Extremely difficult marriage

Hi,

So, I finally look at all the charts. Thank you for your efforts.

Looking at your chart, you have the ruler of your 7th house, the Moon, is in a conjunction to the North Node. This literally means that marriage is by far the most difficult area in your chart and the one you need to learn from. You have a wide Moon-Pluto conjunction and it could be that you are a bit controlling. Sometimes we feel we can contain something that may be otherwise falling apart, but that pressure can ruin it further, so the best is to let go and pray. You do have Sun - Nep, so you do have a spiritual streak in you.

Can I ask if there were issues with your parents, esp. mother?

Per your progressions chart, via the progressed Moon issues of self-worth and finances are of consequence here.

Per your synastry chart, his Mars (anger) is on your the Sun (being/confidence). Your Mars too aspects his Sun, but in a trine (supporting aspect). These, on a day to day level, are difficult aspects to have. Both of you also have your Moons in tune, which means a deep emotional connection.

I wanted to say that I commend you on your understanding and courage of your circumstances. Remember, as Saturn completes it's transit "of the house of undoing" which could be a representation of your spouse, prepare yourself for its conjunction to the Asc and entry of your first house. December 2018. Hopefully it will be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

waybread said:

Your husband has a difficult horoscope: moon/Pluto opposite Mercury-Chiron, for example. Sometimes when this happens, people "self-medicate"as a means of escaping a painful life.

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Thank you for your time, yes you are correct.

Peter Harrison said:

Hello Purple,


Please pardon me for what I'm about to say, after an exhaustive study of your chart, for I am not a bearer of bad news. Hope you understand.

My conclusions are drawn from what the astral bodies have indicated:

1. Marriage hardship: Many hardships.
2. Long-term potential: Legal matters. Marriage will not be sustainable.
3. Husband's health: Your husband is very ill and his health will take a sudden turn for the worst.
4. Lastly: There is a ray of hope.

Please note that Astrology predicts the future and thus warns us of what's going to happen, because, they say "to be forewarned is to be forearmed".

Thus, it is NOT the end of the world because you can take active steps to minimise or counter what has been predicted, for that's the beauty of Astrology under the control of the Almighty God, with the planets being His Messengers.

Never give up. Be strong and hang in there.



Peter.

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Thank you Peter. This is clear. Marriage is already not sustainable financially or practically so this is correct. His health had taken a turn for the worse last year and he almost died. His doctors also predict that he has 2 immediate threats. The next one is likely his heart.
I am not sure what my next step will be yet but there is certainly nothing to give up on. I am in this by choice at this point and learning a lot in the process. Feedback on how the situation looks from above and from outside is helpful and I am very grateful for your effort, time and input.

aquarius7000 said:

Hi,

So, I finally look at all the charts. Thank you for your efforts.

Looking at your chart, you have the ruler of your 7th house, the Moon, is in a conjunction to the North Node. This literally means that marriage is by far the most difficult area in your chart and the one you need to learn from. You have a wide Moon-Pluto conjunction and it could be that you are a bit controlling. Sometimes we feel we can contain something that may be otherwise falling apart, but that pressure can ruin it further, so the best is to let go and pray. You do have Sun - Nep, so you do have a spiritual streak in you.

Can I ask if there were issues with your parents, esp. mother?

Per your progressions chart, via the progressed Moon issues of self-worth and finances are of consequence here.

Per your synastry chart, his Mars (anger) is on your the Sun (being/confidence). Your Mars too aspects his Sun, but in a trine (supporting aspect). These, on a day to day level, are difficult aspects to have. Both of you also have your Moons in tune, which means a deep emotional connection.

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Thank you for your effort and input. Much appreciated. I will go through illustrating the points you suspect based on what you saw as a means of a thank you. I know from own experience that illustrated feedback helped me gain confidence and expand my own skills.
"ruler of your 7th house, the Moon, is in a conjunction to the North Node. This literally means that marriage is by far the most difficult area in your chart and the one you need to learn from."
OK and moon and node are situated in 8th (or 9th according to other calculation methods). This would mean that that my learnings on marriage are through being forced to address 8th (or9th) house matters?

"Sometimes we feel we can contain something that may be otherwise falling apart, but that pressure can ruin it further..."
I went through various phases of letting it go, being nice, being cold and distant, being forceful, pleading, being rude. The only thing I did not do was threaten and/or leave. So you are right. And I have suffered some backlash from each means of manipulating the situation I mention above. Lesson learned. Decision pending LOL.

As for parents - I have assimilated their influence well over time so I am not sure what would be considered an issue - I am sure most people have plenty of issues with parents. Mine are divorced since i was a baby and I have lived away from my father, with my mother or in close proximity to her all my life so yes she is kind of central. What kind of issues are you suspecting? Let me know so I can help on that.

