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ScorpAsc5 04-10-2018 03:12 PM

Supreme Loneliness
 
1 Attachment(s)
Since I returned to my work country from my home country in January, I am feeling utter depression and supreme loneliness.

I stopped talking to everyone I know except my team in office. I have not met any friend since months. Stopped talking to family occasionally.

I feel no interest in doing anything - traveling, going out, meeting new people, I don't want to date anyone, don't want to shop either.

I started living in a cocoon hiding from everyone feeling someone would miss me and talk but no one does and hence makes me feel useless.

How much I miss having friends , having fun and just visiting new places with them :(

There is whole summer coming now and I have nothing else to do than eat, sleep and work. I don't step out from my apartment once I enter in.

One reason being too much heart broken and other being too alone in a foreign country. I want to go back but my career will collapse.

When will good times be back? I feel terrible and tired all the time.

waybread 04-10-2018 09:59 PM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Your feelings are very common for people living in a foreign country. It's called culture shock.

I think your natal chart with transits and maybe progressions would be a better indicator of why you are feeling so down. Basically a horary chart "of the moment" shows some mood-destroying placements that may interact with your natal chart when you look at transits, but I can't say without seeing your natal chart. What you've described sounds like Saturn, but we'd have to look at your natal chart.

In this chart, you're symbolized by Mercury retrograde (2nd thoughts.) The moon is in Saturn-ruled Aquarius in your house of career, so possibly work has been too much of a focus lately.

When will the good times be back? When do you want them back? I would suggest you make a doctor's appointment for a simple physical exam, explaining that you "feel terrible and tired all the time." It may have a physical cause that could be picked up in a blood test.

If you suspect that there is really nothing physically wrong with you, then you will need to make the effort, even if it's one little step at a time, to make your days a little brighter. This might be something as simple as getting a facial and buying some flowers for your table. Or it might be signing up for a fitness class, or just getting out and walking on a local trail system. Listen to some inspiring music, or sign up for a human potential movement workshop.

The universe isn't something entirely external to ourselves. We create it from within, every day.

You can do this.

tikana 04-11-2018 03:35 AM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
I can see the problems

Merc retro alone sq saturn
Under sunbeams

1 unit till things improve but merc saturn is very worrysome since merc is extremely weak in sag .. once merc enteres cap it will bbetter

kai 04-11-2018 04:25 AM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
perhaps you should take dance classes that way you will have no choice but to interact with others.

ScorpAsc5 04-11-2018 01:16 PM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by kai (Post 877960)
perhaps you should take dance classes that way you will have no choice but to interact with others.

I did take dance classes. The guy I was seeing sort of compared me with American girls (I am Asian) . When I found myself surrounded by them in the class, it felt uncomfortable and triggering to continue being around them.

I am not racist but my wounds are so fresh, I compare myself with those girls in my mind and feel terribly unwanted and worthless in the end.

ScorpAsc5 04-11-2018 01:25 PM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by tikana (Post 877953)
I can see the problems

Merc retro alone sq saturn
Under sunbeams

1 unit till things improve but merc saturn is very worrysome since merc is extremely weak in sag .. once merc enteres cap it will bbetter

My family wants to do things against my wish, so much forcing to start dating for marriage - i am so not ready

I had few friends here - I asked each of them to help me when I was dealing with a legal problem. I just asked them to please help me in moving out as I had a window of few hours to move out from my previous apartment to avoid further complications. No one came forward except one guy. I realized I don't want to be friends with them anymore. I did not feel like to meet them again.

I was seeing someone but he preferred only sexual connection, no emotions attached.

I went to restaurants alone - came back crying that I don't have anyone to sit next to me to share a mere meal - no friends, no special someone or no family.

I go to work and hide in home rest of the time. I feel very bad for myself, I used to be very cheerful and fun girl.

ScorpAsc5 04-11-2018 01:37 PM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by waybread (Post 877917)
Your feelings are very common for people living in a foreign country. It's called culture shock.

I think your natal chart with transits and maybe progressions would be a better indicator of why you are feeling so down. Basically a horary chart "of the moment" shows some mood-destroying placements that may interact with your natal chart when you look at transits, but I can't say without seeing your natal chart. What you've described sounds like Saturn, but we'd have to look at your natal chart.

In this chart, you're symbolized by Mercury retrograde (2nd thoughts.) The moon is in Saturn-ruled Aquarius in your house of career, so possibly work has been too much of a focus lately.

