I want to thank everyone who has responded, im not going to respond individually, as i don't feel i really need to.
I HAVE read each and everyone one of your replies, and im grateful, and i have taken something, from each and everyone's reply.
In my natal i have sun/saturn tight conjunction in virgo, and im sure this is where my lack of self worth and self doubt comes from the most. Ive always been hard on myself, ive always felt the need to prove myself to extremes, i never feeltlike im good enough for anyone or anything, i always put myself down and always strive to be the very best in what im doing.
Ive realized im putting way too much pressure on myself, in everything i do, i want to look perfect, i want my home perfect etc, and as from getting into astrology i want to learn all i can, and everything i can, and be the best i can....
Reading replies this helps me realize that this takes time, Astrology is not an overnight job, even the most talented astrologers will learn something new each day.
But i'm the sort of person who wants to learn everything at once, and gets frustrated if this doesn't happen, and then in turn forgets things.
Jupiters gave me some links which i will definitely look at, so thanks jup.
CT has also, and he's also given me things to think about....especially about the "depth" part. I always want depth in everything...but with regards to studying astrology, this can get overwhelming for me...as it has done. I will be checking out CT's PDF.
CT i don't know what it is about you, but i really like you, in a "i admire you and connect with you" sort of way.
Thank you for your replies on my sorrowful thread.
Illenek its gotta be my sun/saturn that's doing this to me in virgo, im always striving for perfection, and it can really get to me when i still don't feel good enough. I always put myself down in every way, this aspect is really hard to have trust me. It makes it worse that ive never had anyone to help me alll my life with this aspect.
Lykanized about merc rx being introversion, thats me to a tee, if i have problems i deal with them myself, i never reach out to people, to me that's weak, i keep a hell of a lot of stuff to myself and never ask for help.
But then merc rx also affects my learning too of having to go back over things constantly to enable to sink in.
You've got merc rx, but your much more intelligent than me, so your okay.,,,well you seem okay.
WaybreadYour journey is similar to mine, i won't go into mine and bore you but it is similar.
The only good thing though is in my birth chart, i realise my mars/pluto/venus conjunction in libra ...the stuff ive gone through to do with these aspects, was not my fault, i needed to go through these things to grow soul wise, so i now don't hold no hatred anymore.
However, once you feel competent in one type of astrology, you may want to go forward and learn another.... and another. Several years ago I decided to go beyond my base in modern natal chart readings, to learn the basics of horary and traditional western astrology, where I now feel somewhere between a beginner and intermediate.
Yes i feel like im getting bored with horary already, im trying to learn synastry now without fully even understanding natal...i like to jump the gun.