Re: friends focused on self-expression, to astroman
I think your placement is very difficult to describe because as you are probably aware, most astrologers, when it comes to the Nodes at least, are of a sign=house mentality. That's ok enough when we're dealing with one planet or point. But when we have 2 directly opposite and interlinked points it is virtually nonsense.
I clicked on the link to cafeastrology, and in many ways it is useless for you, as the heading even states '
North Node in Aquarius and/or in the Eleventh House'. Now you have the North Node in Aquarius so it applies to you. But you have the North Node in the 5th house, not the 11th house. It is in the opposite house to the cafeastrology description. So it is worse than not applying to you, it is positively the opposite to what you should do!
What can this mean?
1) It could mean that modern astrology is too vague. And while astrologers tend to get away with that, cases like yours must make everyone put their Virgo thinking caps on and learn to discriminate. To ask not 'what does this have in common' but 'what are the differences'.
I think this might be why astro-teacher gave you a link specifically to houses and not a houses-and signs dual interpretation. That is very traditional, and might help you focus on the 5th house part of the interpretation, without blurring it into a generic description of Leo.
I would look at this thread to see what is written on the 5th house.
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8463
Wherever the interpretation of houses 5 or 11 are different to generic descriptions of Leo and Aquarius, these are the areas that might help you to decide what your Nodes mean in terms of houses, and might help to resolve the contradiction.
2) Option 2 is to accept the contradiction. Maybe yours is not a case of working from the South Node to the North Node. We are normally told that we must learn to develop our North Node and not be lazy and stick to the South Node as we cannot grow this way. But maybe
i) you are already balanced, because of the fundamental harmony of your position (the square is tricky here... maybe your sun and Mercury (ie your conscious self) finds it hard to accept that there really is a balance and that your soul is really at peace. And that is why none of your plans (ie intentional and conscious efforts) seem to work- there is not much to fix that chance does not fix in and of itself. Maybe there is little to be learnt here.)
Or
Option 2 subsection ii) Is that one must accept the uniqueness and the contradiction. But instead of it working out on its own it is a complete mess. Whereas a normal non-contradictory Node shows where we must move to and where we must move from, in your case the Nodes show that there is no structure at all, no South Node strength to come from and no growth area to go to. So your task is to build BOTH of these in one lifetime. Kind of like a doubleshift. This might explain the squares- the sun and Mercury are thinking 'you can't be serious' .
So which option is it? Is it 1, 2 i) or 2 ii)? I think it is always worth trying option 1, and if this isn't fruitful then ask these questions:
Do you feel kind of at peace and that this karmic issue is more of a curiosity? Are you generally perplexed but kind of satisfied and happy in general with this state of affairs:
Most goals I set for myself never seem to work out if I work to accomplish them directly. Things appear out of no where for me. I can bend over backward trying to reach a goal and it wont happen. And then when i often am about to give up or about to walk away, a way is found that allows me to accomplish it sooo perfectly. Its just scary. And your very right about feeling out of sync with the world. Sometimes makes me feel something is wrong with me...
So do you feel that in the end things turn out ok? If so then I think your goal is simply to maintain a faith in yourself and in others, and it is almost as if a guiding hand is watching over this scenario. You can do nothing. And your sun and Mercury may not understand this as it is out of sync with the normal order of things. But as long as you are not demanding and have faith (but not greed and egotism) in your future I think this could be a blessing and shows one who doesn't really need to fix anything.
If on the other hand this issue really worries you, and you find your life has no centre, no order, there is chaos, and you are at the mercy of circumstance and your sun (personality, ego, that sense of things happen in the world because of me) is being emasculated then maybe option 2 ii) applies. And you will have to work double hard to establish some form of equilibrium.
So do you feel that the world is a giant ocean and you are sailing along pleasantly and happily by some mysterious captain, or are you being tied behind a horse and being dragged kicking and screaming through thorny bushes?
What do you think? Maybe the rest of the chart has the answer in any case.