Yes, self-worth and finances are areas that took the biggest blow in this journey based on my choices/selections Both of the above I am now finally beginning to approach more clear-mindedly and responsibly. It took a while though. I was rather passive throughout my life allowing things to happen rather than actively building towards a specific goal. I believe lack of direction and discipline stemmed from absence of a strong/stable parental figure based on my understanding of psychology.

"Per your synastry chart, his Mars (anger) is on your the Sun (being/confidence). Your Mars too aspects his Sun, but in a trine (supporting aspect). "
Illustration: He tends to deflect and shift blame (even when blame is not even the point) is overbearing yes and very harsh in words and it did impact my sense of being and confidence at various points and varying degrees. He gives rise to my anger which is of late (last couple of years) luckily beginning to finally be focused and productive as opposed to me scattering it in all directions except towards the source of each issue. I have learned to speak my mind instead of bottling as well as focusing on solutions rather than problems or things that caused all this. My daily aim is to help myself set boundaries and build myself up in day-to-day dealings for optimal life-experience of everyone involved while also supporting his core in the hope that he will pick up the line and pull himself up. Some days of course I am not easy to handle either but most days it is his Mars all over us No physical abuse though. He is loud and opinionated and exclusive. On good days (1-2 out of every 7) he does step back and try new approaches, some of which I keep demonstrating and inventing LOL. One example was him building a relationship with our youngest child (he did not bond with her as she came unexpected (and improbable) at an inopportune time for him) by looking at things from a new perspective and finally accepting the fact that she was different to our first and a less easily impressed one Getting to know her and getting closer to her made him feel more capable and happy and they are now finally doing things together and enjoying each other's company more. Made both more comfortable and also helped ease some unnecessary tension at home. That way even if we separate I know they will be able to relate and he will have something positive in his life too. He is very attached to me and the children. But we are not enough of a joy given his circumstances. I feel for him as a fellow human. But the emotional bond we have is a little unconventional and unclear to me. I am very others oriented and tend to be loyal and dedicated but with most people I have clearer boundaries. With him it took more effort to reach myself. And so much time too. But the good thing is that I came out so much more self--aware and collected. This certainly helps me deal with the mess I find myself in now.

Thank you again for all your time and effort.
It is interesting to view all this from above.

detectahead said:

I wanted to say that I commend you on your understanding and courage of your circumstances. Remember, as Saturn completes it's transit "of the house of undoing" which could be a representation of your spouse, prepare yourself for its conjunction to the Asc and entry of your first house. December 2018. Hopefully it will be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

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Thanks detectahead...You keep trying to make me feel better but I realize that with the mess I made of things every transit is just further shaking everything off. Hopefully I can remain relatively sane as all this unfolds. (?) LOL. So far so good - I am a bit apprehensive about having Saturn at home in my first for 3 years. And that while Pluto is still rattling and shaking things in there. Not like I know - just an instinct. Hopefully I am wrong and it all turns out much simpler
Many many thanks!

Samantha Bean said:

Arrow Yod :
Mars - focus
Pluto
Uranus - reaction
Neptune

Fixed T-Square, tight:
Uranus
Moon - focus
Mars

Yod:
Neptune - focus
Mars
Mercury

Yod:
Mercury - focus
Neptune
Moon

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Thank you for your input again. All of this in my natal chart? Progressed one or plain?

Purple9 said:

... "ruler of your 7th house, the Moon, is in a conjunction to the North Node. This literally means that marriage is by far the most difficult area in your chart and the one you need to learn from."
OK and moon and node are situated in 8th (or 9th according to other calculation methods). This would mean that that my learnings on marriage are through being forced to address 8th (or9th) house matters?

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Given that I use Placidus, the Moon-N. Node conjunction is in the 8th house. This means learning has to do with all 8th house and 2nd house (opposite-lying house) matters. These are money, debts, loans, power - play often related to money, and such kind.

"Sometimes we feel we can contain something that may be otherwise falling apart, but that pressure can ruin it further..."

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Perhaps you have tried various tactics, but, given that you have a Moon-Node conj. with the Moon moving towards Pluto, you can be seen as overbearing or controlling by the other person. Trying to be controlling usually has its roots in the fear of losing things/situations. If you are aware of this, you can check yourself better.

As for parents - I have assimilated their influence well over time so I am not sure what would be considered an issue - I am sure most people have plenty of issues with parents. Mine are divorced since i was a baby and I have lived away from my father, with my mother or in close proximity to her all my life so yes she is kind of central. What kind of issues are you suspecting? Let me know so I can help on that.

