non-monogomous in natal chart?

midspringwind

Active member
This may seem like a desperate attempt to validate some of my feelings. Maybe it is. But I am curious if there is a way to detect an inclination towards polyamory or any other non-monogamous type relationship from a natal chart?

I am in a stable, comfortable relationship with my Taurian boyfriend of the past two years, but I am starting to feel very bored. I feel stifled. Sometimes I don't even enjoy having sex with him. All the while, I develop crushes on other people. I miss my single life and bonding with other people in an intimate way.

It hurts me a little bit every time I think about breaking up with him because I still love him and don't want to hurt him. Naturally, we've built our own world together. It would be painful to break it down. He offers me respect, emotional stability, and support. I know most people are dying to have a partner like that. But another part of me, almost as strong, says that I'm not being true to myself; that I am betraying my nature. But it's hard to know what's going on with so many different thoughts and feelings inside of me.

It may help to mention that I recently entered a transit with my natal Moon trining Pluto. Could this be an indication of my feelings? A desire for intense feelings? Getting 'real' with emotional preferences?

I'd appreciate anyone who could shed some clarity.
 

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Stellium6th

Well-known member
You are welcome. Most people, if not all, aren't monogamic. Break with him, leave your stupid moral aside. This is about being happy. There is no one welcoming you in heaven once you die, so enjoy your wild and -hopefully- wet time.
 
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midspringwind

Active member
You are welcome. Most people if not all aren't monogamic. Break with him, leave your stupid moral aside. This is about being happy. There is no one welcoming you in heaven once you die, so enjoy your wild and -hopefully- wet time.

Lol, "wet" time. Alright. Yes, I've recently been told that monogomy isn't natural, it's just a choice. I'd agree.

Thanks for the response. :)
 

midspringwind

Active member
Also, I think having Rahu in the 7th house has something to do with it? I do seem to have the insatiable desire to explore other people... not sexually (though that usually follows), but feeling a connection with them and getting to know them intimately.
 

Frisiangal

Well-known member
I am in a stable, comfortable relationship with my Taurian boyfriend of the past two years, but I am starting to feel very bored. I feel stifled. Sometimes I don't even enjoy having sex with him. All the while, I develop crushes on other people. I miss my single life and bonding with other people in an intimate way.

It hurts me a little bit every time I think about breaking up with him because I still love him and don't want to hurt him. .

You can still 'love' him but maybe you are no longer 'in love' with him; that's the difference. The physical attraction has waned. Could be not so much non-monogomous as the Arian tendency to want to play the field without commitment, whereas Taurus settles down to it.
It's interesting that your relationship began when secondary progressed Sun moved into Taurus in the 11th house. The 11th house is based upon 'friend' rather than lover and Aries is on the Placidus cusp. 'Steady/stable relationships' may be a manner for you to discover whether it is what you really want.

There are forthcoming trends that suggest the approach towards a crossroad of a direction to be taken. Cause does breed effect and any/every decision made regarding the road taken will have its consequences for the future that enfolds as a result of it.
 

PlutorisingLee

Well-known member
Hi,

I think it may be worth considering what is lacking- its an inner thing. Your Neptune and Uranus ar in the 7th house so wanting a relationship that is beyond this world- always changing and growing is part of you. Perhaps look to your 10th house and 11th house and have some more fulfilment with your work and with doing things out in the world- social change or leadership.
Love is not what we think nor its is an emotion.
Why not bottle these feelings and actually talk about wanting more growth in your life? maybe you can get your partner to be part of it.
 

midspringwind

Active member
You can still 'love' him but maybe you are no longer 'in love' with him; that's the difference. The physical attraction has waned. Could be not so much non-monogomous as the Arian tendency to want to play the field without commitment, whereas Taurus settles down to it.
It's interesting that your relationship began when secondary progressed Sun moved into Taurus in the 11th house. The 11th house is based upon 'friend' rather than lover and Aries is on the Placidus cusp. 'Steady/stable relationships' may be a manner for you to discover whether it is what you really want.

There are forthcoming trends that suggest the approach towards a crossroad of a direction to be taken. Cause does breed effect and any/every decision made regarding the road taken will have its consequences for the future that enfolds as a result of it.
That is really interesting that my boyfriend and I met around the time when my Sun progressed into Taurus. Thanks for pointing that out.

