Warning, this is long. But I'm trying to give honest answers, which are sometimes complicated, and sometimes bitter, and sometimes a little snarky. That latter isn't comfortable for the Libra Sun/Pisces Rising but ... yeah. I'm trying to be honest. I apologize in advance.
You never know what is around the corner in life.
I think the problem is that I've often looked to astrology/transits to figure that out, yet very little looks to be positive on the horizon, (major) transit wise. I have a choice of "bad" and "worse." The best major transit in my immediate future is a Saturn trine Saturn ... which will mostly serve (if I'm lucky) to offset some of the other. more ominous "issues." This may have something to do with my bitter tone, for which I apologize.
Transits and progressions only work when there is a natal promise. Many make the mistake of not recognising that.....Always the birth chart has to be triggered off and that is the basis of prediction...
I think a large part of my frustration owes TO that, actually -- supposed "natal promise." I've been *told* by professional astrologers, looking at my Mercury-Pluto/Uranus conjunction sextile Neptune w/ Sagi on the midheaven ... that I "should" be great scholar/researcher and/or writer. Yet I SEEM unable to succeed, especially as a writer (and I'm just a mediocre researcher even if I did get tenure). I've also been told since I was 12 years old (I'm 47 now) that I have a "gift" as a writer ... but have YET to see this manifest in terms of actual [real] sales. Not all telling me about my "gift" were astrologers, mind, although some were; others were professional authors.
When I look at this "report-vs-reality," my first question is, "
Who's lying?" Yes, yes, I know "real life" is more complicated than that, but really, at the root of it, I'm tired of what seems to be "double-speak." Do I, or do I not, have the natal promise to write -- and if so, why can I never seem to make good ON that "natal promise"? I suppose, at the root, it amounts to:
"Okay, if this IS true, then when is it 'my turn'?" Or am I just destined to fail? Please tell me now, so I can STOP trying. It's absurd. Sure, I know, "the only failure is the one who quits trying." But that's TRITE. At what point does "trying" pass from determined into just ridiculous?
We ALL know people who think they can do X and try over and over, yet everyone watching realizes they have NO TALENT, and wonder when they'll get a clue and pack it in? It's painful to watch. (Although reality TV shows like "American Idol" get a lot of mileage out of people who make idiots out of themselves on public television.) We're back to the "Who's lying?" Or at least, who's not telling the whole truth? Do I have talent, do I have any hope of success ... or
do I not? And who's going to tell me the truth? Bueller? Bueller?
Again, I KNOW this sounds really bitter and
mean, but that's where I'm at right now. Impatient and inclined to cut through the ****. As noted, I'm a Libra Sun, Pisces Rising, so my "natural" inclination is to NICE you to death! Ha! But I'm just not feeling it. Maybe that ol' Aries Moon of mine has the bit in her teeth. ;>
I suppose,
I want to know what I have to look forward to? And just saying "everyting gets better" ... that's a platitude. Platitudes **** me off. ;p Being reminded of the importance of major transits, I went and looked at the over the next 6 months ... and they're not real promising.
Not everyone who purports to be an astrologer, necessarily is...
Ooohhh,
too true. This is why, even after 15+ years, I only pretend to journeyman status, and would only ever read someone's natal chart, or synastry, as anything approaching "I know what I'm talking about." Mostly, I figure I'm an idiot.
- Neptune conjoining Saturn+Ascendant - feelings of invisibility, nobody cares for me, lazy, unable to be constant.
TRUE, on the sense of invisibility and that no one really cares beyond the superficial.(*) Perhaps I mis-evaluate myself, but I wouldn't say constancy is an issue. "Reliable" is my middle name. ;p I have Saturn Rising in my natal chart. I'm pretty dependable. Ha.
