What do I do with this Intense, Karmic and Difficult Relationship?

As I posted in my introduction, I've learned to be careful reading for myself. In the process of trying to better understand a very challenging relationship, and studying its composite chart, I stumbled on a discussion on this site that pointed out that a Square from Pluto to the Ascendant in such a chart was a sure sign that one should get out. Which is just one of the challenging aspects on the composite describing a relationship that has had a huge impact on my life. I have attempted to attach the chart to this message.

Background: This relationship started 53 years ago, when I was 17 and had just entered college. I instantly recognized this person, and after an initially intense connection, we had an on-and-off platonic relationship for the next several years that ended when we attempted to become intimate. I had thought it was just a crush, and assumed the whole time this very handsome, very sexually active man hadn't had strong feelings for the sweet little girl he had taken under his wing.

Decades later, I had heard something that made me think he had died. I found myself writing novels about the man I had remembered. Years later, he morphed into the hero of a book that achieved a small amount of fame.

I have been very happily partnered with a warm, loving, very creative man for the past 23 years. But last winter, as Uranus moved into the square with my very early natal Leo Sun, I started feeling as if my life had become far too comfortable and stagnant. At that point, events led to my discovering that this man I hadn't seen in 50 years lived not far away from me. We met, neither of us expecting anything save a bit of nostalgia, only to find ourselves in the grip of that obsessive, Composites' Pluto-Asc square.

We discovered, to our mutual shock, that after he graduated college and moved far away he had tried to connect with me so he could ask me to marry him, but a very Uranian circumstance intervened so that my enthusiastic reply to the letter he'd sent, which had been very vague about why he wanted to hear from me, got lost, and we both ended up feeling that the other had no interest in us. The discovery this fall that we had both loved eadch other, but been unable to show it, due largely to poor self-esteem, rocked both of our worlds, as we both write and have other strong interests in common, and both imagined what we could have done together.

But we both now are in committed relationships. He is having a very hard time dealing with how attracted he is to me, and I with him. Though I am very aware that we could never live together comfortably, given the many incompatibilities in our natal charts, and of course, personalities, I keep feeling that we could still, despite our age, do something wonderfully creative together. There is just so much energy here.

We rarely see each other, but when we do, it is intense. We have a strong psychic connection. If I get pissed at him for not writing, the email appears almost immediately. We both admit to holding imaginary conversations with each other.

I have been much more creative and productive at a very high level in my writing since he showed up. I am getting a lot more insight into my 2nd house issues of not valuing myself without the feedback from other people.

We both yearn to take some kind of journey together. I have made it clear it must be platonic. To my surprise, my partner has been very supportive, knowing me very well, and telling me that I do seem to need whatever it is that is here and telling me I can always come home and find him still waiting for me. My friend's partner, whose natal Sun is within one degree of opposition to mine, is not so tolerant.

So here I am, hoping that some of you very talented astrologers here might have some insight to share with me. I do believe in past lives, based on a great deal of life-experience, though not in an airheaded New Agey kind of way. If ever a relationship had "Past Life" stamped on it, this is the one.

What do you see on this chart? What can I do to deal with this in the most productive, growth-enhancing way. It is not a comfortable relationship, but has much of the "grain of sand" in the oyster feel to it.

"has much of the "grain of sand" in the oyster feel to it." Excellent description.
Not only is there a Pluto/ascendent square, but also Venus/Saturn, which explains the difficulty in having a physical relationship, and opting for a platonic solution.
The moon opposite Uranus explains those partings and unexpected reunions, sitting right on the moon's nodes. Yes, a very karmic contact to work out.
The mercury/neptune conjunction is what stimulates your imagination.
The Jupiter/ascendent makes you both feel good when together.
"What can I do to deal with this in the most productive, growth-enhancing way"
The sagittarius south node would indicate some type of intellectual, spiritual, religious past life connection. The moon there rules the 9th of higher learning in the chart, so perhaps it was in a university setting, or a church or sect. The moon makes you feel very comfortable together, warm and loved. It's a mutable sign so varied, moveable and unsettled. This is your comfort zone, it is where you are coming from.
You are going towards gemini, the north node in this lifetime. Gemini is of course communication, writing, expression. Uranus there would need independence and freedom, and something unique, and erratic, not routine. Uranus in the chart rules the 4th of home, roots, family, which would give the theme to your expression.
"We both yearn to take some kind of journey together. ". This is not just chance, this is part of the karma you two have to live out.
Does travelling, and writing a journal, or making a video of your travels, or something along those lines, resonate with you?
As added input, try doing the composite with the insertion of asteroids, for example, "karma", and also try inserting your first name asteroids. Check out the list of asteroids on astro.com. See where your names come up in the chart. These can give added insight into why you have this tie between you, and how to give it concrete positive meaning in this lifetime.

Thanks so much, ElenaJ!

Your analysis really resonates. I realize it is a pretty standard way of reading, but as I say, my poor old Pisces moon finds it so hard to look rationally about my own chart, so having someone else read it properly really helps.

After I posted the composite, it struck me that one thing I had not noticed was that the ASC of this Composite chart is exactly conjunct my South Node (10 Sco).

As if we weren't being karmic enough. My Natal Mercury conjuncts his Natal North Node and my Natal Moon trines it.

His natal Venus is conjunct the Descendant (IC) of the Composite chart.

I would so like to get a better feeling for why there is such an strong, irrational connection between us that lasted more than half a century. Nothing all that out of the ordinary occurred between us in our college days. I had much more intense relationships with other men in those long ago days without ever having this kind of life-changingly intense a response when I saw them again. So I assume it must have happened in another lifetime. I just can't get any picture of it. Again, odd. With other karmic relationships, I get dreams etc explaining them.

Also what do you make of that 12th House Sun. Hand has nothing good to say about it. Does that suggest we are both deluded about what we are doing together? That is is some kind of addiction and/or distraction?

That is one of my biggest fears here. I have a natal Mars-Neptune conjunction which means everyone around my age has their Neptune close to my Mars conjunction. I solved that problem (and the closeness of men my age's Pluto to my Sun) by having long-term relationships with people much younger than I am who don't have those difficult connections. He is the LAST person I ever was in love with and spent a lot of time with who was older than I am.

Your mercury on his north node again calls in the theme of writing/communications in this lifetime. Look into this as a way of using the energy between you.
The sun shows your common goals in the relationship, the ego of the relationship, is in libra, so in the general area of relationships. The 12th is the unconscious, what is not immediately obvious. So this position pushes you both to examine what it is you want from the relationship, why are you in it, what should you be getting out of being together. It is another indication of an on-again off-again partnership, and repeats the theme of the Uranus/north node energy. It is not addiction or distraction or delusion. It is one reason for "why there is such an strong, irrational connection".