Overwhelmed

Abby83

Well-known member
Im overwhelmed with my life as a mum. Im exhausted daily. The workload I have to do is larger than the time i have available unless i have no pit stops or lunch breaks. Continuing from the last horary, i saw the gastric specialist. He will be doing tests on me but he believes it's all caused by stress and that i need to find a way to reduce it. He told me to delegate, but no one will help me. If i write down all the things i need to do it takes up the whole 7 days in my week. So im asking horary now, what can i do to reduce the stress and make my life as a mum easier. In the chart i am saturn in cap 1st. This is a tired, workaholic with little finances. I have jobs to get done (mercury). The 9th is also mercury though. I wonder what that could mean. I mean, I know my in laws wont help me. so i wonder what else it could mean. saturn is in exaltation of mars (friends), so maybe getting friends involved or perhaps seeing friends more often could make life easier? what do you think?
 

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LadySunday77

New member
Im overwhelmed with my life as a mum. Im exhausted daily. The workload I have to do is larger than the time i have available unless i have no pit stops or lunch breaks. Continuing from the last horary, i saw the gastric specialist. He will be doing tests on me but he believes it's all caused by stress and that i need to find a way to reduce it. He told me to delegate, but no one will help me. If i write down all the things i need to do it takes up the whole 7 days in my week. So im asking horary now, what can i do to reduce the stress and make my life as a mum easier. In the chart i am saturn in cap 1st. This is a tired, workaholic with little finances. I have jobs to get done (mercury). The 9th is also mercury though. I wonder what that could mean. I mean, I know my in laws wont help me. so i wonder what else it could mean. saturn is in exaltation of mars (friends), so maybe getting friends involved or perhaps seeing friends more often could make life easier? what do you think?

Dear Tired Mum with Saturn in Capricorn,

Your responsibility crushes me from here. I can FEEL the weight of your world. Even if you were to delegate, you would feel as if it was being done properly.

I suggest a very STRONG take charge friend, loved one, or significant other that you can rely on to relinquish some control.

It's making you sick and way old before your time.

(((HUGS)))
I truly sympathize and feel for you. Delegate NOW before you put yourself in an early grave.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
Another possibility with the 9th ruler mercury is to make my daily obligations a journey. I pulled a tarot card for advice and it showed a woman in a boat peacefully paddling down the stream with her canoe filled with groceries. I tell you what - if i lived somewhere where i got to take a boat down stream and collect groceries id be pretty effing happy myself. so then i got to thinking. yes, i could go out to the country and pick berries from the farm. i could grab the boat and go fishing or crabbing. it's far more enjoyable and rewarding catching the food you eat. you don't need money to be happy. i honestly believe that being poorer with less western privileges would make me happier. i would love to grab the tent and bbq and do this in the country but in oz we cant use bbq out in the bush during summer season which is when we'd go.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
Abby, hang in there. They do get older.

I am not clear on your precise question.

I cant deal with the workload. The daily dishes, washing/laundry, groceries and cooking. it's isolating and lonely. no break. 14 hrs of labour and busyness with no social interaction. slaving all these hours in isolation. all my son's autistic appointments. all the teacher's complaints about my autistic son. then family negativity. I have found a couple of ideas to make things easier and more enjoyable. it's what i want to do but on a daily basic im hammered from so many ppl expecting me to do something like im some kind of wonderwoman. im busy all 14 hrs a day. i cannot do anymore it's just insane. this horary was asking what i can do to makemy life easier. i just spoke to my mum and she said she will come one day a week and we will have a cooking session together. but what about the other 6 days of the week?
 

Abby83

Well-known member
Dear Tired Mum with Saturn in Capricorn,

Your responsibility crushes me from here. I can FEEL the weight of your world. Even if you were to delegate, you would feel as if it was being done properly.

I suggest a very STRONG take charge friend, loved one, or significant other that you can rely on to relinquish some control.

It's making you sick and way old before your time.

(((HUGS)))
I truly sympathize and feel for you. Delegate NOW before you put yourself in an early grave.

The only strong person in my life that i can trust is my mum, but she is old now and has agreed to one day a week of combined cooking. Everyone else in my life is weak. well, my son is strong but he wont help me. in my natal chart my friends are the weakest in the chart.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Abby, my heart goes out to you. I was a single mom briefly and it was horribly difficult.

