Hello everyone! This is my first post and I am glad I have come across this interesting and helpful forum. You guys are great!
Here's the story:
In 2014 I finished highschool and by the end of the year I moved from home to attend college. I am studying Management and economy in tourism, which seemed like a logical choice after finishing Hotel management highschool. However, I chose that highschool not because I wanted to, but because I had to choose something. At first I chose a different school but when I saw the books being used a feeling came over me that that choice is wrong and I transfered to Hotel management school and I haven't regret it. I spent most of my childhood years playing video games and never had to think about anything, but I have never had a sense of direction and belonging, so when I finished highschool I went to this college so I wouldn't have to start working, and in order to move from my parent's house. (we respect each other, but they don't know anything about me or my interests... Even I am not sure about those things!)
The only thing that I did because I wanted to was finishing two years of music school in 2012 and 2013, but then I realised I had enough of it and didn't want to do it professionaly even though I had straight As.
So I am here in this big city, struggling to find direction and meaning in life which I have never had, I am forcing myself to study which is very hard for me (even practicing for music school was) because I am rather lazy and have passed classes successfuly my whole life simply by listening and paying attention in class. The university is not very hard and you can get by with minimal effort, which is the reason I didn't drop out so far. But sometimes I feel as if I am wasting my parents' money. I don't want to dissapoint them either.
I live alone with a roommate and have a lot of time to think and I realized that I can't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like I'm going through life on some sort of autopilot and even if I wanted to do something that would make me happy I don't know what that is! I've been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months because I am simply tired of everything. There is a lot of emotional trauma (regarding love and friendship and belonging) that I can't get rid of and it eats me out every day and it is blocking me from feeling anything, let alone choosing what I want to do in my life.
I am modest but never lacked anything in my life as far as material things are concerned; why can't I just enjoy it? The guilt is tearing me apart, especially when I see how tough other people's lives are. (not just people from my surroundings but all the planet) I would give everything to feel happy, I forgot how it was. Or did I ever know?
So this is my first question: does my chart indicate some career or goal that will fulfil me?
2: I have become a bit of a hypochondriac in the past few years, and I am scared that my brain is sick from depression, even though there is none in my family. Does my chart say something about that?
3: And last but not least, does it say something about my voice and throat and problems with it? I used to love to sing, but my voice cracks from singing and even prolonged talking and I get an inflammation.
Here is my chart (sorry if I uploaded it incorrectly)
Thanks to everyone who reads this and who cares!
Here's the story:
In 2014 I finished highschool and by the end of the year I moved from home to attend college. I am studying Management and economy in tourism, which seemed like a logical choice after finishing Hotel management highschool. However, I chose that highschool not because I wanted to, but because I had to choose something. At first I chose a different school but when I saw the books being used a feeling came over me that that choice is wrong and I transfered to Hotel management school and I haven't regret it. I spent most of my childhood years playing video games and never had to think about anything, but I have never had a sense of direction and belonging, so when I finished highschool I went to this college so I wouldn't have to start working, and in order to move from my parent's house. (we respect each other, but they don't know anything about me or my interests... Even I am not sure about those things!)
The only thing that I did because I wanted to was finishing two years of music school in 2012 and 2013, but then I realised I had enough of it and didn't want to do it professionaly even though I had straight As.
So I am here in this big city, struggling to find direction and meaning in life which I have never had, I am forcing myself to study which is very hard for me (even practicing for music school was) because I am rather lazy and have passed classes successfuly my whole life simply by listening and paying attention in class. The university is not very hard and you can get by with minimal effort, which is the reason I didn't drop out so far. But sometimes I feel as if I am wasting my parents' money. I don't want to dissapoint them either.
I live alone with a roommate and have a lot of time to think and I realized that I can't remember the last time I was happy. I feel like I'm going through life on some sort of autopilot and even if I wanted to do something that would make me happy I don't know what that is! I've been having suicidal thoughts for the last few months because I am simply tired of everything. There is a lot of emotional trauma (regarding love and friendship and belonging) that I can't get rid of and it eats me out every day and it is blocking me from feeling anything, let alone choosing what I want to do in my life.
I am modest but never lacked anything in my life as far as material things are concerned; why can't I just enjoy it? The guilt is tearing me apart, especially when I see how tough other people's lives are. (not just people from my surroundings but all the planet) I would give everything to feel happy, I forgot how it was. Or did I ever know?
So this is my first question: does my chart indicate some career or goal that will fulfil me?
2: I have become a bit of a hypochondriac in the past few years, and I am scared that my brain is sick from depression, even though there is none in my family. Does my chart say something about that?
3: And last but not least, does it say something about my voice and throat and problems with it? I used to love to sing, but my voice cracks from singing and even prolonged talking and I get an inflammation.
Here is my chart (sorry if I uploaded it incorrectly)
Thanks to everyone who reads this and who cares!