Would you have a child with someone even if you don't want to be with them?

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Tla26

Well-known member
ChildOfVenus said:
I understand what you mean this is just something that my parents are worried about. They don't want me to end up being alone.
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There's nothing wrong with being alone. It's better to be alone than with someone you have a half assed connection to. Your parents are from a different generation, one where it sounds like they had to base all life choices on survival, and therefore, they cannot understand the lifestyle of someone younger. It sounds like it's making you feel kind of depressed. They shouldn't be sending you into panic mode.
It just isn't fair to anyone involved to have children with an agenda. The only reason to have them is because you e found someone whom you absolutely adore and create them out of pure love.
Only have children because of what you can give to them. Not what you expect them to do for you. This is unconditional love. All children deserve it.
I would suggest you read some psychology books about parenting. This is a good article: http://gettinbetter.com/BPDparent.html
I realize it's very blunt but it's very significant. The circumstances you're describing for bringing a child into the world are unhealthy. The statistics are very high that a child created under such circumstance will develop a personality disorder.
 
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CancerEvolve

Banned
Tla26 said:
There's nothing wrong with being alone. It's better to be alone than with someone you have a half assed connection to. Your parents are from a different generation, one where it sounds like they had to base all life choices on survival, and therefore, they cannot understand the lifestyle of someone younger. It sounds like it's making you feel kind of depressed. They shouldn't be sending you into panic mode.
It just isn't fair to anyone involved to have children with an agenda. The only reason to have them is because you e found someone whom you absolutely adore and create them out of pure love.
Only have children because of what you can give to them. Not what you expect them to do for you. This is unconditional love. All children deserve it.
I would suggest you read some psychology books about parenting. This is a good article: http://gettinbetter.com/BPDparent.html
I realize it's very blunt but it's very significant. The circumstances you're describing for bringing a child into the world are unhealthy. The statistics are very high that a child created under such circumstance will develop a personality disorder.
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This, it's superficial, and love is anything but.

I wait until i know i can bond with someone.. highly intuitive.

People need to be themselves.
 
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ChildOfVenus

Well-known member
Well being as though I have Uranus on the 5th house cusps. It seems that if I were to have any children they would probably have some kind of mental issues or be weird in someway. So perhaps the living arrangement wouldn't affect them.
 
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Tla26

Well-known member
ChildOfVenus said:
Well being as though I have Uranus on the 5th house cusps. It seems that if I were to have any children they would probably have some kind of mental issues or be weird in someway. So perhaps the living arrangement wouldn't affect them.
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The living arrangement would create mental health issues.
 
waybread

waybread

Well-known member
In most western/developed countries, the biological father would have legally required, mandatory child support responsibilities. These financial obligations would last until the child was of a legal age to be self-supporting. If the man wasn't aware the woman wanted to become pregnant, this would be a huge deception on her part. Because he's not just a sperm donor, but a source of financial commitment.

And what about the child? Little kids want and need close, loving relationships with their daddies.
 
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ChildOfVenus

Well-known member
Yes he would only be responsible for child support if the woman decided to file or if she was getting government assistance. Why do sperm banks and adoption agency exists? If a woman decides to go to a sperm bank does she have communication with the child's father? What would she tell the child when he or she grows up in this kind of situation?
waybread said:
In most western/developed countries, the biological father would have legally required, mandatory child support responsibilities. If he wasn't aware the woman wanted to become pregnant, this would be a huge deception on her part.

And what about the child? Little kids want and need close, loving relationships with their daddies.
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waybread

waybread

Well-known member
Child of Venus, sperm bank situations are entirely different. These agencies have legal back up up the yin-yang. Any unattached woman who is not financially able to support a child on her own really needs to think of why she wants a child and how well she can support it. Unfortunately, love is not enough to raise a child.

What happens if she tells her temporary lover what she's about, but then goes after him for support later after she's changed her mind?

Single mothers tell the child whatever they think appropriate. This is not my point.

My point is that children want to be raised and loved by their daddies. Why would you voluntarily deprive your child of this vital relationship just to satisfy your own desires?
 
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ChildOfVenus

Well-known member
I'm not thinking about depriving the child I am just saying that I don't think I would want to be married. Still that doesn't mean I wouldn't want to have a child.
waybread said:
Child of Venus, sperm bank situations are entirely different. These agencies have legal back up up the yin-yang. Any unattached woman who is not financially able to support a child on her own really needs to think of why she wants a child and how well she can support it. Unfortunately, love is not enough to raise a child.

What happens if she tells her temporary lover what she's about, but then goes after him for support later after she's changed her mind?

Single mothers tell the child whatever they think appropriate. This is not my point.