Well, we have decided to move recently (back home, to where we originally met)! It was a hard decision, so this is a cross-roads, for sure! It makes it an even more difficult time for these kinds of thoughts/feelings to be rising. I don't think it's merely the stress of moving that is causing this, though. It's been brewing for a while and just seems to be getting stronger. We will be going back separately, though, so there will be some time a part which will be good for sorting things out. It is also interesting when I was talking to one of my best friends last night (she is also a Cancer rising with her Moon in Virgo) and she told me she is separating from her girlfriend for a month to figure out some issues between the two of them.

Anyways, thank you for the feedback, everyone!!
 
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midspringwind

Active member
Hi,

I think it may be worth considering what is lacking- its an inner thing. Your Neptune and Uranus ar in the 7th house so wanting a relationship that is beyond this world- always changing and growing is part of you. Perhaps look to your 10th house and 11th house and have some more fulfilment with your work and with doing things out in the world- social change or leadership.
Love is not what we think nor its is an emotion.
Why not bottle these feelings and actually talk about wanting more growth in your life? maybe you can get your partner to be part of it.
I seem to understand, at least at a mental level, that the stereotypical notion of "love" isn't real and that love is more about friendship than anything else. That's how I view it, anyways. I do have my natal Venus in the 11th house :) But at the same time I do yearn for intensity here and there. That could have something to do with Uranus and Neptune sitting in the 7th.

That's a large part of the issue. I *want* to do things out in the world and have a bigger social life, but it seems since I've been together with my boyfriend my world has gotten smaller. He is a Taurus Sun/Rising with his Moon in Cancer, so as you might imagine he LOVES staying at home. I'll admit I have neglected my own personal goals/wishes by not going out more and getting rather wrapped up in our world. That's totally Neptune in the 7th house... agh!! Hah.

We've both admitted that sometimes we fall into this mindset where one of us can't go out without the other. We both acknowledge that that isn't right and we're trying to break that habit.

I felt very strong, independent, and carefree before we came together. Now I don't feel those things so much. I think it's ultimately up to me; it's not like anything my boyfriend is doing to me directly... it's just an influence. But I miss it and I've got to figure out if I can still feel true to myself in the context of the relationship or not. :/
 
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sibylline

Well-known member
Your chart suggests issues with truly emotionally connecting with partners (Venus square Saturn in Aquarius in the 8th, Aries Sun/Virgo Moon) and yearning for variety in relationships (Aries Sun square Uranus/Neptune in 7th, Mars in Gemini in 12th). At the same time you have a very strong desire for security, stability, and close bonding (Cancer Rising with Moon in the 4th, Venus in Taurus square Saturn and opposite Pluto). So it's difficult in the sense that strong forces are inclining to different directions. Since your need for security and stability is strong, I doubt you would be completely happy in a relationship which was not monogamous -- it would be trading in one issue for another. You might want to explore your options further though, instead of settling down simply for stability and security.

As for monogamy in general, people will or won't desire monogamy depending on their background and inclinations as shown in the chart. IME, Uranus prominent and freedom-loving and/or changeable signs of Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aquarius without mitigating factors in the chart generally won't.

Personally, I have no desire to be with another man besides my boyfriend. It wasn't something that I stumbled upon over night. I dated many men, and over years I figured out what was important for me to have in a partner and a relationship and when I found that, I stopped looking. It wasn't easy since in true Piscean fashion, my standards were quite idealistic.
 

midspringwind

Active member
Your chart suggests issues with truly emotionally connecting with partners (Venus square Saturn in Aquarius in the 8th, Aries Sun/Virgo Moon) and yearning for variety in relationships (Aries Sun square Uranus/Neptune in 7th, Mars in Gemini in 12th). At the same time you have a very strong desire for security, stability, and close bonding (Cancer Rising with Moon in the 4th, Venus in Taurus square Saturn and opposite Pluto). So it's difficult in the sense that strong forces are inclining to different directions. Since your need for security and stability is strong, I doubt you would be completely happy in a relationship which was not monogamous -- it would be trading in one issue for another. You might want to explore your options further though, instead of settling down simply for stability and security.

