I'm lost. Please help! (career)

brilo

Member
Hello everyone! This is my first post and I am glad I have come across this interesting and helpful forum. You guys are great!

Here's the story:
In 2014 I finished highschool and by the end of the year I moved from home to attend college. I am studying Management and economy in tourism, which seemed like a logical choice after finishing Hotel management highschool. However, I chose that highschool not because I wanted to, but because I had to choose something. At first I chose a different school but when I saw the books being used a feeling came over me that that choice is wrong and I transfered to Hotel management school and I haven't regret it. I spent most of my childhood years playing video games and never had to think about anything, but I have never had a sense of direction and belonging, so when I finished highschool I went to this college so I wouldn't have to start working, and in order to move from my parent's house. (we respect each other, but they don't know anything about me or my interests... Even I am not sure about those things!)
The only thing that I did because I wanted to was finishing two years of music school in 2012 and 2013, but then I realised I had enough of it and didn't want to do it professionaly even though I had straight As.

So I am here in this big city, struggling to find direction and meaning in life which I have never had, I am forcing myself to study which is very hard for me (even practicing for music school was) because I am rather lazy and have passed classes successfuly my whole life simply by listening and paying attention in class. The university is not very hard and you can get by with minimal effort, which is the reason I didn't drop out so far. But sometimes I feel as if I am wasting my parents' money. I don't want to dissapoint them either.

I live alone with a roommate and have a lot of time to think and I realized that I can't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like I'm going through life on some sort of autopilot and even if I wanted to do something that would make me happy I don't know what that is! I've been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months because I am simply tired of everything. There is a lot of emotional trauma (regarding love and friendship and belonging) that I can't get rid of and it eats me out every day and it is blocking me from feeling anything, let alone choosing what I want to do in my life.

I am modest but never lacked anything in my life as far as material things are concerned; why can't I just enjoy it? The guilt is tearing me apart, especially when I see how tough other people's lives are. (not just people from my surroundings but all the planet) I would give everything to feel happy, I forgot how it was. Or did I ever know?


So this is my first question: does my chart indicate some career or goal that will fulfil me?

2: I have become a bit of a hypochondriac in the past few years, and I am scared that my brain is sick from depression, even though there is none in my family. Does my chart say something about that?

3: And last but not least, does it say something about my voice and throat and problems with it? I used to love to sing, but my voice cracks from singing and even prolonged talking and I get an inflammation. :crying:

Here is my chart (sorry if I uploaded it incorrectly)


Thanks to everyone who reads this and who cares!
 

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Osamenor

Staff member
All you gotta do is switch to computer science, you should like it, and there are loadsa jobs, and it's enjoyable.
What do you see in his chart that makes you say he would like computer science?

So I am here in this big city, struggling to find direction and meaning in life which I have never had, I am forcing myself to study which is very hard for me (even practicing for music school was) because I am rather lazy and have passed classes successfuly my whole life simply by listening and paying attention in class.
You call yourself lazy, but what's really going on here is that school doesn't give you a point of connection. There's nothing in it that motivates you or challenges you in the right way. That's the fault of the system, not you. To not be lazy, as you put it, you would have to feel that whatever you're doing is meaningful and worth doing. School doesn't provide that motivation for everyone. Could be the subject, or, if you find the subject interesting in itself but still can't get into it in school, then the problem is the way it's being taught.

Your chart shows a strong need to do something personally meaningful to you, although it doesn't show what that something is. That part is up to you, and it could be more than one something; you might have a different focus at different times in your life.

Sun in Virgo indicates a need to grow your personality by developing a skill. Its fifth house placement says this needs to be something you greatly enjoy doing (fifth house=enjoyment), and conjunct the sixth house cusp suggests that you need your day to day job to be that same thing (sixth house=working environment, job). Venus conjunct your sun from the sixth house side of the cusp adds a creative/artistic message and gives a further implication that you need this to be your day to day pursuit.

Your sun and Venus trine Uranus and Neptune and your midheaven. That puts their energy towards your career, or more accurately, towards something you can become publicly known for. Planets in trine put all their energies towards common goals, and the tenth house is the house of public reputation, which, in the modern world, typically implies your career.

You have the greatest potential to become known for doing something different and outside the box (Uranus), and Neptune adds a wonderful creative and intuitive and mystical element to that... if, that is, you make a strong response to those energies and manifest them in a positive way. If you don't, those same placements could make you highly self destructive.

I live alone with a roommate and have a lot of time to think and I realized that I can't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like I'm going through life on some sort of autopilot and even if I wanted to do something that would make me happy I don't know what that is! I've been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months because I am simply tired of everything. There is a lot of emotional trauma (regarding love and friendship and belonging) that I can't get rid of and it eats me out every day and it is blocking me from feeling anything, let alone choosing what I want to do in my life.

I am modest but never lacked anything in my life as far as material things are concerned; why can't I just enjoy it? The guilt is tearing me apart, especially when I see how tough other people's lives are. (not just people from my surroundings but all the planet) I would give everything to feel happy, I forgot how it was. Or did I ever know?
Those are symptoms of depression. That's an illness, and it needs to be treated. If it's not, it only goes on and on and gets worse.

I don't know what the options for treatment are where you live, but therapy is usually the best place to start. If you have any opportunity to get hypnotherapy, EMDR, body work, and/or acupuncture, those are also very helpful... in my experience, more helpful than just plain talk therapy or medication.

2: I have become a bit of a hypochondriac in the past few years, and I am scared that my brain is sick from depression, even though there is none in my family. Does my chart say something about that?
How do you know there is none in your family? Families often keep that sort of thing a secret. Case in point: who in your family knows about your depression?

Your chart doesn't spell out depression, but it wouldn't, because that's situational, and your birth chart just shows a general picture of the energies for your life as a whole. It does show a strong possibility of health issues, which could be mental or physical or both (strong emphasis on sixth and twelfth houses, north and south nodes in those houses as well plus Chiron in the sixth), but doesn't spell those issues out clearly.

