Hi there,
I hope someone reads my chart. I have always been a wanderer in sorts
. I realized that my Neptune in the 1st might have caused me to perceive men who I like in a way that they are not. I am paying for it now..
.. makes me anger because I usually don't. But I want to know all that you can tell me. Everything. I do not shy way from what I can learn from. Tell me something that I do not know, I guess. I am 35 AND still do not know what I am suppose to do. My sun is in the 10th if you do equal houses,but I realized that I may have to work for what I want to do. I want to know will I have a hard time? What are my talents? I have artist ability. I do.. anyway I want to know if I will get married and what kind of man will he be? Would he be devoted to me, or would I be the one who is in love more? Do I have connections to the spirit world, and what kinds? I know I have psychic ability, my mother does to and my grandmother does also and her parents both were. But what are my psychic talents? Tell me what I need to be careful of. I would appreciate and I thank you for your time.
I feel compelled to share some thoughts with you since I recognize some parts of your chart. I am a beginner when it comes to astrology so don't take anything I say as the truth.
You have two Yods pointing at Chiron (the wounded healer) in the the sixth house. How do you feel about sixth house matters (health, daily routines, being of service etc)? Are you interested in how one can use painting/music/acting/dancing etc to improve mental/physical health? Perhaps you can help people to express themselves somehow? Your Neptune, Pluto and mercury are at the base and needs to be directed through the apex. Or maybe you can create something through some art form that is beneficial for other people.
My ex also has a double Yod pointing at Chiron and I have one or two Yods in my chart depending on if the ascendant counts. Yods make you feel as if you have something important to do, but you don't know what that is. You cannot settle down doing something that feels ordinary, you feel compelled to keep searching. But every road feels like a dead end. Deep inside it feels as if you have a great potential for something. You find puzzle pieces here and there. Unfortunately yod-bearers also have insecurities about becoming their greatest potential. For me my inconjunctions and my yod brings me intense feelings of frustration. While young it is easier be hopeful and throw yourself into new situations and challenges. As you grow older it is more difficult. Sometimes I think: "what's the point of trying? It never works out. People around me are settling down in their lives and I am not. Something must be wrong with me, I guess I am not capable of doing things right".
In my case it feels as if I cannot settle down with a job that feels meaningless and a man who is kind but with whom I do not feel a powerful connection. I want stimulation, I want something deep and intense, I want to evolve, I want something that feels really meaningful. That's what I am searching for.
I have Neptune conjunct my ascendant and Venus square Neptune. You have Neptune in your first house and Venus semi square Neptune. A friend of mine has Neptune in the seventh house and Venus semisquare Neptune. She has had problems with seeing men clearly as well.
The trick is to learn by experience. The illusion always cracks at some point and although it can be very painful, it is a time where you can go deep within yourself. You need to understand what it is that you REALLY need vs what it is that you are attracted to and you need to understand what it is within you that is preventing you from getting what makes you happy. Understand your relationship patterns, think about the feedback you have received from former partners and which situations you have ended up in. Most people are very focused on the partner whenever they are in a relationship. Relationships trigger our childhood wounds and we blame the trigger person for everything that surfaces and we want the trigger person to change so that the pain/anger/sadness we feel can go away. There is a reason why I used to feel a very intense chemistry with narcissistic, dishonest and manipulative men. The solution was not to try to change them, I had to start searching within myself.
Instead of trying to find the right person for you, follow your heart and then see the person that you are having chemistry with as a mirror. You can use the mirror to learn more about yourself. Since you have Venus square mars you may have experienced some drama. My guess is that you want intense relationships. You want a deep and profound union but you need someone who is honest and loyal (Venus in Scorpio).
Generally speaking It is easy to see other people's defences and issues, but not our own. If we want to merge with someone who does not want us in the same way, we can relax and focus on the other persons walls and issues without realizing that we as well may become defensive if someone is very certain about their feelings for us, especially if the person feels pushy, demanding or needy.
