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Unread 06-09-2019, 10:13 PM
rahu rahu is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: 5025 valley crest dr #135 concord ca 94521
Posts: 10,777
Re: the node and reality

104722
https://www.astrologyweekly.com/foru...d.php?t=127106
Borderline and body dysmorphia?

Anyway, I have struggled with my mental health for a while and despite my family being there for me I just can't seem to catch a break. I was diagnosed with bulimia a year ago and take Prozac on a daily basis, and although I haven't been told that I have BPD, I see qualities of it in myself - such as being impulsive and emotionally reactive.

I don't know if my early childhood had anything to do with this but I used to be physically beaten (to the point where I had once lost consciousness) by my parents but primarily my father, and generally had a tough childhood and suffered a lot of verbal abuse. My Dad struggles with anger. They've eased up a lot on me now, but the trauma is still there.


I added a few other symbols to your chart.
the Saturn/orcus midpoint is conjunct your moon and square to mars.
this could be symbolic of the physical abuse. this pattern would suggest violence by lack of emotional control as you mention. Orcus with Saturn can show sexual abuse also.
the Saturn/Uranus midpoint which would be more specific to the violence you survived is conjunct the vertex/mars midpoint. with the vertex the implication is that he became "possessed" in some manner ,so the violence took on a life of it's won.

following you questions, mercury is conjunct to nessus. nessus is focus of abusive impulse including sexual abuse. with mercury, this could imply repressed or blocked . what is interesting is that the psyche/eros midpoint is conjunct to nessus and mercury. this pattern is easily symbolic of the unusual sexual experience you mention.

the Saturn/chiron midpoint is conjunct to your venus/mars midpoint. this pattern is strong correlated with sexual abuse. but this could include your father.

what is very interesting ,is that Sedna is conjunct your node and sto your sun... this indicates a remarkable pursuit of truth.that is ,you are a truth teller and truth seeker. this impulse maybe why you are searching for the light around your life.

Thank you, this is very insightful! I just checked my chart and added those asteroids and found out my Nessus is in the 8th house conjunct my Chiron as well as Eros in the 8th house (what does this mean?)

Yes, the violence was consistent and very extreme. Like you said, I don't think that my Dad wanted to inflict pain onto me, he just couldn't control his anger and violence was the result of that.

I'm not very familiar with Nessus and Eros, what do you mean when you say my aspect could be indicitive of sexual abuse? And with saturn/orcus towards my father?

I really do think that I was sexually abused somehow. I was an extremely sexual as a child even when I was about 4 or 5 years old, my friends and I would experiment and do sexual things many times, all while I had absolutely no idea what we were actually doing. It was like I instinctively knew how to do things, which is unusual.

Do you see any aspects that could be indicative of body dysmorphia/self image issues or trouble with regulating emotion? I struggle with these areas so much. My venus is square my ascendant and square Pluto but those are the only indicators I know of.

Also based on my chart, how would you describe me as a person? I think I struggle with forming a cohesive identity a lot and thats why I seek things like astrology to help me understand who I am. I have a huge need for intimacy and fear of abandonment so without other people sometimes I feel empty.

Again, thank you so much.



hi again

first I have to comment that you maturity and insights are amazing for a 15 years old woman. I think this in part has to do with Sedna conjunct your node as I have already allude to.i don't know if you are familiar with the young singer /song writer grace vanderwall, but she also has this aspect and also shows a precocious mental clarity as you do .

I'm not very familiar with Nessus and Eros, what do you mean when you say my aspect could be indicative of sexual abuse? And with saturn/orcus towards my father?

nessus is symbolic of the transition ofsome unconscious instincts into consciousness. it is specifically associated with sexual abuse and other forms of victimization. it is of the nature of Pluto and Saturn as it'd orbit is from just inside Saturn to the fringe of pluto's' orbit.
eros is the ethereal male love principle and forms a polarity/duality with psyche .

orcus is the twin to pluto, it is the etruscan name for the god of the underworld. so these energies are similar to pluto though orcus seems to be more inwardly oriented and pluto a bit more outward socially oriented.

the twin character is shown by the orbit parameters. both are the same distance from the sun. both have the same orbital period

https://www.lunarplanner.com/asteroi...cus-Pluto.html
this site has some excellent animations that show the 3:2 resonance that both orcus and pluto share with Neptune.

