Etiquette and telling people their fate.

Niplan

Banned
Etiquette and Reading charts

Ive been asking various people and so far gotten good advice, Im hoping for more of that. Being the aquariun obsessed with secrets I am and naturally turning to astrology to dig out its secrets, I've come to an issue, How does an aquariun who is so far removed from emotions deliver an astrology consultation that does not sound like a condesending story of all their flaws why they have them, and a few good pointers lost in the despair of the bad news.

Should i only give people a small amount of the bad or the why, or should I go on and on about the good, Not everyone wants the good, I know i'd hate it if someone sugar coated it. I don't want someone to be all puppys and unicorns and healing.
How do I one who's first response when someone starts crying, is to look at them with a scrunched up eyes and ask why are you crying.

Im not talking about the uniting with emotions and being more in tune with people, Regardless of how in tune i am with others and things around me, I will always be removed from emotions, I just don't understand them sometimes, That makes me better at other things though just not with people.

so anyone have any tips pointers any unwritten Etiquette they can share?
 
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emotionality

Well-known member
In my very humble opinion,you cant fake it.You really have to care otherwise you will & do come off as condescending,a little bit lol Even if your just trying to be honest.Gotta have it in you,or do some quality reading on how to relate in a friendly and tactful manner.The fact that you care at all is a good start though.Some people have a thin skin and that should be respected,that's part of it(being a good astrologer) I think ..is being able to see & tell who those people are and treat them accordingly.The stark contrast of the content of your post with my quote and handle amuses me greatly lol

Also the bit where you say "Regardless of how in tune i am with others and things around me, I will always be removed from emotions" is very deterministic.That's not something you should resign yourself to.It is (also in my opinion) something you should work on as emotions are threads running through the soul,your fabric won't be as strong if your threads are missing..
 
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There is nothing predestined with astrology or the future. Empathy can be learned, take it from one who has 4fire 4earth and only 1 in water, BUT 4planets in water houses.

When doing readings espec the predictive side, always explain the positives and negatives. Like Saturn for example, it wants to test what is of 'value' to you and what is working in your life and if something is not working espec if T Saturn challenges venus, then something could end or break

Honestly if you have a client that starts crying, in my opinion you have failed. You are supposed to explain matters, talk logically like an Aquarian, this will help you to 'not retain' any negativity from clients which can be helpful....
 
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katydid

Well-known member
I think it is very important to understand WHY the client is crying. If they are doing so with a deep understanding, and they are releasing some pent up feelings, IN RELIEF, then it is a positive thing.
But if they are crying 'hopeless' tears, and are feeling WORSE than when they came to you, then it is not a good thing imo. Humans have FREE WILL, and they go to Astrologers to learn HOW to best deal with their charts. If an astrologer paints them a picture of hopeless despair, then that is a travesty imo.
 

katydid

Well-known member
So I suppose it would also be important for you to ask yourself WHY you want to be an astrologer. If , as you say, you are not emotionally in tune with others, then what are you
after? Just sayin...:innocent:
 

Niplan

Banned
Ultimate knowledge of the cosmos and life its self, the very fates of existance and the world of course.

When i mentioned the crying, it was the "good" kind. I know have a very easy tendency to give into pluto and let it run wild in my mind.

when i start feeling that depressing pull in my emotions and think of death and decay i stoped dead in my thoughts, and yell at my self and give pluto the finger basicaly when he tries that, and then i pull the other way.

Im trying to give other people that power and lust for viceral knowledge of existance. I want to give everybody a hand that can wield energy and toss it like a ball.

I think if everyone had the ability to project an innate force (psychicness) to protect themselves or even to have never to use just to have even, it would be a better world. Thats what i want to give, I want to hand out the knowledge that a weapon or tool more powerful then any that exist can be used and understood if your willing to admit your faults.

Basicaly "I want everyone to have a walking atom bomb" Good idea right :D

But then thats my mars saturn control.. Giving everyone a fatherly wisdom, and the power to control that wisdom, the knowledge of fear and death, how it exists how it controls that our existence isn't anything to worry about.

[deleted swear - Moderator]
 
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katydid

Well-known member
Ultimate knowledge of the cosmos and life its self, the very fates of existance and the world of course.

