to focus more on your acceptance of yourself then on trying to find a soulmate to complete you. This is sound advice for anyone really, but in your case and especially at this time it is of extreme importance for yourself to come to terms with who you are. With Uranus being involved in your Saturn transit this upcoming year is gonna be pretty restless for you and you will be feeling more and more restricted by the environment and it will be important for you to find some kind of outlet for this energy that will be building inside of you, as it will represent a health risk if you simply repress it. A career change may not be a bad idea, or perhaps just being more involved in charitable work where you can feel like you are being of service to others in need.
Looking at Chiron on the chart and seeing as how it is directly related to your father via both the sun and Saturn, I would also suggest maybe it's time to seek therapy (or go back to therapy) to help you work through the issues with your father. If you've already tried going to a psychologist and it hasn't worked for you then maybe seek other types of therapy. With Neptune in the first house perhaps beginning some sort of spiritual path is not a bad idea, considering it is aspected with Pluto in the 11th and Mars in the 3rd perhaps also getting involved with some type of group therapy would be effective for you. Have you tried looking into transgender support groups? Perhaps getting involved with such a group and eventually becoming some sort of counselor for fellow transgenders would be a way for you to feel more connected to others and finally find some type of social structure wherein you can finally feel like you are accepted and esteemed by your peers.
Anyway, whatever you decide to do the important thing is to NEVER lose hope. You are way to young to feel like the world has nothing to offer you. However, also understand that the universe isn't going to just hand you anything either. In order to recieve, we must first give. If you are thirsting for love and affection focus on giving it. There is always someone out there within reach of your influence that needs love even more than you do. Focus on giving your love to those in need of it and on coming to terms with yourself and your psychological wounds, and eventually you'll reach the point where you'll be filled with so much peace, satisfaction and fulfillment that you won't even need or want a "soulmate", and ironically enough, that's probably when one will just casually enter your life.
Sun/vitality/will - Bright/bubbly precise
Moon/instinct/underlying will - Bright/bubbly precise and Logically thoughtful
Mercury/communication/ration - Bright/bubbly precise
Venus/Female friends - Bright/bubbly precise
Mars/Male friends - Emotionally precise
Jupiter/Power/Vision/Conquer - Logically thoughtful
Saturn/effort/Concentration - Passionate/firey precise and Logically optimistic
Uranus/freedom/independence/art - Passionate/firey precise and Logically optimistic
Neptune/dreams/escape/inspiration - Logically optimistic
Pluto/boldness/extrovert - Emotionally thoughtful
Look at sagittarians and see if they appeal to you.. look through 100's of them on dating sites. They are like Samuel L Jackson's/Mila Jovovich. (Passionate/firey precise)
Also look at all the Gemini's you can and try to treat them as 'other versions of you' in tv/film etc. See what they do to get on in life. Very bright/bubbly and precise people... Naturally childrens entertainers and workout coaches.
Moon/instinct/underlying will - Bright/bubbly precise and Logically thoughtful
Mercury/communication/ration - Bright/bubbly precise
Venus/Female friends - Bright/bubbly precise
Mars/Male friends - Emotionally precise
Jupiter/Power/Vision/Conquer - Logically thoughtful
Saturn/effort/Concentration - Passionate/firey precise and Logically optimistic
Uranus/freedom/independence/art - Passionate/firey precise and Logically optimistic
Neptune/dreams/escape/inspiration - Logically optimistic
Pluto/boldness/extrovert - Emotionally thoughtful
Look at sagittarians and see if they appeal to you.. look through 100's of them on dating sites. They are like Samuel L Jackson's/Mila Jovovich. (Passionate/firey precise)
Also look at all the Gemini's you can and try to treat them as 'other versions of you' in tv/film etc. See what they do to get on in life. Very bright/bubbly and precise people... Naturally childrens entertainers and workout coaches.
waybread
Well-known member
Mirage, I agree with Charon that your first task is to learn to accept yourself, before you go looking for that perfect someone. If s/he shows up in your life while you're a "work in progress," of course that's fine. But extremely lonely people often project so much need and dependency that they drive away people who would otherwise like to become friends-- or more than friends.
