He wants to get married, but Neptune is square our Venus, help!

Jettabor

Member
Hello everyone,

I was wondering if you could give my composite chart with my love interest a look and tell me if the Neptune squaring our Venus and our Ascendant means potential pain and turmoil for us. We dated once ten years ago, was passionate until he started seeing one of our friends behind my back.

We reconnected recently, and he's telling me he's in love, wants children, and would like to marry me. I'm afraid to let myself love him again, even though I can feel myself falling for him once more. I daydream about our lives together, and children specifically. We have composite moon in 5th house, we have sun sextile moon in the seventh - and basically a packed seventh house. However - our Venus is composite in the 12TH and as I've mentioned our composite Neptune is squaring our Venus and the Ascendant, my worry is that our relationship will never get passed the dreaming of the future phase, or that it will get off the ground and then he'll cheat like crazy (again)...

I really love this guy, please tell me what you think!

Best Wishes-
Jet
 

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GoldenLion12

Well-known member
Hello everyone,

I was wondering if you could give my composite chart with my love interest a look and tell me if the Neptune squaring our Venus and our Ascendant means potential pain and turmoil for us. We dated once ten years ago, was passionate until he started seeing one of our friends behind my back.

We reconnected recently, and he's telling me he's in love, wants children, and would like to marry me. I'm afraid to let myself love him again, even though I can feel myself falling for him once more. I daydream about our lives together, and children specifically. We have composite moon in 5th house, we have sun sextile moon in the seventh - and basically a packed seventh house. However - our Venus is composite in the 12TH and as I've mentioned our composite Neptune is squaring our Venus and the Ascendant, my worry is that our relationship will never get passed the dreaming of the future phase, or that it will get off the ground and then he'll cheat like crazy (again)...

I really love this guy, please tell me what you think!

Best Wishes-
Jet

I believe Neptune manifests in different ways. What I've figured out in life is not allowing other individuals to project their reality on to you. This is one way Neptune works. Someone has a different belief system of some sort projects on to you and you have a different belief system and you project on to them.

Neptune presents itself sometimes when people assume or conclude, without facts or evidence to back up their assumptions and conclusions. They'll start drama or the karpman drama triangle. Which than for a time Neptune is a fog. How many people believe the person judging, and getting others to back them up through gossiping and rumormongering? Eventually than the fog comes down and truth is exposed.

Neptune presents itself through lies and deception. How many people do you know that never lie or deceive others 100%. I've never met anyone who isn't hiding something in their closet about the past, work, past relationships.

Neptune presents itself through gas-lighting. Extroverts gas light Introverts all the time.

Really in my experience, it's never been about what relationship or whom, but learning to see through the illusions, digging deeper within, researching facts and finding out about true authentic self. Which this is another way Neptune works. False Self who everyone tells you are and Authentic Self (Soul). Conditioned by society.

Neptune in Pisces is exposing a lot of truths right now in my life. I can't say I always like it, but it's part of the process accepting Neptune plays a part in things and teaches you something.

Even if one lies, deceives, cheats, it's always exposed. In my experience even if I know astrology, the way I may feel life will manifest doesn't always happen the way I envision it. It's a guide and map, but it's really all about the energies changing as you go along, and whether you both learn your soul lessons. Some of us learn it, others don't. The whole process is a journey.

In my experience even with dating Saturn, Uranus, Neptune always works together and ends the relationship when it's meant to whether your married or not. The biggest part is accepting we don't have complete control over events and even if we study the chart, there still isn't always 100% guarantee.
 

Jettabor

Member
Thank you Lion -

It sounds as though you are suggesting a need to be aware of any socially conditioned assumptions pertaining to how I perceive the situation (With an emphasis on avoiding projections ?)

Maybe it's a good time to probe how I am perceived by my friend and vice versa, and set to rights any misapprehensions he or I may have concerning our feelings, and the relationship's potential. It probably wouldn't hurt to have a heart to heart talk, clarifying potential distortions.

Warm Regards -
Jet
 

Neptunian Rainbow

Well-known member
Astrology is a great tool, we can use it to understand ourselves and understand our relationships better. But simply looking at the composite chart does not give much information and it is very difficult to predict the future of a relationship even for someone who is a very experienced astrologer.

He did cheat on you before. Does it seem as if his morality and his capacity to care about your feelings has increased? Some people evolve with age and learn from their mistakes.

Marrying someone is always risky, you have no idea if it will last or if you will get hurt. If I were you I would follow my heart. Sometimes it leads to something good and sometimes to a difficult lesson, but regardless it will help you evolve.