When i mentioned the crying, it was the "good" kind, I know i'm a smartass, And i know have a very easy tendency to give into pluto and let it run wild in my mind.

when i start feeling that depressing pull in my emotions and think of death and decay i stoped dead in my thoughts, and yell at my self and give pluto the finger basicaly when he tries that, and then i pull the other way.

Im trying to give other people that power and lust for viceral knowledge of existance. I want to give everybody a hand that can wield energy and toss it like a ball.

I think if everyone had the ability to project an innate force (psychicness) to protect themselves or even to have never to use just to have even, it would be a better world. Thats what i want to give, I want to hand out the knowledge that a weapon or tool more powerful then any that exist can be used and understood if your willing to admit your faults.

Basicaly "I want everyone to have a walking atom bomb" Good idea right :D

But then thats my mars saturn control.. Giving everyone a fatherly wisdom, and the power to control that wisdom, the knowledge of fear and death, how it exists how it controls that our existence isn't anything to worry about.

Those are some pretty inflated or exagerated goals imo. :rightful::w00t::unsure:

I guess my biggest problem is the subject line=
"telling people their fate."
You are taking all of their free will out of the equation by saying it that way.


People will come to you for all sorts of reasons. Very few are looking to be given "walking time bombs.":wink:

And hoping to give them the 'knowledge of fear and death" ? I am not sure what that is. But I do not believe that you have that power yet either. :devil:

I suppose we all draw different kinds of clients to us. When I was dating my husband, I began to have a wave of clients looking for electional wedding charts. When we were thinking about moving, I had a large amount of clients looking for relocational charts. :pouty:

So if your major goal is to impart the secret hidden mysteries of the Cosmos, then your clients will be looking for the same. :biggrin:
 
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beatnikgirl

Well-known member
You talked about giving people their fate, firstly how far in advance are you doing readings for them, the reason they are crying may be that they have not reached the point yet, when they are ready to deal with the possibility that they may never play pro sports or that their marriage is coming to an end in a couple of months or they have an addiction that needs serious help, or perhaps telling them they look like they will pass their test may make them complacent and thye may pass but miss out on the challenging aspect of working extra hard. sometime people need to go through a sort of grieving period for what they percieve they have lost.
So if they cry that's a natural reaction at that point you turn into a counselor and you should advise what positive elements you can see in their chart that may help give them strength through this difficult change or may help them go about their cherished goal but perhaps in a different way.

You say you feel offering them a glimpse into their future is empowering and gives them the chance to work on themselves, why not empower yourself if your weakness is how you emotionally interact, perhaps that's something you can work on, take a counseling course it will help you understand why you find it hard to empathize with others, learning things like body language and learning active listening skills will help to guide you, if your not emotionally feeling the pain of your clients thats no bad thing, this will at least equip you to follow the emotional clues in what they are ready to hear and how best to express the possible barriers and obstacles ahead for them, so you don't send someone into a major depressive cycle.
Quite a lot of people consult an astrologer when they are insecure about the outcome of something very important to them, it may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things whether or not their boyfriend is cheating on them or whether they will get the job they desired but its important to them and what you tell them or rather how you tell them can make a great impact on how they cope with this news and the events that follow.
Why not do some reading around astrological counseling you mentioned about your battles with Pluto, why not read 'Healing Pluto problems' their are some examples in the book of people with some very heavy issues but some excellent examples of how to work with Pluto energy and how Donna has counseled those with many issues.
 

RockFish

Well-known member
What I realized in my readings is that (intelligent) people won't really open up and believe you if you give them only the good side of the story.

You say "oh, nice, strong possibility of marriage, many relationships, an interesting, satisfactory career, blablah" and they will say uh-huh.......

To them, it kinda smacks as if the astrologer is saying what they want to hear. But when you talk about the specific difficulties in a chart, then they perk ears and start to suspect that you really know your stuff. :wink:

As for the etiquette, I think the important thing is to avoid being too rigid in the readings. If someone with a Saturn Square Venus comes along and you smack them upside the head with "YOU ARE NEVER GONNA BE HAPPY IN LOVE", then of course this is not only insensitive but also an incorrect and narrow reading.