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Could be that some have issues with parents, but the parents still live together as a family, but your chart clearly showed it otherwise. Sun - Nep often shows that the father figure could be missing, or perhaps there and yet not available to the child, could be an alcoholic, and such like. I was suspecting something also with your mother due to Moon-North Node conj. (mother can be heavy on one) and Pluto close by.

I have to say, I do not see a break-up between you and your husband per se, but tension due to active Mars on both sides, yes.

Thank you for your feedback.

aquarius7000 said:

Given that I use Placidus, the Moon-N. Node conjunction is in the 8th house. This means learning has to do with all 8th house and 2nd house (opposite-lying house) matters. These are money, debts, loans, power - play often related to money, and such kind.


Perhaps you have tried various tactics, but, given that you have a Moon-Node conj. with the Moon moving towards Pluto, you can be seen as overbearing or controlling by the other person. Trying to be controlling usually has its roots in the fear of losing things/situations. If you are aware of this, you can check yourself better.

Could be that some have issues with parents, but the parents still live together as a family, but your chart clearly showed it otherwise. Sun - Nep often shows that the father figure could be missing, or perhaps there and yet not available to the child, could be an alcoholic, and such like. I was suspecting something also with your mother due to Moon-North Node conj. (mother can be heavy on one) and Pluto close by.

I have to say, I do not see a break-up between you and your husband per se, but tension due to active Mars on both sides, yes.

Thank you for your feedback.

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Thanks Aquarius. It is helpful to get a bird's eye view on this indeed. Yes, I believe the chart is really clear on my parents and my resulting drives indeed even based on little I do know. Father was absent and unreliable but I gravitated towards him. He drank but his main vice was rage. Orphaned as a child.He was abusive which is why they separated. My mother was central. There is some heaviness as she remained alone and reliant on me, emotionally but now also financially and socially. This is in part how the moon's and NN 8th house placement panned out for me...well for us lol. Intertwined. There is Some conflict in temperament and opposing beliefs yes if this is what you mean by movement toward pluto. She has issues with alcoholism strangely. Father is soberer.
Regarding husband...ugh....Never thought I could come across as overbearing. Will give this some thought.
Many thanks for your input and time.

"My mother was central. There is some heaviness as she remained alone and reliant on me, emotionally but now also financially and socially. This is in part how the moon's and NN 8th house placement panned out for me..."

And that perfectly describes a Moon-N.Node conj. you have, when I said there is some heaviness related to your mother. She is and has been dependent on you, perhaps earlier on only emotionally, but now also financially (because she is older). The reverse is also often true, she perhaps (out of no malice, just circumstancially) took you to be heavy on her also given what she went through with your father, and so perhaps had to look after you more or less on her own. Now she is 'heavy on you'.

The Moon-Pluto and/or an eight-house Moon shows is described by the part that she faced violence/oppression.

The Moon-Pluto, as far as you yourself are concerned, can show the 'controlling part' sub-consciously, perhaps due to the fact that you "gravitated' towards your father, but he was there and yet not there. Out of this fear, perhaps stems the 'controlling' nature. Moon-Pluto often also shows the burden (Pluto) thru finances (Moon) especially if at least one of the two planets is in the 2nd (personal income) or 8th house (husband's income/ loans...)

"she perhaps (out of no malice, just circumstancially) took you to be heavy on her also given what she went through with your father, and so perhaps had to look after you more or less on her own. Now she is 'heavy on you'. "
Oh absolutely. She raised me entirely on her own. And if that weren't enough she had to constantly face my father reflected in my temperament, which was very difficult for her to manage. I absolutely sense a balance is being achieved in many ways so I tend to embrace the situation. This is generally what I meant by having assimilated both their influences. It is something that is in my mind fair and worked out for the best in many ways considering other possibilities that our energies could have generated. Both parents were close to death a few times. Violent death and suicide for both as well as major illness. We had the chance to harmonize our oppositions, stand by eachother and live this out. And while not idyllic, I feel blessed to have been able to reach this point with them both. Point of mutual respect, understanding and forgiveness to each other and ourselves. Though both my parents still need a nudge, feeling that they failed me which saddens me because I do not feel this at all. I wish I was smarter in my choices and could support them more financially and practically. But we do what we can right.

"The Moon-Pluto and/or an eight-house Moon shows is described by the part that she faced violence/oppression."

I did not know this. Thank you.

"The Moon-Pluto, as far as you yourself are concerned, can show the 'controlling part' sub-consciously, perhaps due to the fact that you "gravitated' towards your father, but he was there and yet not there. Out of this fear, perhaps stems the 'controlling' nature. Moon-Pluto often also shows the burden (Pluto) thru finances (Moon) especially if at least one of the two planets is in the 2nd (personal income) or 8th house (husband's income/ loans...)"

Understood. Many thanks again for your time.