How old are your children? They can probably begin to do more, as appropriate to their ages. For example, I had my children doing their own laundry when they were around 8 years old. Then just don't do it. If they want clean clothes, it's their job.

Is your husband a complete write-off so far as chores are concerned? Most husbands are at least willing to pick up the groceries and dry cleaning when given a clear list. Is he willing to do outdoor grilling? Chicken is inexpensive, and kids love hot dogs and hamburgers.

Do the kids make their own beds?

What about less cooking from scratch? Bagged salads, big-batch meals made on the weekend in a slow-cooker that you can freeze into smaller family-size portions. When your mom comes over, do a real cook-a-thon so that you can freeze meals ready to mix-and-match later on.

Try telling the older child/children that each one is responsible for the well-being of the next younger sibling. For example, the next older child makes sure the younger child brushes her teeth.

Sometimes young children love to cook. Making a simple green salad and mixing up mayo and ketchup for 1000-isle dressing, assembling a sandwich, putting a prepared food in the microwave or measuring out water and rice can be done by young children.

Sometimes little girls are great nurses. If you say that mommy has to lie down for half an hour, and could they please bring you a blanket and glass of water, they may see this as a good game to play.

Because unfortunately I don't see any magic in your chart. The moon is VOC. Saturn in Capricorn in the first house almost suggests soldiering on.

But I think if you could lay down a simple chore list-- maybe one that everyone could put together, maybe not-- and then sticking to it is important.

Mars is your friend here. It rules your 4th house of home, where not coincidentally, we find Chiron. Mars is domiciled in Scorpio, and its next aspect is to Mercury, ruling children in general plus your 6th house of work and service. Try some assertiveness and sticking to it, with Mars in a fixed sign.
 
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kalinka

Well-known member
Hi Abby,
Your moon in scorpio, in her own fall and under suns beam (so accidential very weak) suggests the matter- you are mentally owerhelmed. Sun is your 8th house ruler. The 8th house represents transformation, regeneration, death & rebirth. Moon is voc now, so there is not much change at this time. However moon will leave this sign in the foreseeable future, enter into Sagittarius, which is not optimal but still a better place for your moon. Moon approaches to the sun= the situation worsend, then both will be in conjunction = it reach a climax, but after "newmoon" there will be a new beginning. It seems you will have an emotional breakdown, if you are not careful. Saturn, on the other hand, has essential and accidential strength and in applying sextile with mercury. Mercury is your 6th and 9th house ruler, located in your 11th house, also in scorpio. The 6th house is the house of service and health. Maybe you could hire a home help? perhaps you have got a friend, who could support you in the household and with the kids. Since the 9th house signifies doctors, in combination with the 6th house and mercury in scorpio, where the moon is placed, there is strong evidence that you should consult a psychologist, psychiatrist or at least alternative practitioners (before you suffer burnout syndrome). Mars, the dispositor of the moon, in the 11th, ruler of the 11th and the 4th, will make a sextile with saturn, too. Chiron on the IC shows how completely overtaxed you are in the family/home area. the 4th house tells us also about "the end of matter". Mars/Saturn sextile seems to be a postive indication that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
 
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Abby83

Well-known member
Abby, my heart goes out to you. I was a single mom briefly and it was horribly difficult.

How old are your children? They can probably begin to do more, as appropriate to their ages. For example, I had my children doing their own laundry when they were around 8 years old. Then just don't do it. If they want clean clothes, it's their job.

Is your husband a complete write-off so far as chores are concerned? Most husbands are at least willing to pick up the groceries and dry cleaning when given a clear list. Is he willing to do outdoor grilling? Chicken is inexpensive, and kids love hot dogs and hamburgers.

Do the kids make their own beds?

What about less cooking from scratch? Bagged salads, big-batch meals made on the weekend in a slow-cooker that you can freeze into smaller family-size portions. When your mom comes over, do a real cook-a-thon so that you can freeze meals ready to mix-and-match later on.

Try telling the older child/children that each one is responsible for the well-being of the next younger sibling. For example, the next older child makes sure the younger child brushes her teeth.

Sometimes young children love to cook. Making a simple green salad and mixing up mayo and ketchup for 1000-isle dressing, assembling a sandwich, putting a prepared food in the microwave or measuring out water and rice can be done by young children.

Sometimes little girls are great nurses. If you say that mommy has to lie down for half an hour, and could they please bring you a blanket and glass of water, they may see this as a good game to play.