I think wanting to give people a sense of awe for the order of the universe, an order they probably didnt know about before, is a great reason to be an astrologer. I also feel the same thrill when someone sees a flicker of meaning and sense in the events of their lives.

Also, going technical here, it's important to work on the vocabulary used. You don't say "this aspect is horrid". You say "this aspect is challenging, difficult, creates tensions, and this themes are in your mind more often than not".
 

Nexus7

Well-known member
I did a course once on how to read charts, by a somewhat plain-vanilla school called the Mayo school. It is a correspondence course and whilst I thought it seemed a little uninspired at times, it was good in that it brushed up things like accuracy and gave a certain amount of feedback on How I was Doing in my readings (only written charts, though, not person-to-person).

Wish I had done it sooner, you can be self-taught in anything, but it is always good to get at least a little feedback in some situations (bit like teacher training too, where you get observed).

More to the point, there was a lot of emphasis on follow a code of ethics - this involved simple things, like not trying to seduce your clients, nor telling them they were going to die - that kind of thing, with a stern reminder that 'people can be pretty impressionable when being a client, in the face of something that is still often linked in public imagination to things like black magic and voodoo' (tough on all the 'white light' factions within astrology, but there you go).

It emphasies the need for tact above all else, and not whilst reading the chart, what it called 'being clever.'

In other word for this could be 'humility' and part of this might involve recognising that however disenfranchised astrology might be as a valid 'science' in the face of a myriad Randis and Dawkinses, assuming the role of 'astrologer' does indeed involve assuming a powerful role, as mediator to the Gods of Fate, and it might be a good idea to examine why that might matter to us, if we are drawn to this role.

Tracy Marks wrote a long list on How not to Misuse Astrology - neither with clients. nor in how you live our life outside that, as it happens. For her 'being clever' meant not giving the impression 'that you know the client more than they know themselves,' 'not respecting the views of the clients' 'misusing power' 'rationalising instead of recognising the emotional reality' - that last, could refer to anyone who dates a new one and then sets up their chart - relating more to this more to the actual person sitting in front of them.

I could give you a few horror stories myself, but probably, the 'don't be clever' truly is good advice in such things. The railway information officer knows more about train routes and fares than you do, but that is just outlining the map, not telling the people inquiring what route they should take and when, after all.
 
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Theo

Banned
Re: Etiquette and Reading charts

Ive been asking various people and so far gotten good advice, Im hoping for more of that. Being the aquariun obsessed with secrets I am and naturally turning to astrology to dig out its secrets, I've come to an issue, How does an aquariun who is so far removed from emotions deliver an astrology consultation that does not sound like a condesending story of all their flaws why they have them, and a few good pointers lost in the despair of the bad news.

Should i only give people a small amount of the bad or the why, or should I go on and on about the good, Not everyone wants the good, I know i'd hate it if someone sugar coated it. I don't want someone to be all puppys and unicorns and healing.
How do I one who's first response when someone starts crying, is to look at them with a scrunched up eyes and ask why are you crying.

Im not talking about the uniting with emotions and being more in tune with people, Regardless of how in tune i am with others and things around me, I will always be removed from emotions, I just don't understand them sometimes, That makes me better at other things though just not with people.

so anyone have any tips pointers any unwritten Etiquette they can share?

There are a few things you can do Niplan concerning etiquette:

It is okay for you to maintain your own emotional balance, and professional detachment, which is proper when consulting a client. However, before any face-to-face readings, understand that you are also in a position to help people, who are human beings, and your response should be as a human being, while also remaining an astrologer. You should study the dates & times of readings as they affect your client before sitting with them, as this will help the client more.

Etiquette means showing that you care about the client by delivering to them knowledge of matters that they may know, but that you've read and passed on to them. Sometimes, clients will react emotionally, which is okay, however, it is best to continue in a manner that is constructive and not allow the emotions to take over, because the client may miss some important knowledge which you will give to them. So, it is very important to get the person to calm down enough (humor helps) in order to get back on track while also not denying that people are human, and will respond emotionally at times.

