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HellenSkelter 11-26-2019 04:39 PM

North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
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I was curious about this north node in the 1st house of Scorpio, conjunct Pluto - opposing Venus in Taurus conjunct South Node in the 7th house.
I've been having terrible relationship problems, partially because I've been shown a side of myself that I do not like and in order to fix it I need to change - but in a way I feel like my life revolves around this relationship, and I continue to build up resentments instead of seeing the good. I feel the need to escape my relationship but it's hard to let go - in fear that this relationship is actually meant for me and if I leave it I literally feel like I will die...

Any pointers? Everything I've read says south node in the 7th means I've already worked on relationships in the past and now I've come to work on myself... But north node in Scorpio seems to say I need a partner to see the things I need to work on within myself - I'm confused!

kimbermoon 11-27-2019 11:29 PM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
If I might offer;

indeed the south node hints at both your karmic past and your genetic past, so in view of that you really need to be looking for whatever particular themes you have carried within your psyche and were conditioned by in your early childhood.

If you remain focused on the Taurus qualities and over-emphasized the need for material security, at the expense of developing the North Node, you may have difficulty feeling personally successful. Think about what you feel you REALLY need in relationship and what is not really essential ;
‘what is essential is invisible to the eye’ which relates to living through spirit, rather than through others.

If you examine where you have been in the past and learn to recognize the shadow side of self you will have a greater understanding of what holds you back from evolutionary progress and thus clear a pathway to accessing more of the north node qualities that relates to a more mystical /spiritual path in life.

The energy of Scorpio can often be laden with deeply buried fear and to overcome such fears, you can discern a key to defeating such things that hold you back from true fulfillment. Scorpio also has the power to evolve in life and to rise above the lower expression of the scorpion and to rise above to a greater perspective on the true nature of reality, like the eagle. Scorpio is also about purification in order to be reborn like the ‘Phoenix’.

Since the NN is in league with Pluto, your karma also has to do with using the ‘right use of power and control'. How do you feel about your personal sense of power? In your early life did you feel yourself being disempowered by abuse, violence or some other battle scar?

I note that you were born at the time of the Full Moon and this phase of the monthly lunar cycle refers to culmination, climax or clarification. Since the Sun [father]and Moon [mother] are at opposition in your chart, the inner tension you may experience may well have been the parents;

were there contentions or disagreements in their own relationship that trickled down to affect you in some way? What we learn about our parent’s relationship is typically imprinted within our own psyche as a model for our own relationships; this then is how the Karmic lineage [themes] get passed down from one generation to the next.

Saturn is also a factor of karma, and being in your 4th H suggests that in early childhood you may have experienced losses through a separated parent or a highly rigid, authoritarian upbringing that did not allow you development of your own sense of empowerment. Things to consider.:smile:

HellenSkelter 11-28-2019 02:09 PM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Yes, my parents had a great effect on me, it wasn't until really looking into my chart that I came to realise this. I don't even know what I want or need in a relationship, but I know what I don't want, and that is to not be criticised and discounted for work in relationships. I feel like I give so much of myself but then turn to resentment when it's not fully recognised.

I have been told I am controlling in relationships, but it's simply not my intention, it's more of a 'pushing away' in order to stay in my shell. I feel whenever I stand up for myself I'm beaten back down to the realisation that I'm not the authority here, they are. I think my mother was like that, always on edge. I hope to lessen my fears and stop projecting them at others.

kimbermoon 11-29-2019 12:42 AM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Indeed the Scorpio energy can turn to resentment, jealousy or obsessiveness when imbalanced.

I also have Scorpio rising so I can relate to your feelings easily. I have learned that, depending on your childhood influences, putting on the Scorpio persona often becomes a form of self-defense in response to negative imprinting in the past [and yes that can include karmic imprinting that can be deeply buried within the psyche and less available on the conscious level]; we can appear quite secretive or suspicious to others without even knowing it. Some can also perceive it as being ‘formidable’. What is important is when you come to realize the difference between your own personal sense of self and how others perceive you. That was a big eye-opener for me.

In turn if the need for power is elevated, it can be seen as controlling or manipulative to others. It comes down to finding an appropriate balance between Scorpio, being water; and Taurus being earth.

HellenSkelter 11-29-2019 01:00 AM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Thanks for your insight - I can agree with having a different perception of self than how others see me - I often am very hard on myself, with deep fears boiling under the surface - while others just see my nervousness but they can not read my mind, which is an irrational fear of mine for some reason. With transiting Uranus conjuncting my Sun it's caused me to be aware that control is an illusion and to try to go with the flow - which can be difficult.

kimbermoon 11-29-2019 08:06 PM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Going with the flow is good to a degree, but with that you also need to develop mindfulness to be aware of how much your thinking affects your actions. We also need to remember that much of our actions are triggered by the subconscious embeds that have been fed to us.

Keeping things in balance is definitely a challenge for most of us. I think your major blockage is in the Saturn /Chiron opposition, yet you do have some potential assistance from the trine between Moon/Jupiter and Saturn, with Saturn sextile your Sun.

Saturn asks what is your foundation that you rely upon? Your most obvious beliefs can manifest themselves in form, so you need to consider what beliefs serve to guide you: some may be in need of revising. You said that you feel deep fears boiling under the surface; regarding that:

are you able to confront your fears, or do you try to run away from them?

Moon: With the Moon combined with Jupiter there is the potential for the emotions to spill forth erratically or recklessly, yet Saturn tries to stabilize that by saying that you have the capability to control their flow, when you are attuned enough to monitor them regularly.

Study your innermost beliefs. The Moon rules your 9th H, so there is a connection with religion versus spirituality. Jupiter rules the 2nd, so they are also connected with the material / physical side of life.