3: And last but not least, does it say something about my voice and throat and problems with it? I used to love to sing, but my voice cracks from singing and even prolonged talking and I get an inflammation. :crying:
Again, that might be indicated by your sixth and twelfth house placements, health issues in general. Taurus rising gives you an orientation towards music and possibly singing--Taurus rules the throat and is the archetypal musician--and Mercury in Libra suggests a drive to speak, or communicate, in an artistic way, which could, again, be singing. Sixth house might involve some health issues around that, but I'm not quite versed in the finer points of astrology, so maybe someone more experienced could give more detail there.

I notice that your Mercury is in an intercepted sign--no house cusps in your Libra--and what's in an intercepted sign may be hidden and hard to access. In practical terms, your voice problems sound like a real physical health problem, but possibly one that's difficult to diagnose. Have you seen any doctors about it? What do they say?

I also see karmic indicators that might be involved in your depression and health issues, but that would be a subject for a whole other set of posts, if you're interested.
 

Slenkar

Well-known member
uranus in tenth
virgo sun -detail oriented
2nd house gemini, gains through mental thingies
mercury in libra in 6th - intellectual air mercury in house of work
 

Oddity

Well-known member
Moon-Saturn conjunctions can indicate depression - especially given that the moon is your light of time and Saturn is your out-of-sect malefic (meaning misery will cause you more trouble than strife - depression fits the bill). Worse because it's opposing your sun and Venus.

There's no shame in that, it's just how things happen sometimes, and if you need help, by all means get it. Don't just suffer when there's some assistance available.

Career should probably be in the arts. I know you have a problem now singing but can you still write or play music? Or even stories. Painting is another possibility. All that pain wants expressing somehow and art looks like the way.

There will be some good stuff with relationships later on in your life. Fortuna sits on your seventh house cusp, ruled by Mars, and Mars is co-present in its sign of rulership. So things will get considerably better in that department.
 

brilo

Member
You call yourself lazy, but what's really going on here is that school doesn't give you a point of connection. There's nothing in it that motivates you or challenges you in the right way. That's the fault of the system, not you. To not be lazy, as you put it, you would have to feel that whatever you're doing is meaningful and worth doing. School doesn't provide that motivation for everyone. Could be the subject, or, if you find the subject interesting in itself but still can't get into it in school, then the problem is the way it's being taught.

That is an interesting point of view. You are correct about the "meaningful" part, it must have some higher meaning if I am going to do it!
You've got a point about the educational system but, honestly, what can I do about it?

Your chart shows a strong need to do something personally meaningful to you, although it doesn't show what that something is. That part is up to you, and it could be more than one something; you might have a different focus at different times in your life.

Sun in Virgo indicates a need to grow your personality by developing a skill. Its fifth house placement says this needs to be something you greatly enjoy doing (fifth house=enjoyment), and conjunct the sixth house cusp suggests that you need your day to day job to be that same thing (sixth house=working environment, job). Venus conjunct your sun from the sixth house side of the cusp adds a creative/artistic message and gives a further implication that you need this to be your day to day pursuit.

Wow! Your description of how I feel about career and work is completely accurate. I hoped that my chart would give a clear indication of what my career choice should be for I have given it much thought and failed to come up with a satisfying answer; I guess I will just have to find that out myself. Feel free to post some suggestions in accordance with my chart.

Your sun and Venus trine Uranus and Neptune and your midheaven. That puts their energy towards your career, or more accurately, towards something you can become publicly known for. Planets in trine put all their energies towards common goals, and the tenth house is the house of public reputation, which, in the modern world, typically implies your career.

You have the greatest potential to become known for doing something different and outside the box (Uranus), and Neptune adds a wonderful creative and intuitive and mystical element to that... if, that is, you make a strong response to those energies and manifest them in a positive way. If you don't, those same placements could make you highly self destructive.

This is interesting. I have self destructive tendencies when I try to draw attention and feel misunderstood; for example when I am feeling unhappy due to lack of direction and meaning in life, I find it hard to simply ask someone for help because I doubt that they will understand.
I am very insecure and self-critical about anything regarding creativity and expression. Why is that?
How can I make a response to those energies you mentioned? Can you give me some advice?

Those are symptoms of depression. That's an illness, and it needs to be treated. If it's not, it only goes on and on and gets worse.

I don't know what the options for treatment are where you live, but therapy is usually the best place to start. If you have any opportunity to get hypnotherapy, EMDR, body work, and/or acupuncture, those are also very helpful... in my experience, more helpful than just plain talk therapy or medication.

I am very much against the use of medication in that kind of problems. I have seen a life coach who is also in spirituality and energy work and she told me, simply by looking at me for a few minutes, that I must deal with my inner relationship with my mother and father, and deal with and find a sense of belonging within me. (the latter has been bothering me for as long as I can remember; trying to find my "tribe", a shelter in other people but always ending up disappointed or hurting myself)

How do you know there is none in your family? Families often keep that sort of thing a secret. Case in point: who in your family knows about your depression?

Believe me, I think I would know. No one from my family knows about me being lost and thoughts and sorrows I deal with. It is normal to me though, because that is the kind of relationship we have had all my life and suddenly opening up myself to my family would feel unnatural to me, and I suppose to them.

Your chart doesn't spell out depression, but it wouldn't, because that's situational, and your birth chart just shows a general picture of the energies for your life as a whole. It does show a strong possibility of health issues, which could be mental or physical or both (strong emphasis on sixth and twelfth houses, north and south nodes in those houses as well plus Chiron in the sixth), but doesn't spell those issues out clearly.

Well, I have tinnitus. I've never heard the sound of silence because I have had it for as long as I can remember, even as a child. And I have slightly higher body temperature than normal, if that means anything. My stomach has become very sensitive in the past few years, though. And in the past few months my sense of smell has become somewhat weaker. (have to do an allergy test or something!)


I notice that your Mercury is in an intercepted sign--no house cusps in your Libra--and what's in an intercepted sign may be hidden and hard to access. In practical terms, your voice problems sound like a real physical health problem, but possibly one that's difficult to diagnose. Have you seen any doctors about it? What do they say?
My doctor said I have a slight septal deviation but found no problems with my voice or throat. (no polyps etc.) I was dissapointed when I heard this because I still don't know why my throat gets sore so quickly, and I really used to love to sing! Maybe I should take singing/talking lessons because there is something wrong with the way I breathe? I don't know.