(*) Just a point of clarification. I am pragmatic enough to recognize that, sure, people care -- and genuinely do -- but at a
tertiary level, or at most secondary. This isn't that they're "mean," but that they have their OWN lives, families, and commitments. About the only person for whom I'm "first" is my father (unsurprisingly), who's pushing 90 (!), and arguably my son, but he's a teen boy, and --again,
as fitting for his age and stage of life right now -- his main focus is his
own social circle ... and needs to be. He doesn't need to "take care of" his mother. He's not the parent. And I'm not about to put that on him; it's unfair and irresponsible.
But that means I have no one to lean on, emotionally; I'm not that central in anyone's life. Nor am I being a drama llama. I'm not. None of this is to say people don't care, but
they have their own lives, and my problems are not their problems. I really need some emotional support, but I don't have it, and it's not on the horizon, near as I can tell. Sometimes I think if I just ONE thing that really mattered to me that could go well (sell a book, find a new love, etc.), then I could suck it up and move on. But nothing ever seems to change for the positive.
Resiliency. It's a term from psychology, and determines who "survives" emotionally from traumatic events. What can knock one person on her *** is just a blip on the radar for another. The difference ISN'T the TRAUMA itself. It's the emotional support the survivor/victim HAS. Someone who feels loved, believed in, and supported can endure the most horrific events. But someone isolated and without a sense of value ... relatively "minor" things can defeat them.
I'm alone. I need to BE the parent, to both my son AND my father in some ways. But I've got nobody to lean on, and don't seem likely to in the near future. And again, astrologically, I'm not sure it's going to change.
Now sure, I could seek a therapist. Some of you have pushed me to get medical help. But honestly? I could tell myself anything a therapist could tell -- I used to BE a therapist! (Before becoming a historian.) More, I'm paying for her expertise, and I don't have the money right now; it's not covered enough by insurance. So ... MORE STRESS. Find money to pay a counselor to tell me what I already know? No thanks. Again, I'm not trying to be a smart-***. I'm trying to be HONEST. And to be frank, that's NOT what I need.
How do I explain this? A therapist is a paid expert ... in my own field. That's like a historian hiring a historian. And while, sure, a therapist DOES care about the patient (speaking as one) ... there's a LINE there. A very IMPORTANT one. It can't get personal ...
but personal is what I need right now. I don't need expert advice. I have years of school to tell me anything a professional could. I can analyze myself **** fine. I need someone to care
who doesn't have to/isn't paid to. See? I don't HAVE that. And a therapist can't supply it precisely BECAUSE they're a therapist!
Again, speaking AS a former counselor, I don't want to knock
getting a counselor, but that's not what
I need. I know what I need, and unfortunately, it's not something I can conjure.
- Uranus opposing Sun - unable to focus, nothing to look forward to
Latter is true.
- Uranus sesquisquare Venus - unreliable relationships, love comes and goes
Uh, yeah. Nothing positive on the horizon, it seems.
- Uranus sesquisquare Neptune - lost in dreams, illusions that don´t come true
I would pay more attention to this, but it seems to be a generational transit rather that unique to me. e.g., I'm part of a general trend, not specific.
- Uranus=Venus/Neptune - expected love does not materialize
Joy, just what I need. Looking at my Venus Return, I'd hoped maybe if nothing else, I might find a romantic partner in the coming year, but "expected love does not materialize" would sorta contradict that, yeah?
ADDITIONALLY, an aspect coming up, that I am SO not looking forward to ...
no sooner will Uranus leave the opposition to my sun than Saturn will make an opposition to my moon. WOW. Great. Talk about the ultimate wet blanket, emotionally. ;p
Obviously there are several more transits only seen thru midpoint analysis, These three do give us a fair idea of your problem. Not feeling loved and needed and not being able fix the situation as you like to.
That about sums it up.