Pluto & Orcus have nearly identical orbital sizes and orbital periods.
Pluto's orbital period = 248.02 years
Orcus' orbital period = 247.29 years
Neptune's orbital period = 163.72 years
Neptune and Orcus have a 3:2 (mean-motion) orbital resonance, which is the same as the Neptune-Pluto 3:2 orbital resonance. This occurs due to the very close orbital periods of Orcus and Pluto.
in addition the satellites of orcus and pluto are were both created by collisions and the symmetry of the pattern of the satellites are similar.

Saturn/orcus midpoints as well as Saturn/pluto midpoints are possible indications of sexual abuse or severeabuse. in your chart Saturn/orcus midpoint is square to your mars/venus midpoint which is highly suggestive of sexual abuse and it one aspect that would agree with your feelings of being sexually abused.


I really do think that I was sexually abused somehow. I was an extremely sexual as a child even when I was about 4 or 5 years old, my friends and I would experiment and do sexual things many times, all while I had absolutely no idea what we were actually doing. It was like I instinctively knew how to do things, which is unusual.

your eris/mars midpoint is square to nessus/mercury and the eros/psyche midpoint. eris,in some mythological versions ,was the sister of mars and therefore is symbolic of incestual sibling sexual relationships. this is a very sexual aspect because, obviously mars is a aggressive sexual symbol and eris is a corresponding feminine sexually symbol.

first this square to the eros/psyche midpoint can be of symbolic of adolescent sexual impulses. this would correlate with your early sexual awareness. in addition mercury relates to childhood and is a asexual or bi sexual symbol. so this too would apply to consciousness of the sexual impulse in early childhood. then with nessus include ,you have another very strong indication od sexual abuse occurring. nessus with mercury gives the likelihood of repressed or blocked memories

Do you see any aspects that could be indicative of body dysmorphia/self image issues or trouble with regulating emotion? I struggle with these areas so much

I am inclined to believe a underlying insecurity and/or lack of self esteem are integral in developing dysmorphia. in your chart the Saturn/moon midpoint is opposed to Chiron and square to eris.

[a note about chiron first) chiron is almost exclusively described in astrological literature as the "wounded healer" and therefore Chiron issues involve infliction and recovery of painful experiences, emotionally or physically. but this preoccupation with these issues is short sighted and in fact disguises the real nature of chiron. As the image of “wounded healer” is directly from the myth of chiron, it is inexcusable to ignore the breath of the chiron myth. Chiron iis the centaur in the glyph of Sagittarius so this by itself should lead to the realization that chiron rules higher knowledge and occult studies.
Some myths say that Apollo gave knowekdge of these subjects along with music and poetry to chiron. But Apollo is a much later appearing deity and as Chiron is a more ancient symbol it is clear that Apollo appropriated these skillsfrom the myth of chiron in the first place and then is pictured as giving these abilities, which were originally chirons, back to chiron.}

Chiron gives great intelligence knowledge of higher studies and occult matters andmagic.it gives a person a deductive, critical and analytical mind. Strong aspects to Chiron and mercury very often give photographic memories.
Chiron is also associated with abusive circumstance when paired in hard aspects to Saturn and orcus and pluto though the latter two usually need to have a conscious planet to be included as signs for abuse.

So back to your question about dysmorphia, the moon/Saturn (insecurities) seem to have elicited overly critical views of yourself because of the very early and intense sexual occurrences and experiences as symbolizedby eris square this opposition. The traumatic social reaction to your sexual nature and the sexual abusive experiences cause you to block out these experiences and displace the disapproval to your own psyche and thereby distorting your acceptance of your self-images.

