Of course there is room for growth.
When I say "accept yourself as you are" I mean accept the fact that your head and your gut seem to be disconnected. And by accept, I mean look at this situation as "ok" (for today). What you have basically indicated in this post is that you love your head and hate your gut (because you can't control it, predict it, etc).
From posts of yours I have read previously, I get the impression you fight with yourself a lot, and that you attempt to "improve yourself" by force of will.
When I was in my early 20s I got a job in construction. I had done very well in high school geometry and thought that I should apply all the glorious stuff I had learned to my new trade. I would try to figure out how to make things fit, how to build them, their dimensions and forms, with my high-falutin' geometry.
And then I discovered string. String is simple, direct, easy, quick and accurate. No fuss, no muss. And so my geometry book got dusty.
I think you are trying to geometrize your life when you could be using string.
When I was younger I wondered "why" this and "why" that? and psychoanalyzed myself, and cursed my fate and those lousy parents I got, and read books on philosophy and religion and psychology and..... trying to figure it all out. That is geometrizing.
String is where you meet a situation in this very moment, and observe both yourself and others (and the situation) very carefully, and then behave in a way (respond to the situation) that will lead you where you want to go. Behavior is the key. What do you DO in this moment? It does not take a strong will; it requires only a simple choice: "How do I want to act in this immediate circumstance? What sort of action will lead me where I want to go?" That's not hard to do (it takes a little practice and is clumsy at first) and does not require a lot of energy. And it is a very powerful and effective way to change ourselves. That is what my experience has taught me. I can only speak for myself.
Over the course of my life I have set different goals for myself, basically along the lines of "What do I want to be when I grow up?"
When I was 21 I decided I would become a millionaire by the age of 24. At age 22 I saw that my plan had little chance of success. So I changed my goal. I decided that instead of becoming a millionaire I would become a failure. And I have succeeded at that beyond my wildest dreams. I am a happy man.
My life has been rootless. I have never held a job, or lived in the same house, for over 2 years. My relationships have been disasters. I am an alcoholic. I have always lived in poverty, was "homeless" for a very long time. I carried a lot of anger for a very long time. Etc, etc....
And through all of that, wanting to better myself...I could not. No matter how much will I applied...nothing I tried worked any change. I had no power over myself.
Then one day I learned the power of surrender. I gave up. I said to my God, "God, I am trying to be a good boy, but can't. Guess you will just have to spank me. Do with me what you will." I gave up; I surrendered. I raised the white flag. I accepted myself as a failure.
When I turned 50 I sat down on a rock. I said to myself, "Self, you have messed up the first 50 years...What are you going to do with the rest of it?" Hmmm. Sitting on a rock is good for thinking. And then I found what I wanted. What I am going to do with the rest of my life is....Be kind to other people. That is actually what I decided. So I set about learning how to be kind. I wasn't all that successful at first, but with time I got a little better at it. Other people had been kind to me, and it made me feel good, and feel like life was good in spite of all the mean people. Just seemed like something good to do.
A few years back I had another little "sittin' on a rock" session with myself. I was looking for a new goal. It will probably be my last goal. And so...what I want to be when I grow up is Love. I don't want to be loving, or give love, or be loved....I want to become love itself, on two feet. It doesn't matter to me whether I reach the goal or not; but I want to go in that direction, get a little closer every day. Just seems like a good thing to do.
And the way I go about doing it is by watching how I behave in every little passing circumstance. And it works.
It's sort of like navigating a boat on the ocean. You notice you're a bit off course, so you just turn the wheel a little to port and get back on course again. Easy does it. When a storm blows up, just turn her head into the seas; you can get back on course when it blows over.
If you try to force yourself into some mold it will never work. Been there, done that. Surrender is a very powerful thing. If you surrender the war is over. Peace follows.
If you are at war with yourself there can be no peace. If you try to conquer yourself...conquest is achieved through war. Therefore, if you try to conquer yourself there can be no peace. Obviously, this is not the fruitful path. We must find another way. In the words of that old song, "Gonna lay down my sword and shield, down by the riverside...."
"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In every situation you encounter, put yourself in the other guy's shoes. Ask yourself, "If I were him/her, and he/she were me, how would I want them to treat me?" If you do that, and treat them that way, you can't go very far off the path. Pretty simple. And what you sow you reap. And that's a fact.
Instead of worrying about yourself so much, pay attention to how you treat others. Watch what happens when you do...pretty amazing.