Also remember that any astrological advice you give the client must be made in a manner that the client can act on - this includes foreknowledge of any transits. If your client does not leave the consultation with practical advice and knowledge about themselves that they did not have before, then they haven't received an astrological reading at all.
 
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katydid

Well-known member
The 'misuse of power' is a key concept for new astrologers to understand imo.
And part of that is what you described as not trying to act as if you know the client better than they know them self. That is often done by new astrologers even if they do not realize that they may be doing that.
Also, quite often , clients will come armed with a few key worst case scenarios for their charts. " I know that my Saturn in the 7th means I will never find true love." It is of vital importance to put those fears into a more realistic context. Said person will have Jupiter transiting that Saturn, or Uranus squaring that Saturn, thus giving them the chance to open up more in one to one relationships. They will also have Saturn squaring and opposing itself, which will also give them opportunities to work through these issues.
People seek out astrologers so they can rid themselves of some of their greatest fears imo. Our job is to help them do so, not to confirm the worst for them.
 

Lin

Well-known member
Re: Etiquette and Reading charts

Niplan, I would like to see your chart. Maybe there's something in it that you don't recognize as antagonistic, etc, and one of us might see it.

OK...first, have tissues ready. As if they want water, tea, etc. Ask them in general why they are seeking astrological advice at this particular time.
NOW...
at the time I make an appointment with someone I ask them to write down a list of questions...things they want to know so that before they leave they can look at their questions to see if they were answered.

THIS has 2 benefits. First, it makes them think. Also, it makes them usually, anyway, prioritize what they want to know. And if there's anything secret, emotional or really sensitive they will be prepared to DISCUSS IT.... so they will have gotten up the courage in advance.

Of course you don't have to know the questions in advance or ever, really, unless at the end of the session there's something you left out, at which time you can address it.
First I give a little lesson: "the birth chart is a hypothetical circle divided into 12 "houses" each having it's own character and influence", etc. Explain that the birth chart is the map of the psyche, and it explains THE WAY they will experience their lives, not necessarily what is GOING to happen to them.

I always use the metaphor of "moving" from one home to another, during the childhood years. There may be 4 children, and it's ONE event...moving. But each of the 4 children will have a different experience regarding the move...depending upon their charts, ages, friends, whether they like where they live, etc. During this phase of the reading the client begins to relax and may ask some general questions about astrology, and gets comfortable with your voice, which is important.

Then I go into the core properties of the Sun sign, the aspects and house it's in, and try to keep it objective. Then I go to planets on any of the angles and let the client know that these planets, being "angluar".....anyone who's ever taken geometry will know what you mean, but again, I keep it objective.

For instance, since the Sun is the authenticity, and has traits, depending upon the sign it's in, that another sun sign doesn't have, I explain WHY there is............an Aries, or a Leo, or a Sagittarius - I explain the need for that sign in our world. If there were no Aries, no one would ever begin anything with enthusiasm...if there were no Cancer, there would be no nurturing...etc.... keep it simple.

Where it begins to get hairy is ALWAYS the moon, programming and parental influence. It's always a last minute decision whether to discussing difficult and dysfunctional family influences at this point or perhaps later, if there is some strong Jupiter or Saturn stuff to modify it. Of course, sometimes there is a stellium or other aspect or group of aspects...a YOD for instance, when you have to just stop and explain it till they understand what it is.

You MUST tell them everything you see. HOWEVER>>>>the way you tell them is everything. I never discuss death, unless someone comes to me whose mother or father or husband etc, has a terminal illness and then I give my personal opinion (although I'm not a death expert) on when the next crises will come. I never predict a date of death.

I also do NOT attempt to delve too deeply into the medical side of the clients issues. I can tell them the best time to have surgery, or if there's astrological evidence for a major health issue, but I always tell them: "if you have ANY feeling that you need medical advice, see a good internist and get some tests." Period.

Most people are interested in love, money, children, career, marriage, etc. My readings last about 2 hours, if there's no synastry chart to do. Sometimes they have to come back for another session because you just can't get it all in at once.
LIN
 

Niplan

Banned
Thanks for all the advice so far, here is my chart.

I'm trying to devour all the information I can, I just still think that Im going to mess something up and make someone mad or something and no one will ever see me as credible.. Of course thats saturn again but its still there.



