Lela
Hi Lela,
Where to begin?
Firstly, your 9th house Saturn doesn't square your 12th house Sun, it squares your 1st house Mars/Neptune/Mercury though...
There's a whole to say about that, but I'll come back to it if I remeber to.
Your natal Moon is little earlier than Saturn (but is conj) and is the one squaring your Sun, hence your present dilema.
Add to that your Sag Sun is reversed to the 9th house Moon meaning, Sag is the sign related to the 9th house but is squaring it.
So, through the relationship you experienced your parents living in/through, your (Sun) will/ego "wants", learned to be at odds with your (Moon) feelings/memories "needs". Or what is nourishing for you.
Your parents don't always read life from the same page, or even similar points of view, it's "like that" for you to learn through, and evolve who they are (in you) as far as your destiny is concerned, not to give you or them a hard time. But to EVOLVE LIFE.
The Moon is a little stuck in the mud...so much criticism, judgement and self doubt.
"better do the right thing Lela, or something "bad" will happen"! sounds like something that may go through your mind at times..?
This all trips up your sense of "who" you actually are, and how you think/feel about the way life/creation is in relation to whoever/whatever you happen to be feeling you are at any time. You are not a static being in any way other than what your critical and organized mind convinces your "ego" to grab hold of to give it sense of having control, and being "structured", or, doing the "right thing", whatever that is... 8)
12th house Sun (you) is here to balance up the totality of your Souls Karmic Debts, which can mean all past lives merge into one expression in this life, so as to completely "clean the slate", and pave the way for your Soul to merge with "Oneness".
It starts off usually with the absence of a solid father figure. From then on you're on your own as far as developing a solid ego is concerned. Thankfully.
This leaves you literaly energetically wide open to the many influences/energies in your "lives", and that early experience tends to keep that way of functioning as a "constant" throughout...so you don't get "bound" by any static "way of being" according to any limited sense of "Self".
There are no boudaries with the 12th house. You prolly know about it I'm sure.
Like a zillion multidimesional photographic negs all coming into focus at once to create one beautiful, and very clear photograph.
Then that dissolving into Oneness with Pure Light.
This is the house of "Wisdom", not "knowledge", that is read and understood by the mind (Sagitarius-9th house, your Moon/Saturn etc >issue).
Wisdom is a consequence of "direct experience". The more experience, the more Wise. Trust your Wisdom.
May sound a bit out there to some, but I know you know what I'm saying.
The bizarre nature of how your life has played itself out so far, has surely encouraged a fair amount of spirirtual growth.
Quietly behind the scenes, the wheels turn... :roll:
Tr Uranus is conj your Saturn (squaring 1st house Mars too) right now till April 13th, and again Aug 29th. (Tr Saturn square ntl Uranus same day...but Tr Jupiter sextile ntl Saturn, and Tr Saturn supports ntl Pluto/Mars/Neptune>Mercury then as well, plus Tr Neptune sextile Mars...cant go wrong ; )
Forget your Saturn return for a while, it's not important to "worry" about any of that now.
Your phylosophical attitude is being tweeked enough to free youre limilted ways of thinking, so as to pave the way for a smoother and more inclusive point of view.
The psychological impact your fathers (doesn't matter if he's there or not, any Authority figure will do, this is genetically inhereted and is only reflected back to you) point of view had on your sense of who you are, is being liberated, resructured, and set free so as to allow you to feel more comfortable with making choices, and feeling safe and free enough to act on them. Not fearing that it may be the "wrong" way to go, or you may be judged, or that it may limit you in any way.
You can do no wrong Lela. Merely stay open to what life is presenting to you now and "feel" through it beyond emotions, memories or fears.
"To be or not to be...that is the question."
Free will is yours Lela, own it and take responsibilty for the consequences.
You can ONLY be set free by the truth (yours, walk it), not jailed for it.
In fact, if you resist being set free, you may as well be in jail, it's relative, especially for a 12th house individual (rules jails, ashrams, caves, asylums...yours).
The fact that you are pretty **** psychic, and can (or potentially will) literally be ENTIRELY in the moment, and act in TOTAL accord with the laws of nature (again, yours), says that you have absolutely NOTHING to "worry" about...but you getting in your own way.
Yes I can see why you are in a little confusion about what to do here, but... "life is what happens while your busy making plans".
unquote John Lennon.
