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Unread 04-29-2013, 04:50 PM
may28gemini
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Re: Anger!!!!!!!!,!!!,!!,!,

I have 8th house Taurus Mars which

-trine AC (I appear calm)
-oppose Uranus (rebellious and loose cannon)
-trine Jupiter (extreme expressions)
-trine Saturn (disciplined and keep temper under wraps)
-sextile Moon (excitable and love arguments)
-inconjunct Neptune (feel mentally and physically drained if others frustrate me)
-inconjunct Pluto (controlling, argumentative, seething and possessing uncomfortable vengeful feelings).

When I was younger, I would gratuitously give into the Jupiter and Uranus influences as far as expressing outward anger... which always got me into trouble. I was very rebellious and argumentative. My home life was chaotic and my Scorpio/Plutonian father was the cause of it all. I tried to do the right thing, and I would feel bad if I was wrong but I was often pushed beyond my limits. I had gotten into a lot of fights as a minor and always won. I was destructive when angered and everything around me was in danger of getting f*cked up. As a teen, I had a lot of teenage angst (what teen doesn't experience this?) but that angst lasted well into my mid 20s.

In school, I was sent to detention a lot... often for arguing with everyone despite my calm and docile demeanor/appearance. If anyone crossed me, I would remember and plot revenge for another time. In high school, there was a Virgo classmate that kept nagging me and criticizing my playing style (we were on the school's softball team) and I swore I would shove her face in the dirt if she didn't shut up. During a game I caused her to trip and she fell face first into the ground and came over faking help but pushed her face into the dirt. Not only that, after the game, I snuck up behind her in the locker room bathroom and shoved her face in the toilet and kept flushing it. People thought I was being "playful" and "silly" so my antics were seen as a joke. Deep down, I did what I said I would do to her and liked it.

My Mars is in detriment and feminine and it naturally expresses passive anger. I've read many descriptions/interpretations of Taurus Mars and nothing fit me because my Mars maneuvers in an evil Scorpio sort of way, except the slow-to-anger-but-once-angered-destruction-will-come-absolutely part- that fits me quite well. It doesn't make matters any better that my Mars is concealed in the 8th which adds the seething, vengeful layers that are uncomfortable for me to address in a conscious way but I am comfortable with it on an intuitive level. I do feel deeply (about things that matter to me) but it's very draining for me to feel things too often because it's draining on my system. I especially don't like feeling angry because I'm afraid I might lose control if I try to express it outwardly. Suppression of anger has always been my go-to response, with awful results. There have been several points in my life that I was so angry that I ferociously attacked my opponent and after the fight was over, I'd blackout. By the time I'd come to, I wouldn't know what the heck happened.

I've gotten much better at trying to be more outward and directly addressing anger since I've been through my 1st Saturn's Return and learned to handle my battles better. I haven't had a blackout in years so that's good news for me. Probably good news for other people, too.

Last edited by may28gemini; 04-29-2013 at 05:16 PM.
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