Parent Relationship

Parent/Child Relationship

I'm wondering if anyone can give me insight into the relationship between me and my mum. I'm an adult, but even to this very minute, my relationship with my mum is very....chaotic - her choice. I try very hard, but I always seem to displease her, whether I'm doing well or not well.

I don't want to say anymore, until there has been input on our chart.

Unfortunately, she doesn't know her time of birth, so I'm not sure how to chart it. The chart I've created for her is based on the generic 12:01 a.m., but I have no idea where her ascendant might be. She seems possibly a Leo or Gemini ascendant, I'm not certain. But she is VERY bossy, and VERY moody in a negative way. She may very well also be a Capricorn ascendant, as I just read that and it fits her very well, too. Take your pick of the lot, because I couldn't even guess at this point.

This is a relationship I constantly work at, and I never seem to get anywhere with. It makes me feel extremely defeated and it affects all my other relationships in life, but I cannot understand why it's so difficult - why she is so difficult and hostile towards me from when I was little to today.

Thank you.

Anyone...?

Hello LadyG,

It would be very helpful if you knew her time. You should also post yours and her chart with birth info if you want more people to help you, but I can tell you some things anyway.

You yourself have two very psychic and sentimental main positions: Pisces Sun and Scorpio Ascendant, Your Moon is also ruled by Scorpio/Pluto. This means that you plug in to other peoples feelings and have a hard time switching these radars off, more so even if the person is someone as connected to you as your mother. If there is tension, depression, any kind of bad vibes between you, you are going to be affected by it throughout your life experience. (I have a Scorpio Sun, Pisces Ascendant, and also have a difficult relationship with my mother)

About some of the synastry aspects;

Her Moon conjunct your Mars which is also square to her Pluto. There may be some secrets or things both of you are reluctant to discuss or share from your past. They may be of aggressive nature. You need to get your cards on the table if she wont. Someone has to start.

Your Uranus seems to be conjunct to her Sun, Mercury, Neptune stellium in Libra. This should point to tension in Communication, expression and points of view, inside a relationship sign.

Her Mars/Venus Con. are also squaring your Moon. Difficulties in expressing and "acknowledging" each others love or appreciation in general.

Edit: Her Saturn opposition your Mercury. She seems to put blockages on the way you try to communicate with her. It could be she doesn't "get" your (possible) straightforward way of expression.

Her Uranus sq. your Uranus. Generational differences pronounced.

With info on her angular houses (1, 4, 7, 10), we could probably tell you more.

Take care, Gaj

raqun said:

Hello LadyG,

It would be very helpful if you knew her time. You should also post yours and her chart with birth info if you want more people to help you, but I can tell you some things anyway.

You yourself have two very psychic and sentimental main positions: Pisces Sun and Scorpio Ascendant, Your Moon is also ruled by Scorpio/Pluto. This means that you plug in to other peoples feelings and have a hard time switching these radars off, more so even if the person is someone as connected to you as your mother. If there is tension, depression, any kind of bad vibes between you, you are going to be affected by it throughout your life experience. (I have a Scorpio Sun, Pisces Ascendant, and also have a difficult relationship with my mother)

About some of the synastry aspects;

Her Moon conjunct your Mars which is also square to her Pluto. There may be some secrets or things both of you are reluctant to discuss or share from your past. They may be of aggressive nature. You need to get your cards on the table if she wont. Someone has to start.

Your Uranus seems to be conjunct to her Sun, Mercury, Neptune stellium in Libra. This should point to tension in Communication, expression and points of view, inside a relationship sign.

Her Mars/Venus Con. are also squaring your Moon. Difficulties in expressing and "acknowledging" each others love or appreciation in general.

Edit: Her Saturn opposition your Mercury. She seems to put blockages on the way you try to communicate with her. It could be she doesn't "get" your (possible) straightforward way of expression.

Her Uranus sq. your Uranus. Generational differences pronounced.

With info on her angular houses (1, 4, 7, 10), we could probably tell you more.

Take care, Gaj

Click to expand...

Hi Gaj.

Thank you for your input. Unfortunately, there is no way to get my mum's birth time. She was born in another country and they don't keep detailed records, none that she could get her hands on anyhow.