I also see karmic indicators that might be involved in your depression and health issues, but that would be a subject for a whole other set of posts, if you're interested.
I am interested. Maybe I could send you a PM.

Moon-Saturn conjunctions can indicate depression - especially given that the moon is your light of time and Saturn is your out-of-sect malefic (meaning misery will cause you more trouble than strife - depression fits the bill). Worse because it's opposing your sun and Venus.

There's no shame in that, it's just how things happen sometimes, and if you need help, by all means get it. Don't just suffer when there's some assistance available.
I am going to keep seeing my life coach. Could there some progressions in my chart that will alleviate or positively affect these placements?

Career should probably be in the arts. I know you have a problem now singing but can you still write or play music? Or even stories. Painting is another possibility. All that pain wants expressing somehow and art looks like the way.
Unfortunately, painting is no option. I can't draw for shi* and had problems at school due to my bad handwriting.
Oddly enough, I never enjoyed making my own music, I have always thought it was not good enough and thought of it as too much of a hassle. I have always loved listening to music and playing other artists' songs for other people.
I agree with you that some way of expressing is needed, just don't know which one is right.

There will be some good stuff with relationships later on in your life. Fortuna sits on your seventh house cusp, ruled by Mars, and Mars is co-present in its sign of rulership. So things will get considerably better in that department.

I thought my Fortune was in the 6th house?
 

Osamenor

Staff member
That is an interesting point of view. You are correct about the "meaningful" part, it must have some higher meaning if I am going to do it!
You've got a point about the educational system but, honestly, what can I do about it?
There's no simple answer to that question, but the first step is to challenge the notion that if you're not putting much effort into school, you're just lazy. The fact is that school just isn't a place where you can put much effort, unless you find a way to make it personally meaningful for you. Perhaps the first question to start with is, what do you need to be doing day to day? What would give your life meaning, whether you were in school or not?

If you need to pursue a degree, can you do it in a way that would allow for that meaningful day to day existence? Perhaps through some alternative teaching methods, or a work/study situation that would allow you meaningful work?

Or do you need to pursue a degree at all? Perhaps what you really want to do would be better served by just going out and doing it, and educating yourself along the way.

Wow! Your description of how I feel about career and work is completely accurate. I hoped that my chart would give a clear indication of what my career choice should be for I have given it much thought and failed to come up with a satisfying answer; I guess I will just have to find that out myself. Feel free to post some suggestions in accordance with my chart.
I agree with Oddity that it probably needs to be in the arts. You have so many indicators for that: Venus conjunct sun in the sixth house, and in Virgo, which indicates a need to develop through work; Mercury (self expression) in artistic Libra in the same house; also Mars, which indicates passion, in the sixth house; and your Neptune/Uranus conjunction at the midheaven suggests that you can become known for doing something highly creative and different... or else highly destructive and different.

Neptune and Uranus are very powerful planets and operate mostly on a subconscious level. Neptune is all about tuning into the higher planes, and Uranus is all about doing things differently, breaking barriers, going in new directions. That combination, along with Capricorn's discipline and drive, is great for creative accomplishments, but if that's not what you're doing with those energies, they're still there, and could easily turn you in the direction of self destruction. You could just as easily become known as the town drunk or crazy.

This is interesting. I have self destructive tendencies when I try to draw attention and feel misunderstood; for example when I am feeling unhappy due to lack of direction and meaning in life, I find it hard to simply ask someone for help because I doubt that they will understand.
That fits very well with your tenth house placements, and perhaps with your moon/Saturn conjunction as well. Tenth house can signify desire for attention--in particular, for being highly visible--and Capricorn is all about boundaries. At its best, it helps us keep appropriate boundaries. At its worst, it gets too constrictive and can make us feel cut off from others and misunderstood. Moon, signifying deep emotions, often has that effect, too, when it's in Capricorn.

Your moon isn't in Capricorn, but it is conjunct Saturn, which rules Capricorn and carries much of the same meanings. And you have your moon and Saturn in sensitive Pisces. Saturn in any water sign tends to have a strong effect on the emotions, to make you feel cut off from others. Conjunct the moon, whose sensitivity is amplified by Pisces, it probably makes you feel that even more strongly.

I am very insecure and self-critical about anything regarding creativity and expression. Why is that?
That's probably the Virgo in you talking. Virgo's main goal is self perfection. A thoroughly healthy, well functioning Virgo understands that perfection is an ultimate goal to keep working towards, not something achievable in any given moment, and keeps that in perspective. But it's all too easy for that desire for perfection to manifest as self criticism and insecurity, as a demand on yourself to be perfect right here and right now... which will always disappoint you because it's an impossible demand to meet.

Since you have Venus and the sun in Virgo, conjunct, your self criticism plays out through those planets. Venus is your creativity, and sun is your ego.

How can I make a response to those energies you mentioned? Can you give me some advice?
We can dialog some more, but it sounds like you've made a good start with what you're doing....

I am very much against the use of medication in that kind of problems. I have seen a life coach who is also in spirituality and energy work and she told me, simply by looking at me for a few minutes, that I must deal with my inner relationship with my mother and father, and deal with and find a sense of belonging within me. (the latter has been bothering me for as long as I can remember; trying to find my "tribe", a shelter in other people but always ending up disappointed or hurting myself)
Do you see this life coach regularly, or was it just a session or two? Has she done any energy work with you? Actual energetic healing work can be very effective with depression. I've had it work wonders for me.


Believe me, I think I would know. No one from my family knows about me being lost and thoughts and sorrows I deal with.

No one in your family knows about your sorrows, and yet you think you would know if anyone in your family were depressed? How logical is that?

Lots and lots of families hide those things, even families that aren't very big on secrets otherwise. My family fits that description... and yet I was about your age when I found out that my grandmother had spent time in a mental hospital and my mom had been treated for depression when I was little. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I went through major depression and anxiety... and when my brother, who is 7 years younger than me, was in his early twenties, he started having panic attacks, and when his doctor asked him about family history, he initially said he didn't know of any. He didn't know what I was going through at the time because he was so much younger and I didn't even talk to my parents about it much, let alone him.