I think the trouble regulating your emotions is because as at a very unusually young age had to resolve the tensions of attraction and repulsion, pleasure/pain,love/hate and acceptance/rejection.
I tend to agree that you were sexually abused and since you know you suffer physical violence at the hands of a”care giver”, this skewed view of yourself was fixated by these opposing instinctual emotional reactions. i.e. on one hand you survival instinct wanted to flee the pain but your self-preservation impulse wanted to stay and fight.
What happens to a person in this situation is that your body produced contradiction hormone cascades.
These hormonal chemical substances of flight or fight are opposite in chemical nature and they actually fight each other. The affect is analogous to stepping on the gas in a car at the same time you apply the brakes…you burn out the brakes. But what happens to a person is that your body can no longer regulate either hormonal flow.
The result is very often auto immune diseases because the body attacks itself . some of these dysfunctions can range from sleep apnea to life threatening lupus infection and many other diseases in between of varying severity.

Also based on my chart, how would you describe me as a person? I think I struggle with forming a cohesive identity a lot and thats why I seek things like astrology to help me understand who I am. I have a huge need for intimacy and fear of abandonment so without other people sometimes I feel empty.

These feelings go back to your early uncertainty of love versus hate.
Describing you personality…….LOL girl this will be difficult because you have amazing psychic and astral potentials . But with the emotional baggage you are working through ,you might not realize this.
You have the vertex conjunct to the node and Sedna withthe sun/Neptune conjunction square the node and vertex. In addition you have Uranus square to your Lilith
You are 15 years old so I wish I could give you personality description to ease your socializations but I can’t. you have amazing “other worldly” or paranormal or psychic astral abilities.so I must talk about etheric realties to you instead of realities that you can use immediately to understand yourself in relationship to your peers.


The vertex and node gives string psychic abilities but these abilities can be very confusing because the vertex can add energy, experiences and sensations that may not apply to you directly .the node applies to you and other influences can come through the node to you, but the vertex gives intensity but not always “information” you can use. It tends to give strange otherworldly experiences and sensations through out your life. Sometimes it is just synchronistic coincides that mean nothing to anyone but you.this is all complicated because thesun and Neptune is square to the node/vertex. This gives the potential for visions. with Uranus square to Lilith your dreams can be prophetic and knowledge can come to you during you dreams. Flying dreams and even out of the body experiences are possible. Neptune can brings visions to you from thedream state to the awake state. it is possible to have visions even when you are totally conscious…seeing entitiesaround you.
On top of this Sedna with the node asI mentioned means you seek truth. You know what is right,what is coherent and what is false or faulty. You must be careful though, because some people do not want to hear thetruth about themselves or social situations. so you must only share your insights to those you trust.
You are extremely exceptional so trying to mold yourself to your peer group, I realize is part of growing up,but you must accept you are very singular and that the social mores around you might not be good examples to emulate .
Your Jupiter is on your nadir, so you are a point of respect and knowledge to others. you think things out and try to be just.
You can be impulsive with moon square to the moon, but you might not feel comfortable with rash actions because of the violent upbringing.
Mercury is sextile to venus which shows a harmonious social nature,you enjoy others and are humorous and clear spoken.
Your Venus/Jupiter midpoint is opposed to pluto which suggest you are ambitious ,but not blindly ambitious. This aspect can bring favor in a corporate structure. But there seems to be social /financial power around you are moving toward you. this might be an indication of the social /familial conditions that your parents had around them to causes the harshness in your life
Your pallas is square to chiron which shows you love to know and understand what is around you. You are a problem solver or rather a analyzer as you like to know what people think and feel as well why they do what they do.
You might see if there is a named asteroid you could use to signify yourself in the chart
rahu
__________________
Oh my God I don't even know what to say!!! I'm going to read this but I just want to say thank you so much this is going to be so incredibly informative. Thank you so much Rahu.

Last edited by rahu; 06-11-2019 at 11:32 PM.
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