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Unread 07-17-2021, 04:43 PM
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Harmelia Harmelia is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Sedona, AZ
Posts: 514
Re: Doubt with a capital D!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anri9 View Post
Harmelia...
what can I say if not a big THANK YOU?
I really appreciate your insight, you have been very kind to take your time to analyze my situation. It surely is 'challenging' and sometimes i feel guilty to complain because otherwise I have a nice and peaceful life. No 'actual' problems! I'm healthy, I have my studies (I study medicine at uni), my love, my friends and my family, and even if things aren't perfect I consider myself lucky.

If only I could find the ultimate peace of mind, but I don't know if it's actually possible, as anyone has its own personal fight.

It's just that I don't understand why THIS. And I feel kinda strange even talking about it with my friends (only a few of them know). My boyfriend knows it and doesn't judge me, and in my mind I KNOW rationally that I can't be just a lesbian if 1) I love him so much 2) I never fell for another girl nor I want too.

I'll be bisexual (if anything), and even in that case I could keep on staying with him. I have a big fear of losing him (I'm not that jealous or something, I completely trust him) and maybe it plays out like this.
Nowadays it feels all so confusing, it's just like I HAVE to keep on questioning and answer to the same questions for whichever reason. I feel better only... when I stop thinking about it
Maybe you're right! meditating could be a great choice!

Also, you're sooo spot on with the 'don't be critical to other people' advice. I used to be EXTREMELY critical, but nowadays i feel more accepting and understand better others' needs.

Also, people in general tend to confide a lot in me, since I was a child, and sometimes it can be overwhelming because I tend to internalize their emotions. I love to listen to others, but sometimes I feel like i just need to be with my close persons, the ones with whom I can feel content EVEN in silence.

Can I ask your opinion on the houses of the nodes? Does a 4th house NN mean that my goal in life is to focus more on my family/home life than on my public persona/my career? And what about this sooo badly aspected Jupiter on the descendant that squares them?

Thank you so much again... and wish you well, wherever you are! <3

Yeah, there usually is a past life lesson involved to what we feel challenging. To me, the South Node in Aries - conjunct Saturn in the 10th - looks like you took a lot of responsibility for other people in your past life - and guilt is often associated with it - because 10th house is leadership. When we make decisions that affect people in the 10th house - then you always make enemies - because we can't please everyone. Ask any politician. So you were in a position of authority in the past life. When you are in position of authority - the buck stops with you. You make the final decisions in solitude - if there is someone to blame - it will be you. 10th house and Saturn are people serving others. They don't have the luxury of pandering to their own feelings.

The North Node in Libra, 4th house is about you nurturing yourself - having nurturing people around you - attending to your own feelings and needs. It's the balance to you sacrificing your own needs in the past life. So, if having a family is what you feel you need, then yes, you can do that. But it is the main point. The main point truly is doing what nurtures you, fulfills you, makes you feel loved and allows you to love.

You doubt yourself because something went wrong in your leadership role in the past life. Even if you did nothing wrong, other people judged you - and - you felt guilty. So, now there's this self-doubt - or guilt - or hesitancy to make quick decisions - you want to get it right. In time, you can get on the other side of this - so you aren't plagued with the doubt - time heals.
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