Synastry with an ex-partner! Pls help!

Hi all,

I’m relatively new to astrology and trying to make sense of my synastry with an ex. Interpretations would be appreciated!
I don’t know how to post the actual chart so here are the aspects I got from Astro-charts.com.
I’m the first planet, partner is the second.
Thanks!


Saturn Opposition IC orb: 0 °
Moon Sextile IC orb: 0 °
Moon Trine MC orb: 0 °
Ascendant Trine Chiron orb: 0 °
Pallas Trine Lilith orb: 0 °
Saturn Conjunction MC orb: 0 °
Juno Square Pallas orb: 0 °
Sun Sextile Lilith orb: 0 °
Descendant Sextile Chiron orb: 0 °
Jupiter Trine Neptune orb: 1 °
Mercury Conjunction Jupiter orb: 1 °
Venus Conjunction Mercury orb: 1 °
Jupiter Opposition Pluto orb: 1 °
Uranus Opposition IC orb: 1 °
Saturn Square Ascendant orb: 1 °
Saturn Square Descendant orb: 1 °
IC Square Moon orb: 1 °
Mercury Sextile Mars orb: 1 °
Ceres Trine IC orb: 1 °
Uranus Conjunction MC orb: 1 °
Juno Conjunction True Node orb: 1 °
North Node Square Uranus orb: 1 °
MC Square Moon orb: 1 °
Lilith Square Mercury orb: 1 °
Venus Sextile Vesta orb: 1 °
Ceres Sextile MC orb: 1 °
Juno Sextile Venus orb: 1 °
Mars Trine Mercury orb: 2 °
Uranus Trine True Node orb: 2 °
Uranus Opposition Venus orb: 2 °
Mercury Square Uranus orb: 2 °
Uranus Square Ascendant orb: 2 °
Uranus Square Descendant orb: 2 °
True Node Square Uranus orb: 2 °
Jupiter Sextile IC orb: 2 °
Sun Trine Juno orb: 2 °
Jupiter Trine MC orb: 2 °
Jupiter Trine Ceres orb: 2 °
Descendant Trine Juno orb: 2 °
Ceres Trine Pluto orb: 2 °
Vesta Trine Vesta orb: 2 °
Juno Trine MC orb: 2 °
Juno Conjunction North Node orb: 2 °
Chiron Opposition Uranus orb: 2 °
Mars Sextile Vesta orb: 2 °
North Node Sextile Mars orb: 2 °
Ascendant Sextile Juno orb: 2 °
Ceres Sextile Neptune orb: 2 °
Vesta Sextile Mercury orb: 2 °
Juno Sextile IC orb: 2 °
Pallas Sextile Juno orb: 2 °
Sun Trine Saturn orb: 3 °
Moon Trine Neptune orb: 3 °
Moon Trine True Node orb: 3 °
Saturn Trine True Node orb: 3 °
Ascendant Conjunction Moon orb: 3 °
Saturn Opposition Venus orb: 3 °
Descendant Opposition Moon orb: 3 °
Moon Square Sun orb: 3 °
Venus Conjunction Sun orb: 4 °
Mars Conjunction Mars orb: 4 °


Aspects, extended >>
Lilith Quintile Chiron orb: 0 °
Ceres Quintile Uranus orb: 0 °
MC Septile Ceres orb: 0 °
Lilith Septile Moon orb: 0 °
Vesta Octile Lilith orb: 0 °
Mercury Novile True Node orb: 0 °
Ceres Semi-sextile Ascendant orb: 0 °
Ceres Quincunx Descendant orb: 0 °
Mars Sesquiquadrate Lilith orb: 0 °
Moon Quincunx Ascendant orb: 1 °
Jupiter Quincunx Descendant orb: 1 °
Uranus Quincunx Pallas orb: 1 °
Neptune Quincunx Lilith orb: 1 °
Pluto Quincunx Chiron orb: 1 °
Lilith Quincunx Vesta orb: 1 °

Sorry, please try to post the chart, can't understand anything from a laundry list.
Thanks.

Sorry about that! I finally got it figured out!