You have sun square Neptune. The ego is represented by the sun. You need to find out who you are. What do you need, what do you like, which fears and subconscious programs are standing in your way?
Your north node is in the eight house and it is also showing you that you need to dive within.
Your emotions are your compass in life. It is also your access to the subconscious parts of your emotional life and also to the true you and the truth about what you want and need. Moon square Saturn perhaps makes you reluctant to being to emotional? Perhaps you have a barrier between you and other people?
I believe that even if you are capable of following your heart, your life is not a straight path. You were not meant to find the man of your life when you were a teenager and know early on what you are supposed to do with your life. When you follow your heart and you seem to have reached a dead end, you might feel like you can't trust your desires and hunches, since they always lead you in the wrong direction. But your inner being will see it as if you have done exactly what it wanted you to do. You learned yet another lesson that you were meant to learn, now you have yet another clue and it's time to move on and search for the next one. The continuous search and the feeling of being lost makes you very strong and you have the opportunity to learn a lot before things are starting to fall into place.
They say that yod bearers have difficulties during their first part of life. Then everything changes in a radical way and your life becomes completely different. It's as if you become another person. I have read that the yod and the grand cross are the most difficult formations since they create so much tension within, but I do not know if that is correct.
One warning though. I have seen people with yods escaping into addictions like alcohol and drugs. When they grow older they have the feeling of not having lived the life they should have lived.
The movie Maze Runner might be inspirational for you if you analyse it symbolically. The maze runners are trying to find the way out of a labyrinth but it seems impossible. Every road they take is a dead end. However, every time they enter the maze they do learn more about it (which is a good thing if you want to be able to pass through it). They keep searching and they need to confront monsters (their inner issues) to get ahead.
I am certain that you have huge potential, so keep trying and keep searching. In the movie they believe that their quest is impossible when they are close to solving the riddle. They keep entering the maze just because they need to maintain some sort of hope within the group and not just give in to hopelessness and the feeling that they are stuck in the little box forever. I am at that stage now. I feel hopeless, but somehow I understand that it is because I am closing in on the goal. This is the most difficult phase since it feels as if I have already tried everything, but I will keep trying.
About your psychic gifts, my guess is that you do have them due to Uranus in the twelfth house and Neptune in the first. Some people see things in the physical world, some people see things using inner visualisation techniques, some people hear things, some people feel things and some people simply know things. Some people have a combination of capabilities. I do not know which ones you have.
My Uranus lies close to the 12th house and my Neptune is in the first house and I feel like I sometimes just know things (perhaps because of Uranus) and I can feel other people's emotions and understand them through my emotions (Neptune). I have very important dreams, they bring me messages and I learn a lot from them. Sometimes I leave my body while I am asleep. My only advice is to practice connecting to your intuition/higher self/guides/angels/dreams or whatever you might believe in, but besides that stay as grounded as you can. It's very important to stay away from drugs, the more evolved within this area that you become, the more sensitive you will be. I also don't drink much. Since I have boundary issues I would not try to connect with ghosts or something like that, it's enough for me to deal with this world.
If you want to evolve your psychic abilities my best tip is to avoid junk food, pesticides, chemicals etc. Also practice connecting with your body and your emotions. You can meditate as well, and you can ask questions before you fall asleep and start writing down anything you remember from your dreams. Writing is a great way for me to receive insights and learn more about myself and life.
The moon-Saturn and sun in Virgo and Chiron in the sixth shows that you might be to critical and strict towards yourself and perhaps also against others. I have read that what a person with Virgo and Saturn issues needs is Uranus. You have Uranus opposite Chiron in the sixth house so my guess is that you need to find a balance between Uranus and Chiron. Uranus is freedom.
Like I said, I do not yet know much about astrology. Disregard everything that does not resonate with you.
I wish you all the best on your life path!
I always felt like I was suppose to do something..but as I get older, I have two things I may want to do but I do not know which I should do first. But I thank you for all of your words, sweetheart, thank you in your reading. I deeply appreciate it. I hope more comment. I should probably add my midpoint chart.