As for monogamy in general, people will or won't desire monogamy depending on their background and inclinations as shown in the chart. IME, Uranus prominent and freedom-loving and/or changeable signs of Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius, and Aquarius without mitigating factors in the chart generally won't.

Personally, I have no desire to be with another man besides my boyfriend. It wasn't something that I stumbled upon over night. I dated many men, and over years I figured out what was important for me to have in a partner and a relationship and when I found that, I stopped looking. It wasn't easy since in true Piscean fashion, my standards were quite idealistic.
Thank you; I really appreciate what you've said. I think that you are right about trading one issue for another... I'm still confused as to which direction I should take myself, but I suppose time will tell.

For most of my life I have had pretty turbulent relationships with romantic partners. My current partner is the best I have ever had, but as I mentioned before I feel bored with the lifestyle we have together and sometimes it seems that we do not share mutual goals. He desires a much more "mainstream" lifestyle while I feel the desire to be more Aquarian about it, you could say. He has a lot of planets in the 12th house (including his Sun) and so he is sort of aimless in life. His main hobbies include: gaming and occasionally playing music. He was a lot more into music before we met. Someone that doesn't have much ambition is a big turn off for me. He isn't very hygienic either and he never helps with any of the cleaning which really bothers me. I know nobody's perfect... but it gets to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm just being his mom or something.

I'd like to feel the way you do with your boyfriend. I wish I could be content and just focus on loving and appreciating one person, but I get restless easily. I can't think of one relationship I've been in where I didn't have my eye on other people.
 

Kitchy

Banned
Msw -

You have a Kite formation btwn Moon, Venus, Neptune & Uranus with Kite head Pluto 5th opposing Venus 11th.

Moon can be insatiable for emotional connectvity in 4th house, no matter the sign. Deep-seeded needs that may not fit Moon in Virgo's persnickity-ness.

Uranus on 7th with Neptune, too - I see as an individual who doesn't limit the type or nature of relationship to just friends, lovers, etc. These two outer planets are bigger-picture thinkers and doers when they are allowed to.

Pluto - kites head - in 5th has to get his or her's before the kite can fly and the tail Venus in 11th doesn't want anyone around to be hurt or disrespected, but in ruling Taurus - that's a very deep and ongoing issue with the venus-pluto opposition, indicating a freezing up of desires or all-out off and on relations.

Folks in the 1920's were pretty good at 'taking lovers' - and it was all out in the open in the Uranian Aquarian age - the roaring twenties.

Truthfully - your moon in it's natural 4th house - trining Uranus & Neptune in 7th makes me think in your case that you could probably form a poly living/loving family which by moon in 4th in Virgo might include women and men. Just a hunch.

Generally speaking - monogamy is not for everyone. Consider the serial cheaters who have lovely homes, families, careers and upbringings and have no intention of leaving them - rather they just choose to search for that elusive quest (pathology of need different for each person) - but the difference between illicit affairs and open poly relations for you is the open-ness of of Neptune & Uranus on the 7th with moon -and the only way you could possibly find the pluto 5th need realized would be through complete and total self-honesty with yourself and others. Then from there - you will have to ask yourself if you can allow your needs to be met without the moon-pluto treachery of possession coming into play.

Mars in the 12th natal (watch for transits to that mars) could bring the worst out in you or of others if you don't know yourself upside down and backwards in this matter. It might take a while to figure it out.

My general overall hunch is that you'll travel this journey - find someone who is your 7th house Uranian Neptunian Mix (a Sun or Mars or even Saturn) who will entertain and appreciate all these notions with you at some point in time and you'll both end up living a moony 4th life with just the two of you.
 
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sibylline

Well-known member
I'd like to feel the way you do with your boyfriend. I wish I could be content and just focus on loving and appreciating one person, but I get restless easily. I can't think of one relationship I've been in where I didn't have my eye on other people.

If your boyfriend changed in the ways you listed would you be satisfied with him? If you're just yearning for multiple men, then that's possible in an open relationship. However, you need to realize that your partner will most likely also have other partner(s). Are you okay with your partner being with other women, staying at their place for the night, going on trips with them, etc?