Here's our synastry chart. He's the outer (red), I'm the inner (blue)
Thanks

You say -ex but don't explain much about the situation, just help!.
The synastry is actually quite nice.
Two aspects jump out that would block emotional and affectionate expressions between your two. Moon square Saturn, and Saturn/uranus/neptune opposing Venus.
What's (or was) the problem?

Hmm... well I don't where to start.
This relationship started 4 years ago, "broke up" 3 years ago but we hadn't been able to stay out of each others' lives until very recently, say the last 1/2-1 year, and only because he has met someone new.

I know his new partner's birthday but no time and have been wondering which is a better match. I wonder if me and him could possibly reunite in the future?

I've always felt our relationship was quite fated.. and I looked into our synastry seeing how my Asc conjuncts his moon and our Asc/Desc are exact opposites (I don't know if there's a relation?)... and some North Node connections...

I feel we have a very close bond. He feels like home to me... and we have a spiritual connection too but there is some trouble understanding each other emotionally and culturally. We have trouble communicating openly with each other without getting emotionally overwhelmed.
We also ran into many problems shortly after coming together ie problems outside of us (family deaths, work relocations etc). So much so that I thought the timing was really off. Some of his family came between us. There was a lot of misunderstanding and distrust that kept growing.... towards the end it was an emotional battlefield... lots of hostility, resentment and anger.
But there was/is still a degree of tenderness between us... it's hard to explain... a bit of a rollercoaster.

I don't know if he loved/loves me or just used me... and whether this is a good or bad match.... a karmic relationship perhaps.

"our synastry seeing how my Asc conjuncts his moon and our Asc/Desc are exact opposites (I don't know if there's a relation?)... and some North Node connections.."

This says a lot. This is very very compelling and it is exactly what you described.
This is what is holding you there.

The two most negative aspects between you that I wrote about explain the conflicts. And they will always be there as well.

If he has another relationship, but you are emotionally dragging on, try to find the strength to distance yourself.
Not easy? Of course not.

Try to post a composite to see how it all works out within the relationship.
Insert Nessus, dejanira, as well as amor, Astraea, karma.

Here is our composite with the other asteroids you mentioned.

From my understanding, the Asc-conj-Moon would make us feel comfortable with one another during the early stages... since the Asc is quite superficial...
would that mean we aren't really compatible once we really got to know one another?

Also, I can't tell whose moon is squaring whose saturn.. is it both ways?

First the synastry.
Moon on ascendent lasts forever, and in this case it opposes sun on descendent, this is a lovely configuration.
Your moon squares his Saturn. Translated, you reach out to him emotionally and his reaction is to reprimand, teach, restrict, block you, maybe he sees you as too emotional, and you get no satisfaction from him, no useful feedback. Your moon in virgo likes to work, clean, analyse the details, put things in order. His Saturn in sagittarius is the grasshopper who is playing while you work, your emotional attention to those things seem petty to him, you on the other hand see him being superficial, scattered and playful when you need to carry out your work (as defined by virgo).
Moving on to the composite.
Neptune on the ascendent makes you as a couple seem idealistic but undefinable, people have trouble figuring you two out. Mars there makes you an active duo.
The mutual Jupiter/nodes conjunctions in the synastry are shown here as a Jupiter/node conjunction, and this again is beautiful, it makes for a basically joyful and happy union that would grow with time.
Moon elevated squares Uranus in the 12th. The need for freedom here is extreme, and this relationship needs lots of space or it will abruptly break away. That Uranus energy plays out in the 12th so it is hidden under the surface, you don't necessarily know it is going on until suddenly it erupts and dissolves everything. This obviously is not a basis for a stable long term relationship.
It is near Saturn, ascendent ruler, so the attempt to buckle down is there, trying to plug the separation instinct, but Uranus at the end wins out.
This is a love relationship, so Venus is important. It sextiles the Jupiter/node conjunction, making this a love match. But we see Venus near Chiron, who teaches us lessons through suffering, and conjunct karma (Karmic connections, relationships, pain or circumstances that go back lifetimes.), so this is a destined coupling, where each person plays their part in enjoying the other person with the need to learn how to overcome the negative interaction.
Venus is square Astraea, and here is a quote about this asteroid: "Staying until the bitter end. While this may show someone with perseverance, the asteroid Astraea more often indicates someone who stays in a bad job/relationship/friendship far too long or doesn’t know when to let go."
Sun is the identity of the relationship, and here it is exactly conjunct Dejanera and trine Nessus. These two dire asteroids represent victimisation (dejanera) and abuse (Nessus).
This is what comes out over time when the sweetness of Venus, Jupiter and Neptune have run their course.
Are we getting a picture here?
The idea of checking your -ex's girlfriend's chart is an exercise in futility, because it is not her with him that you should be looking at, but you and him, and you with you.
Often one of the partners intuitively follows the need to move on, and the other is not ready for it and suffers terribly. But in the end, it is best to evaluate what is there, learn from it (Chiron) and move on to something rewarding and positive.
Learning, evaluating and moving on are part of the cycle of life, don't you agree?