If you try to put your fears and past experiences aside and you objectively sense that he seems serious, I would recommend you to go for it. If there is this inner knowing that he is not a good and honest man but you love him so much that you want him anyways you should consider trying to let go of him. Repeating the same lessons takes time.

Talking to him and being as open and honest as you can towards yourself and him is a very good idea to deal with the fogs of Neptune and the inhibitions of Saturn. In my experience, deceitful and dishonest people are quickly repelled if I am honest and open and share my fears and my vulnerability. Good people appreciate it and they open up as well. Neptune is evasive and it does not want to deal with difficult truths.

You could ask him why he cheated. Often people do it because they feel that something is missing. It's interesting to see if he has thought about why he did it and if he is able to give you an explanation. I am very neptunian and I have Venus square Neptune in my natal chart. I have learnt to seek for and find the truth about why I react in certain ways and why I am drawn to a certain person and when someone asks me questions I am always willing to share my current theories about myself openly and I have pure intentions. When I was younger I was clueless, I was lost in a fog of illusions and I did not have answers.

If you ask him direct questions about his feelings and behaviours and he gives you answers like: "why do you ask me that?", "you seem to feel insecure", "don't know, it was probably because of something you did", "I don't understand what you are talking about", he is probably a bit lost in the mists of Neptune and it is difficult to have a relationship with someone who is lost.

Good luck with your decision!
 
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Jettabor

Member
Thank you for your gracious response Neptunian Rainbow -

I can relate to your Neptune Venus Square, as I have Neptune opposite Venus in my fifth house natally. My number one coping strategy to clear the confusion from any situation has been to humble myself and reveal my insecurities and questions. I think you are completely correct when you state that: "Deceitful and dishonest people are quickly repelled if I am honest and open and share my fears and my vulnerability. Good people appreciate it and they open up as well." I think in order to follow my heart I am going to have to allow myself to be vulnerable and to ask some difficult questions.


Best Wishes-
Jet
 

StillOne

Well-known member
How accurate is the chart you're looking at? Without any tables it's difficult to see how strong that square is.

To answer something serious like this, I would consider using more than one chart. Personally, I'd prefer to see Synastry, a Composite and separate Natals. You may consider Horary as well.

Is the Venus Neptune square a theme in your relationship now? Does Venus conjunct Saturn change things?
 

GoldenLion12

Well-known member
I believe relationships are challenging in different ways no matter what relationship. I've read about every relationship book there is from religious/spiritual/psychological angles in the last 28 years. I have to say just from that I've learned there is Neptune in reading books. For the simple reason when an author writes, they're projecting their experience. The way they've experienced life. They take quotes from some other individuals experience and try to adapt it to their experience.

Then there is the Neptune of mirroring other individuals. I'm an INFJ and mirror Mother Theresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Carl Jung, Buddah, Jesus. And so, in my past I read them because they mirrored similarities in myself.

When I don't get along with someone it's usually because I'm mirroring certain astrological planets as well. What I don't like about them is in myself. For example: Scorpio Moon's hit my Jupiter in Scorpio, Mars in Scorpio, Venus in Scorpio. And I used to get into trouble with them until I individuated, and self-actualized and enlightened.

This was Neptune until I learned personality types and astrology.

Neptune can be in various forms and it's all determined by what you believe, how you've been conditioned by family, culture, religion, politics, education, and you have to weed out the distortions and dysfunctions.

The consensus stage is following the trend, crowd, and being influenced by others and not thinking for yourself.

I believe karmic relationships are based on Neptune. Since the first relationships we have are based on sex and out of the animal mind, or sex drive of Scorpio. Water signs tend to escape reality, because they're emotion, sensitivity, and society doesn't honor Introverts in general.

Pisces is just one of them and Neptune, but Cancer and Scorpio can also get lost in the illusion of Neptune. Life is based on Entertainment and this is escapism. Cartoon for example is example, or when we say, "Did you like that tune?", referring to music, it's obvious where terms come from.

We go to bars, dance clubs, movies, theaters, concerts, casinos, pornography, and usually there are substances involved. Alcohol or foreign substances to alter states.

Escapism is necessary to one degree, but in moderation. When it becomes an addiction we have a problem with another individual because they're nervous system is sensitive. Pisces, Cancer, Scorpio usually feel the Nervous System the most. The Amygdala and Limbic System is the emotional center. The highway to all addictions is dopamine. The pain and reward center, pleasure, and pain. So what the common society doesn't understand is when they're arguing and fighting they're causing emotional and mental pain. Stress, anxiety, and depression. It comes down to emotional and mental abuse by dominate personalities over submissive which is usually those dominate in water signs.

