Corona virus pandemic 2020 jokes

Chrysalis

Well-known member
Dating ad:
A single man with toilet paper would like to meet a single woman with hand sanitizer for some good clean fun.


Hospital joke:
There's a guy in the hospital with coronavirus and he's waking up from a deep sleep in his "corona coma" and he sees this nurse approaching him with a washing kit and shes going to start washing him, he starts mumbling in his sleep, saying "nurse, nurse are my testicles black?" The nurse looks at him and thinks 'no-no he's drooling he's not fully awake yet' so she just ignores him.
So she then starts to wash him from his shoulders down, and he says once again "Nurse are my testicles black?" and the nurse says "Sir I'm a junior nurse I'm afraid i can't help you with this, i cant check. So the guy looks at her and a little louder goes "NURSE ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" he is wearing a ventilator so it is coming through a bit muffled, but she can still hear him, so she looks around and she thinks well there's no one looking, so alright, she pulls the covers back and bends down and has a good look, and then she comes back up and says to the guy "Sir i can assure you, your testicles are fine".
The guy then sits up in bed, rolls his eyes up in his head, leans forward, pulls the ventilator mask off of his face and says "NURSE ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?".
 
Last edited:

Chrysalis

Well-known member
I was advised to wear gloves and a mask when I went to the supermarket, all was okay until I reached the supermarket and everyone had clothes on. :lol:
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Light humor in a dark time: Imagine a grocery store where I work and then, a gigantic coronavirus punk enters and tells me "Hey, I'm covid-19 also known as SARS 2. They feared me in Wuhan, Bergamo, New Rochelle, everywhere. Now I want you to fear me." My reply: "Oh no, you can't enter this store, we humans know how to deal with disease pandemics before, so don't push your luck". The virus replies "I can make people very sick and I could hurt anyone badly, it's a chance of getting it or getting very sick". I show him putting on my mask and gloves, my coworkers social distance 6 feet from each other, also they get out the disinfectant spray bottles, hand sanitizers and bars of soap, and even a box of hydroxylchloroquine. I said "Fight me, you little bug". The workers magically zap out the virus spreading 1000s of itself particles, then he replies "What the? It's not working". And then a doctor comes in the store with a hard sought vaccine and zaps it into our bodies, and the virus collapses on the floor to be parts of itself. We celebrate! And then I noticed a "second wave", but I stepped on it with my shoe. I said "Grocery stores will not close up when we need them the most, we're prepared, we're strong, we're ready, my customers will not avoid coming here and our town, state, country, world, humanity are in this together to prevent sickness and defeat you virus punk". I see customers, including the old and vulnerable cheer in victory, and everyone goes back to business as usual.
 
Last edited:

david starling

Well-known member
Since this virus can live on the floor, it's time everyone starts walking on stilts coated with an anti-virus spray so the virus can't climb up your leg!
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
Can I wear a mask in a bank now? In the good ol' days, it means you were a bank robber! Spring 2020: I can get away with anything! :sideways:
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
Lockdown, social-distancing and the 2-metre rule: introverts rule the world.

Ironically, my social anxiety decreases as extroverts’ anxiety increases :lol:
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
The government says that the best length of time to wash your hands is to sing “Happy Birthday” from beginning to end twice. Or if you sing it at the speed Marilyn Monroe did, once should be more than enough.

marilyn.jpg
 

CapAquaPis

Well-known member
If you come back to your house, wash your hands
If you make something to eat, wash your hands
If you don't wanna get sick or make other people sick
If you're not sure to be safe, wash your hands.
 

david starling

Well-known member
If you come back to your house, wash your hands
If you make something to eat, wash your hands
If you don't wanna get sick or make other people sick
If you're not sure to be safe, wash your hands.

To the tune of Barney, "if you're happy and you know it clap your hands"!

Barney for President! Go purple!
 
Top