The hardest one is Neptune who will enter your first House, this is the one you must center in or get interested in. As a student of 20 years on astrology, you can do this by accepting this Neptune transit as an opportunity in life. Not an easy transit I must admit, but a transit non the less, it will pass, you just have to wait until it goes further in to house one and "get accustomed". Study Neptune but not in the books because they all will say the same thing. Go to your friends and relatives who know you as an astrologer and talk to them on their Neptune experience, whether they had it aspecting a planet or a cusp.
First, just to clarify, I don't know that many astrologers. My experience as one is fairly isolated, except online sites like this. So I have no one to ask beyond here. But really, the other thing about this upcoming Neptune transit that worries me is the sense of being duped. So not only am I feeling depressed, BUT now I'll be susceptible to schemes and lies even MORE? As a writer, sure, maybe I could use this, but ... again, I remain skeptical. How is this going to help me when I already can't sell anything? Seems more likely to make me deluded and inclined to impossible avenues, believing that "it'll work this time" ... when it won't. Or leading me to be deceived by others. I'm EXTREMELY skeptical of "self-publishing" deals, even in the changing world of publishing. Doesn't seem like the best time to enter into anything, does it?
You've had two similar Neptune experiences before. One when you where about 8 years of age and the other one when your where about 25-26. Recall the main event of your life in those years or ask some who remembers them.
I hate to say it, but neither of those ring any real bells. At 8, the most significant events for me were losing my beloved cat, and the birth of my nephew (yes, my brother's a lot older than me). But at 25-26 ... pretty much nada. I've searched my memory, but come up with nothing unfortunately. :-( I'll ask around, but that 25-26 age range isn't really significant.
And you do have some other big transits going on: Uranus and Pluto are both involving your sun in a T-square!!
Minor correction ... Pluto isn't making a square to my sun. I'm not sure what orbs you're using, but for the ones I use, it's outside that. (Which is good, ALL I need is Pluto TOO! *grin*)
Uranus tests your ability to "go with the flow" during periods of sudden change. For Uranus, do things that are completely out of character. Ask where and how you could benefit from getting out of a rut and liberating some part of yourself.
I haven't really experienced sudden change from Uranus (so far). As for the latter ... getting out of a rut ... would be lovely, but need actual opportunity. I don't mean to sound snappish, but there isn't a lot of actual opportunity. So ... nice in theory, but in practical application ... not so viable. Unless I want to quit my job and run off into the sunset ... (hardly a good idea! Ha!).
Neptune tests your ability to live with a lot of uncertainty. You don't know what is real and what is unreal: how do you steer a straight course? Can you develop a healthy spirituality or find catharsis in your art (writing)? How do you avoid escapism, or learn to indulge in small healthy doses of escapism?
Writing affords escapism and always has. That's not really an issue. More like the "not knowing what is real and unreal" ... and not wanting -- or being able to afford -- being taken for a ride ... emotionally or financially.
I've really had it with uncertainty. I need some answers. And I am the SOLE financial support for my family. I can't *afford* to take any risks AT ALL that might be financial. And emotionally? I got out of a bitter, defeating divorce 5-6 years ago, which really extended 8 or so years before that. It involved infidelity. I can't TAKE more emotional lying. I just can't. I'm done with that. Neptune can kiss my ***. If the future is all about deception ... forget it. I'll stay in my little emotional tower. At least it's safe there.
Chiron is the pain that doesn't heal, but it can confer a lot of wisdom and helpful sympathy for other people.
The "wounded healer," yeah, I'm familiar with that. Again, I think ... I'm just tired. I'm tired of feeling like I'm the support, the reliable one, the teacher, the family Matriarch (my mother has been dead almost 15 years) ... but with nobody to lean on. Is it selfish to want that? It makes me angry to feel like I need to ask the question of whether it's selfish! A very *patriarchal* question, honestly. Women are presumed to be GIVERS in our society. And if we NEED/ask for/seek support ... what's wrong with us? We're WEAK! We're not suitable mothers/women/spouses. WTH?
I'm tired. I NEED somebody. Or some success that I can call my own. But it doesn't look like it's forthcoming.