I have a friend who is Cap Rising with Aquarius Sun/Moon/Venus in the 1st and she is in an open relationship and sees other people but so does her partner. Would you also be okay with such an arrangement? It would probably be fairly difficult to find a man who will be totally committed to you while you see other men.
 

midspringwind

Active member
Msw -

You have a Kite formation btwn Moon, Venus, Neptune & Uranus with Kite head Pluto 5th opposing Venus 11th.

Moon can be insatiable for emotional connectvity in 4th house, no matter the sign. Deep-seeded needs that may not fit Moon in Virgo's persnickity-ness.

Uranus on 7th with Neptune, too - I see as an individual who doesn't limit the type or nature of relationship to just friends, lovers, etc. These two outer planets are bigger-picture thinkers and doers when they are allowed to.

Pluto - kites head - in 5th has to get his or her's before the kite can fly and the tail Venus in 11th doesn't want anyone around to be hurt or disrespected, but in ruling Taurus - that's a very deep and ongoing issue with the venus-pluto opposition, indicating a freezing up of desires or all-out off and on relations.

Folks in the 1920's were pretty good at 'taking lovers' - and it was all out in the open in the Uranian Aquarian age - the roaring twenties.

Truthfully - your moon in it's natural 4th house - trining Uranus & Neptune in 7th makes me think in your case that you could probably form a poly living/loving family which by moon in 4th in Virgo might include women and men. Just a hunch.

Generally speaking - monogamy is not for everyone. Consider the serial cheaters who have lovely homes, families, careers and upbringings and have no intention of leaving them - rather they just choose to search for that elusive quest (pathology of need different for each person) - but the difference between illicit affairs and open poly relations for you is the open-ness of of Neptune & Uranus on the 7th with moon -and the only way you could possibly find the pluto 5th need realized would be through complete and total self-honesty with yourself and others. Then from there - you will have to ask yourself if you can allow your needs to be met without the moon-pluto treachery of possession coming into play.
It's weird that you would mention the 20's because lately I've been obsessed with that time period. I didn't know about the sexually liberated atmosphere of the time, though.

I love your conclusion. :) I've always been attracted to eccentric type people that have a sort of whimsical quality to them. They're difficult people to hold on to, though. I have a lot of contradictions to work through. I do sense, and have for quite a while, that possessiveness is something I've got to overcome in this lifetime. I think I'm already making quite a bit of progress.

Thank you for your feedback! I loved your analysis and it was very insightful ^-^

If your boyfriend changed in the ways you listed would you be satisfied with him? If you're just yearning for multiple men, then that's possible in an open relationship. However, you need to realize that your partner will most likely also have other partner(s). Are you okay with your partner being with other women, staying at their place for the night, going on trips with them, etc?

I have a friend who is Cap Rising with Aquarius Sun/Moon/Venus in the 1st and she is in an open relationship and sees other people but so does her partner. Would you also be okay with such an arrangement? It would probably be fairly difficult to find a man who will be totally committed to you while you see other men.
I am open to the idea of it. At one point in time my answer would have been a flat-out "no", but the past few days I find my jealousies waning. Ever since I entered into this relationship it's been obvious to me that my boyfriend has lingering feelings for some of his past lovers. I've even pointed it out to him and he usually just smiles and doesn't say anything. I don't prod him further because I know he has every right to feel the way he does. With our current arrangement, if he were to "cheat" on me, that would be a different story... but I'm not one to control other people's feelings. I think it's easier for me to let go of those feelings of jealousy because I know what it's like to care for and be attracted to more than one person. To me it is totally natural.

I don't think he would be open to it. He is very traditional in a lot of ways... Taurus Sun/Cancer Moon/Taurus Rising/Mars in Cap. Honestly, a transition sounds much more complicated than just starting fresh. I certainly wouldn't want to live together anymore, as we currently do. I'd want to go back to having our separate homes.
 