When one cheats it's usually because they're thinking they're getting something different than you. lol I wouldn't say that, when most men that come around me are usually Scorpio Moons, Saturn in Scorpio, Scorpio Pluto, Sun in Scorpio. This apparently is my karmic lesson to know the difference between a Libra Moon and Scorpio Moon. And all of them usually have Jupiter in Aquarius, Venus in Aquarius, Mars in Aquarius, Juno Aquarius, or something linking to my North Node in Aquarius.

This usually lines up with transits. Like when I ******* up in 2010 I believe the North Node was in Aquarius/South Node Leo and Saturn was in Libra. I have the same placement in my 7th house and North Node Aquarius. And Uranus in Libra. He had an Aquarius Sun, Midheaven Libra, and Scorpio Moon, Scorpio Pluto. And some other signs that were hitting mine.

What I've learned from looking back on relationships is most of the men I've dated are hitting that North Node Aquarius somehow and dominate Scorpio's.

Lilith/Juno plays a role in temptation. Even if someone's looking just at **** or video's they're mirroring certain aspects. And Sexual Entertainment usually is the shadow side of the fixed cross. Leo, Aquarius, Taurus, Scorpio. And I figured that out from another Astrologer, and I mirror this in myself on the lighter side or things. I mirror Entertainment in general.

So when one escapes and abandons others through different methods to avoid their emotional and mental pain they are getting addicted because of their sensory, dopamine, and pain and pleasure center, and the dysfunctional escapism brings their partner emotional and mental pain because they're taking it personally, and it has nothing to do with them at all.

Even when I was harmed sexually by a man in 1992 it was under Saturn in Aquarius and Scorpio Pluto. And he had Saturn in Aquarius in his natal chart.

I believe in karma, because after digging through lots of charts to heal myself, I see how it all connected with my North Node Aquarius/South Node Leo.

Everyone's journey is unique, so you always have to ask yourself, "Who am I?", when listening or reading other people's information. Sure we can meet and compare notes, share lessons, knowledge, insight, but our stories are unique and lessons unique.

Love all begins with inside yourself. Being and INFJ I was the biggest escape artist of them all with 12th house Pisces/Cancer, 4th house Scorpio/Cancer, and 8th house Pisces/Scorpio. Even if I don't have planets in those two houses, they still played a part. Jupiter in Scorpio conjunct Neptune in Sagittarius expanded the illusions.

I've also been around enough Pisces and Cancers and we all have to get past the illusions of Neptune. I manage to stay away from the drug and alcohol addiction but got addicted to video games for a short time, emotional eating, spiritual bypassing, and educating myself, even learning about entrepreneurship.

Neptune relationships are quite different than Plutonian/Mars. I deal with the Neptune Relationship better than the Pluto/Mars. Pluto/Mars tends to be more physical, drug, alcohol, addictions, emotional and mental abuse.

Where Neptune relationships usually is about how the feminine may believe certain things and masculine believing certain things, but find out it's not the way they were taught by belief systems and the truth gets unveiled. They both tend to escape at the same time in different ways, but they don't fight like Pluto/Mars. They're more passive.

I think you have to realize Neptune is a huge part of culture and society. It's pushed and encouraged. And by educating yourself, you liberate yourself. What others do you can never control. And partially Neptune relationships are sometimes about sacrificing for the moment until the other person heals their emotional and mental wounds.

One of the things I've learned is the karmic relationships usually start with the root chakra and move up the chakra's till they get to Leo/Cancer third eye if they're lucky. And other's start at the Leo/Cancer third Eye, and go down towards the root chakra.

The difference is one begins with emotional and mental pain and doesn't take time to heal first before the relationships and is in a hurry to get married, doesn't really see clearly what they're getting into and gets in trouble. I did this first. lol

Then later in life did the second one where I took things slow, healed first, and we're still not married legally. And I just finished my healing last year that took six years. We both know what we got ourselves into and both do the inner work.

I've observed all kinds of relationships online for the last seven years. Especially five years on Second Life, which was a virtual reality game. I can say there's a diversity of relationships, and it's hard to say what the couple is learning, or if there are multiple people involved, or marriage, it's quite interesting to say, everyone doesn't fit in one box.

Do I understand it all? No! I accept people for who they are? I'm not worried about their lessons, but my own.