It is normal to me though, because that is the kind of relationship we have had all my life and suddenly opening up myself to my family would feel unnatural to me, and I suppose to them.
If suddenly opening yourself to your family would feel strange to you, what might they be keeping closed off from you... and each other?

I have to go now, but will come back in the next day or two and continue the conversation. Take care.
 

brilo

Member
There's no simple answer to that question, but the first step is to challenge the notion that if you're not putting much effort into school, you're just lazy. The fact is that school just isn't a place where you can put much effort, unless you find a way to make it personally meaningful for you. Perhaps the first question to start with is, what do you need to be doing day to day? What would give your life meaning, whether you were in school or not?

You are right about me being lazy. I realize I spend a massive amount of time procrastinating. One of the reasons behind this is that I don't know what I should be doing. I don't know what the thing I should be doing day to day is.


I agree with Oddity that it probably needs to be in the arts. You have so many indicators for that: Venus conjunct sun in the sixth house, and in Virgo, which indicates a need to develop through work; Mercury (self expression) in artistic Libra in the same house; also Mars, which indicates passion, in the sixth house; and your Neptune/Uranus conjunction at the midheaven suggests that you can become known for doing something highly creative and different... or else highly destructive and different.

Neptune and Uranus are very powerful planets and operate mostly on a subconscious level. Neptune is all about tuning into the higher planes, and Uranus is all about doing things differently, breaking barriers, going in new directions. That combination, along with Capricorn's discipline and drive, is great for creative accomplishments, but if that's not what you're doing with those energies, they're still there, and could easily turn you in the direction of self destruction. You could just as easily become known as the town drunk or crazy.

I have always felt like something is stopping me from expressing myself creatively. You have a point in what you said about self-destruction part particularly. Like I have no way of expressing myself ever since I gave up on music.




That's probably the Virgo in you talking. Virgo's main goal is self perfection. A thoroughly healthy, well functioning Virgo understands that perfection is an ultimate goal to keep working towards, not something achievable in any given moment, and keeps that in perspective. But it's all too easy for that desire for perfection to manifest as self criticism and insecurity, as a demand on yourself to be perfect right here and right now... which will always disappoint you because it's an impossible demand to meet.

Since you have Venus and the sun in Virgo, conjunct, your self criticism plays out through those planets. Venus is your creativity, and sun is your ego.
Haha, gues I am not a thorougly healthy, well functioning virgo! :annoyed:

Do you see this life coach regularly, or was it just a session or two? Has she done any energy work with you? Actual energetic healing work can be very effective with depression. I've had it work wonders for me.
It has just been one session, but I've done some energy work with her before. She told me that it will not help me until I resolve my inner conflicts.



No one in your family knows about your sorrows, and yet you think you would know if anyone in your family were depressed? How logical is that?

Lots and lots of families hide those things, even families that aren't very big on secrets otherwise. My family fits that description... and yet I was about your age when I found out that my grandmother had spent time in a mental hospital and my mom had been treated for depression when I was little. When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I went through major depression and anxiety... and when my brother, who is 7 years younger than me, was in his early twenties, he started having panic attacks, and when his doctor asked him about family history, he initially said he didn't know of any. He didn't know what I was going through at the time because he was so much younger and I didn't even talk to my parents about it much, let alone him.


If suddenly opening yourself to your family would feel strange to you, what might they be keeping closed off from you... and each other
I am sorry to hear that you had to go through all that, hope you have successfully recovered!
Nevertheless, I know that no one from my family has ever spent time in a mental hospital. We don't talk too much, but I am sure that sort of thing would have come out by now.

Thank you for your replies, guys!
 

Osamenor

Staff member
You are right about me being lazy. I realize I spend a massive amount of time procrastinating. One of the reasons behind this is that I don't know what I should be doing. I don't know what the thing I should be doing day to day is.
I didn't call you lazy. You called yourself that. To me, it sounds much more like a symptom of depression, along with trouble with the system.

Haha, gues I am not a thorougly healthy, well functioning virgo! :annoyed:
Being a thoroughly healthy and well functioning any sign is more the exception than the rule, especially when you have lots of self work to do.

It has just been one session, but I've done some energy work with her before. She told me that it will not help me until I resolve my inner conflicts.
Has she offered to help you resolve your inner conflicts, or is she insisting that you resolve them yourself before she can help you at all?

I don't know what kind of energy work she does, but I'm puzzled as to why she thinks it won't help you. I'm a certified reiki practitioner, and I would never say that reiki... the type of energy work I know... won't help. I would never say it's a magic bullet either (although once in a while, it is), but I would be willing to give it to you confused as you are. I wouldn't expect it to sort out your inner conflicts for you overnight, but I would expect it to give you some relief and some help in beginning to sort things out.

There are lots of different kinds of energy work and healing work that can be done. I had stunning success with Taoist medicine treating my depression and anxiety, and also with hypnotherapy. Neither of the practitioners involved told me I had to sort things out first, although one of them did refer me to the other when he felt he'd reached a limit in what he could do.

I've heard that Taoist medicine has some unique perspectives on breathing and speech problems, too. If you can find anyone who practices it, it's definitely worth checking out.
I have always felt like something is stopping me from expressing myself creatively. You have a point in what you said about self-destruction part particularly. Like I have no way of expressing myself ever since I gave up on music.
According to your chart, self expression is absolutely crucial for you. Without it, you'll wither away. According to your own descriptions of yourself, music is that crucial self expression. If that's so, it's vital that you bring it back into your life. The question, then, is how.

If you have trouble singing and you prefer playing other artists' music to your own, why not learn sign language and interpret songs for the deaf? That has its own niche, and could also translate to a bread-and-butter job--sign language interpreters are needed everywhere.

A cool video of a sign language interpreter getting carried away with a song: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/new...eals-show-on-live-TV-singing-competition.html
 

brilo

Member
Has she offered to help you resolve your inner conflicts, or is she insisting that you resolve them yourself before she can help you at all?

I don't know what kind of energy work she does, but I'm puzzled as to why she thinks it won't help you. I'm a certified reiki practitioner, and I would never say that reiki... the type of energy work I know... won't help. I would never say it's a magic bullet either (although once in a while, it is), but I would be willing to give it to you confused as you are. I wouldn't expect it to sort out your inner conflicts for you overnight, but I would expect it to give you some relief and some help in beginning to sort things out.

