Will my Saggitarus ex return?

Xibalba

Well-known member
seventhsun said:
LisaLisa,

Just a little advice from "the street"....

You see how you're missing him so much when you think of him dating someone else...?

Well it cuts both ways.

Does he have any sentimental elements in his chart..?

s

lawls :D But seriously can we see his chart?
 

lisalisa

Active member
He is not the jealous type and even if he was, I wouldn't know. He keeps most feelings/emotions inside. Cool on the outside. I dont know how to do charts.
 

natasa812

Well-known member
lisalisa said:
He is not the jealous type and even if he was, I wouldn't know. He keeps most feelings/emotions inside. Cool on the outside. I dont know how to do charts.

Dear Lisa, for the chart, put the date and the birth hour and place of birth and someone will do it for you.
Second, I agree that this is ``Sagittarian`` - about his feelings. And again, we can not say that all Sagittarians are like this, but at least for me, I am not jealous at all, eather possesive but I do expect the same from the other... And yes indeed, I also keep my emotions inside - and for long time I must admit. That is because I want to make sure that the other person is worth my emotions and then, I give it all...
But, as far as I remember, you were 10 years together... So, he had his ``time`` - I would not give him even 10 weeks. Maybe 10 days to tell the truth...
You must be very patient person. I admire you. Patience is a nice thing to have.
 

natasa812

Well-known member
lisalisa said:
DOB 3rd Dec, 1979.
I don't know his birth hour - a bit difficult to find out now :)

We aren't talking or seeing each other now. He wants to be 'friends'. I need to look after myself first and get over this before that can happen I think. He's dating already, so that is a good indication he is not thinking about us or his behaviour in the relationship.

The more I think about it the more I see he never really was committed to us - just going with the flow and not working on our relationship. I was afraid to push things. And look where we are. But if I did push, maybe I would have been out of this relationship 5 years ago and I wonder where I'd be now. Or maybe I need to be where I am right now.

I wonder if I was worth his emotional side.

Dear Lisa, only the date of birth is not enough. You need the exact place and exact time - even a minute is important.

And if you are wandering what would happen if you were decided enough to break up with him 5 years ago - you are not alone... We all had similar situations in our life (not only emotional but also professional, wondering if I should stop with this and start something new...).
About his chart - I think that all people from 1970. until 1975. have Venus Uranus square which is difficult aspect, seeks freedom, makes relationships very difficult, sometimes these people approach already ``coupled`` pairs (meaning that they break other peoples relationships), and generaly, this is considered ``chalenging aspect`` for relationships. Brings devorce also... (it brought it to me at least).
There are some ``general`` aspects that you can find in every chart of a person in a certain age (like from 1970 until 1975), but I am not a professional astrologer and I can not tell you more about it. The only thing I know is that we can not generalize anything by having only his Sun sign...
And who knows, maybe this is for your own good and there is new happiness waiting for your around the corner...
I would check for this years transits or progressions... There must be something positive for you!
 

katydid

Staff member
You do not need his exact time for us to get some basic info about his chart. I drew it up for noon of that day just to see his major aspects. I do not know his ascendant, but I can see his overall chart from his birthday alone.
Wow. He really is a SAG. At noon on his BD there was a full moon @ 12 Gemini. So his moon is most likely going to be in Gemini no matter what time he was born. And the two rulers of Sag, Jupiter and Neptune
are conjunct and Square his Sun. There is actually a Sun/Neptune opposed Moon/Gemini , T-square to Mars/Jupiter in Virgo. THAT MAKES HIM PROFOUNDLY SAGITTARIUS.

Okay, what does that mean to you? Even though you managed to have a long term relationship, it appears that he was probably not 100%
IN the relationship because he may not have had the emotional comittment 'gene' developed yet. He does have Venus in Capricorn trine to his Virgo mars/jupiter, and he will at some point settle down.
But his early years were more about learning who he really was, and what he really wanted out of his life, and needing to search for those answers, 'independently' . I think he liked the comfort of having a partner, but he held some secrets and some personal issues to himself, knowing he was still searching for his purpose in life.

