Am I living my life for me or for other people?

[or1000]

What are some indications of great difficulty recognising personal benefits, and rather doing things to the benefit of others.

I find that it takes a great amount of effort, and by the end I don't care about it very much at all if it is for me - just something else to tick off the list.

I cannot find the care in myself for very long, about an item that I KNOW, subconsciously, that it will get me on my way to my goal that I long for. I get lost in my head.

I am working in whole signs atm, so I hope there's a few who are actively interested in this system.

This Sun 11th and Mercury 12th is something I have been working on, along with this 6th neptune, Uranus. I do point to these quite heavily for my difficulties in everyday life, mental health, and keeping my head above water. But that's apart of another story, also.

How can this be helped?

 

[mahaira]

Right of the bat, what you describe sounds like Neptune/12th house business.
The ruler of your chart - Mercury is opposite Neptune and it's in your 12th house (!) which can give idealistic nature but also a loss of self or the lack of clear definition. The planets themselves in this position speak of certain "break" with reality or difficulties to stay attached to it.
You could be looking for motivation outside yourself, hence your reactivity when others are in question, and lack thereof when you do things for your sake.

I would not ignore the North node in the 1st house. It means that you should (in this lifetime) develop an identity for yourself, separate from the others. That's exactly why you feel more comfortable in "partnerships" (I don't mean just romantic relationships, any kind!) when you take care of others and not yourself. We always tend to look for less resistance and find a comfortable place in the South Node.
You don't know where to begin when you think about yourself. Good news - this can be learned
Take one day at the time. Just one day when you try to do what's good for yourself. Day by day...

 

[or1000]

Right of the bat, what you describe sounds like Neptune/12th house business.
The ruler of your chart - Mercury is opposite Neptune and it's in your 12th house (!) which can give idealistic nature but also a loss of self or the lack of clear definition. The planets themselves in this position speak of certain "break" with reality or difficulties to stay attached to it.
You could be looking for motivation outside yourself, hence your reactivity when others are in question, and lack thereof when you do things for your sake.

I would not ignore the North node in the 1st house. It means that you should (in this lifetime) develop an identity for yourself, separate from the others. That's exactly why you feel more comfortable in "partnerships" (I don't mean just romantic relationships, any kind!) when you take care of others and not yourself. We always tend to look for less resistance and find a comfortable place in the South Node.
You don't know where to begin when you think about yourself. Good news - this can be learned
Take one day at the time. Just one day when you try to do what's good for yourself. Day by day...

Thank you. Very much. I’ve recently switched to whole sign because I feel it displays my situation in life much more precisely at this time. For likes of life goals, I lose track and, I don’t mean to, but I get lost, because it’s just not my forte to look after me, me, me. It’s an escape to look after others, isn’t it. As you say, the south node.

Currently taking notes of habits and trying ~~~very hard to organise and keep track from small to larger- so I can see a greater picture. Hopefully this goes well, hey.