Neptune in 1st house and Emptiness

Sometimes it seems like I'm on a cycle of repetitions that I can't get rid of. Constantly looking for something that provides "substance" to my personality, that makes sense for my life.

Often thoughts arise: "Other people are so brilliant, they have ideals, dreams, paths to follow, while I'm paralyzed." In my reflections, I realize that I'm not trying hard enough to find something that I like in myself that can be improved. But these reflections fall into the cycle of repetitions and drain my will to do something about it. I lose time and opportunity, regretting it later.

Only by myself do I feel free, but I can't get rid of the world and the problems, if I do, it will be the same as being dead. Sometimes being with people brings me some joy and good discussions, others only shows me how inferior I'm and easily crushed by them. Then I hide under a cold and cautious countenance, minimizing vulnerability, low self-esteem and inner tension.

I ask myself: "Am I really a lone wolf or just a lamb without a flock?"

Is this kind of reflection commonplace in a configuration like this?

Better analyze the chart as a whole, have a very ditressed T-Square involving Sun in 10th, Neptune in 1st and Saturn in 4th.

Dear Dreamer,
Your emptiness is not your own but its of your own making.
You must not confuse all that you take in from those around you to be your true self- don't lie to yourself. You are rich within but you have yet to show it to the world.

T-square's are no bid deal many have them.

Moon and Mars in the 8th house here talk more to me about things that repeat themselves. Old patterns of emotional hurt from the past. Having to grow up early, dealing with loss and pain.
The conflict is between your emotional nature which wants to rebuild, grow and think things through and the fact the your emotions and actions are not always so rational. It is better to admit them as they are- accept the feelings that come and try to take actions that are answering your inner emotional needs first.
If this means, food, sleep, a conversation, a book, a work of art, a pet, a partner - so be it. If the emotion calls for you to break something- take a step back and a deep breath. You want to build not break away. If you break instead- you are then deep with regret.

BUT for you it is very important to break away from the past- the too critical home, the rigid rules of your roots.

Your freedom lies in other places- in your smart mind, in spiritual values that for you are a huge asset fro self-esteem. In other people who unlike you take simple open child like joy in life.

You are a shapeshifter by nature and as great as this ability and gift is- it is time for you to shift to be your self.

I have a similar t-square as you!!

If you want to fill the Neptunian void, go out and do something artistic. Learn an instrument, or learn to draw and then show people how amazing you are.

I have Neptune in the first house, as well. We tend to be the chameleons of the zodiac. Neptune tends to blur or erase what it touches. When it is in the first house, it is hard to establish a consistent sense of how you come across to others.

But you are one of the "lucky" ones, with Neptune also square your sun (identity) and Saturn. I think, in this lifetime, maybe your life isn't meant to be all about you.

I would almost never suggest that anyone get into acting, because it is so competitive.

But your Venus is domiciled in its own sign of Libra, and she rules the fine and performing arts. Neptune, so far as I can tell, also rules film. With Mercury sextile moon, you have a rich imagination.

With your moon-Mars-NN in the 8th house, I think you would also do well as a doctor, hospice worker, or other medical professional.

You may never find your true vocation in life, but you can still have a great life and be a blessing to other people. Just put the focus on them. They'll appreciate it, whether or not it doesn't seem like your true vocation in life.

I have Neptune in the 1st house, and also it is conjunct my Ascendant.
I find it to be the hardest thing in my entire chart to understand.

I can definitely relate to the idea of there being a blurring or confusion about how I come across to other people - but more so I find other people endlessly confusing. I seem to be able to put other people off with out having any clue what I've done, or how to not do the same again.

Marilyn Monroe had a first house Neptune, and definitely she didn't put people off! But as an actress she also had the chameleon's ability to "act" like an ordinary person when she wanted to go out in public and not be recognized.

Without a well-defined self-image, we can be people-pleasers who change with the company we're in, and who can therefore confuse people as to who we really are. Or we can act upon whatever hard aspect is bothering us. Then people are confused when Ms. Smiley Face turns on them.

When we don't get a clear mirror back from other people (because we do not give out a clear image) we become perpetually confused.

The best cure I know for this is to try to become a good observer of other people. Use your special Mercury powers. Make conversations about the other person, not about us. Become a good listener.

waybread said:

Without a well-defined self-image, we can be people-pleasers who change with the company we're in.

Click to expand...

ohhhh - so true!