 

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WeAre

Well-known member
Niplan,
you've gotten all sorts of great food for thought on this thread.
and i simply glanced at your chart ... and have to respond with a nagging thought that hit me.
personally, I'm full of water . ... I have the opposite issue, of over-empathizing.
in the past few years, I've been able to keep this in check, and evolve (get thicker skin) ...
... and I SWEAR .... its because of a Taurus.
my take on the moon being exalted in taurus,
is that they are so incredibly ABLE with their emotions.
I feel like they have a hard time understanding how people can get so 'off-centered' ...
.. because they are so admirably centered... feet firm on the ground.
... and
obviously you know,
your moons in Taurus, exalted.
(and its in your 10th house!)
... so i could picture you giving the looks that i feel i've often gotten from a certain taurus influenced person i know... when he's watched me cry:wink:
... i just glanced at your chart quickly,
as i said.
... but i wanted to share that jolt of a thought i had.
 

wilsontc

Staff member
you don't have all the answers, to Niplan

Niplan,

You said:
I just still think that Im going to mess something up and make someone mad or something and no one will ever see me as credible.


The first thing to realize is YOU don't have all the answers. Your CLIENT has all the answers and all you have to do is to "pull" the answers out of the client. The goal is to help the client to better understand what they already know. The client NOT the astrologer understands the client and the client's needs best. That means that it is NOT "cheating" to ask the client about what is going on in their life, or asking after you have read something in their chart, "Does that make sense? Do you see how this works in your life?" Sometimes your guesses will be "on target" and sometimes your guesses will not match the client's reality. When you "miss the mark" it simply means you are focused in YOUR reality and not on your CLIENT'S reality. Then you have to "regroup" your interpretation and open it up to more possibilities.

Thank you for posting your chart. I find this chart very hard to read but I do see a few things. There is a T-square between :saturn: (duty, also structure, restriction) :conjunct: (energy is combined with) :mars: (being, also action, anger) and Moon (home, also emotions) all focused on a stellium (collection of energy) of :mercury: (thinking/daily work, also analysis), :venus: (physical, also personal values/relationships), :jupiter: (expansion, also knowledge) and :sun: (self-expression, also ego). This indicates (based also on the posts you have made on this thread) that you focus your active (maybe angry) structuring of your emotions into thinking analysis of your knowledge as a way to develop your ego. There is also a cradle with :moon: on the non-cradle side, indicating you can "cut off" their emotions from the rest of their other energies. And you have an unaspected Uranus (friends, also modern astrology), indicating you do not "connect in" with modern astrology.

This means that you need to be careful that you do not "cut off" your emotions or use your ideas, values, knowledge, etc. as a way to "feed" your ego. You can also OVERdo astrology in some way in an effort to "connect in" with it. The challenge is to realize that a little astrology goes a LONG way.

And, now that you are aware of the situation and "looking at it", you can do something about it. Start with your friends and do readings on their chart. Afterwards ask them for an honest evaluation of what you did, how well you handled emotional issues they had, how much they felt the consultation was about THEM, etc. I believe anyone who wants to be an astrologer can be one, at some level or another. But if you want to be a GOOD astrologer (as in helpful, useful, etc.), you need to handle the emotional issues indicated in your chart by opening up to your emotions and working with them instead of denying them.

And, to close with the good ;) , you have your :moon: in the sign of its exaltation (very easy energy) in a "fate degree" (strong energy), so your emotions are waiting there, if you are ready to work WITH them instead of AGAINST them.

Astrologizing in the real world,

Tim
 
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Niplan

Banned
Thanks for all the help, I can easily dissconect any kind of emotion without really trying.

I never thought of it as to that, I would be so already in tune with my emotions that thats why other people don't make sense.

To quote my self when asked how i can be so distant "I know exactly why i have every emotion i have and how it got there."

Most of my inner anger is blamed on my father no matter how much i accept the past is the past, I don't get angry though, usualy i do something else, or ignore it totaly, Its like a willpower contest in my mind sometimes, I get so mad sometimes, then i just imagine that im shoving it in a little bottle, And i know thats a bad thing to do, So the energy never actualy makes it to the bottle it dissapates before it gets there.