There are lots of different kinds of energy work and healing work that can be done. I had stunning success with Taoist medicine treating my depression and anxiety, and also with hypnotherapy. Neither of the practitioners involved told me I had to sort things out first, although one of them did refer me to the other when he felt he'd reached a limit in what he could do.
I apologize, for my last post was misleading. We did Reconnection and Reconnective healing. (for more information google: Eric Pearl)
She told me, and it was written in the book as well, that you should let go of expectations and just go with it. I was so tired of everything that I expected my problems to disappear over night. When they didn't, I was hopeless so after a few months I called her again and we met and she asked me why I had lied to her that I was OK and happy. We talked for an hour and she told me that the root of my problem goes much deeper and would not be solved in "a few days" like I thought it would. That me running away from them, escaping to drugs, sex, alcohol etc., would only make it worse. She had me write everything that I wanted to tell her in verbal speech, on a peace of paper. I have a very good memory of events in my life, especially the bad ones, so I have been writing ever since. When I finish, I will give her a call and we will meet up.

Thank you for your concern. It is beautiful that you are helping people with your work. I sense a tingling in my hands when I put them close together, and my life coach said she would teach me some energy healing work someday! :smile:

According to your chart, self expression is absolutely crucial for you. Without it, you'll wither away. According to your own descriptions of yourself, music is that crucial self expression. If that's so, it's vital that you bring it back into your life. The question, then, is how.
You have me worried now.
Man... I miss singing. I was thinking of visiting a vocal coach in order to fix the problem or get some sort of a diagnose at least.

If you have trouble singing and you prefer playing other artists' music to your own, why not learn sign language and interpret songs for the deaf? That has its own niche, and could also translate to a bread-and-butter job--sign language interpreters are needed everywhere.

Interesting. But I never imagined myself doing something like that. Although it would be cool to learn sign language. After all, I always kicked *** in foreign language subjects back in school and went to a state competition in english.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
I apologize, for my last post was misleading. We did Reconnection and Reconnective healing. (for more information google: Eric Pearl)
She told me, and it was written in the book as well, that you should let go of expectations and just go with it. I was so tired of everything that I expected my problems to disappear over night. When they didn't, I was hopeless so after a few months I called her again and we met and she asked me why I had lied to her that I was OK and happy. We talked for an hour and she told me that the root of my problem goes much deeper and would not be solved in "a few days" like I thought it would. That me running away from them, escaping to drugs, sex, alcohol etc., would only make it worse. She had me write everything that I wanted to tell her in verbal speech, on a peace of paper. I have a very good memory of events in my life, especially the bad ones, so I have been writing ever since. When I finish, I will give her a call and we will meet up.
Glad to hear that she is working with you on that. It sounds like you're on the right track.

I sense a tingling in my hands when I put them close together, and my life coach said she would teach me some energy healing work someday! :smile:
You can feel your chi! Beautiful. :biggrin:

You have me worried now.
I hope not too worried. What your chart shows is just what you yourself would discover over time. You're not about to drop dead from lack of music in your life or anything like that, but if you continue on without the kind of self expression you need, you'll probably get a lot more depressed. It's good that you're working with your life coach on your deeper issues, because the deeper stuff is likely involved in this, too.
Man... I miss singing. I was thinking of visiting a vocal coach in order to fix the problem or get some sort of a diagnose at least.
Sounds like a great idea.

Interesting. But I never imagined myself doing something like that. Although it would be cool to learn sign language. After all, I always kicked *** in foreign language subjects back in school and went to a state competition in english.
You write English better than many native speakers. If it's not your native language, you've really got a gift for languages!

Based on your chart, I think self expression might be a karmic issue for you. If you believe in past lives, you could say it spans multiple lifetimes, and if you don't, it works just as well to see it as a pattern you've inherited from your ancestors and the society around you. I don't have time to go into it now, but more later....
 

brilo

Member
You write English better than many native speakers. If it's not your native language, you've really got a gift for languages!
Thank you! :smile:

Based on your chart, I think self expression might be a karmic issue for you. If you believe in past lives, you could say it spans multiple lifetimes, and if you don't, it works just as well to see it as a pattern you've inherited from your ancestors and the society around you. I don't have time to go into it now, but more later....

Could you please explain this in little more detail? This is my first encounter with karmic astrology and it seems very interesting.


Also, I saw your recent thread about searching a new career. I wish you luck and hope it goes well! :wink:
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Karmic story:

For the birth chart's karmic indicators, we look at the south and north nodes, their sign and house placements, aspects they make, and their rulers. Your south node doesn't show on this version of the birth chart, but it's always opposite the north node, so we know it's at 27 degrees Aries in the twelfth house. The south node represents who you were in the karmic past (for simplicity's sake, I'll tell it as a past life story). Sign and house placement tell us what was going on for you in that life, that is, what happened and what you lived that left some unfinished karma for this life.

Aries suggests a struggle, being challenged. It could mean anything from literally fighting in a war to having a contentious family life to having a belligerent and/or overly competitive personality to struggling with illness. (Those aren't all its indicators, but south node in Aries typically indicates a struggle that you weren't able to leave behind in that life.) Twelfth house, in the south node context, typically indicates being removed from the world, isolated. Illness, insanity, addiction, exile, imprisonment, social isolation, removing yourself to a monastery or convent... those are some south node in the twelfth house implications.

Between your current life story (current life stories almost always echo the karmic story up to a point) and the overlap of struggle (Aries) with the twelfth house, it looks to me like the most likely interpretation is a lengthy struggle with either mental or physical illness, in which you became deeply isolated. Maybe you were hospitalized. Maybe you were locked up in a mental ward. Maybe you were living in the world but socially and emotionally isolated. If this was a mental illness, you could have been removed from the world by your own mind.

Your south node is intercepted, which suggests being hidden, invisible, unacknowledged, unseen by others. The twelfth house is also a hidden house, and placements in it often represent things that are unnoticed and unacknowledged by others. That even more strongly suggests a mental illness, or perhaps an undiagnosed and misunderstood physical illness, or perhaps both.

