Re: I have a aspect pattern I can't find on the internet, need help to understand.
hmmm... if I were to describe how I feel right now, it feels like standing naked in a room of people who can look through my cloth via the language of stars.
Indeed, it is interesting how astrology can be so revealing. I'm wondering if your birth time is correct? It's important that it be as close to the minute as possible... I had to adjust mine a few times while here.
Example, doctors may write down the time much later. Mom may not remember accurately... etc.
I became aware of astrology about two years ago, I had thought the description of Libra describe very little of me prior to that. I still am very amateurish on my understanding of Astrology. Most of my journeys are deeply physiological and spiritual without much help from the outside world.
Very intersting as I became a member here two years ago... My interest in astrology soared at that time due to revelations I was having about myself and the study of astrology has helped tremendously in understanding.
Saturn transited Pluto in September of 2010... This caused quite a large activation in myself.
I pondered on the mythology and information I read about the Pandora's box, combined with what I had experienced. consciousness... at the risk of come off as vanity, I will speak candidly. Since a very young age (I'd say from elementary school), I had "known" (not really "feel", but "known" via some describable confidence) that I "can" become someone profound(famous, leading, changing...) if I "chose" to. But I hate the thought of become famous, live in the public eye, so I have never consciously act to walk on that path of "can". From the same young age, I have also "known" I will be taken care of, by whom I'm not sure, how and why, same mystery, but the "known" was always there.
I think I've felt similar. However, I'm sure you feel it even more intensely since you have more energy in your chart. I've attributed some of these feelings to the Neptune Venus conjunction. It certainly lends strong spiritual themes.
I've also had thoughts that I could be much more. However, I'm quite content with flying under the radar, being behind the scenes and being able to move freely. I think if one was famous that it would be very tiring with people always wanting aspects of you. It would impact my independence.
Speaking of, have you ever been married? Children?
So my life was a duality, on the physical(outside), I had a turbulent youth (abuse, betrayal), on the spiritual(inside), I had blessing all through my life, none of the turbulence I ever experienced in life had broken the faith and love I have for people in general.
I love people.
Interesting... the love for people is a theme in my life in ways too. However, lately I've isolated myself as I've realized many of the people around me ultimately hurt me. However, that's largely due to my Cancer Ascendant whereas you have a Leo Asc.
I've refocused my direction on a spiritual path and with the recent transits of Saturn to the Sun/Ur conjunction coupled with Uranus opposite Pluto I have reformed myself. As you say, died and reborn.
The power of Pandora, as manifested through my experience, I feel that power of "open the box" exist within me to "open" "penetrate" others. the "box" is people on my path, I had felt and experience the energy to "shake""demolish" their world(box) if I let that energy out in abundance. I feel my "duty" is to guard it. Discernment of engagement. On my spiritual journey of self discovery, realist mostly through relating/reacting to others, I have witnessed destruction(on the psychological level, even in the name of justice) on other unprepared human beings... sometimes I tell myself it is a good thing: to build on nothing but truth. Yet truth tells me not everyone are destined or ask for that journey of self-destruction and rebuilt. It's eventually....truly not my choice. so my journey had been the restrain/containment of power(physiological).
My spiritual journey was initiated through a romantic relationship which forced open my eyes. It affected me profoundly and shook me to my core. I also affected this person in this way. I've had impact on others too, but not to that level.
It sounds as if you have experienced much. I'm curious to know about your spritual pursuit. What is it that you practice? I'm sure it's most likely individualistic and possibly quite original... Maybe you don't follow traditional beliefs.
Yet my self-growth are a result of my engagement with others, first through ideological engagement, then emotional engagement. So the restrain of involvement with others stagnates my own growth. The paradox... so to me my mountain to claim is this indecision and stillness of none movement.
Interesting since you have Saturn in the 11th house... I think this would make you seek out groups to belong with. However there's probably some difficulty there, trying to find the right group. Of course since it's part such a sensitive position that it would help you gain much insight about yourself and your world around you.
Stillone, you have a very similar spread of planetary energy...have you experienced death yet? in the psychological sense?
We do have very similar energy and placement. The houses differ slightly which makes things interesting. Your chart is considerably more complex than mine. I don't envy you in the least as I have my hands full with what I have. Lol. I'll send you a PM in case you'd rather discuss in private.
One thing that certainly matters is watching transits. With a structure like this, any transit will activate all or most of your chart. So you're very sensitive to planetary motion.
Like I mentioned above, I have died in the psychological sense. I joke with my friends that I'm on version 4 now!