I do get mad sometimes, but its rare and no one is around, Im afraid of what I can do when im truly angry, I get like barbarian flashes of criminalistic violence like ripping someones jaw off while they scream in pain. And now im not just a fat little kid, im becoming a 300lb muscle bound wrecking ball. YAY for working out :D

Not that im a threat or anything, Onetime i had to kill a dying mouse in a mouse trap, because no one would be home for hours and i didn't want it to suffer.. I wasn't able to kill it, I put it in a back and tried to drop a cinder block on it, but it didn't die the first time i still cry about it, i was around 9 or 10

Thats a nifty point to about not connecting with modern astrology, As that ones obviously true by now, HAH! just last night i was looking up instructions on how to make an astrolabe, its errie that I was ment to study astrology, and traditional astrology at that.. And im trying to get books so i can study pre-telescope astronomy, the techniques.. All because I can't read an ephermis, and im hoping modern civilization crashes so i can go back to living in the woods staring at the stars (yes i know its not that easy, i've already worked some of it out)

I know I don't have all the awnsers, I even hate talking about my self, because of the fact i don't want to seem like an egotistical bragging person.

( http://www.ifa.hawaii.edu/tops/astlabe.html it even has custom charts for your city :D :D :D )

( Side track #2 i always thought, that the planet had to be in the exalted degree for it to be exalted not just the sign)

[deleted swear - Moderator]
 
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Lin

Well-known member
I'm not exactly sure how you can be an astrologer without understanding and be able to read and use the ephemeris. It's basic astrology. And you need to know it.

As far as "credibility" goes, when you are accurate, you will be credible. Period. That doesn't mean people will love you for being right.... sometimes you actually lose clients for being right. It depends.

As for what Tim just said, I agree with most of it. However, I don't believe it's cheating the client to ask, "does this make sense to you" or "have you had this experience", etc. This is how you learn if you are on the right track or not.

Sometimes you will guess... but if you know your astrology, it won't really be a guess, it will be intuition, but you may not know the difference.

I also had a problem reading your chart which had no cusp degrees, etc. I could take the time to make one up, but could you save me that time and give your birth date, time and place? Thanks.

Anger is misplaced energy or depression turned outword. You need to work on your own chart for a while. If you post your data I will do my best to help you with your main issue, which is bonding with people you are reading for.
LIN
 

Nexus7

Well-known member
Well!!

I posted this on the wrong thread.

So I will try and post it here now (and edited to boot):

Niplan

It did occur to me, if I can see your chart well that maybe you put across a rather more tea-and-sympathy vibe than is really the case? - if that is a Cancer Ascendant. So then maybe, you may then attract more clients who may be looking for that, than may otherwise be the case.

In some ways, the Ascendant can mislead a little, perhaps because it is less secure as providing a sense of how you may actually be and interpret life according to Sun and Moon.

Obviously then, the challenge would surely be to reconcile sensitivity to the feelings of others with 'professional' objectivity in a rounded way whenever reading for others.

When someone gets a litle upset here, the tendency here (where I live) is to offer a glass of water. I did read an astrologer who said it was less easy to emote and drink water at the same time.

I did also hear it said that most people do not come to an astrologer unles there is a problem - well, when I did psychic fairs in the UK, it was very noticeable that many people came for readings according to what hard transits either Saturn or the other outer planets were doing in the skies - with these, there may be more of a tendency to be aware of Problems.
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Niplan

Banned
my birth info is Feb 16th 1986 3:36 EST, Cumberland, Maryland, United states.

I like to use the whole house method (i think thats what its called) one house one sign.
so your not missing the house degrees there are not there.

What do you mean by "putting across a more tea and sympathy vibe" I read that 5 diffrent ways and don't understand sorry..

I ran my chart through all the house system on astro, and most of them except for 2 or 4 say im cancer rising instead of leo :/Cancer does seem to fit better the moodyness and the sideways approch to all things.

also, as i do more and more charts, I notice I instantly pick out the point in the chart causing the most hurt. I can dig out emotional wounds like a ferret going mach 1. its the first and only thing i can see sometimes.

[added chart - Moderator]
 

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