Because unfortunately I don't see any magic in your chart. The moon is VOC. Saturn in Capricorn in the first house almost suggests soldiering on.

But I think if you could lay down a simple chore list-- maybe one that everyone could put together, maybe not-- and then sticking to it is important.

Mars is your friend here. It rules your 4th house of home, where not coincidentally, we find Chiron. Mars is domiciled in Scorpio, and its next aspect is to Mercury, ruling children in general plus your 6th house of work and service. Try some assertiveness and sticking to it, with Mars in a fixed sign.

It's having an autistic kid that is the biggest problem. His food allergies makes meal planning exhausting, especially since my husband wants different meals. the twins dont eat dinners at all and ask me 50 times in one afternoon to make food like sandwiches and oranges. If i ask for my autistic son to help me he wont. if i say i need to lie down he takes the opportunity to do something dangerous. i did that once and he got the keys, unlocked the door and ran out the front naked with the twins. A lady called the police on me.

The twins are 6 and my son is 7. My husband is no use whatsoever. His reply is always the same - 'you're the mum, suck it up. it's your job.' then he stops listening.

As for the children cooking. they fight all the time, instigated by the boy. he hurts everyone and loves breaking things. and they refuse to clean up afterwards.

a chores list sounds good.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
You need a chores list definitely, and a rhythm

If we try to look at what the moderns are telling us and not just see them as a distraction, imposing a structure (schedule) could benefit all of you. You can’t be an on demand mom for little ones whose frontal lobes aren’t fully developed, including a son with autistic challenges

Could you look into Waldorf rhythm?

i could do that. i think i need help with my husband. he doesnt care at all when i speak to him. he grins and says it's my job. he refuses to help and has the nerve to ask me for help.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
Well i just wrote up a large poster chart and i feel so much better. Every person in this family has 3 jobs to do a week. Who knew it would be that simple. And there's even room for an adventure day every Sunday :). Woohoo.
 

Abby83

Well-known member
As for my autistic son - you know i find it so annoying when people keep saying my son needs psychological help for his behaviour yet the only thing i've seen that effectively works for him is vitamins and mineral solutions from a naturopath.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Good for you, Abby-- and you clearly have challenges most of us don't face. Three children in two years is a handful, notably with an autistic child.

Your horary chart, while not suggesting an ideal solution, does give you enormous strength as a domiciled, first house Saturn. The chart overall looks amazingly favourable, with all those trines and sextiles. The main issue being your husband. I think if you just explain to him your new regimen and stick to it, he should find something sufficiently paternal. For one thing, a 7-year old boy is no longer a tiny tot, and some easy sports activities, like kicking a soccer ball in the neighborhood park or back yard should be a good father-son activity

What would happen if you didn't:

1. make separate meals for everyone? Just one simple type of meal consistent with your son's diet. If your husband is unhappy with this arrangement, suggest he order take-out or fix his own food. He's the other parent, not the patriarch, and it is now 2019, not 1955.

You're under doctor's orders not to "suck it up" and overwork.

2. Sandwiches and oranges can be completely healthy. I did some "kids in the kitchen" activities with my 3-year old grandson last month, and he really enjoyed it. If you can lay out pre-sliced whole grain bread, meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, or the occasional PB&J, the children could probably fix their own sandwiches. If you can score the orange peel with a sharp knife, the kids can peel their own oranges.

3. I once had a friend with a hyperactive ADD son, and a professional colleague with two autistic sons. Both moms found that cutting out sugar and food additives from their boys' diets helped. The colleague found that a gluten-free diet was helpful. Worth a try if you're not doing this already.

4. I recall my siblings and I fighting a lot as children, but in hindsight, I think it came from not getting enough active parental involvement. This is so hard to give when you are so stressed (as my mother probably was) but I think this is much more important than keeping a tidy house or making all those special meals.

5. The chore board is a great idea. One chore could be "help Mom with dinner"-- even if the help involves pushing the start button on the microwave. "Help Mum with laundry" could mean sorting their clothes into piles and pushing the start buttons on the washer and drier. 6 is still awfully young to shoulder major tasks, but if you start your daughters now, I think you'll find them growing into their roles in a year or two. Of course, small rewards for jobs well done are incentives. They could help decide what would be a small, meaningful reward for them.

Good luck, Mama-- and what can you do that is nice for yourself?
 

