I have mars retrograde in virgo
i think it's also important to look at mercury, the ruler of virgo
since virgo is the host to mars, virgo has to provide for mars, but virgo can only do it in the way virgo knows how
and depending on where mercury is, that will colour how virgo is able to help, because where the host ruler is, that's where it's taking it's resources from
my mercury is in aries
so... i notice it's mainly when people are stopping me from being able to go in my own direction, and do what i want, that i get irritated. Things that i've hated most in life have been when people got in the way of that.
(Aries personal wants/primary expression of identity)
From that i notice, it's the virgo ruler that determines perhaps the 'what' that makes us go into fight or flight mode.
Mars in virgo will be the 'how'. Since mine is retrograde and i have a lot of significant water in my chart, i am much more the quiet type in dealing with arguments. I don't like conflict, though the energy definitely bubbles inside.
I have a kind of "I'll show them" attitude, where i'll strategise and work a way to get what i want for my own sense of self separate from any person who is an obstacle.
I'd also get annoyed when people would misunderstand me (merc in aries again), they'd label me as something and inside i'd be thinking "FFUU". When i was young, people would always tell me i'm weird, i think it was mainly because of my sense of humour, at one point i got so annoyed i thought, the next time someone tells me i'm weird, i'm going to ask why because i want to get to the truth of it, sure enough someone did and i asked why, she said "i don't know... just", that got me so mad inside i thought "well if you don't know then why are you calling me it!!!??" but on the outside i just pulled a confused disapproving look... sigh lol
From that it seems like mars virgo wants to cut to the essential info surrounding a source of tension.
It's also one of those things where i really have to be pushed to the final straw before i really go for someone, a lot of the times i'll let it go, and work on my self, but i had to learn to do that because i have some pisces placements, i used to go into victim mode and seek for people to get in touch with their own emotions so that they'd see they've been harsh and they don't need to be. I've also associated direct conflict with being bad and something that'll bring danger, so there's an element of self-criticism should i choose to be direct, or stand up for myself in an unpleasant way, i feel the need to resolve conflict like an 'adult' or in a mature, non-insulting way to the other person.
I'll kind of notice and process everything that's wrong with a person in my head as related to any issue, but instead of telling them, i'll try and drop them, just going in my own direction... a lot of the time i feel like i don't have time for conflict, it wastes energy, but then i have to stop wasting energy of thinking about it in my head (Head can relate to merc, virgo's ruler, and it being in aries for me)