Hello,
Good to 'meet' you all. I won't go into too much detail, but I'm going through a pretty serious time with my mental health this year. I'm coming off medication gradually and have had intense withdrawal, but as I've been medicated for so long (almost 10 years) it is very difficult for me to tell what is naturally 'my' tendencies and what is complicated by chemical fluctuations over the years.
I've had my chart looked at before, but I'd very much like to know more about the 'darker' aspects, or what might be influencing much of what I'm experiencing. I've always had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but now the fears have reached epic proportions. I have intense panic inducing fears of being bad or 'evil', and this was majorly triggered recently because I heard that many murderers/sadists etc have Scorpio Rising (which I have). I became very paranoid that I have too much of this or maybe 'bad' elements in my chart that make me potentially dangerous.
I've always battled with this 'am I a good person' thing, and during a time of great recovery (before this medication situation) I became deeply involved in meditation and spiritual practices, and learned a lot of self love. I really thought I'd never suffer like this with my mental health again, at least not to this degree.
Now that's all been thrown into question and the fears are back and worse than ever. I'm terrified I'm actually evil or sadistic underneath, and have kidded myself. I am suddenly noticing all my behaviours or tendencies that are negative in this way and can't be around anyone much because of the anxiety. I had started to believe I was actually a very good, compassionate, strong, intuitive person, now I'm confused and it's taken over my life. (I'm getting help and support for this). My sense of self has been blown to bits, and not for the first time. Having said all that, I obsess and analyse it all to death and really just need a professional, all-round view of what I'm dealing with. I just don't have the clarity to see things objectively, only really in extremes at the moment.
So that's where I hope someone here can offer some insight. This is a brief overview of the present, my story is quite long and complex and I won't bore you with it. If anyone would like to take a look at my chart, I would be hugely appreciative. (I got this offline, hope it's ok?) Many thanks in advance x
Good to 'meet' you all. I won't go into too much detail, but I'm going through a pretty serious time with my mental health this year. I'm coming off medication gradually and have had intense withdrawal, but as I've been medicated for so long (almost 10 years) it is very difficult for me to tell what is naturally 'my' tendencies and what is complicated by chemical fluctuations over the years.
I've had my chart looked at before, but I'd very much like to know more about the 'darker' aspects, or what might be influencing much of what I'm experiencing. I've always had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder but now the fears have reached epic proportions. I have intense panic inducing fears of being bad or 'evil', and this was majorly triggered recently because I heard that many murderers/sadists etc have Scorpio Rising (which I have). I became very paranoid that I have too much of this or maybe 'bad' elements in my chart that make me potentially dangerous.
I've always battled with this 'am I a good person' thing, and during a time of great recovery (before this medication situation) I became deeply involved in meditation and spiritual practices, and learned a lot of self love. I really thought I'd never suffer like this with my mental health again, at least not to this degree.
Now that's all been thrown into question and the fears are back and worse than ever. I'm terrified I'm actually evil or sadistic underneath, and have kidded myself. I am suddenly noticing all my behaviours or tendencies that are negative in this way and can't be around anyone much because of the anxiety. I had started to believe I was actually a very good, compassionate, strong, intuitive person, now I'm confused and it's taken over my life. (I'm getting help and support for this). My sense of self has been blown to bits, and not for the first time. Having said all that, I obsess and analyse it all to death and really just need a professional, all-round view of what I'm dealing with. I just don't have the clarity to see things objectively, only really in extremes at the moment.
So that's where I hope someone here can offer some insight. This is a brief overview of the present, my story is quite long and complex and I won't bore you with it. If anyone would like to take a look at my chart, I would be hugely appreciative. (I got this offline, hope it's ok?) Many thanks in advance x