Abby83

Well-known member
Good for you, Abby-- and you clearly have challenges most of us don't face. Three children in two years is a handful, notably with an autistic child.

Your horary chart, while not suggesting an ideal solution, does give you enormous strength as a domiciled, first house Saturn. The chart overall looks amazingly favourable, with all those trines and sextiles. The main issue being your husband. I think if you just explain to him your new regimen and stick to it, he should find something sufficiently paternal. For one thing, a 7-year old boy is no longer a tiny tot, and some easy sports activities, like kicking a soccer ball in the neighborhood park or back yard should be a good father-son activity

What would happen if you didn't:

1. make separate meals for everyone? Just one simple type of meal consistent with your son's diet. If your husband is unhappy with this arrangement, suggest he order take-out or fix his own food. He's the other parent, not the patriarch, and it is now 2019, not 1955.

You're under doctor's orders not to "suck it up" and overwork.

2. Sandwiches and oranges can be completely healthy. I did some "kids in the kitchen" activities with my 3-year old grandson last month, and he really enjoyed it. If you can lay out pre-sliced whole grain bread, meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes, or the occasional PB&J, the children could probably fix their own sandwiches. If you can score the orange peel with a sharp knife, the kids can peel their own oranges.

3. I once had a friend with a hyperactive ADD son, and a professional colleague with two autistic sons. Both moms found that cutting out sugar and food additives from their boys' diets helped. The colleague found that a gluten-free diet was helpful. Worth a try if you're not doing this already.

4. I recall my siblings and I fighting a lot as children, but in hindsight, I think it came from not getting enough active parental involvement. This is so hard to give when you are so stressed (as my mother probably was) but I think this is much more important than keeping a tidy house or making all those special meals.

5. The chore board is a great idea. One chore could be "help Mom with dinner"-- even if the help involves pushing the start button on the microwave. "Help Mum with laundry" could mean sorting their clothes into piles and pushing the start buttons on the washer and drier. 6 is still awfully young to shoulder major tasks, but if you start your daughters now, I think you'll find them growing into their roles in a year or two. Of course, small rewards for jobs well done are incentives. They could help decide what would be a small, meaningful reward for them.

Good luck, Mama-- and what can you do that is nice for yourself?

Yeah, you're right. Im just having such a bad run everywhere. Husband and I, my mum, dad, brother, we are all totally broke. do u think our rich relatives would lend us any money? nope. i just got a fine of $102 for my car being two cm over the yellow line at school pick up, and the teachers keep hammering me for nonsense. god must hate me. authority everywhere is overdoing it. I did watch a pick a card tarot reading on youtube for entertainment purposes and it advises to play games and watch comedies as a way of distracting from the overburdening life. I'll do my best to play games with the kids without paying money.

As for the food, my son is fairly limited with what he can eat and no one wants to eat it.
 

waybread

Well-known member
So sorry, Abby. The gods don't hate you but they seem to be testing you.

It actually doesn't seem like income is the issue so much as your family members working at cross purposes. Is it possible for you all to pull together? Usually divisiveness and quarreling are due to family members feeling that their emotional needs are not being met.
 
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Abby83

Well-known member
So sorry, Abby. The gods don't hate you but they seem to be testing you.

It actually doesn't seem like income is the issue so much as your family members working at cross purposes. Is it possible for you all to pull together? Usually divisiveness and quarreling are due to family members feeling that their emotional needs are not being met.

Lol funny you say that. My kids have done a wonderful job at sticking to the chores sheet. Sarina did an amazing job cooking spaghetti, washing dishes and playing tennis the other day. the kids laugh at each other when they have a job. the biggest baby of all has turned out to be my husband. he was the only person who refused to do his job which was to load the dishwasher one day a week. but i can see now it is all about control. im trying to get everyone used to doing chores so i can break into the workforce again but surprise surprise my husband started making fun of me again saying i am just a housewife so he wont do the dishes. he laughed and said i need to suck it up. i laughed right back and said haha, the kids are doing a better job tat you, and then i left. he told me he would sweep the floor but not the dishes. again, this is all about control. he's trying to tell me what he will do, but that messes the roster i put together, again disrespecting me. so i left and at night when i came back the dishes were done. gosh he's just a dickhead who likes to control me and put me down. he refused to spend time with me on our day off in hope he could control me and put me in misery, but i refused and i left the house to play tennis and have lunch with friends,
 
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