First, thank you for such a detailed interpretation of both charts! It's definitely helping me learn how to read them.

I can definitely see how these aspects played out in our relationship. His Saturn square my moon, I often felt he was very harsh and almost dominating/father-like which was really taxing on me. At the same time he thought I was too emotionally sensitive over specific details that he found unimportant... and I felt he was "scattered" much like you suggested or that he just had difficulties empathizing with my perspective and aspects I felt were important.

In our synastry, my ASC-his Moon, my Sun-his DESC, my Sun-his ASC really is beginning to stand out for me. It does seem very compelling doesn't it? I have not seen that in any other charts I've compared myself to. How does that work out? Is it like two magnets, opposites attracting? As in no matter what, we would feel drawn to each other once we met?
How substantial are these connections... you mention it is a lovely configuration. Is it positive enough to mitigate negative influences in the chart, or is it more of a glue that would draw us together even though we are inherently incompatible?
My understanding is that the ASC is more like a social face/mask.. shallow.... it is not the real person?
I do feel that shortly after meeting me, he felt that I was like an ideal mate, and he worked really hard to please me/impress me. We were comfortable with one another quite early from the start. I wouldn't say I felt as compelled... but I definitely did admire him as time went on (my Sun near his Asc) and can see how who he is, is who I want to be more like/grow towards (in work and his social face).


I was looking at his new partner's charts because once I got into looking at charts I was curious to see whether their relationship was of a higher quality, and what constitutes a "beautiful" synastry. But I didn't see many Venus connections either, but gentler Moon connections and her Mars-conjunct his Asc, composite Sun and Mercury in Pisces.
I compared my charts with other ex-partners as well, and with this ex's family and siblings. I have opposition to Mercury with his closest sibling and mother, who are essential in his life. I think that may have played a part in our relationship too. You mention our Asc in Neptune in the composite chart, I believe his family had a hard time seeing why we were even together in the first place. "They couldn't figure us out."

What about the Jupiter-True Node conjunctions double whammy in our synastry. How substantial and beneficial are these connections? Does it mean that there is growth in the long term in a positive, joyful way? If we stuck it out?
We seem to be lacking a bit in Moon and Venus connections... are these the more important factors to solidify a positive, happy relationship?


I'm also a bit curious about his Venus opposing my Uranus/Neptune/Saturn. Are Uranus/Neptune/Saturn the same generationally? So his Venus would more or less oppose the Uranus/Neptune/Saturn of people ard my age?
It also opposes his new partner and she is near my age.

___

Looking at the composite chart, I feel a bit disheartened with Chiron, Venus and Karma all near one another, though I can't say I am surprised.

Sun conjunct Dejanera (victimization) and trine Nessus (abuse) is equally if not more disheartening... though I personally feel it played out too.
This more towards the end of our relationship - after we had ended but continued a relationship behind the scenes.

I do however also see Neptune on our Asc possibly playing out here too.. after abuse/arguments we often would come together again in a sorry, forgiving, tender, spiritual sort of way (Neptune)... is this where Venus square Astraea is coming into play? Or is this Neptune aspect just what I'd like to believe or think - but he's not actually 'sorry'. ?

I'm the one that initially broke it off, I could not take the stress from the relationship. The stress from his family, the stress of distance/lack of constancy/uncertainty and life changes going on simultaneously, and just his lack of understanding of my emotional state during that transitional period.