When will the good times be back? When do you want them back? I would suggest you make a doctor's appointment for a simple physical exam, explaining that you "feel terrible and tired all the time." It may have a physical cause that could be picked up in a blood test.

If you suspect that there is really nothing physically wrong with you, then you will need to make the effort, even if it's one little step at a time, to make your days a little brighter. This might be something as simple as getting a facial and buying some flowers for your table. Or it might be signing up for a fitness class, or just getting out and walking on a local trail system. Listen to some inspiring music, or sign up for a human potential movement workshop.

The universe isn't something entirely external to ourselves. We create it from within, every day.

You can do this.

Its very difficult to sleep in the night. I really like to go out, sight seeing or try new cuisines. But I spent my last three months doing nothing. The feeling that no one wants me around, kills me every day.

I did get my medical checkup - my body is completely alright. Its my mind which I feel is going to a darker place where I feel worthless. I have never been so much depressed about my birthday coming in three weeks - I will be so alone. How will I kill my summer days when they are so long to pass.....

I did buy fresh flowers but lost interest eventually. I do work out when I am at work. When I go out to walk, I see people with someone walking next to them and I feel pity for myself.

I don't know what will I do to make myself feel better but it is dangerously alarming me every day that its not worth it.

rafaella 04-11-2018 09:41 PM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
I'm sorry about how you are feeling, its normal for many people specially in a foreign country...

I think you are from India, isn't it? So look into joining indian community groups, they have get togethers, celebrations of festivals.... go to a temple.. Or join a pottery/writing class, hiking group, art class... even singing group. Actually joining a choir would be the best thing for you, I am in a gospel choir myself, and love singing... I'm not Christian but it doesn't matter, so do look into to joining a local choir, I do believe you will feel happy after each singing session. Any blues I feel is literally gone when I'm with my choir singing my heart out!

Mercury is rx, but will not be this way forever, so its a temporary thing. Moon is separating from a conjunction with SN, and this is one of the reasons for how you are feeling. Things will be alright, you just need to take steps towards change, so do get involved with the groups I mentioned. Forget about your old friends, make new ones...

all the best!

ScorpAsc5 04-12-2018 12:12 AM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rafaella (Post 878088)
I'm sorry about how you are feeling, its normal for many people specially in a foreign country...

I think you are from India, isn't it? So look into joining indian community groups, they have get togethers, celebrations of festivals.... go to a temple.. Or join a pottery/writing class, hiking group, art class... even singing group. Actually joining a choir would be the best thing for you, I am in a gospel choir myself, and love singing... I'm not Christian but it doesn't matter, so do look into to joining a local choir, I do believe you will feel happy after each singing session. Any blues I feel is literally gone when I'm with my choir singing my heart out!

Mercury is rx, but will not be this way forever, so its a temporary thing. Moon is separating from a conjunction with SN, and this is one of the reasons for how you are feeling. Things will be alright, you just need to take steps towards change, so do get involved with the groups I mentioned. Forget about your old friends, make new ones...

all the best!

Thanks rafaella for writing to me and giving me nice suggestions. I will think about it.

But more than finding things to do, I have to re-built my willingness to do any of these options to kill the time.

I will try my best to feel better and optimistic.

MoonBucket 04-12-2018 12:41 AM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
Dear ScorpAsc5,

I don't know how to do horary astrology, but even aside from the factors you mentioned, some people surprisingly have seasonal depression even in the springtime from the change in seasons.

Do you meditate, or is it something you could take up? To some extent it looks like it is your thoughts that are causing you harm. Maybe some meditation to abide without expectations in the One behind the scenes (whatever that is) will help you to detach from the distressing roil and mumble of your thoughts, which for anyone can act like deranged Photoshop filters between us and the world, so that you can brush aside their harmful influence and appreciate little things that are going on as well as things you might have taken for granted, such as existence itself in all its variety.

Something to consider is that there might be others in your circle of acquaintances who also believe no one really cares about them -- so maybe there are some opportunities for you to brighten someone else's life ...

Wishing you the best,
MB

waybread 04-12-2018 03:37 AM

Re: Supreme Loneliness
 
If you are suffering from depression, please make an appointment with your doctor, and ask for a referral to a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist. Feeling deeply sorry for yourself is one thing. We all go through it at one time or another. Being unwilling to leave the house, &c suggests depression, and there is treatment for it.

You've been through a lot lately, but I don't think this is about asking the stars when events external to yourself will make you feel better. It's more about what you must summon from within you. Maybe now, it is seeking psychotherapy or treatment for depression.


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