If you feel lonely, it is a big burden to place on someone else to ask him or her to solve your loneliness problem for you. Rather, see if you can develop a sense of acceptance for your solitary state. It does have advantages, as you know from prior relationships that didn't work out. Once you accept who you are, you can begin to experience a greater sense of self-confidence, and that is attractive to other people.
It seems like a paradox, that you become more attractive to others as you let go of your need for them, but actually it makes sense that it should work that way.
I wouldn't say that you couldn't meet the right person for you overseas, but usually people get this type of prediction with indicators that I don't see in your chart.
In the meantime, see what you can do for people less fortunate than yourself-- or for animals, for that matter. They need love, and are likely to return it.
If you feel lonely, it is a big burden to place on someone else to ask him or her to solve your loneliness problem for you. Rather, see if you can develop a sense of acceptance for your solitary state. It does have advantages, as you know from prior relationships that didn't work out. Once you accept who you are, you can begin to experience a greater sense of self-confidence, and that is attractive to other people.
It seems like a paradox, that you become more attractive to others as you let go of your need for them, but actually it makes sense that it should work that way.
I wouldn't say that you couldn't meet the right person for you overseas, but usually people get this type of prediction with indicators that I don't see in your chart.
In the meantime, see what you can do for people less fortunate than yourself-- or for animals, for that matter. They need love, and are likely to return it.
Larxene
Well-known member
Sorry, I have difficulties reading this "dark" chart, where both lights (the Sun and Moon) are below the horizon. It's more difficult to determine the sect light here.
Two things stand out in this chart. First, Mercury and Venus are in the same degree as the Sun. Furthermore, Venus is within 15 minutes of the Sun. This puts both stars under the rays of the Sun, and more importantly, Venus is in 'cazimi', or in the 'heart of the Sun'. I would even consider Mercury to be in the heart of the Sun, personally, since I use a 1-degree orb for this condition. Plus, they are both retrograde as well.
Next point is the Lord of the Ascendant being in the 12th place, and in the last degree of the sign.
Ptolemy once talked about something regarding house divisions, where he regarded a planet in the last three degrees of a house to be in the next house, and a planet being in the first three degrees of a house to be in the house before the one it's in. In Lilly, horary charts where the Ascendant is in the first or last three degrees have problems being read. Furthermore, the last degrees of a sign usually belong to a malefic, either Saturn or Mars.
I wonder if this ambiguity associated with being in the first three and last three degrees affects the Saturn in your chart as well. The fact that Sagittarius is a twin/dual sign also adds to this ambiguity, and Mercury being in his domicile opposite Saturn, also twin sign and with Venus (affecting one's sexuality) may have something to do with your sexual issues.
It is interesting that you mention being okay being without friends, but not being able to bear being loveless. I say so because Mercury is in better condition than Venus in your chart, which may account for the difference in impact. Venus/Mercury combinations generally talks about sociability, friends, sexuality, being musical/theatrical etc. But I view Mercury as being more concerned with the 'friends' aspect, while Venus is more concerned with the 'love' aspect, for this particular chart, although Venus generally deals with both topics.
Venus is very much highlighted here, and is the planet that 'speaks' in your chart.
I hope a more experienced traditional astrologer would be able to make this interesting combination clearer.
Larxene Xenohart
Two things stand out in this chart. First, Mercury and Venus are in the same degree as the Sun. Furthermore, Venus is within 15 minutes of the Sun. This puts both stars under the rays of the Sun, and more importantly, Venus is in 'cazimi', or in the 'heart of the Sun'. I would even consider Mercury to be in the heart of the Sun, personally, since I use a 1-degree orb for this condition. Plus, they are both retrograde as well.
Next point is the Lord of the Ascendant being in the 12th place, and in the last degree of the sign.
Ptolemy once talked about something regarding house divisions, where he regarded a planet in the last three degrees of a house to be in the next house, and a planet being in the first three degrees of a house to be in the house before the one it's in. In Lilly, horary charts where the Ascendant is in the first or last three degrees have problems being read. Furthermore, the last degrees of a sign usually belong to a malefic, either Saturn or Mars.