I might assume that all that Scorpio energy encourages you to lean more to the metaphysical reality; intuitions, hunches and instincts are apt to be strong; The problem with instincts is they can become overly defensive and serve to keep you feeling off guard.
Have you experienced incidents that appear to be psychic in nature?

You might benefit from the Aries energy in your 5th H: this could suggest the potential for creative talents; expressing creativity is a good way to monitor your emotions; give them an avenue for exploration rather than letting them build up inside until they reach a boiling point.

HellenSkelter 11-30-2019 10:52 AM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
My foundation is with others, I have never lived on my own - I do want to conquer that fear. I believe deep down that I am capable - my fear is that I will lose everything and not be able to provide for myself.
There are times where I want to run away from my problems for sure, I've got a better handle at learning now but I feel like it's almost constantly coming at me from outside sources to keep learning to deal with emotions.

Religion and spirituality have played out majorly in the past 2-3 years during and after my Jupiter return. I adopted Christianity because it was my boyfriends faith and it kind of made sense to me, but then something caught me off guard and lead me to take interest in astrology and drop the Christian faith which didn't really resonate with me in the beginning. I believe in God, there are little hints of the presence around. I know there is a God. I've had some very 'strange' things happen, like between dreams and reality. Sensing that things are going to happen. Synchronicities are a big thing for me. A lot of my emotion does spill out on paper with art, I definitely feel gifted in that sense.
I like to read Tarot and Astrology, I feel like that connects me most with the spiritual in a physical way. Sometimes it comes through art - it's hard to explain, though.

Your insights are so relevant!

kimbermoon 11-30-2019 07:44 PM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Let’s look at the uniqueness of the Uranus /Neptune conjunct in your chart.

Individuals born with this signature will tend to develop a “strong degree of
of identification with the collective mind and group consciousness; they tend to develop a strong sense of social responsibility and brotherhood. It is the indicator of an acute mental and social sensitivity connected to an intuitive imaginative faculty”.

It can show an inclination towards objectivity, ingenuity and progressiveness and will show areas of your life in need of redefinition. For you there is an intended compulsion towards connection with the Higher Mind
[9th H] and the Raising of Awareness.

This can be challenged though by your Mars in Aries which is typically associated with individualism, assertiveness and courage. At the same time this aspect may also indicate that the creative mind may be inspired and individualistic, something which you should actively pursue as well. this is also where you will find courage in the face of internalized fears.

Like you I was also raised in the Catholic faith but by my mid 20’s
also took more interest in other cultures/religions, including astrology.
In youth I was a highly sensitive water sign, and experienced many encounters with psychic phenomena, synchronicities and intense dreams, some of which seemed reincarnational in nature.

I would tend to believe that it was perhaps the Catholic influence that left you feeling afraid of losing everything and being unable to provide for yourself. That is very much in keeping with your Saturn in Pisces. Learning to channel the emotions more easily often takes a long time to achieve due to ever-changing situations and experiences we encounter in our journeys.

Some time ago I came to understand that
Emotions are the river upon which our experiences of the past carry us into the future we are creating. That is why we need to contemplate our past in order to live more readily ‘in the moment’.

I agree that astrology, which is based on archetypes, and also the creative drive is what connects me most with spirituality.

HellenSkelter 12-01-2019 12:48 AM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
I absolutely love that quote about the emotional river.
I feel that the fear of losing everything may have come from childhood, seeing my mother struggle to provide for me and herself until my stepfather would come along and help. We were never quite stable - I am not blaming her for my fear, I just have to learn to not re create that in my future. I need to be stable in my emotions perhaps to create and be in a positive flow.
I feel like lack of air, Neptune in the 3rd and Mercury combust conflict my ability to stay objective - I can be so subjective and emotional.
Neptune and Saturn are in mutual reception in my chart, hopefully helping each other out. I also once heard to 'balance' a Sun Moon opposition would be to look to any planet they sextile or trine, and that would be Chiron and Saturn. But they are in opposition! It's always fun to try to pick my chart apart, I get so lost in it. I am hoping to overcome fears and just live life to the fullest without fear of judgement, but rather inspiration from people who are connected on a soul and physical level.

HellenSkelter 12-01-2019 12:50 AM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
Also, my Mars is the main dispositor tree head in my chart, most things branch off of that, so I think you're right it should play a key role in creation!

kimbermoon 12-01-2019 10:46 PM

Re: North Node in Scorpio conjunct Pluto in the 1st
“I just have to learn to not re create that in my future”.

Indeed: sounds like you are taking major strides of progress in reaching towards self-awareness!

I do concur that your fear of losing everything has a significant link to witnessing your mother’s struggles. Having been an emotionally sensitive person myself, I consider that monitoring our emotions is a paramount tool to help us in our own healing.

In saying that you are ‘subjective and emotional’ you continue to reinforce that as being a weakness and this is how we continuously hypnotize ourselves into a false belief. A tool for overcoming that is to use affirmation cards that you can see everyday, so that the psyche can adjust it’s own perception of self.

Here’s a link to address your lack of air

I do think the key for handling the intersecting t-squares is shown by Chiron in the 10th [Virgo].

For you, Chiron in Virgo suggests that you can be prone to falling short of your own expectations of yourself, contributing to the sense of insecurity that binds you; in turn this contributes to feeling disorganized and overwhelmed.
While you may feel it important to make your mark on the world,
it might be more manageable to just accept yourself as you are.
If you can feel greater Self-Acceptance, this could be something you could eventually teach to others. Keep in mind though that Self-Acceptance is not about lessening your desire for growth and exploration, or working towards self-improvement.

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