My point is that children want to be raised and loved by their daddies. Why would you voluntarily deprive your child of this vital relationship just to satisfy your own desires?
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wan

wan

Well-known member
It's not very feasible financially anyway. Nowadays one needs a lot of money/resources to raise a child properly. A lot of working people don't have this kind of money. So I think it's best to have another person in one's life before one decides to have a child.
 
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Tla26

Well-known member
ChildOfVenus said:
And you know this for a fact? Well what about when people adopt? Is there a difference really?
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It's a statistic. You aren't special or unique to be exempt from the percentage. And there's a huge difference between thinking up a Machiavellian strategy about conception versus wanting to take in or adopt a child from the foster care system to lower its statistics of being sold into human trafficking (kids in the foster care system are a great number of times more likely to be sold into sex slavery than ones adopted/raised by a family).

You can't just have children to try to put a bandaid on your own fears. When you so desperately try to avoid whatever it is that you fear, you cause it to happen.

And I saw your other post about a woman being "mother material". That is so incredibly misogynistic; the real question is:
Are YOU father material?

And it sounds like you're trying to manipulate some woman into doing what you want.
 
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ChildOfVenus

Well-known member
I'm not trying to manipulate anyone into doing anything and of course I would love and care for the child. I don't know why people always take what I say here the wrong way. I do not want to be married but does that mean I can't be a parent? And actually I'm a woman not a man lol.
Tla26 said:
It's a statistic. You aren't special or unique to be exempt from the percentage. And there's a huge difference between thinking up a Machiavellian strategy about conception versus wanting to take in or adopt a child from the foster care system to lower its statistics of being sold into human trafficking (kids in the foster care system are a great number of times more likely to be sold into sex slavery than ones adopted/raised by a family).

You can't just have children to try to put a bandaid on your own fears. When you so desperately try to avoid whatever it is that you fear, you cause it to happen.

And I saw your other post about a woman being "mother material". That is so incredibly misogynistic; the real question is:
Are YOU father material?

And it sounds like you're trying to manipulate some woman into doing what you want.
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craft94

craft94

Well-known member
ChildOfVenus said:
Lol I just mean do you actually have to be in a relationship with the person who you have a child with?
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You don't have to. I know plenty of single parents and props to them. I wouldn't have a child with someone if I knew for certain I wasn't going to be with the person but as of right now, I don't plan on having children at all. Do what you want.

Actually, the Amazon women come to mind. They were pretty cool. Warrior women who cut off their breasts and fought like men. They lived apart from men but every year or something like, they would have sex with them strictly for the purpose of having children. Then, they would part
 
craft94

craft94

Well-known member
AppLeo said:
Yes you actually do.

Screwing someone and then just ditching them leaves them with the responsibility of the child only, when actually it's both parents responsibility to take care of the child.
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I'm guessing you've never heard of the Amazon women then...
 
craft94

craft94

Well-known member
AppLeo said:
Who cares about Amazon women?
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It's besides the point whether or not anyone cares, but to answer your question, I do!

My Ascendant is conjunct the fixed star Bellatrix (at 20 degrees Gemini) which is apparently associated with Amazon Queens lmao

"If prominent in a woman’s map it makes her loquacious and shrewish, and gives a high-pitched, hard and sharp voice. [1]"
"Thomas Hood (c. 1590) claimed that “women born under this star shall have mighty tongues”. [2]
Very true ^^^^
I love it.
 
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ChildOfVenus

Well-known member
I understand that a child would do better having both parents in his or her life. I guess this is why people get married for the sake of the child. I wish it was a way around this but I guess there isn't.
 
AppLeo

AppLeo

Well-known member
craft94 said:
Who cares about whether or not someone wants to have a child without getting married?
I thought you were a libertarian.
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I am a libertarian. I never said someone couldn't have a child without getting married. Personally, I think marriage is kind of a joke anyway.

People can do whatever want; I just wouldn't ***** someone and then leave them with the responsibility of the child. That's just common human decency.

And I would also think that someone would want to have a child with someone in the first place because they want the responsibility to care for and raise the child because you love your child.
 
craft94

craft94

Well-known member
ChildOfVenus said:
I understand that a child would do better having both parents in his or her life. I guess this is why people get married for the sake of the child. I wish it was a way around this but I guess there isn't.
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One of my friends' was raised by a single mother, and she's more well-off than anybody I know!
But I guess it really depends on your socio-economic status.
Raising a child by yourself, especially if you don't have a lot of money, is difficult... which is why I do not understand all the criticism single mothers' get. But a lot of times, single mothers don't intend to be single mothers.
 
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