Aspects to the south node indicate what helped keep you in that situation, or what hindered you. You have a square from Uranus and Neptune at the midheaven. Squares represent hindrances that were not outside your power to overcome, but that, for whatever reason, you did not overcome. Oppositions to the south node, which you also have--Mars in opposition--represent obstacles that were truly insurmountable. They can also represent what you wanted but was truly unobtainable.

A square from the midheaven suggests an authority figure, or laws or rules of society, that antagonized you. Capricorn adds an implication of authority. The particular planets you have involved, Neptune and Uranus, suggest societal beliefs or collectively held delusions, or religious authority, or an idealistic social change movement going on. Maybe you were at odds with a father who was a prominent clergyman--that's one way to interpret it. Or maybe he was a controlling alcoholic. Maybe you lived in a society that was being swept by some sort of revolution. Whatever it was, you ran afoul of it.

Edit: After I posted this, it occurred to me that the authority represented here could be medical. Maybe you were a patient of a doctor who kept trying far fetched cures on you (Uranus suggests out of the box thinking; Neptune could mean medicine, or quackery). Maybe you fell prey to quack psychology, nutty psychiatrists, or exorcists. Maybe you were experimented on by Freud or Mesmer or someone of their ilk.

Mercury almost opposes your south node, but not quite, the orb is too wide for a true opposition. With the hidden and isolated implications of your south node placement, it looks like you probably longed to communicate with others, to express yourself. That it isn't quite within orb of opposition tells us that this was only a minor detail. You probably longed for better self expression from time to time, but not to the point that you fixated on it or despaired over it.

Mars is in tight opposition to your south node, and that's an even heavier detail. Against the square, you had some possible escape routes. Against an opposition, you did not. And in this case, your south node is opposed by its own ruler. The ruler of the south node also represents you--so you were your own insurmountable obstacle.

In the sixth house, we still have an implication of health problems, only now, it's health problems with a more tangible form. Mars in Scorpio carries an implication of edginess, the darkest part of the psyche, danger, and violence. Mars in opposition to the south node, no matter which signs are involved, is often read as an indicator that you were a victim of violence.

Scorpio is also a much more decisive sign than Libra, and your Mars sits right on its cusp. That could represent a quick move from indecision to decisiveness, and from the hidden quality represented by an intercepted sign to the visibility of a sign not intercepted. Looks like you took a decisive action that people couldn't help but notice, after a long period of indecision and no one seeing what was going on with you. In opposition to your south node, this was an act against yourself.

Suicide is the most likely interpretation.

If you did in fact commit suicide in your previous life, that this shows up in your karmic chart indicates that you came back this time in order to change the story. To face some of the same issues but learn how to cope with them in healthier ways. Your birth chart also tells you how you can do that. Again, the planets aspecting your nodes are key players, but where we read them for their negative aspects in the past life story, we now start looking at their positive ones. The placement of your north node and its ruler (Venus) are also key. I'll come back and post some more on that later.
 
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Sunny

Well-known member
It says my Lilith (True Lilith, according to Astrotheme) is in Cancer, in the III House. It is also retrograge.

You gave not the degree of your Lilith, but even when it is so, I don't think that you have suicidal tendicies.
 

Izzy542

Well-known member
The reason for depression in your chart,
Saturn conjuction moon in 12, feelings you never good enough and don't deserve to be loved, to critical witn your self.
Moon opposition sun 5h of joy,you do not feel comfortable feeling happy, feelings and motivation fighting and inside tension. are you keeping something in secret from others?
Mars in 6, good be some schizophrenia indication, but you could find relief in working hard with your hands,body ability for working hard physicaly.mars in scorpion very great amount of physical energy also. It looks like there a danger that someone gets institutionalized but I am not sure is you,maybe a parent in elderly home.
You are a weird persona and by that I want to say, its like you have a strange hobbys or just like severe daydreaming, sure some vivid imagination is your strongest asset. I believe you will end up with great carrier doing what you love,something very unusual which now you like as a hobby and its artistic and has to do with sharp objects.
About the voice the ruler of the 3house moon conjuct saturn, you have very nice and delicate voice which could be injured, so carefully its probably comes from thyroid gland problems.
 

brilo

Member
Karmic story:

For the birth chart's karmic indicators, we look at the south and north nodes, their sign and house placements, aspects they make, and their rulers. Your south node doesn't show on this version of the birth chart, but it's always opposite the north node, so we know it's at 27 degrees Aries in the twelfth house. The south node represents who you were in the karmic past (for simplicity's sake, I'll tell it as a past life story). Sign and house placement tell us what was going on for you in that life, that is, what happened and what you lived that left some unfinished karma for this life.
It seems fascinating. I will do some research when I have time.

Aries suggests a struggle, being challenged. It could mean anything from literally fighting in a war to having a contentious family life to having a belligerent and/or overly competitive personality to struggling with illness. (Those aren't all its indicators, but south node in Aries typically indicates a struggle that you weren't able to leave behind in that life.) Twelfth house, in the south node context, typically indicates being removed from the world, isolated. Illness, insanity, addiction, exile, imprisonment, social isolation, removing yourself to a monastery or convent... those are some south node in the twelfth house implications.

Between your current life story (current life stories almost always echo the karmic story up to a point) and the overlap of struggle (Aries) with the twelfth house, it looks to me like the most likely interpretation is a lengthy struggle with either mental or physical illness, in which you became deeply isolated. Maybe you were hospitalized. Maybe you were locked up in a mental ward. Maybe you were living in the world but socially and emotionally isolated. If this was a mental illness, you could have been removed from the world by your own mind.

Your south node is intercepted, which suggests being hidden, invisible, unacknowledged, unseen by others. The twelfth house is also a hidden house, and placements in it often represent things that are unnoticed and unacknowledged by others. That even more strongly suggests a mental illness, or perhaps an undiagnosed and misunderstood physical illness, or perhaps both.

Aspects to the south node indicate what helped keep you in that situation, or what hindered you. You have a square from Uranus and Neptune at the midheaven. Squares represent hindrances that were not outside your power to overcome, but that, for whatever reason, you did not overcome. Oppositions to the south node, which you also have--Mars in opposition--represent obstacles that were truly insurmountable. They can also represent what you wanted but was truly unobtainable.