Reading your posts I get the feeling that you have above average intelligence and are perhaps educated above a high school level.

You say you have made a mess but you have not. Circumstances beyond your control did but you have to deal with the situation.

I make my measurements in right ascension (do not concern yourself with what that is - it is the true measurement of a body in space from 0 degrees Aries in the Tropical zodiac).

Are you living in his birth place? That is where I am placing the progressed charts. They are progressed to the date of Saturn stationing - August 25.

Measuring now in your secondary progressed charts his Neptune is square your Saturn (00°33' from exact), his Saturn squares your Venus/Saturn midpoint (1°08' from exact), his Mars is square your Pluto (only 00°04' from being exact). The Mars square Pluto is of most concern to me right now. Note that I progress the chart angles at about 1 degree per day to see how things are working in today's time, not in a 1 year time frame.

Locating charts to your birth place it is easy to see how you were attracted to him as his Jupiter was on your Asc and his Sun was on your IC. But locating your charts to his birth place has his Sun/Saturn midpoint on your relocated IC. Both charts are attached and I am also attaching the progressed charts.

Your daughters charts to follow along with some transits to your relocated chart.

Your oldest daughter's chart.

Your younger daughter's chart.

One last month of transits - from mid October through mid November.

Thank you very much for your input Unique. I really appreciate your time and effort.
But I am afraid I feel my charts are in a foreign language. I see others' paths so clearly yet in mine the point feels foreign... veiled.

I avoid looking at synastry because I am not sure of his birth time and do not want to get confused by reading the wrong angles and contacts.
I also avoid looking at transits in general (I get anxious) except when I want to validate certain things I note in my life.

At this stage I am focusing on getting the daily challenges sorted and also gearing up to tackle the legal/financial and so on matters that are looming over co-signed debt, and his debts/taxes etc. I take them as they come. You know, the uncomfortable things.

Meanwhile I am trying to digest the girls' charts and see what I can do to help them through this with least damage regardless of the option I end up taking (if I even end up having options and circumstances beyond my control do not take over again)

"Reading your posts I get the feeling that you have above average intelligence and are perhaps educated above a high school level."

Thanks. Above average mental activity but not sure about intelligence measurements Above high school level yes. I am in continuous education, formal and informal whenever finances allow.

"You say you have made a mess but you have not. Circumstances beyond your control did but you have to deal with the situation." I do think I could have covered at least some bases a bit better at the time. But it is what it is now.

"Are you living in his birth place?" Yes and this is where we met.


"The Mars square Pluto is of most concern to me right now."

No worries I think! His Mars is always squaring something or other... How long would it have been there for and when will it go away please? He is much bigger than me so it pays to be smart and choose my battles then! . There is no direct violence but a lot of build-up and tearing each other apart directly and indirectly so it is quite stressful in any case.

Thank you for all the charts again and for the heads-up!

Hi,

You can still look at your husband's synastry without his TO . You can still see with 100% accuracy which signs his planets are in (except perhaps the Moon, if the Moon is on the cusp of two signs), and you can also see which of your houses in your own chart his planets fall in. Like you can see if any of his planets fall in your 1st, 4th, 7th and 11th houses.

Purple9 said:

Thank you very much for your input Unique. I really appreciate your time and effort.
But I am afraid I feel my charts are in a foreign language. I see others' paths so clearly yet in mine the point feels foreign... veiled.

I avoid looking at synastry because I am not sure of his birth time and do not want to get confused by reading the wrong angles and contacts.
I also avoid looking at transits in general (I get anxious) except when I want to validate certain things I note in my life.

At this stage I am focusing on getting the daily challenges sorted and also gearing up to tackle the legal/financial and so on matters that are looming over co-signed debt, and his debts/taxes etc. I take them as they come. You know, the uncomfortable things.

Meanwhile I am trying to digest the girls' charts and see what I can do to help them through this with least damage regardless of the option I end up taking (if I even end up having options and circumstances beyond my control do not take over again)

"Reading your posts I get the feeling that you have above average intelligence and are perhaps educated above a high school level."

Thanks. Above average mental activity but not sure about intelligence measurements Above high school level yes. I am in continuous education, formal and informal whenever finances allow.

"You say you have made a mess but you have not. Circumstances beyond your control did but you have to deal with the situation." I do think I could have covered at least some bases a bit better at the time. But it is what it is now.

"Are you living in his birth place?" Yes and this is where we met.


"The Mars square Pluto is of most concern to me right now."

No worries I think! His Mars is always squaring something or other... How long would it have been there for and when will it go away please? He is much bigger than me so it pays to be smart and choose my battles then! . There is no direct violence but a lot of build-up and tearing each other apart directly and indirectly so it is quite stressful in any case.

Thank you for all the charts again and for the heads-up!

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