I wonder if this ambiguity associated with being in the first three and last three degrees affects the Saturn in your chart as well. The fact that Sagittarius is a twin/dual sign also adds to this ambiguity, and Mercury being in his domicile opposite Saturn, also twin sign and with Venus (affecting one's sexuality) may have something to do with your sexual issues.
It is interesting that you mention being okay being without friends, but not being able to bear being loveless. I say so because Mercury is in better condition than Venus in your chart, which may account for the difference in impact. Venus/Mercury combinations generally talks about sociability, friends, sexuality, being musical/theatrical etc. But I view Mercury as being more concerned with the 'friends' aspect, while Venus is more concerned with the 'love' aspect, for this particular chart, although Venus generally deals with both topics.
Venus is very much highlighted here, and is the planet that 'speaks' in your chart.
I hope a more experienced traditional astrologer would be able to make this interesting combination clearer.
Larxene Xenohart
Thank you very much everybody, i'm really happy
craft94 i live in a part of Arabian/Muslim world, people are closed minded, it's illegal here to be a Transgender or Homosexual person, It would be great if i could move to somewhere where i can be myself, respected and treated like a "human binges", i don't think so that i'm lucky enough.
Charon what you said about this year had me worried, but thank you for warning me, you are right, i have problem with my father, he is an over Controlling Ego-Maniac, he look at himself as "the perfect one" or maybe a " God", i've already tried going to a psychiatrist, his treatment helped me to stop cut myself and slow down my overthinking, but my dad think it's just a wast for money and time and i could "healing myself by myself", i think yeah, i should go back to see a psychiatrist, start loving myself and take care of animales, thank you so much
SGde3a
my dad and my sister are sagittarians, and there is no connection between me and them, i can't communicate with them and after my experiences with Gemini people i think i can't trust anyone who is Gemini, especially for a committed relationship, must of them, girls or guys (especially guys) are naturally cheater, they says one thing and does another and they are so mean and rude and they can't keep secrets, i know that i'm Gemini myself but i'm completely different from them, what do you think ? any advice ?
thank you for your attention
ًWaybread yes I'll do my best to accept myself and help animales, i already love them and i'm more comfortable around them (much more than people), i like to help homeless kittens and puppies and i would love to live on a small farm so i can help as much as i can, and give them a sweet home, i think it's clear for me now, what is my purpose in this life
thank you again
Larxene you said "dark" chart, and i couldn't agree more ! yes i always have that feeling, i don't know what the hell i did in my past life !
thank you so much
craft94 i live in a part of Arabian/Muslim world, people are closed minded, it's illegal here to be a Transgender or Homosexual person, It would be great if i could move to somewhere where i can be myself, respected and treated like a "human binges", i don't think so that i'm lucky enough.
Charon what you said about this year had me worried, but thank you for warning me, you are right, i have problem with my father, he is an over Controlling Ego-Maniac, he look at himself as "the perfect one" or maybe a " God", i've already tried going to a psychiatrist, his treatment helped me to stop cut myself and slow down my overthinking, but my dad think it's just a wast for money and time and i could "healing myself by myself", i think yeah, i should go back to see a psychiatrist, start loving myself and take care of animales, thank you so much
SGde3a
my dad and my sister are sagittarians, and there is no connection between me and them, i can't communicate with them and after my experiences with Gemini people i think i can't trust anyone who is Gemini, especially for a committed relationship, must of them, girls or guys (especially guys) are naturally cheater, they says one thing and does another and they are so mean and rude and they can't keep secrets, i know that i'm Gemini myself but i'm completely different from them, what do you think ? any advice ?
thank you for your attention
ًWaybread yes I'll do my best to accept myself and help animales, i already love them and i'm more comfortable around them (much more than people), i like to help homeless kittens and puppies and i would love to live on a small farm so i can help as much as i can, and give them a sweet home, i think it's clear for me now, what is my purpose in this life
thank you again
Larxene you said "dark" chart, and i couldn't agree more ! yes i always have that feeling, i don't know what the hell i did in my past life !
thank you so much
i understand that i need to love and accept myself and help animales and be kind to people who less fortunate than i, and i need a therapist help, but i wanna know "for sure" is there any sing in my "dark" birth chart that i will find the true love ? or maybe is it appear that i will move away from this hell and find my soulmate ? or there is no hope for me and I'll just be single for the rest of my life, please just be honest, i wanna know the truth even if it hurt
thank you
thank you
I suggested to look at Sagittarians because they might be a passionate person that would balance you out, they're (supposed to be) relatively loyal as well, but I guess it depends on the person.