A square from the midheaven suggests an authority figure, or laws or rules of society, that antagonized you. Capricorn adds an implication of authority. The particular planets you have involved, Neptune and Uranus, suggest societal beliefs or collectively held delusions, or religious authority, or an idealistic social change movement going on. Maybe you were at odds with a father who was a prominent clergyman--that's one way to interpret it. Or maybe he was a controlling alcoholic. Maybe you lived in a society that was being swept by some sort of revolution. Whatever it was, you ran afoul of it.

Edit: After I posted this, it occurred to me that the authority represented here could be medical. Maybe you were a patient of a doctor who kept trying far fetched cures on you (Uranus suggests out of the box thinking; Neptune could mean medicine, or quackery). Maybe you fell prey to quack psychology, nutty psychiatrists, or exorcists. Maybe you were experimented on by Freud or Mesmer or someone of their ilk.
I must admit you caught me off guard. It was sort of a shock to me to read this.

Mercury almost opposes your south node, but not quite, the orb is too wide for a true opposition. With the hidden and isolated implications of your south node placement, it looks like you probably longed to communicate with others, to express yourself. That it isn't quite within orb of opposition tells us that this was only a minor detail. You probably longed for better self expression from time to time, but not to the point that you fixated on it or despaired over it.
So I guess that means that I couldn't find a way of self expression in previous lifetime and I have to work on it in this one?

Mars is in tight opposition to your south node, and that's an even heavier detail. Against the square, you had some possible escape routes. Against an opposition, you did not. And in this case, your south node is opposed by its own ruler. The ruler of the south node also represents you--so you were your own insurmountable obstacle.
You want to say that I was unable to live with myself?

In the sixth house, we still have an implication of health problems, only now, it's health problems with a more tangible form. Mars in Scorpio carries an implication of edginess, the darkest part of the psyche, danger, and violence. Mars in opposition to the south node, no matter which signs are involved, is often read as an indicator that you were a victim of violence.

Scorpio is also a much more decisive sign than Libra, and your Mars sits right on its cusp. That could represent a quick move from indecision to decisiveness, and from the hidden quality represented by an intercepted sign to the visibility of a sign not intercepted. Looks like you took a decisive action that people couldn't help but notice, after a long period of indecision and no one seeing what was going on with you. In opposition to your south node, this was an act against yourself.

Suicide is the most likely interpretation.

If you did in fact commit suicide in your previous life, that this shows up in your karmic chart indicates that you came back this time in order to change the story. To face some of the same issues but learn how to cope with them in healthier ways. Your birth chart also tells you how you can do that. Again, the planets aspecting your nodes are key players, but where we read them for their negative aspects in the past life story, we now start looking at their positive ones. The placement of your north node and its ruler (Venus) are also key. I'll come back and post some more on that later.
This is a bit scary. But if that is the case, I am determined to do better in this lifetime. I am not sure I understand what my chart says about how to face issues and cope with them in healthier ways. Can you tell me an example so I apply it somehow?

You gave not the degree of your Lilith, but even when it is so, I don't think that you have suicidal tendicies.
My Lilith is 15°23'.

The reason for depression in your chart,
Saturn conjuction moon in 12, feelings you never good enough and don't deserve to be loved, to critical witn your self.
Is there any way I can overcome this?
Moon opposition sun 5h of joy,you do not feel comfortable feeling happy, feelings and motivation fighting and inside tension. are you keeping something in secret from others?
I feel that something is blocking me from fully experiencing emotions, and I think it has a lot to do with past feelings and unresolved pain. Are you saying that I will never be happy? :unsure:
Well, most people perceive me as a happy individual who doesn't worry about anything and makes everyone laugh, but on the inside, when I am by myself, there is a completely opposite story. Just recently have I spoken to someone (a life coach) about my issues for the first time.

Mars in 6, good be some schizophrenia indication, but you could find relief in working hard with your hands,body ability for working hard physicaly.mars in scorpion very great amount of physical energy also. It looks like there a danger that someone gets institutionalized but I am not sure is you,maybe a parent in elderly home.
Men in my family are genetically sturdy and well built, without a lot of exercise. I just hope it is not prison.

You are a weird persona and by that I want to say, its like you have a strange hobbys or just like severe daydreaming, sure some vivid imagination is your strongest asset. I believe you will end up with great carrier doing what you love,something very unusual which now you like as a hobby and its artistic and has to do with sharp objects.
I don't really have any hobbys besides playing guitar and messing around on piano. When I was younger I used to play video games for hours but now I want to do something productive, just can't find what that something is. I like severe daydreaming but it is rather messy and unproductive and I have been longing to put that energy into something I like doing for a long time; but as I mentioned already, I don't know what could it be. Hm... Sharp objects? I consider myself clumsy, everyone had always been telling me that, so I am wondering what could it be that has to do with sharp objects...
About the voice the ruler of the 3house moon conjuct saturn, you have very nice and delicate voice which could be injured, so carefully its probably comes from thyroid gland problems.

Why do you think it comes from thyroid gland? I have never experienced any problems with it, at least doctors never diagnosed any.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
On to part two of the karmic story: moving forward.

Your north node shows what you need to move toward in this lifetime. Anything conjunct the north node is also an important part of the picture, only now, we read it for its positive meanings. If it's the south node's ruler, there's some need to figuratively go back into the past in order to move forward.

In your case, it seems that revisiting the depression and health problems that were your downfall in the past is important, and, indeed, that's happening for you now. The issues you're dealing with now are not necessarily the same as before, but the underlying energy of it is. However, if you commit suicide in this life, you will have failed in your mission. The purpose is to create a different, better outcome. Mars conjunct your north node gives you a clue as to how you can do that.

Mars's attributes include passion, courage, the will to create, and basic survival instinct. Facing your problems takes courage--that's a Mars indicator. So is doing something creative or something you're passionate about... or something creative that you're passionate about. The Scorpio placement emphasizes the dark, edgy side of Mars, and also suggests going deep into your psyche. Naturally, there's something dark and edgy about depression.