My moon is in Sagittarius, btw. But yes, I am very intuitive, I tend to "bond" strongly with people (friends call it my "Vulcan mind meld" - Star Trek reference, for those who know) and it's actually painful for me. I try to keep my distance from others but I bond fairly quickly with others' emotions...too quickly. I don't like it.

With my mum, it has always been a struggle. From when I was little, I felt a lot of suppressed hostility from her towards me. She wasn't very physically or emotionally affectionate towards me - still isn't - but she is with my younger brother. She always puts me down, nothing I do is ever quite good enough, no one I know is quite good enough, nothing I say/do for her has ever been good enough. Luckily, I am resilient and rejected her negativity towards me, but it still hurts that my own mum would be this way. By now, I've sort of 75% stopped trying with her, but it still hurts me that she is like this with me. Also, I am a very open, honest person and she likes keeping stupid secrets from everyone, and since I refuse to play her silly secrets games...she berates me and puts me down. Most of the time, I know she'd be happy if I didn't exist. I just don't understand why. But I do know that my relationship with her has affected my perception of other people, whom I am attracted to (they end up being like her), and I'd like to understand it and make it stop. I now know she won't change, but I'd at least like to change ME so I can move on and leave this behind. But first, I need to understand WHY this is the nature of our relationship.

Looking forward to enlightment of any sort.

Thank you.

Anyone...?

I'm not sure astrology can give answers what to do in relationships. Away from astrology, I think that your senzible, receptive nature developed in your childhood when you tried to detect and accomodate to your mothers emotions.

Since I've had very similar dynamic with my mother, I think I'm not wrong if I say that your mother will never change. It stops hurting when you stop trying to care for her responses. When a mother is not able to accept a child or is trying to change everything that's the core of child's personality, it means that she is not in touch with something in herself. If she is not able to resolve this problem, you can't do either.

The reasons why is this happening is probably in her own childhood, in relation with her parents, and probably she is not aware of it.

Maybe it could help cutting contacts with her for a while. I know it's not easy, but it could be the only possible lesson.

You might get more responses if you post your chart. Here is the link to do it.

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=52316

Thanks. I knew how to attach charts but my computer was not working before.

I've now attached both charts.

Would appreciate feedback!

Anyone at all...?

One note that I might make is that the moon position is the way that we tend to interpret our relationship with our mother. Difficult moon position, our interpretation on mother/child relationship - difficult.

So, a person with moon in cancer tends to see their mother quite highly even though she may not deserve that respect (or maybe she does). People with a moon in cancer are likely to see their mother as sensitive and caring .... even though the mother's actions may not follow through.

The Moon in Sagittarius can appear to be an uncaring position (or not sensitive position) for the moon, it just cares differently than for example a Moon in Cancer. I expect a moon in Sagittarius might seem distant to someone that has a sun in Pisces.

Sagittarius would also tend to want to move things along rather than dwelling on a matter and that also could be interpreted as difficult or not loving.

Maybe looking at the relationship from a different perspective might shed some light.

Marinka said:

One note that I might make is that the moon position is the way that we tend to interpret our relationship with our mother. Difficult moon position, our interpretation on mother/child relationship - difficult.

So, a person with moon in cancer tends to see their mother quite highly even though she may not deserve that respect (or maybe she does). People with a moon in cancer are likely to see their mother as sensitive and caring .... even though the mother's actions may not follow through.

The Moon in Sagittarius can appear to be an uncaring position (or not sensitive position) for the moon, it just cares differently than for example a Moon in Cancer. I expect a moon in Sagittarius might seem distant to someone that has a sun in Pisces.

Sagittarius would also tend to want to move things along rather than dwelling on a matter and that also could be interpreted as difficult or not loving.

Maybe looking at the relationship from a different perspective might shed some light.

Click to expand...

But I'm the one with Sun in Pisces/Moon in Sagittarius. My mum's moon is in Taurus (Sun in Libra). Am I misunderstanding what you meant?

LadyG said:

But I'm the one with Sun in Pisces/Moon in Sagittarius. My mum's moon is in Taurus (Sun in Libra). Am I misunderstanding what you meant?

Click to expand...

To re-state, your moon position is a filter through which you interpret your relationship to your mother.

Many astrologers read from the natives position of the Moon and the Sun the personality of parents, the nature of their parenthood.

@Marinka - well, it's not just my filter - there are definite and obvious challenges that are noted by all between us. I understand now what you mean, but the relationship is well beyond just my filter..