Move with your heart Lela, and stay open to change without guilt or fear. Seriously embrace all possibilities and move to where that leads you.
But firstly, "WHO" is making these choices? "WHY" are you considering what you're considering? "WHERE" are you coming from? and "WHERE" do you think you are you going?
You are NOT coming from where the majority of people are coming from, and so are NOT heading in the same direction, even though you may have been brought up to believe you "should" do this, or you "should" do that, on the basis of what is the "right thing to do" according to the world we live in. It's not yours. Don't kid yourself.
To think of yourself in terms of an outside prompt is kind of futile for you.
Natal Venus is Rx for you as well, morning star. Your taste, values, sense of worth, and appreciation of love etc doesn't resonate with the "norm". You do all that stuff and more, from an internal prompt from your Soul. You "like" certain ways of being because it's what your Soul likes, others generally like to be certain ways because of what is reflected back to them, they "think" "it" is cool, or will impress someone, or will help them fit in with the "Jonzes", or because it's just "trendy".
Don't disregard or doubt that part of you, it's the essence of who you are, and it's the God force that permeates all of creation.
You can trust that much more than you can...
anyone. :mrgreen:
And from April 5th to June 9th Tr Saturn is (squaring) restructuring all that (ntl 11th Venus opposite ntl 5th Chiron) to evolve it up to the next level of relative functioning.
Rebuilding the tattered bridge to your heart and Soul, and thereby re-establishing your connection with your true friends, plans, hopes, goals and dreams. And fun.
Any relationship is going to be challenging at that time, and will probably have some connection to what country you live in and what you're thinking as far as learning/knowlege is concerned, ie University. Whatever you decide, you will feel the pain of separatoin till it's over, this is a very old wound, let it go.
You have spent many lifetimes out in the ethers, studying and spiritually evolving your Soul in Temples of Light.
In this life you will take that learning/energy and share it with many people, translating it into practical focus and application for the benefit of the whole.
This side of who you are is about to make itself known to you, you will (are being) be put into contact with groups of people and individuals that resonate with, or need to learn to resonate with your Souls' implulse, in readiness for the next phase of your "relative" lifes purpose.
Like meeting your spiritual family all over again after a very long journey...to the worksite we call Earth.
Again, may seem a bit over the top, but by Nov 27th 2006, you will know exactly what I'm talking about. Trust me. It's a beautiful time for you Lela. (Tr Jupiter cnj ntl 12th house Sun.+ reverse Nodal cnj)
You are working towards February 2007 though, when you will be effectively reborn, and will begin to channel a much more focussed, expanded and integrated part of your being into the purpose of "NOW".
Tr Jupiter cnj Asc/Mars/Mercury/Neptune...
If the love is pure between you and your man Lela, nothing can keep you apart, no matter "where" you are.
Love knows no boundaries other than what the mind believes to be unworthy, or out of reach...both illusory.
Bear in mind, sometimes it's necessary to experience pain throught the heart (relationships are good at pushing that particular button), it is a cleansing of the Soul through loves fire, not the killing of either.
It's your vulnerable wounded side seeking another dose of salt to remind you of the pain that hurts soooo good...
You know this pain well...let it go, or perpetuate the need to visit that classroom (psych-ward) once again.
You come from the stars Lela, don't be so fascinated by very basic Earthy/Human material, you're very "different" from what all that is about. Don't be lazy.
Mars is currently creating some fire in your world, I'm sure you feel a little better today, Mars just finished squaring your Sun, but it will still be messing your emotions/Moon around till Feb 27th, and add a Tr Chiron square ntl Chiron involving ntl Venus to it, and you need to be reminding yourself what the real purpose and meaning behind all this is.
Mars squares ntl 9th Saturn from the 6th house of "do the right thing here or you'll get in trouble Lela"... till March 14th
Look after your health, do yoga, eat well, DON'T stress about what you have no control over, allow life to flow through you without you imposing your "ideas" on what SHOULD be happening.
Oh, 12th house people can tend to be quite overwhelmed with their lives, and feel a sense of self pity, don't go there, it's not worth the energy, it will only reinforce the ntl Moons habit of bringing you down with guilt, self critisism and fear as well.
IT'S ALL MUCH BETTER THAN JUST GOOD LELA, souls travel through hell and high water to be in your position this life. Don't take it for granted.
I don't think I should take up even more space here on this page, so I'll leave you with that for now...
It's all up to you, but I suggest you take the Blue Pill.