Transiting Pluto is going to plow across his Venus in Capricorn this coming year. It has already begun. Look up Pluto Conjunct Venus transits to see what he will be enduring. AFTER he experiences that transit, he will be a different person in terms of his relationships.
He may well revisit your friendship and want to see where it would go.
To make it happen YOU would have to be a 'different' person as well.In other words you would have to be trqnsformed into the powerful, stable, generous loving woman that he first envisioned. I think that his subtle pulling away over the years affected your own self confidence.
NOW is the time to become that person that you know you really are.
Not for him, but for you.
 

lisalisa

Active member
Thank you all for your help. It is so beneficial for me. Keep writing if there is more you have to say or any questions you have of me and him I am happy to answer. I find this most interesting.
 
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katydid

Staff member
lisalisa said:
I think you are right. Perhaps it was wrong of us to be in a relationship for so long. We both need to find ourselves now. He did say that he wouldn't say 100% that we would never be together again. He did say he doesn't intend for that to happen. He is now dating someone who is probably who I was when I met him: confident, sensual, sexy, fun, intelligent. I don't know if I will ever be that way again. My confidence and self esteem is so low. He didn't know if he saw me in his future anymore. All he can think about is climbing mountains (and his new date obviously). I always encouraged his freedom...perhaps too much? I didn't speak up and say that I needed his love and attention too. Sometimes I felt like an outsider, that he was always "i", not "we". Alarm bells should have rung years ago.
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I do not think it was 'wrong' for you to be together for so long. Maybe it was what you both needed at the time. But you did lose yourself somewhat, and he did not make the emotional commitment that you needed from him.

And YES, you WILL be confident, sexy, fun once again. You yourself said you are working towards that again now. :p
It does not matter if he is the one in your future. maybe , maybe not. But you cannot give him that power right now to decide your future fate. You are the one who has that power. It is hard but you are moving forward. ;)

His chart shows a ME rather than a WE attitude . A Sag sun, with afflictions to Mars/Jupiter in Virgo and Moon in Gemini shows a person who craves spontaneous, adventures and dislikes routine or having to make any solid plans, especially if they hamper his own desires. He would love to be doing something new and dangerous and exciting everyday and would hate to think that anyone could have a say in those decisions. He may not always make the best or most healthy choices either and would not listen to others input seriously. All of this can change over time of course, but you were there during his younger years when he was most independent. :eek:
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You talked about the undeveloped emotional side...yes, I craved an emotional relationship with him, but talking about plans, the future, was never something he did. He couldn't see a future, plan a future. He is still at that stage. Am I silly for thinking there is something special about 'us'? But looking back there always seemed to be some sort of 'resistance'...to commitment, to plans, to emotional connection. If I craved it so much, why didn't I make it clear that's what I wanted?
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His squares and oppositions to the 'decision making' planets are likely the resistance you felt. He was not ready for any of those plans yet because they bring up his own fears about settling down. It will be a difficult process for him to do so. I see that his Venus in Cap with the earth trines to Saturn
show that he does hope to settle down, and he would take his vows very seriously. But he probably has some doubts if he will truly be able to succeed at the attempt. He really NEEDS personal freedom to feel alive, and not everyone can give him that space. You did, but it was at some expense to your own self esteem in the end. :( ----------------------------------------


You are more right than you know about 'secrets'. There is something he held on to for 10 years without telling me, and that has affected our relationship. He only told me a couple of months ago! I always knew he was special and different...that he would do amazing things with his life...I guess I wanted to be along for the ride. I wanted us to have an exciting life together, but making plans was a struggle. Perhaps because he was so uncertain of things.=================================

He did say his attitude to 'together' needed to change. I found he had a lot of excuses for behaviour I wasn't impressed with...like not calling when he said he would, just little things...I wasn't demanding of his time. I found he often wouldn't do what he said he would. Didn't do much housework, didn't step up when I needed extra support, but I thought I did for him. Like you said, never 100% in the relationship.------------------------------------------------

But that was because of him, not you. He personally rebels against 'having' to call at a set time etc. That is shown in his personality, separate from 'you.' However because you put up with it, it continued. If not maybe the relationship would have not lasted so long , but it did because you loved each other, even though you did not satisfy each others needs.
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Well, now he has no one to hold him back, not that I ever did. I encouraged him to do whatever he wanted to. But I didn't realise perhaps he wanted to do it all on his own :(-----------------------------------------------------------