In general, south node in the twelfth house indicates having been removed from the world, and north node in the sixth house indicates a need to come back into it. Since both those houses are linked with health issues, taking care of your health--physical, mental, emotional, everything--is especially important. The signs involved add some how and why to that picture. Where Aries indicates struggle, Libra indicates finding peace. Libra suggests healing and balance. It's also a strong indicator of creative, artistic endeavors, and since so much of the rest of your chart indicates a need for creative endeavors, that particular Libra indicator is especially important.

North node's ruler also tells you what can help you get there. For you, that's Venus, and we've already explored what Venus means in your chart: a need for meaningful, creative day-to-day work that you enjoy. So doing that work can help you come into the world, heal, and express yourself.

Self expression appears to have been one of your lesser issues previously (Mercury not quite in opposition to your south node), but what was a lesser issue in a past life can become a bigger issue in a current life, especially if it's part of the karmic patterns. And your Mercury shares a key indicator with your Venus: a need for self expression through artistic work.

Finally, the square also needs consideration. In the context of the north node, a square, which represents a hindrance in the past, becomes a skipped step: something you need to learn, integrate, or even become in order to successfully reach your north node. Capricorn at the midheaven in this context might mean a need to become your own authority. It could also speak to a need to make yourself visible to the world. Uranus and Neptune bring that out-of-the-box, intuitive, mystical thinking into your own psyche. Again, we have a reinforcement of that creative message.

You also have a trine between Uranus/Neptune and Venus. The same thing that forms a challenging aspect to your nodes also forms a helpful aspect to the north node ruler. When you make your Venus happy, you also make your Uranus and Neptune work for you, and vice versa. That's true for your life in general, and it also helps you move toward a better future.

It might also serve you to try some intuitive, out-of-the-box healing methods--as long as you retain your own self authority when you're dealing with practitioners. A good practitioner will involve you in your own healing and will respect your views and your inner process. A bad one will discount your inner experiences, act like they're a better authority on you than you are on yourself just because they know a thing or two about healing. This life coach you mentioned sounds like a good one: she made you look at your own issues, she's involving you in your own healing, she's not willing to do superficial work that won't really serve you.

It looks like the big picture, though, is that you need to take what's afflicting you and change it into creative expression. Lots and lots of creative people do that. How you do it is up to you.

Since the form of creative expression you've most resonated with is singing, but now you're having voice problems, perhaps you need to come up with a brand new way to make your voice heard. Can you sing with voice problems? Figuratively if not literally? What could you do right now that would fill the purpose of singing? Might take some thought and creativity.

I see you posted a response to the first part of this while I was making this post. I hope it answers your questions.
 
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Osamenor

Staff member
You want to say that I was unable to live with myself?
Well, if this was a past life in which you committed suicide, you probably felt you couldn't live with yourself. But the truly insurmountable obstacle was your suicide. Once you'd done that, you couldn't resolve those issues in that life because you were no longer in that life. If you hadn't done it, you would have had a chance of resolving those issues before you died of old age or something else outside your control. In this life, you have an excellent chance of a better outcome as long as you don't commit suicide, and a guaranteed better outcome if you follow your birth chart's north node indicators.

I feel that something is blocking me from fully experiencing emotions, and I think it has a lot to do with past feelings and unresolved pain. Are you saying that I will never be happy? :unsure:

I don't know if Izzy is saying that, but birth charts never, ever say you can't be happy. Some placements might be linked with emotional issues, and overall, it's very common for astrologers--especially amateur astrologers making quick posts on discussion boards--to describe the problems a placement might indicate without describing the possible solutions. The fact is that wherever a birth chart shows a problem, it also shows a solution. Very much like the north and south nodes: south node shows the problem, north node shows the medicine.

I don't really have any hobbys besides playing guitar and messing around on piano. When I was younger I used to play video games for hours but now I want to do something productive, just can't find what that something is. I like severe daydreaming but it is rather messy and unproductive and I have been longing to put that energy into something I like doing for a long time; but as I mentioned already, I don't know what could it be.
That perfectly describes the opposition tension between your Pisces moon and your Virgo sun. It also reflects one of the indicators of your tenth house Neptune/Uranus conjunction in Capricorn.

Intense daydreaming (presumably what you mean by severe) is a key characteristic of Pisces and of Neptune. Your moon's placement indicates what you most deeply desire. Sun and moon are both about what you need most in your life. In your case, they're in opposition, so you have a competing set of needs, both extremely important. Your moon needs to daydream (Pisces). Your sun needs to do something productive (Virgo).

However, the productive things your chart indicates you need to do most of all are creative things. Daydreaming is an essential part of the creative process. Without your intense daydreaming, your creativity would fall flat, and you'd have nothing meaningful to produce. It also works the other way around: if you don't produce anything, your daydreaming may be an enjoyable escape, but it won't serve you in the long run.

That doesn't mean you have to be producing something all the time. Creative work typically means periods of great activity alternating with periods of daydreaming in which ideas may germinate but they're not ready to take form yet, so nothing much seems to get done. That is also the nature of oppositions in a birth chart. When you have planets in opposition, both of their indicators are equally important, and you need to do things to fulfill both of them, but they're usually not things you can do at the same time. You can't go out to a wild party while spending a quiet evening at home, but you can experience both quiet evenings at home and wild parties if you do them on different evenings.

However, you have what's called an easy opposition. Your Neptune and Uranus (and your MC, too) form a trine with your sun and Venus and a sextile with your moon and Saturn. That means their energies can work together, through those easy aspects.

We've already explored the trine: to satisfy your sun's and Venus's imperatives is also to satisfy your Uranus/Neptune imperatives, and vice versa. And when Uranus and Neptune act, that excites the moon and Saturn into their own actions, and vice versa--that's what sextiles do. In practical terms, that means your competing impulses to daydream and to do something productive can work together to achieve a common end. Because the common ground they meet through is at your MC, that common end is likely to be your career, or at least what you become publicly known for.

Men in my family are genetically sturdy and well built, without a lot of exercise. I just hope it is not prison.
Considering that in the modern world, most lives begin in a hospital and end in either a hospital or a nursing home, the odds that you or someone in your family will end life in some sort of institution are high. I don't know why she says there's a risk of being institutionalized, but logically, there is for everyone. Most people get hospitalized at least once in their lives. Most of us will die in a hospital, whether the cause of death is illness, injury, or old age.
 
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