The Moon squaring Uranus in 12th in our composite, this is a very destabilizing presence? We definitely needed a lot of space and freedom in order to survive, just by virtue of his job. But I kept trying to hold onto it towards the end in that I wanted him to commit (Saturn) with a marriage proposal.
After that we did not contact each other for awhile, then reconnected. That's when the unhealthy relationship manifested more. I finally called it off after a year and refused to meet him, that's why he met his new partner. He still tried to reach out to me after being with the new partner but I refused and then found out that there was another woman.

I think he definitely triggered my Chiron in a myriad of ways... I only stopped meeting him because my mental health was taking a toll. I can't tell if he suffered as much as me but I honestly fell physically ill from our relation.

This is a very positive reply you've written. You are looking inward to try to understand more. This is a very important role of astrology when you use the tool properly.
Some of the replies to your questions are in my reply, you will be able to work it out. Also very helpful the way you are comparing with others, his family, your -exs, etc. From this you can see how things work out.
Remember, each person is an individual. There are aspects that on paper are negative, but because of the advanced evolution of the person, they can work it out. Similarly, an immature person can make a mess of easy aspects.
Continue this way, you are on the road to becoming internally a richer and fuller person.
You will have a lot to offer to a partner.

Thanks for your reply and encouraging words.

I’ll probably have to take awhile to stomach it all, but I’m definitely seeing the energies at work and how they played out better now.
I’m also getting a better feel of what I can learn from this, about myself too.

Life is after all a journey in self discovery.

Personally, I think the Moon square Uranus aspect is expected as he relocates frequently for work. It was something I would have to be able to manage in the long-term. My Venus is in Taurus so stability and security is very important to me.. I don’t think it would have been a suitable position for me in the long-term. I could certainly make do but a part of my emotional needs were not being truly met.

You’ve also sparked my interest in Dejanera and Nessus - I think overall it wasn’t played out as bad as it could have been ... but in retrospect if we had both been more aware of such tendencies, we could have minimized the damage.

Lesson learned
Thanks for the insight.

How'd you do a "thank you"?

Do you mind helping me interpret this composite chart as well?
I have some inklings but not sure if I am reading it right.

You seem to be into slightly conflictual relationships at the moment.
Maybe you can post your chart to see why?
Moon conjunct pluto is quite powerful, almost overwhelming. It is trine the nice sun/mecury conjunction.
The sun/mercury oppose Venus, which is not a problem, there is still lots of love and affection there, but Nessus is conjunct Venus.
The Saturn/uranus is a combinaton of conflicting types of energies, with Chiron opposing unpredictable Uranus. Jupiter in in easy aspect with all of this, which is helpful.
Neptune of delusion and compassion is on dejanira, and Neptune is co-ruler of the ascendent here.
How do you feel about this relationship ?

The relationship is relatively new and still currently playing out.
Started long distance and is entirely long distance, which I think helps to mediate the Pluto conjunct Moon temporarily, though there was a very strong spark in the beginning, and still a feeling of something bubbling under the surface.
Is this something to be concerned about?

This is actually the composite of my ex and his new partner.
They came together under "hidden" circumstances, one was in a relationship and the other was obviously having the ongoing on-off with me; they continued seeing each other in private for awhile, both were heartbroken I guess from me & her respective significant other at the time (I think that explains the Pisces in composite Sun and mercury) and are now in an exclusive romantic relationship.

I can't figure out whether I was the one who abused my ex, or he abused me.
When I look at our natal charts, it seems both me and his new partner have more conflicted charts, whereas his seems relatively balanced. Don't know if I'm looking at it right?
My natal chart is Woman 1. I don't know his new partner's time, so I did it for 12pm.

Btw I am currently not in any relationship and am not looking. I definitely need a breather after my previous. It was quite draining, and looking at their new chart it looks even more overwhelming than ours! But I do think they have some positive elements we don't have that may help to balance out the strong energies... and his new partner has a very Plutonic chart which probably helps her to deal with the Pluto-Moon in the composite. It's hard to say though and depends on their individual maturity and how the energies play out over time.