You never held him back imo. Quite the opposite, you made him think he could have a relationship, without having to modify ones own selfish needs and desires. :rolleyes: He is in for a rude awakening perhaps.
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I am doing a lot to sort myself out. I'm eating well, exercising, losing weight, managing my money, paying off my debt. All things that slipped during our relationship. I am reading a lot about emotions (he thinks I am too emotional) and relationships, trying to learn as much as possible (perhaps Pisces always look for answers). My outlook on life is getting better each day, due to the good things I'm doing, but I am still devastated that he is gone. Although I do sincerely want him to be happy. I just wish that included me :)-----------------------------------------------------------

You are not too emotional, he is just not emotional enough.:D
Keep doing what you are doing. And not for him, but for you. He will be going through a rocky emotional time with Pluto on his Venus. He will probably come to you for some emotional support in the coming year.
Probably as friends. But the stronger you feel, and the better your self esteem, the more successful you will feel about the resolution. Being in good physical and emotional and financial health will be AMAZING for you at that time. :34: ===========================================

I don't know how to proceed with our relationship right now. Will he understand I need time to heal? Am I being childish by not contacting him? The ball is in my court, so to speak. He wants to be friends, but he doesn't understand emotionally how this has affected me. A week after I moved out, he wanted to catch up for coffee. After a counselling session he said he was going to the pub to catch up with a mate, do I want to come...seriously???
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You are NOT being childish, you are looking out for yourself. As you should.
Do not call him until you feel good about 'hanging out' with him and hearing about his new life. It might put you in a tailspin if you are still suffering from low self esteem issues. In the meantime work on the Piscean issues that you already identified; losing some extra weight, losing some debt and working towards future goals. :banana: :39: :sunny:

Thank you all for your help. It is so beneficial for me. Keep writing if there is more you have to say or any questions you have of me and him I am happy to answer. I find this most interesting.




Look up as much as possible about his transit of Pluto over Venus. You will see that his immediate future will not be easy or simple. He will be dealing with lots of emotional relationship issues for awhile now. Maybe you can receive a little comfort from that knowledge. :60:
 

R4VEN

Well-known member
lisalisa said:
The more I think about it the more I see he never really was committed to us - just going with the flow and not working on our relationship. I was afraid to push things. And look where we are.
lisalisa, I was married for 14 years to a Sagittarian man, and he was never ever truly committed to me, even after I had 2 children with him. In his case his first priority was always his family of origin, and he'd do whatever they wanted, even if it created great inconvenience in our lives. His family were not in any way demanding - they were lovely - but he used them in order to create a doorway through which he could slip whenever he felt pressured into being `committed'. He was always making jokes about divorce, and when eventually I did leave him, he acted like I was betraying him!!!!!
The Sagittarian male - when young - is not the kind of man you can hold close to you, or for very long. The man I describe above is now in his 60's, and is happily committed to his 2nd wife. He has grown up at last. Do not hang on to any longing for this man. Move on, lisalisa. Chances are that the person you loved was an illusion. The real man is the one who left you.
 

R4VEN

Well-known member
lisalisa said:
I guess I feel like a fool for not being able to see this until now. 10 years! A fool for wanting what wasn't there. I can see we both have some growing up to do.

In some respects I wanted that adventurous life too. I wanted us to live and work overseas for a few years, thinking that would bring us closer and give us an 'us' adventure. He never commited to it. Although I know he had an interest in working overseas. Perhaps he thought I was holding him back, but I only encouraged 'us' to do it, not him on his own. But we were a couple for goodness sake, at least I thought so.
Don't feel like a fool, lisalisa. This has been what you call a Major Life Lesson, and these are never easy. They force us into facing the truth about a situation, and some readjustment is necessary in order to be able to do this.