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Stellium6th

Well-known member
''I don't think he would be open to it. He is very traditional in a lot of ways... Taurus Sun/Cancer Moon/Taurus Rising/Mars in Cap. Honestly, a transition sounds much more complicated than just starting fresh. I certainly wouldn't want to live together anymore, as we currently do. I'd want to go back to having our separate homes.''

aaah, love is like briny. Always retaining a promise amid waves until the umpteenth blasts and another ship to go
 

rahu

Banned
hi midspringwind.

the midpoint of your Venus/Neptune-Uranus trine is conjunct to midheaven which would give you a inclination for alternate relationships. but the Venus trine does not usually show polyamory behavior.
most interesting to me is that your mercury is square to your node. this implies that you are first drawn to a guys mind and then you might be drawn to the emotional/physical side. you need mental stimulation for satisfactory sexual stimulation. I would thnkthat he has become too satisfied and no longer engages you in the long and deeply felt conversations you were initially attracted to. from what you say ,he must have a strong pluto as you, though still in love, not longer feel the sexual desire. ths usually occurs after sexual intimacy turns out to be just carnal desires with not emotional intimacy at all. and if he no longer talks at length... then the fire has gone out.
I think a midpoint composite would pin down the problem further.

rahu
 

sibylline

Well-known member
Honestly, a transition sounds much more complicated than just starting fresh. I certainly wouldn't want to live together anymore, as we currently do. I'd want to go back to having our separate homes.

Have you addressed your issues with him? Do you ever plan on living with him again? If so and you haven't seriously spoke to him about these things, you may want to do that. If you have and he hasn't changed or made any effort to comprise, well that tells you everything.
 

midspringwind

Active member
hi midspringwind.

the midpoint of your Venus/Neptune-Uranus trine is conjunct to midheaven which would give you a inclination for alternate relationships. but the Venus trine does not usually show polyamory behavior.
most interesting to me is that your mercury is square to your node. this implies that you are first drawn to a guys mind and then you might be drawn to the emotional/physical side. you need mental stimulation for satisfactory sexual stimulation. I would thnkthat he has become too satisfied and no longer engages you in the long and deeply felt conversations you were initially attracted to. from what you say ,he must have a strong pluto as you, though still in love, not longer feel the sexual desire. ths usually occurs after sexual intimacy turns out to be just carnal desires with not emotional intimacy at all. and if he no longer talks at length... then the fire has gone out.
I think a midpoint composite would pin down the problem further.

rahu
Yes, I do feel like for the most part our conversations stay at a surface level. And you're right - intelligence and the ability to hold a conversation over abstract thinking is one of the most important things to me; I feel like its how I bond with people the most. Physical attraction follows that. I always attributed that to my Mars in Gemini, but I think what you're saying could be a little more on point. My boyfriend has never been much of a talker. He has his Mercury in the 12th house. In our synastry chart we have a lot of contacts between each other's Plutos, so we both play the Pluto role in one way or another.

A while ago I asked him what love was for him and he ignored me, but that bothered me so I kept insisting. Then finally he said, somewhat agitated, that he didn't want to explain it because everyone interprets words differently and he didn't want to be misunderstood. To me it seemed like he wasn't willing to trust that I could connect with him. That's just an example of this kind of behavior.

We're comfortable together. Our preferences and temperaments are similar enough to get a long well enough to live together, but it doesn't seem like there's anything "interesting" between us. We don't have anything we like doing together other than playing video games... which is sad, I know. Usually we're existing side by side but doing separate things.

I've attached our composite chart. Do you think that there is any significance that Venus in Gemini is at 0 degrees and unaspected? Btw, it is interesting that we have a Gemini ascendant in our composite because people say we look a like all the time and even places like facebook always want to tag us as each other, hah.

Have you addressed your issues with him? Do you ever plan on living with him again? If so and you haven't seriously spoke to him about these things, you may want to do that. If you have and he hasn't changed or made any effort to comprise, well that tells you everything.
I've talked to him a little bit about how I'm feeling. I've told him that I feel rather bored and how I wonder if our lifestyles are truly compatible. He's tried a little bit. Like one day we took a brief trip to a neighboring town and went on a hike, but since then things have just gone back to normal. Sometimes I'll ask him if he wants to go out and he says no. Even if I can get him out of the house, sometimes he gets really quiet and irritable - like he just wants to go back home immediately.

The reason I'm talking about this and analyzing the issue on a forum is because I'm hesitant about making my next move. I want to weigh things out carefully before I suggest any big changes in our relationship.
 

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