If anything I've learned from life is it's not about other individuals as much as it's about your soul evolving out of interactions with other individuals.

Sure, I love my partner, but I've learned my self-worth isn't dependent on the masculine. Abandoned or rejected, cheated on, or whatever in life by men, really has nothing to ever do with me.

I learned this with another guy. You can do everything perfectly, no your P's and Q's, and those transits come along like Saturn and say, your lessons done, times up, and move forward. And you can try to hang on, struggle, and fight it, but when Saturn and Uranus say it's over, it's over.

I even tried that at the end of my marriage.

That may or may not happen for other individuals, but in my case, I know I'm supposed to be where I am at every minute. I may go kicking and screaming sometimes, but I think it's because our soul eventually turns to the light and just like we're born by ourselves we're return to source by ourselves. We're teachers and students to one another in relationships.

Whatever we learn from the opposite sex, we learn about unconditional love, Neptune In Pisces. The higher octave. Unconditional love isn't all bells and whistles, happiness and bliss 24/7.

I think what makes it easy for me and I would recommend to anyone, is going to volunteer at an elderly home, because they are the greatest teachers of unconditional love. I would tell you I probably learned more from them how to love my partner than men themselves.

They taught me to love ugliness, disease, the negative moments of life when they had their outbursts, impatience, demands, and I could write a book on all the lessons they've taught me about patience, understanding, compassion.

And when I look at my natal chart, I smile because 12th house is Cancer in Pisces and they were the Cancer Pluto Generation. And they were Pisces, Abandoned, Rejected, and hidden in private homes, nursing homes, hospice, and in-home care. I even managed a mental impaired home for a short-time. At the age of 3 my mother brought home developmentally disabled.

When you meet all these populations, they also show you neptune through their mental impairments. My favorite story, "There's a whale in the toilet". This was a dementia women, who through her depends in there and flushed the toilet and it overflowed.

Neptune to me is Illusion in many ways. I salute the Cancer Pluto Generation souls for teaching me what I needed to know, because sometimes I feel it was so I would teach the Millennials at this point in time.

Neptune can even come in the form of thinking your partner is the enemy. No the enemy is always inside ourselves. We may take things personally, and I encourage you to look up Phil Zimbardo on You Tube and the Good and Evil segment, Lucifer Effect. He shows this piece of art work that's black and white and asks what do you see. And explains about perception and projecting other individuals are good and evil determining one side of the fence you're standing with beliefs. And he also did the Stanford Prison Experiment.

Millgram's Experiment is definitely and example of Neptune. As people were unaware of what was going on in the experiment and their minds allowed to believe and think what was happening on both sides of the wall.
 

Jettabor

Member
Hello Still One -

Thanks for pondering my quandary. I'm going to include our personal charts as well as a synastry chart with the pertinent aspects.

Thank You :)
 

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Sweet Pea

Well-known member
The composite has Mars square Neptune in addition to Venus square Neptune and that's a worry because he's already played out this 'deceptive guy' archetype.

He has Venus-Neptune conjunct in Sagittarius (the hunter, often hungry for new conquests) in the 2nd house of self-esteem. He's likely to put a girl on a pedestal of idealisation until he realises her real, normal, ordinary nature and then his Venus-Saturn square will kick in, he'll devalue that girl in his mind and he'll look around for another girl to see as a Goddess for a while.

And this pattern repeats in the composite, with the Venus-Saturn-Neptune and Mars-Saturn-Neptune theme. It's as if this relationship "gives him permission" to play out his natal dysfunction.

If it was just the 2 of you, I'd say why not go for renewing your relationship (but not marriage, yet) but if you want to have children eventually, then it's another matter. You're gambling with their future too. And anyone that wants to get married without testing out a relationship of a year or 2 first, is waving a red flag at you.

With your Venus-Neptune opposition, could it be that the guy you "really love" isn't really this guy at all, but a fantasy guy that you're making him into. Are you really in love with a guy who has cheated on you already? Why? What can be lovable about that kind of betrayal? Why would you brush it under the carpet and imagine it couldn't happen again? Of course the answer is "Venus-Neptune" who always forgives that which shouldn't be tolerated at all. Venus-Neptune can be a bit of a love-addict, as can Leo Ascendant, but letting yourself be sweet-talked into another relationship with someone who's already disappointed and disillusioned you once, you're not showing sufficient discrimination about a very serious decision that could affect your whole future. His Mercury-Pluto square can be misused in a manipulative sense. Every time he says something sweet to you/about you, you'll get a surge of the dopamine pleasure-chemical in your brain and that can quickly turn into an addiction. Manipulators do 'love bombing' for a reason.....