What you describe about the shared goals you had about working overseas - I can so related to that. A year or so ago I was having a conversation with my ex's 2nd wife, and I happened to mention how bad he had been with money, always blaming me that our financial goals seemed forever out of our reach. She said: "He's still like that. We've been saving up, and then he went and spent $500 on a new hard drive for his computer. I was so mad at him!"
There is a Sagittarian characteristic which goes with the constant setting of goals, and that is that the pathway to how those goals are to be reached is often not clear or defined. My experience with young Sag's is that unless they have some grounding planets such as Taurus or Cap in their personal sphere, then they will constantly set goals which are just dreams, and not very real to them. I was forever believing my husband's words, and taking him literally, when all he was doing was articulating his dreams, and then expecting me to make them come true for him!
 

lisalisa

Active member
I was the bad one in terms of money. I expected "we" would save for things together, but it was separate.
 
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Kwabena

Active member
lisalisa said:
Hi,

I'm a 33 year old Pisces. 4 months ago, my 29 year old Sattigarian partner of 10 years left me. He had started withdrawing from the relationship months before that and left when I approached him about it. He has started dating again.

I do love him dearly, but we were distant. Life gets busy and I was under a lot of stress with work and studies. It seems we were both struggling to communicate this with each other for some time.

I am using this time to better myself, learn more about relationships and love, improve my health and fitness, and keep trying to enjoy life. However, I do miss him and think about him everyday.

Will he come back to me? What is the best way to approach him about this?

Lisalisa

[poster did not give an astrological interpretation so moved to Greenhorns Lounge - Moderator]

Depends on his other placements.

For me as a Sag, usually when I "leave" relationships, I never return. Then again, I have a light-hearted approach to relationships to begin with.

A Free Spirit is a Free Spirit!

KWABENA
 

Xibalba

Well-known member
R4VEN said:
lisalisa, I was married for 14 years to a Sagittarian man, and he was never ever truly committed to me, even after I had 2 children with him. In his case his first priority was always his family of origin, and he'd do whatever they wanted, even if it created great inconvenience in our lives. His family were not in any way demanding - they were lovely - but he used them in order to create a doorway through which he could slip whenever he felt pressured into being `committed'. He was always making jokes about divorce, and when eventually I did leave him, he acted like I was betraying him!!!!!
The Sagittarian male - when young - is not the kind of man you can hold close to you, or for very long. The man I describe above is now in his 60's, and is happily committed to his 2nd wife. He has grown up at last. Do not hang on to any longing for this man. Move on, lisalisa. Chances are that the person you loved was an illusion. The real man is the one who left you.

I don't mean to be callous about personal details, but this situation of young Sag/old Sag is almost exactly like another story I read on a dead astrology board a while ago... :eek: I guess it's just a general theme, so you shouldn't feel too bad?
 

flea

Well-known member
lisalisa,

It takes time to sort out what was happening when a relationship ends. There is a lack of perspective when you are actually in a relationship. So you are both in the process of what happened, so you can both learn from it and create better relationships in the future. There is no fail safe plan for two people we all learn as we go along. The best thing we can do is to make changes based on the things that did not work in the past.

FleaXXX
 

Reyka

Well-known member
lisalisa said:
so this week he IM's me asking if we can talk - about how we are both doing. bit of general chit chat etc. then he said that while this was difficult for me, it wasn't easy for him. he said he cares about me and its been hard to avoid contact. he said sometimes when he misses me and it hurts, he realises how much pain he has put me through and is racked with guilt. he said he talks about me with friends more now than when in our relationship. he says he's made a big effort to change.

so i dont know what all that means. i assume he was trying to feel better. i don't know. he wants to talk again soon...to make himself feel better?
Maybe his dating is not turning out the fab thing he thought at first. ;)
Flea is right: you both need time! You were together for 10 years, however big your differences, that is a LONG time together, you can't just turn the page and forget about it.
You both need to go through the "mourning process" for the loss of your relationship, after which time you may be able to truly open yourself to another person, or he may realize you are the one he actually wants...
If he came back to you after a while, I'd think it safe to say he's yours to keep.
But, in my opinion, you should avoid contact for the moment. It's too soon to play 'best friends', and just sounds like he's confused and doesn't know how to handle the lack of your presence.
You two want to be clear headed to have a really meaningful conversation.

In any case, try and keep your spirits high! Best of luck to you. :)
 

lisalisa

Active member
I am so grateful for everyone's help and comments. To ask a question or provide an update and have reponses is so uplifting.
 
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