It seems that perhaps it has fallen to you to do something creative with that energy.
If it feels right to do so, it may work for you to see your purpose as redeeming load of stuff that your ancestors couldn't handle.
Moonwind, I believe in "free will," but of course it is never absolute. If it were, I would stop ageing, shed my surplus pounds immediately, and hire a housekeeping staff.
You might consider whether your "destiny" concept is also never absolute (as in, who decides what socks you put on in the morning? Do we truly think the planets control daily trivia?) However you construe your "fate" however, it is liable to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So think through how and where you want your mind to go.
Your chart is not the toughest one out there, but sun-Saturn in Cancer can make you quite the recluse. Aided and abetted by Leo rising. If the Lion can't gain recognition, it likes to lick its wounds in its den. Or your Cancer spirit can give you a sense, in some small way, of nurturing other people-- notably abused women. That moon-Pluto square to Mercury looks pretty harsh, but see if you can give from your heart to female victims of rape, battery, or stalking threats. Shelters and hotlines that do this work oftentimes need volunteers. Or volunteer to help women in hospice. This would be a more empowering interpretation of your moon (women)-Pluto (underworld, death, domination.)
Mercury indicates your thought processes. If you want to let go of Mom as moon-Pluto, you will need something to take her place; ideally something constructive.
How are you expressing that third house Uranus! Maybe through Internet communication, but it should blast old sun-Saturn out of the crab's shell occasionally.
With Venus square Neptune, you may be very, very idealistic. Reality is a big disappointment. You can translate these energies into creative arts.
You have a yod in your chart, pointing to Mars in Taurus in the 9th. How are you handling it? This placement reminds me of the saying, "Home is where the heart is, but your soul needs to get out once in a while."
I don't like gyms, either. I get my exercise by dog-walking, swimming, and occasional hiking and canoeing. Your yod suggests gardening; ideally something with a foreign 9th house flair. If you live in an apartment, try bonsai!
I recognize that if you are deeply unhappy, this seems like a lot of sublimation. But the universe notices when you take small steps to help yourself, and begins to realign for you. Now that's destiny.
Just one more thing! Women who have trouble meeting Mr. Right tend to stereotype men mercilessly.
Don't do that. Old women, ugly women, fat women, you-name-it can and do have good, solid relationships. I can name several off the bat. They do so as kind, loving people who see their man as an individual, not as a subset of stereotypical "men."
I don't want a good, solid relationship. I'm not like most women. I don't need a man for emotional support or self-esteem boosting. There's only one thing I'm interested in, and it isn't love. He can save that for his mama.
It seems that whenever I do something that's not part of the plan (whatever that may be), along comes fate to slap me down with a vengeance. Something rotten always happens when I try to live the so-called "normal" life. Fate wants me to be weird! LOL I believe that, for me, free will exists, but I am punished for using it. I don't assume to know about the extent of others' free will, I just know about me.
OK.... I've been successfully married to the woman of my dreams for 40+ years. We've gone through a lot together, with difficult(white coat kids like you) and other things.
What a relationship IS, is mutual emotional support and self esteem boosting. In the end, everything goes away but this. If you don't want this, then you really don't want a relationship, imo. I was attracted to my wife because she was hot forty years ago(and it was also the micro-mini skirt era), but it was this emotional support part that drew me to seeing her as a life partner within the first 10 minutes of the first date. And its that mutual caring that keeps us together 40 years later.
IMO, every guy you connect with is really looking for a life partner. And unless you are another conquest in his one-night stand lifestyle, he will not stay with you if you are not emotionally supporting, nor will you stay with him. He can't get that from his mother.
I share the Mars tipped yod with you. Mine is in Taurus as well. However, Mine is in the 10th house and gets a square from Jupiter and it's also retrograde. I also have a Moon that's in the 12th house. I've isolated myself pretty good here lately but it's been an incubation period for restructuring my life and I'm now slowly coming out of my shell. I've had to break things down and rebuild. That has included analyzing everything and deeming what's been good and bad for me thus far. I'm two years older than you.
As an aside, I also have 2 other yods in my chart, and a drastically different chart to yours. I'm just saying that what I'm doing is probably not something you need/should do. Don't try this at home! Lol.
Now I'm not certain, but I do think you know what you need/want to do. Typically a Yod will ask that from you. You mention this, which is very very much descriptive of a Yod imo:
A Yod is known as the Finger of God. It is also known as the Finger of Fate. There's no avoiding it's calling and the sooner you embrace it the better as it'll illuminate your destiny.
Now Waybread certainly pointed out some good things. It's funny cause she was describing me! I do yoga. I meditate. I have 8 bonsai.
Your yod, since it's in a cadent house, may be a little bit more under cover than mine in the 10th house. I would research Mars in the 9th house Taurus and see if any bells start ringing and let us know what you think. Yods are highly personal, no one will be able to exactly tell you what yours means since it's something that comes from within.
All of this Yod stuff is very fascinating. I only know what I've been reading on the internet. I have always studied with Parker's Astrology, and I don't recall them being mentioned in there. This is interesting.
Indeed, and... well of course a Mars apex yod could also be highly sexual. Especially if it receives energy from Pluto and Neptune...
Are you sure that your birth time is EXACTLY 9:00 AM?
Almost nobody is born at the exact hour. I guess with your relationship with your mother it would be impossible to ask her. This means that it was rounded up or down from as much as 8:40 to 9:20. This could make a huge difference in the chart, and especially a big difference in the progressions, which in my opinion, we need to see, to look at the impact of your current challenges.