Hi all! This is my first post here, and I'd like to explain a bit before you scroll down to my chart.
I'm about to turn 20 on January 17th. My entire life is centered around the idea of being in love, falling in love, and in past experiences, figuring out why love failed. I've never actually dated anybody (I identify as straight), though I define myself as being in love three times. It gets quite stressful continuously getting up in the morning and hoping for something that I've never really been able to grasp in my entire life.
That being said, as of the beginning of my college career (September 2011), I developed an eating disorder. It started out in small increments (skipping one meal a day twice a week, consciously being more active in hopes of it slimming me down - in a dangerous way), and has since become pretty destructive. In the past few months, I've narrowed my calorie intake to under 700 calories a day and I have incredibly awful self-esteem. Too, eating less makes my emotions much more intensified, and there have been countless times in the past few months wherein I am staring at my body in the bathroom mirror and sobbing.
I'm a relatively practical person, and I know that I need to get help for what I'm going through. I attribute a lot of the disorder to the fact that I can't sustain a normal relationship with a guy. I am very aware that it's incredibly counterproductive to hate myself in hopes of someone feeling the opposite, but where I am in my life has led me here.
The point of attaching my chart is to see which areas I may improve in. I'm a journalism major and writing is my hugest passion (which, from the one previous natal chart reading I've had in the past, seems to be prevalent in my chart). I was also told that I channel my expressions via writing, and I've found this to be true as well. I have a writing blog where I write about the inner demons of the eating disorder and I find it to be therapeutic.
I know that one of the key tools in chart interpretation is context, and I'd like to describe a bit about my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 2-years-old, and my father moved out of state shortly after and I haven't seen him since. My mom had problems with drug addiction as I was growing up, though if there's anything she's done that's been progressive, it's shown me love. She has an incredible capacity to love people, and she has consistently showered me in affection and praise. I was sexually molested when I was 3-years-old by the daughter of my mom's then-boyfriend, though the experience has only recently come back to my conscious mind. It was traumatic but not as devastating as it may originally sound. I'm an only child.
Combining the two topics at hand, my main concern is to see how my lack of relationships has impacted my relationship with eating/self-image. Most people are quite shocked when I tell them about my body distortion (as it's been penned by my closest friends, i.e., they don't see what I see), and I feel as if this can be attributed to my Leo rising/Capricorn sun. Too, my emotions are very intense, as signified by my Sagittarius moon.
There's a lot going on in my 6th house, as well as Mars in my 12th, and after googling around, I've found that those two houses are most commonly associated with psychological disorders. I'd like to hear any feedback anyone has on these two topics, and how they may intertwine, as well as (hopefully) overcome together in my chart. I also enclosed the aspects table that was generated via Kairon.
Thank you for reading this novella! And thank you to anyone who takes a stab at interpretations.
I'm about to turn 20 on January 17th. My entire life is centered around the idea of being in love, falling in love, and in past experiences, figuring out why love failed. I've never actually dated anybody (I identify as straight), though I define myself as being in love three times. It gets quite stressful continuously getting up in the morning and hoping for something that I've never really been able to grasp in my entire life.
That being said, as of the beginning of my college career (September 2011), I developed an eating disorder. It started out in small increments (skipping one meal a day twice a week, consciously being more active in hopes of it slimming me down - in a dangerous way), and has since become pretty destructive. In the past few months, I've narrowed my calorie intake to under 700 calories a day and I have incredibly awful self-esteem. Too, eating less makes my emotions much more intensified, and there have been countless times in the past few months wherein I am staring at my body in the bathroom mirror and sobbing.
I'm a relatively practical person, and I know that I need to get help for what I'm going through. I attribute a lot of the disorder to the fact that I can't sustain a normal relationship with a guy. I am very aware that it's incredibly counterproductive to hate myself in hopes of someone feeling the opposite, but where I am in my life has led me here.
The point of attaching my chart is to see which areas I may improve in. I'm a journalism major and writing is my hugest passion (which, from the one previous natal chart reading I've had in the past, seems to be prevalent in my chart). I was also told that I channel my expressions via writing, and I've found this to be true as well. I have a writing blog where I write about the inner demons of the eating disorder and I find it to be therapeutic.
I know that one of the key tools in chart interpretation is context, and I'd like to describe a bit about my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 2-years-old, and my father moved out of state shortly after and I haven't seen him since. My mom had problems with drug addiction as I was growing up, though if there's anything she's done that's been progressive, it's shown me love. She has an incredible capacity to love people, and she has consistently showered me in affection and praise. I was sexually molested when I was 3-years-old by the daughter of my mom's then-boyfriend, though the experience has only recently come back to my conscious mind. It was traumatic but not as devastating as it may originally sound. I'm an only child.
Combining the two topics at hand, my main concern is to see how my lack of relationships has impacted my relationship with eating/self-image. Most people are quite shocked when I tell them about my body distortion (as it's been penned by my closest friends, i.e., they don't see what I see), and I feel as if this can be attributed to my Leo rising/Capricorn sun. Too, my emotions are very intense, as signified by my Sagittarius moon.
There's a lot going on in my 6th house, as well as Mars in my 12th, and after googling around, I've found that those two houses are most commonly associated with psychological disorders. I'd like to hear any feedback anyone has on these two topics, and how they may intertwine, as well as (hopefully) overcome together in my chart. I also enclosed the aspects table that was generated via Kairon.
Thank you for reading this novella! And thank you to anyone who takes a stab at interpretations.
. However it is important to be well organized with attainable goals (Mars opposite Neptune, especially working through the 12th house can bring about confusion and lack of energy); set dates and priorities, one of which would be to ask for professional help.