If your father doesn't listen to you and doesn't appreciate you then he's not 'fathering' you in any way. The actual words 'father', 'mother', 'family' have seperate meanings to the word 'ancestor'. They can both be the same person/people, but they can only be a mother/father if they actually 'mother' and 'father'. "By their fruit you shall recognise them"/Judge a person by their ACTIONS.
Personally I get my parenting from strangers/tv role models, but really they're just strangers.
If your father doesn't listen to you and doesn't appreciate you then he's not 'fathering' you in any way. The actual words 'father', 'mother', 'family' have seperate meanings to the word 'ancestor'. They can both be the same person/people, but they can only be a mother/father if they actually 'mother' and 'father'. "By their fruit you shall recognise them"/Judge a person by their ACTIONS.
Personally I get my parenting from strangers/tv role models, but really they're just strangers.
waybread
Well-known member
Mirage, I tend not to do a lot of "fortune-telling." I think that people make choices, and that these choices influence future events in our lives. Your chart will express itself in certain ways that are consistent with its various planetary placements, but each of them has more than one type of expression.
You mentioned being trans-gendered. I don't know if, in your case, this is biological male to female or biological female to male. I also don't know what is your sexual orientation. One interpretation of the moon is that it symbolizes mature women. With the moon ruling the cusp of your 7th house, I wouldn't rule out your being attracted to a "motherly" type of person, whether s/he is male or female. This could also mean something like your mother being your best friend: are you at all close to her?
A good way to meet a compatible person, regardless, is to get involved in activities that you love. If you are able to start an animal shelter, for example, you will probably meet other people with similar interests and values. That is a good basis for a friendship, and perhaps more.
But it is truly up to you to take the first small steps towards your own sense of being a self-actualizing person. It doesn't matter how small these steps are. What is important is that you start taking them.
With all good wishes for your journey, W.
You mentioned being trans-gendered. I don't know if, in your case, this is biological male to female or biological female to male. I also don't know what is your sexual orientation. One interpretation of the moon is that it symbolizes mature women. With the moon ruling the cusp of your 7th house, I wouldn't rule out your being attracted to a "motherly" type of person, whether s/he is male or female. This could also mean something like your mother being your best friend: are you at all close to her?
A good way to meet a compatible person, regardless, is to get involved in activities that you love. If you are able to start an animal shelter, for example, you will probably meet other people with similar interests and values. That is a good basis for a friendship, and perhaps more.
But it is truly up to you to take the first small steps towards your own sense of being a self-actualizing person. It doesn't matter how small these steps are. What is important is that you start taking them.
With all good wishes for your journey, W.
SGde3a
thank you, this is really interesting
waybread
you really amaze me ! i'm a Male to Female Transgender, that's mean i have a "woman soul", and i'm only attracted to men, just if i already love their personalities (Demisexual) ,and yes my relationship with my mom (capricorn) is much better than my dad, she take care of me and i really love her even i know that she will never accept me, so we are not that close to be best friends.
i will think about advice, i'm so grateful to you for your help
thank you, this is really interesting
waybread
you really amaze me ! i'm a Male to Female Transgender, that's mean i have a "woman soul", and i'm only attracted to men, just if i already love their personalities (Demisexual) ,and yes my relationship with my mom (capricorn) is much better than my dad, she take care of me and i really love her even i know that she will never accept me, so we are not that close to be best friends.
i will think about advice, i'm so grateful to you for your help
waybread
Well-known member
Thank you Mirage. And so far as your mother goes, give it time. Sometimes it takes parents a while to accept ideas that seem strange to them. If you had a loving relationship as a child, I think you can get it back once she gets to know your transgender self better, and eventually comes to terms with your identity.
JUPITERASC
Well-known member
I'm no expert Larxene however Sun is below the horizon
therefore the sect light is the Moon
Moon also
albeit decreasing in light
is not a "completely dark" Moon
i.e.
not a New Moon