I also don't like his Sun-Mars conjunct in t-square with Jupiter and Chiron (the wound that doesn't heal) which falls right on his Descendant. That Chiron is 'you', the wounded partner. Have you sussed out what kind of relationship dynamics he's had in the intervening 10 years? Has he left a trail of wounded partners behind? These are the kind of Saturnian questions that need to be asked and answered. Saturn is on composite Ascendant to force you to be slow, thorough, delaying, examining the evidence .... as opposed to Neptune's basking in sunlit illusion and fantasy futures. I don't think Chiron shows in the composite or the synastry charts that you've selected, it could be very informative to find out how it looks in those charts.

Also look at his Saturn in the synastry, the difficult aspects it makes to your Moon and Mercury. That'll most likely turn to belittling you, putting restraints on what you can say and how you express your feelings. Saturn in Virgo can be harshly critical. And his Mercury only makes minor or difficult aspects. Communication is far more important than anything else in a long-term relationship.
 
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Jettabor

Member
Dear Sweetpea -

Thank you for your well thought out and truthful reply. The description pertaining to the 2nd house of self esteem and Sagittarius "the hunter" rang very true indeed.

There was a point a few months ago before we reunited in person and were still only speaking on the phone where I directly questioned his propensity to build a pedestal for the women in his life, only to tire of them and tear the pedestal down after a time. He very candidly admitted that this had been part of his modus operandi in relationships since his very first romance, and on to the present time. He's also been frank about women writing tearful letters condemning his behaviors in the past. He even disclosed that he's struggled with sexual compulsion...

I think the honesty has not been a ploy to foster trust - I think there is something of the Neptune square in our relationship that echos his own natal hard aspects that makes our relationship feel safe and accepting to him, and does grant him "permission" to reveal these personal shortcomings. However, he's never yet expressed a deep desire to change, or revulsion at the hurt he's caused others. So, yes, I should not be his fool. I will honor the Saturn on the ascendant and slowly and diligently gather facts.

I did check our composite Chiron, it is in the 9th house - interestingly ruled by Sagittarius the Hunter, a recurring theme in our relationship may be the hunt for "narcissistic supply" perhaps I am that supply to him?

Best Wishes & Thanks!
Jet
 

Neptunian Rainbow

Well-known member
I saw that he had Venus square Saturn. In my own experience the following description of that aspect is accurate

https://illumeastrology.blogspot.se/2012/05/saturn-bearing-down-on-venus-venus-grow.html?m=1

The things he told you are big warning signs. It's a good thing to be able to see ones own dysfunctional behaviours and being capable of sharing fears and insecurities.

However narcissists may be able to talk about their dysfunctions openly if they for example are trying to convince someone that they have changed or if they want to see if the person is willing to accept their behaviour.

The way he has treated women shows that there is something wrong with him.
 

StillOne

Well-known member
First things first, your birth times do not seem very accurate as they appear very rounded. This can make a big difference in readings!

Other than that, from a quick cursory glance, it does appear that both of you have Venus Neptune issues in your own natal charts. This is a big theme for both of you and as such, this is a big warning flag. It's very easy to get caught blissfully in the ether, at first, when (re)connecting with someone. I know from experience as I have the conjunction, just like this guy does. Sure, mine is quite a bit closer, but still, it's a big warning sign in a chart. At all costs, just be patient and take your time. Don't do anything sudden. Time will tell.
 

rahu

Banned
hi jettabor

I also think a composite with the exact degrees would be easier to read . but as it stands I would not go through with this marriage because in addition to venus square to Neptune, the real red flag is Saturn square to Neptune. in a composite this shows deception and insincerity.
you node is conjunct your ascendant which shows you have psychic abilities so you don't need to ask anyone anything.....if you feel it is not right don't do it. you are gifted and need to learn to trust your own inner thoughts,,,,,your thought are invariably correct.

rahu
 
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Jettabor

Member
Thank you Rahu,

It can be challenging to trust the veracity of my thoughts (psychic abilities), as I've been trained by family, friends, and community to distrust my instincts - it's been very difficult to believe in myself. I was raised to with a version of Protestantism that regards astrology, tarot, and shamanism as "dangerous occult." I was also raised to believe that I am extremely "hyper-sensitive" and "irrational." This leads to lots of confusion and doubting myself.

Thanks Again -
Jet
 
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